What can I do?

Pops · (#1 (**permalink**))

This my come out as being weird but it is truly a cry for help.

My problem is that I have very poor social skills. I really feel uncomfortable when around a group of people I'm not familiar with that I chose to hang around fellow kenyans and few friends that I feel comfortable with.

My major problem comes in befriending people at school and at work. I simply can't bring myself to make friends so I've resolved to just 'doing my thing', (hanging solo) as they say.

The following adjectives have been used to describe me and they just irritate me. Words like mellow,laid back, too polite, shy,uptight,not outgoing,not aggresive,very quiet...and the like.

What do I do so as to feel like I belong or fit?

Philosopher · (#2 (**permalink**))

Pops, The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence right? If yes was your rejoinder, there's no need for you to hit a low coz of your 'apparently' poor skills. Even those 'outgoing' people do hit their lows and sometimes wish they were on the extreme opposite end of the social spectrum. Instead of whining, you should seek to identify your strongholds, thoroughly furnish them and use them to your paramount advantage; If dude A laughs at you in the club or party, startle him and leave him in a cloud of dust in class, thoroughly show him/her the concrete stuff you're made of, make the best out of your life then we'll see who'll have the last laugh ~ While creating people, God employed the use of compensation you know, keep this in mind...;)

ocho · (#3 (**permalink**))

>What do I do so as to feel like I belong
>or fit?

well just because you are different does not mean that you do not belong.I also agree with philosopher.

Sizzle · (#4 (**permalink**))

Pops, I'm not gonna pretend to be a psychiatrist. I dont think you should be whinning about being shy and all that. We are all different and forcing yourself to be what you aren't will just end up being counter-productive. So you feel comfortable being with people you know/Kenyans? Well if all you do is keep on telling them how 'un-outgoing' you are then they'll stop hanging out with you. The reason why they stick by is that they raelise the real you and are comfortable with it. So realise your strengths, capitalise on them and soon you'll start drawing people to you and not having to go to them. Then comments like "he looks quite but once you get to know him....." and "he looks cold but deep within.." will follow. Dont whine but go out to the world and dine like you want 'coz the world's waiting!!!!

WHEN I GET THROUGH THE WORLD WILL BE A BETTER PLACE

mwewe · (#5 (**permalink**))

The good news: social skills can be learnt
The even better news: you can teach yourself how to be more social
And it gets yet better: you need nothing other than your mind and body... and the resolve.
And better still: it is actually lots of fun, an interesting adventure with you at the centre.

Now go get the world, tiger!!

Vicki · (#6 (**permalink**))

I like shy people........:9 ;-)

mzeemzee · (#7 (**permalink**))

Vicki, you like the "Shy Guy" song by some female who's name eludes me?

Vicki · (#8 (**permalink**))

Yeah I still do, I also cant remember her name all I recall is that it was some soundtrack for some movie.

MremboWenu · (#9 (**permalink**))

Hey Pops,

First I will commend you for admitting this in an open forum.

Second, there is nothing wrong with being shy or all those other things. The most important thing is learning to deal with people instead of them intimidating you. You do not have to cease to be shy to do this.

I have a friend that is very much like you. And I have learnt amazing things from him: while I'm more outgoing and comfortable in numbers, he deals better w/talking to pple one on one. Whilst I scream and shout when I get mad, he calmly explains why he is upset and deals w/things in the most civil way. Amazingly, we achieve the same goals, we each have friends, and we each get our conflicts resolved. Just differently.

Why I'm I saying all this Pops? because U need to understand that your being quiet and melow is not wrong nor should u view it negatively. And like alot of pple have said above, Capitalize on your positive points and sit back and watch, things will start to feel and look better.

Have a happy new year buddy!

Kangeta · (#10 (**permalink**))

Get ****ty drunk all the time. That'll solve that little problem you have with shyness...LOL