[Mteule]

Hi Mashada Brethren,

On a recent mission trip to a neighbouring country of Kenya, i got to meet this most amazing born again lady...yaani in many ways the woman of my dreams. Anyway we have been in communiocation since and it waas just juzi that my whole world came crashing down when she mentioned that she has a boyfriend! They have been going out for some 3 years.

My immediate reaction has been to take flight i.e. end the friendship subtley and move on yaani trusting that God would bring me His choice in His own good time. Having been heartbroken enough times, i can say that i am a good healer and most likely this time next month i would be sawa, but i am still wondering whether i am being trully of Christ by taking off.

So my dear friends, please advice on two questions;

1.) What would you do / what does one do in such a situation i.e. there is the possibility that like many born-again dada's today who may not be seeing their husbands as the enemy has them bound by counterfeits so is it wise to seek God more over this? Remember the story of how God gave the Israelites the promised land but that they had to battle to claim it as there were other peoples there.

2.) How can i be able to discern God's will for me about a spouse as well as what are the common things to look out for when seeking God's choice.

Yaani i would really appreciate your answers.

[ATLian]

Pole but this is NOT a Christians only discussion forum, so people from all religious beliefs and sects are free to air their opinions.



>1.) What would you do / what does one do in such a situation

My Christian advice:

1) Obey the 10th Commandment:
Exodus 20:17 "You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."

2) Remember what happened to King David after he had Uriah killed so he could take over his wife Bathsheba? God cursed and killed the child they had. Then he also cursed David that his wives would be raped in frnt of all of Israel, and David's son Absalom ended up raping David's wives.

3) She has told you she has a boyfriend of 3 years, which in my books is a pretty strong indication that she's very taken and is giving you a subtle hint to lay off.

4) She's in a neighboring country, won't it make it hard to do the long distance thingi?

5) Don't even pray for this one, because you will be praying for god to break another man's heart just so as to make you happy. God doesn't take sides like that.

So unless you want to break god's explicit commandments, and unless you want your wife to be raped and your children to be cursed, I say leave her alone.



My non-Christian advice:

Like the saying goes, nobody has ever scored a goal in a soccer match in which he didn't play. You want to know if you can get her or not, then the only way to find out is to go for it. Lakini good luck, since there seems to be another team playing on that field already :-)

[milanya]

>Hi Mashada Brethren,
>
>On a recent mission trip to a neighbouring country of Kenya, i
>got to meet this most amazing born again lady...yaani in many
>ways the woman of my dreams. Anyway we have been in
>communiocation since and it waas just juzi that my whole world
>came crashing down when she mentioned that she has a
>boyfriend! They have been going out for some 3 years.
>
>My immediate reaction has been to take flight i.e. end the
>friendship subtley and move on yaani trusting that God would
>bring me His choice in His own good time. Having been
>heartbroken enough times, i can say that i am a good healer
>and most likely this time next month i would be sawa, but i am
>still wondering whether i am being trully of Christ by taking
>off.
>
>So my dear friends, please advice on two questions;
>
>1.) What would you do / what does one do in such a situation
>i.e. there is the possibility that like many born-again dada's
>today who may not be seeing their husbands as the enemy has
>them bound by counterfeits so is it wise to seek God more over
>this? Remember the story of how God gave the Israelites the
>promised land but that they had to battle to claim it as there
>were other peoples there.
>
>2.) How can i be able to discern God's will for me about a
>spouse as well as what are the common things to look out for
>when seeking God's choice.
>
>Yaani i would really appreciate your answers.


The woman has been dating a guy for 3 years. Even though she breaks up with him today, she will need time to get over him, and maybe she wouldn't pick you.

Pray for your choice. Then look for biblical clues about a good wife. God will not give an attached woman to you. If it's meant to be, her relationship will end on its own and in due time the two of you shall be together.


Hey, there's no such thing as the ONE

[teejay]

Mteule Although am not Antie Tabbie I will try my best to at least offer you a leaning shoulder.

You have mentioned that you met a born again lady(of your dreams), but what you fail to elaborate is type relationship you had with her. So I am still guessing whether you just made friendship or it was more than that that. You however proceed to say that she broke your heart by telling you she has a boyfriend.

Well' I think that when you two met there were two things which i may say went down.

1. You may have not told the lady about your feelings.
2. The lady may have been dating someone else but did not see the need to tell you about it because of one above(yaani you were just a friend).

I think it is wise for you to respect the lady's wishes. As a result of the constant communication between you two after you came back, She may have realised that you were headed to next level, and knowing that she would jeopardise the relationship(that she hid from you) between her and her man of 3 years. Besides there could have been other things to worry about e.g. the relocation in the event she was to agree to marry you, thats of course assuming that she did not have a boyfriend; or she could have hatched that plot to scare you off again because of having to leave her mother country. Many people are usually not comforatble with such arrangements.

Talk to her and find out why she did not tell you about that boyfriend earlier. If she is truly tellig you the truth about the boyfriend then, my advice is that you should move on. You have mentioned that you heal pretty fast. That should even make you strong and encourage you to seek relationship elsewhere. It is also my prayer for you that God will hear you prayers for a wife, for it is from Him that a good wife/husband proceedeth.

In your first question I see you trying to justfy your feelings for this lady. What you are saying is that you should fight for this girl. YES & NO. Yes only if you have conclusive information that this brother, the gal is seeing is not engaged to her. If the brother is not born again then you should be having an upper hand although it would not be that easy. The other man will not let go that easily. He might even be forced to embrace Salvation to avoid loosing the gal. The tact you employ here will be the deciding factor. NO if the brother is vice versa and is engaged to her.

To your second question I can say this. You know that a family is a primary compostion of the Church. The bible says that whoever gets a wife/husband, gets a good thing. I therefore advise that you seek for your soulmate from within in the confines of the church. While busy at it, you should know that times have changed. The Intitution of marriage has been rocked with problems left, right and centre. So many sisters who cannot find husbands(Mr. right)are come into the church to find them there( I wonder whether "Mr. right" really exists). These are not the Saved ones but ones looking for marital partners. Watch out for them lest you be gullible. Your knowledge of the word should be able to help with this. Through you such a sister may see the light and eventually make a good wife to you. Sometimes we to look very far when the invisible angel is right next to us. All you need is jsut a little work. How about looking the Israelite battles in this perpective. You meeting a sister who is not born again in the church then engaging her spiritually to subdue her soul for God.

[Mteule]

@ATLian;-
Yaani asante sana for your reply ! I really do appreciate. Sorry that it seems that i was cutting out non-Christians but the gist is that i did not want any of the worldly answers people seem in Mahsada seem to be specialists in.

I think do not covet applies to a wife, therefore people dating does not imply such a relationship but on th dame note i actually did not know she was dating so how could i be coveting. Now that i do, i respect that such a long term relationship is as good as a marriage therefore i'm not going there.

@Milanya;-
Yaani all your answers are confirmation to God's revelation in answer to prayer that He cant give me someone else's woman. Yaani it would be too unfair

@ Teejay;-
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! You have all but captured the situation. One thing that makes this ladies from this couuntry stand out is their humility and submissiness, yaani you immediately sense a world of difference btween them and our Kenyan ladies more so the saved ones. I think our born again Dada's here are nice and all but the rough Kenyan culture at the heart of their being makes them a challenge. My recent trip has convinced me that a combination of Christ within and a culture of humilty and service makes these ladies put our Sistas in the shade when one is looking for wife. I'm very serious when i say that i'm asking God to hook me up with one of them and therefore now its looking within the Church in the neigbouring country.

[ATLian]

>@ATLian;-
>I think do not covet applies to a wife, therefore people
>dating does not imply such a relationship

Mtuele,

actually god is very clear in the 10th commandment. Coveting is for ANYTHING that belongs to your neighbor, not just wives:

Exodus 20:17 "You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."



>One thing that makes this ladies from this
>couuntry stand out is their humility and submissiness

I guess she's from TZ. Why would you want a submissive wife?

[ATLian]

TeeJay,

did you realize how all your advice corresponds almost exactly to the Christian advice I gave above.



>If the brother is not born again then you
>should be having an upper hand

What do you think, that god will do the wining and dining and throw darts for you coz you're saved?

Also, in your YES answer, aren't you encouraging him to covet. The fact that they aren't engaged doesn't mean he feels any less for her. Maybe he's waiting to propose on Christmas day, etc

[KEMINOKANA]

Atlian,

Last week you were encouraging me not to spew my ignorance about evolution, I encourage you to do the same when it comes to biblical issues.

There is a stark difference between a WIFE and GIRLFRIEND. So all that biblical jargon u'r trying to spew up there is totally irrelevant in this case. As such, the woman is very much in play for prey even before God's eyes.

As to ur 5th point, according to the human eyes, it is a 'heartbreak' but to God, it is a sign from Him that the person is not meant for him.....and so that will be a good thing. If a gf leaves u for another man, that is definitely a good thing much as it hurts in the short term.

Advice to the poster,

Go after her kama simba. If a guy wants to trademark, wacha he marries. The only girls I steer clear off ni engaged/married couples but even engaged ones, if she's really worth it....hey, didnt Jacob snatch the blessings from his hungry and absent minded brother Esau?

[ATLian]

>Atlian,
>
>Last week you were encouraging me not to spew my ignorance
>about evolution, I encourage you to do the same when it comes
>to biblical issues.

Kemi,

the difference between me and you in this case is I am not ignorant when it comes to the Bible. I know the Bible as much as the next Christian.



>There is a stark difference between a WIFE and GIRLFRIEND. So
>all that biblical jargon u'r trying to spew up there is
>totally irrelevant in this case. As such, the woman is very
>much in play for prey even before God's eyes.

Please show me the verses in the Bible that say this. Till you do, what you've written above is but an opinion

[KEMINOKANA]

>>Atlian,
>>
>>Last week you were encouraging me not to spew my ignorance
>>about evolution, I encourage you to do the same when it
>comes
>>to biblical issues.
>
>Kemi,
>
>the difference between me and you in this case is I am not
>ignorant when it comes to the Bible. I know the Bible as much
>as the next Christian.

You think you do but you dont. There's a diff btn knowing and understanding. Clearly ur understanding is as good as a dodo's.

>
>
>>There is a stark difference between a WIFE and GIRLFRIEND.
>So
>>all that biblical jargon u'r trying to spew up there is
>>totally irrelevant in this case. As such, the woman is very
>>much in play for prey even before God's eyes.
>
>Please show me the verses in the Bible that say this. Till you
>do, what you've written above is but an opinion

I'll point you to merriam webster for the definition of 'wife'(which is what the bible is talking about) and 'girlfriend' and even 'fiance'. www.m-w.com.