[wajibu]

This is for men only and women who are not emotional; is marriage really important and beneficial? Marriage is an outdated institution based on man's insecurity and need to control and own women. On the flip side, marriage is mostly for insecure women who feel a piece of paper provides security. In this day and age where the vagina is readily available and traditional values have been eroded what the use for marriage? Marriage serves only one purpose, forming a secure home for children. Even that is easier said than done, the reality is very few couples uphold the principle expected of marriage. I work with a lot of men, I travel to Kenya a lot and in my opinion most men are finding solace outside marriage. Chances are if you’re married your husband is cheating on you and stop with that nonsense two can play that game because it just makes my case for me. Although men like to sow their wild oats, they soon grow tired and long to settle down with a single partner. But why marry, why not cohabitate and if does not work out just leave. Women can no longer effectively entice men with the promise of sex as an incentive for men to commit to them anymore. They lost that power long time ago because someone somewhere will be willing to give it up. In developed countries, you better dread the consequence of divorce without a prenuptial agreement. Personally, the only need for a woman is a place to deposit my sperm. I basically handle all those traditional women roles without a problem. If I need assistance I pay a cleaning service to take care of my place. I know I will get response like; I don’t want to grow old alone. There is no guarantee that marriage will alleviate the problems associated with old age in fact, a young ass in your bed will guarantee more happiness.


Happy thanksgiving everyone

Special wishes to Atlian, Safina, Death,sajtas and the rest of the gang. I’m off to Vegas to commit every sin imaginable; fornication, adultery, drinking and visiting brothels. Kindly, can you pray for me to make it back alive and well? I was wrong only prayers can save me this time.

[m kenya]

Good question wajibu.
i have been toying with asking something along the same lines, coz it isnt just making sense to me. Ignorance is bliss for most women at this age.But...But..i think the importance of marriage for men is provided when u put God in the picture.

After attending one of those t.d Jakes conference in the Georgia dome last year, i came off with the impression that women hold marriage more dearly than men, i just dont know why.

Women cannot seem to balance their want to get married with the GADDAM thorny issue of S.U.B.M.I.S.S.I.O.N....which dominated nearly the entire conference!!
Women whinning that men arent serious about marriage, then when its locked, mama is kichwa ngumu like a coconut...why? blame it on the man, he does a,b,c thats why i am kichwa ngumu/.....Men in that conference said that mamaz took no responsibility at all for the well being of the relationship, preferring instead to act the princess and do "mind control".......sorry, but i just came off less sympathetic to women, and i wished Mrs Jakes would talk to them.

Fact..sex is just very widely available. and the integrity of marriage was on the rocks, coz mzee ananyimwa nyumbani and is being expected to remain faithful. Heck!

I am not saying all is lost, but this feminist thing of rights and my way, just doesnt endear it to a christian marriage.

God is the one who joined the two in the garden of eden. I usually say this, and i have all the proof in the world, when there is a marriage without Christ as the head, and without the couples following strictly Biblical tenets, its a cauldron of curses, i tend to think women get more hurt in such an arrangement.

The women just live a lie, the whole of their married life, holding on to the title "mrs so and so" but the husband is just out there doing his thing. (that is in a marrige where God is out), I think women tend to hold onto marriage alil bit too much than men....

Biblical principals of marriage are the thing...thats what i believe deep down, with the man being the head and the woman being submissive to her hubby. But crap, this is america people!.........its such a sad situation..

More on this later..recommended reading

For men

http://graphics.christianbook.com/g/...4_1_ftc_dp.jpg


For Women
http://graphics.christianbook.com/g/...6_1_ftc_dp.jpg

[milanya]

m kenya did u see the thread I had about the proper care and feeding of husbands?

I think the reason women want marriage so much are:
1. while men are bombarded with the msg 'do as many women as you want', from the time girls are babies they are bombarded with 'marry and live happily ever after'.

2. Women require emotional security, I think God designed women that way. I can't help but think he did that for the sake of the children.


The marriage thing is collapsing because as you said, everyone is trying to interpret marriage as they see fit. The feminists want to be the head of the house (by the way, there are many types of feminism, and the original kind basically said a woman has the right to choose, whether it be to get married or die single, not necessarily that men are evil). Some men want to break every rule imaginable then demand submission. Most people don't understand what submission in the bible means. Women see it as a way for men to control them, men see it as a way to control women, when it really is an issue of mutual respect.

in as much as I believe in submission, I can't help but question it sometimes. There is thy guy i knew at my church, he is soooooo shy, so mousy, so submissive, not assertive at all. he does not come across as a leader yet he is a very nice Christian man. He married this chic who is very nice, a good head on her shoulders and very assertive. In as much as i believe in the bible, I can't see that man being the head of a home. He doesn't seem to have what it takes to me. i think his wife would do a better job. Maybe that is a case of the man is the head, the woman the neck.

I also saw a disturbing display at a church once. This one elder is known to be a very stubborn man. We were having a discussion about some bible verses, it was getting very heated as people were disagreeing. The man's wife was voicing her opinion and it was different than her husband. She seemed to be making good points, regardless of whether they were right or wrong. Then the jamaa all of a sudden yells: "this is one of those times when you should be quiet and submit to me!"
Everyone was shocked. I mean, does she not have a voice in the name of submission? And did he have to humiliate her like a child in front of everyone? This makes me afraid to get married. When I do I will try to make sure my husband-to-be and I have an understanding of what we believe submission is.


At the same time I have seen women who want their ment to do all the work, and they are not willing to submit because of the whole 'independent woman' theorem. The truth is we are raised in a selfish time. It is all about 'me' 'me'.

Wajibu, if I look at this issue objectively, I would say compared to the past, neither women nor men need marriage anymore. I use the term 'need' lightly. No, you are not going to die if you don't get married. However, if you want to live by God's word it is easier to get married. If you live by God's word, whether or not sex is easily available, you are not to partake of it with someone other than your spouse. So, in Christian terms, go ahead, don't marry, never have sex.
Women don't need a man to support them financially as was required in the past. Women don't need a man to have a baby, they can walk into a sperm bank any day. Even gay people can have kids!

I have seen lots of people in marriages where there is infidelity, sometimes with full knowledge of the spouse. I can't say that it is because marriage is unnecessary, rather that people don't know or care what marriage is supposed to be. People run on a marriage devoid of biblical principles. People also expect marriage to be a happy, easy place where there is plenty of love and sex on demand. Marriage is a lot of hard work.

I will end my disorganized ramble by saying no, a man doesn't need marriage, but there is a need for marriage.

Then put it up to the men, I can't speak for you, so marriage important to you? Why/Why not? Think of it in terms of a life in God's walk, and a life outside the realm of God's will and wishes.

[dadyamaru]

@wajibu

1rst...ds querry doesnt belong to ds profile, u shud ave posted it in relationship huko.

2nd thing... u shudnt xpect me to pray for yah wen u saying openly that u goin to sin.

Am not saying that am perfect, as human being we make lots of mistakes n stuff but inatakikana kuwa siri yako na mola wako.


miongoni mwa watu watakao ingia motoni wana macho lakini hawaoni kwa macho hayo,wana akili lakini hawatanabahi kwayo........

[Volina]

Marriage is what u make it. With homosexuals and everything going on in this world, surely wajibu, marriage has become outdated and I have decided not to marry. There is no gain in dating a man whom u wont marry, so let them go and live your life. There is nothing like living alone, homosexuals would have changed their orientation coz the world has shunned them into loneliness. I have personally resigned from dating and marriage. I want to dedicate ma life to something greater than baseless animal passions that will only hurt my delicate spirit.

[ATLian]

>With homosexuals and everything
>going on in this world, surely wajibu, marriage has become
>outdated and I have decided not to marry.

Volina,

you have an interesting way of looking at things.

BTW, in case it passed you by, homosexuals haven't done anything wrong to marriage for the simple reason that they aren't allowed to marry. Everything "wrong" in marriage, like the divorces, infidelity, violence, not being financially suportive to your spouse and children, bringing AIDS to your spouse and children, etc, has been done by STRAIGHT heterosexual people.

Also, if you chose not to marry simply because of the chaos that currently prevails in the institution of marriage, then I suggest you also avoid the following:

- Religion, because of the hypocrisy of people like Baker, Swaggart, Haggard, etc.

- Getting a job in the corporate world because of the corruption brought about by the likes of Elber, Lay, Kozlowski, etc.

- Travelling, because of the likelihood of hijackers taking over and crashing your plane

- Establishing good credit, because of the risk of credit theft

- ETC

My point if by now you haven't gotten it is that you're acting from a very irrational point of view.

[chemical]

Is marriage important to men?... now you could say maybe not very important to an individual man but important to men?(as in the human species), I say VERY...

I would look at marraige as a very important method of structuring human society. There has to be some structure that dictates the way custom, law and resources are passed down to the lowest rung in society...most of us will think of government when asked about order in society but few of us will consider the smallest organisational unit in that society apart from the individual...

Many of you have pointed out that society today is breaking down but few have made the obvious association btwn breakdown of marriages and breakdown of society....Cause and effect people...

[Death]

>Many of you have pointed out that society today is breaking
>down but few have made the obvious association btwn breakdown
>of marriages and breakdown of society....Cause and effect
>people...

I'm sorry, I hear this rather frequently and it's a statement I just don't understand, so I'm going to go ahead and put you on the spot. How exactly is society breaking down?

[chemical]

I would hazard a guess that you've heard that statement mainly in the west...

read the news...its everywhere around you...children having children...children stabbing and raping...men raping babies...men raping men...need more examples?

I suppose such occur in a well ordered and structured society....

[Death]

>read the news...its everywhere around you...children having
>children...children stabbing and raping...men raping
>babies...men raping men...need more examples?

Please inform me as to which point in history, these things did not occur in society. There have always and probably will always be sexual deviants and violent people in society.

The difference between today's society, and the past societies that you seem to be using as a model for 'well structured and moral' is that in modern day society, there is Zero tolerance for these acts, while in the past, society embraced these acts (mothers even giving up their 9 year old daughters for marriage to 50+ year old men).

>I suppose such occur in a well ordered and structured
>society....

Yes, they would. As I've pointed out above, there will always be deviants. But the difference between a well ordered and structural society and on that is not, is that in the case of the former, there is zero tolerance for such acts.

Look, nobody said society is perfect, but there is no doubt, that modern day society has made leaps and bounds in the area of morality. Never before have the basic rights of every member of a given society been as protected as they are today, doing away with abominations such as slavery and open male chauvinism, an active effort to alleviate poverty etc. Though I'll be the first to admit that we're far from perfect, we're definitely a marked improvement from the past! It is constantly and steadily improving,