[Lily]

These similes are hilarious. They are taken from GCSE English students.

- She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

- Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6.36pm travelling at 55mph, the other from Peterborough at 4.19pm at a speed of 35mph.

- Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

- She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open again.

- Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

- She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was British beef at room temperature.

- She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

- Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.

- The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.

- He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

- McMurphy fell 12 storeys, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.

- It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

- The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.

- Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from I Can’t Believe It's Not Butter.

- The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

- The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

- The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamp-post.

Courtesy of The Sun

I apologise in advance for posting in the religion and spirituality section...:(

[y5next]

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the kids
to copulate me."

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said: "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes." (now that is Beautiful)

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, "Coach, I don't know and I don't care."

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye"


Courtesy of whoever forwarded in to my box.



Fi-Fo-Fum!


:-)

[Lily]

LoL Y5 honestly these people cannot be serious...sometimes it's better to just shut up then come up with statements like:

"You guys line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

[y5next]

Believe me, I admire their ability in whatever sport they play, but I just wish they'd clam up when someone stuck a microphone in their face, instead of coming up with the mindless gibberish they do!


Fi-Fo-Fum!


:-)

[Xuxa]

Ummmm....
I was under the impression this was the Religion and Spirituality Section. Interesting comments non-the-less.