[kigeto]

An Open Letter to my Future Husband
by Mary Beth Bonacci

Even though I don't know exactly who you'll be yet, I think of you often. I wonder how you're living your life now. It matters to me, you know, because how you live your life now determines the kind of man you're becoming...and the kind of man I'll spend the rest of my life with. Apparently, for some bizarre reason, manhood doesn't come automatically for males. Some guys seem to spend their entire lives trying to "prove their manhood" - by hunting, playing sports, driving fast...and, unfortunately, by having sex. It seems rather strange to us women that guys think having sex proves you're a man. To us, it just proves that you've reached puberty. And we don't really consider that, in itself, to be any great accomplishment. Becoming a man is a much more complicated process. The funny thing is, even in this day and age, most guys want to marry a girl who respects her sexuality. A guy doesn't like the idea of his future wife in the back-seat with someone else, or of her being the subject of a sexual conquest story in the locker room. They'll brag about girls like that, but they won't marry them. They want to marry a girl, whether she's never "done it" or done it and regretted it, who recognizes that sex speaks the language of forever, committed love...someone like me. But why would I want to marry someone like that...someone who wants to marry a virgin, but spends his dating years robbing other girls of their virginity so that he can prove his manhood? He's not a "real man" in my eyes - he's a selfish, immature boy driven by insecurity, not love. And I'm not interested. I want more from you. I want you to respect your sexuality as much as I respect mine. I want you to be a real, confident man, not a wimp who has to use women to feed his insecurity. A guy like that couldn't use all of those women, and then suddenly love me. He may be "good" in bed, but he's no good at loving. I want you to learn to really love. Learning to love is learning to put the other first. A guy who messes around outside of marriage isn't putting the good of the other first. He's using a girl...speaking the "body language" of permanent commitment when the relationship isn't permanent. He's putting the girl at risk of pregnancy. And he's putting himself at risk for some nasty diseases...diseases he can then later give his wife. That's not making love. A real man loves women - all women - and wants what's best for them. And he doesn't let his desires control his actions. He controls his desires instead. I want you to develop self-control. That's important to me. I don't want to marry a man who can't control himself. Men like that make lousy husbands. A guy who isn't used to saying "no" to sex isn't going to be any better at 40 than he was at 18. I've seen women who worry every time their husbands hire an attractive secretary. I don't want that. What kind of marriage could I have with someone I couldn't even trust on a business trip? In the short run, I'm sure there aren't too many rewards for a guy living this way. Society tells you that you're missing out on your "sexual peak." Your silence during locker room bragging sessions can seem deafening. You may have even heard from the girls you date that something must be "wrong" with you because you won't take them to bed. Deep down, you must know that having sex won't prove you're a man. It's just irritating that no one else seems to know it, isn't it? But someone else does know it. I know it. And in the end, I'm the only someone who matters. And no, I'm not as narrow-minded as those guys who say they'll only marry a virgin. Society isn't too supportive of virginity, especially male virginity. I can forgive mistakes in your past. But I'm interested in your future, starting now. When I meet you, I want you to be a man who has made a conscious decision to wait...out of love for our future family and commitment to marriage. And I want you to be a real man, who's developed the control, maturity and unselfishness that waiting brings. They may not be popular traits in the locker room, but they're popular with me. They'll make you a better husband, and a better father. To me, that's sexy. I've abstained from sex all these years, and it hasn't been for the lack of offers. I've had plenty of opportunities, and saying "no" hasn't always been easy. I'm sure it's not always easy for you, either. But it will make our marriage so much stronger. Sex will be our gift to each other, our exclusive "language." It'll belong to us, not "us and everyone else we ever dated." Thanks for waiting for me, I promise you won't regret it.

[Jeddy-w]

Living in North America sometimes makes me wonder if i will ever meet this kind of man, all i meet is ....something else. Enyewe sometimes i wonder if i expect too much but i dont plan to compromise who i am (I i try to be a woman of virtue)am making my requests known to God because yeye tuu ndiye anaweza hii maneno!

[Nanii]

This is a very deep letter. Jeddy-w there is hope.

[dudette]

Dear future husband,

No long letters from me. Here's to hoping that you have good credit for us to get that bentley I've always wanted.

Signed,
Your future wife,
Shags with wolves.









better watch how u talk when u talk 'bout me


Ndundette Chethnut

[makaveli]

Dudette, LMAO

Why did u have to mess this young girls dreams of an ideal life.

[kigeto]

Jeddy I feel yah.Sometimes I feel like this too lakini I remember that time when Elijah was so exasperated running away from Jezebel then he cried out to God almost at the point of giving up and told God that he was the only prophet left then God told him that there was a remnant of 7,000 prophets men who had not defiled themselves by bowing down to Baal.Remember also in Isaiah where God says He is the God of all flesh is there anything that is too hard for him.Baby you know that there is nothing impossible to God:).Just remember to always be thankful at such moments of doubt and after you've done the will of God you will receive the reward of your endurance.

[Ida]

There are no better words to put it... I hope my future husband is reading. I hope yours is reading but above all for all you sistas** that have made a choice to wait... don't give up. It's not easy but the rewards are well worth it not only for you but for your kids as well. Kids... how?? Well I know many a time we don't discuss sex with our parents. Well I was fortunate enough to have a mom who talked to me and more so on the subject of abstainace. She waited and said as a woman it's the best thing you can give to your husband. Hearing those words from my mom and knowing that she was advicing me on somthing that she followed through with, is a big plus. I too look fwd to sit with my kids and pass it on. Pray for him... like the song by Rebecca St James. Do your part the Lord will do the rest... God Bless

[kigeto]

Ida my momma also once told me she was a virgin till she married my dad back then I was really young and dint elewa whay she'd share such info with me well these days it means alot its like a legacy to hand down to our daughters if I could so can you.These values from my beloved mother and ofcourse God's grace have given me the conviction to go through many trying times.Also once my dad told me he'd like to give me to my hubby while I was bila kids out of wedlock those words mean so much to me they help me stand in times of trying.How true it is that teach a child(by example)the way they should go when they are young and when they are older they shall not depart form it :)

[makaveli]

Kigeto, as much as I may agree with your convictions, in this day and age, finding a virgin is like finding a needle in a haystack. Almost impossible. Sex has become the norm. You cant even say you are dating someone if you havent kamatad. How?

Unfortunately, you may have set too high of a standard for your future husband. What if he is a reformed playa? Will you take his indiscretions in the past as someone who was lost in the ways of the world? Would you fall in love with someone who thinks you are god's gift to the world and his only fault was that the last couple of years, HE was God's gift to women?

[petermaumau]

Interesting topic...well for those who think that there are only a few good Men,I will kindly disagree with you...there are many out Here as you wil find out,do not Loose hope ladies.. You just have to look a little closer..they dont flaunt it You know!
But that may mean you give up on other stringent requirements,eg well paying Job,nice car..multiple degrees,bulging biceps, die hard romantiscm and the works..

I must admit many men are also of the Opinion that of all the ladies ,there are few if any virgins Left..(or few who still belive that one man ,one woman is the way to go) but as the post here show that is definitely not the case...quite refreshingly
Men,more than women, fear to share...I know for a fact it is more devastating for a man..

but In all things ,with thanksgiving and praise ,let Your requests be known to God...
Phillipianns 4:6