[solomatic]

hahahahaha supajack!! that's a deadly one. lakini i doubt i'll be trying it anytime soon. i've just decided to chill and wait for my true love. now that i'm 30, i've decided to stop banging my head on the wall trying to make things happen.

i wish i could hook up an african (preferably kenyan) woman who:

1. will be my best friend
2. isn't playing funny games or hard to get
3. is secure with her physical appearance, and supajack i honestly don't care whether or not she has corns on her toes or a hairy belly/'small' breasts.
4. can let go with me spiritually, emotionally, physically
5. isn't trying to prove how 'afro-centric' she is
6. can just chill
7. and when i'm watching sports and don't want to talk to her, doesn't make it a big huge issue
8. doesn't fake orgasms. i hate that. if she's not getting hers she shouldn't think she has to "please" me by moaning and pretending. just let me know and we can work together to get her hers.
9. is a good masseuse coz i am
10. doesn't smoke/crink coz i don't.
11. and most important, doesn't think that when your in a bash and your boyfriend gets drunk, starts groping you and tries to make love to you on the wall, starts fighting or drives too fast, that that's "sexy"
12. does NOT watch television and likes to read.

i used to be in detroit back in the day. but i'm outside lando now. i hate the u.k. and will hopefully be back stateside if jobo allows.

[Felicity]

Mmm.. this tread between the 3 or is it 4 of you is pretty interesting. enlighlitening to say in the least.

[Remedios_the_Beauty]

in my observations, relationships fail for two reasons...

lack of an individuality or maturity
and
lack of forgiveness

individual identity: many of us spend their lives looking for someone who will 'make us happy'. we say.."i want a girl/boy who is like this or like that" and proceed to write a list of requirements or a wish list. THEN, we end up attracting mirror images of ourselves (works in progress) and when we realise we didnt get what we wanted, we blame the other person instead of blaming ourselves for choosing when we were not ready. in order for us to get what we want, we must first become what we want, its only fair.
(short version)

forgiveness: i find people who are willing to hold a grudge against someone that they dont even talk to. i mean holding a grudge requires soo much -ve energy and forgiving is so much more refreshing and allows us to move on. i am learning to 'do what i need to do to survive' like jujusis said. i have an obligation to myself.

supajack: im curious if anyone has ever passed that test? coz you make it sound like they all failed. Also, my curiosity has gotten the better of me- what are you praying? (optional)

felicity: join the fray...what are your thoughts?

[supajack]

remedios my friend,

i guess like solomatic, i reached that stage where if i'm not going to be with the 'right' person, i'll keep on being single.

by the way, there weren't many who underwent the test. just two. one looked at me like i was nuts and then proceeded to try and rape me and the other laughed in a really insecure way. so i just laughed it off with both of them and crossed them out forever. you know, they were both expecting sex which i think is the total intimacy. surely, if they were willing to share their bodies with me, couldn't they share their spirits with me? praying together brings about the ultimate trust in a relationship because you have to humble yourself before god and be really 'raw', be childlike. when you speak to god, when you ask for help, there has to be that absence of ego like one juju woman said. to reach that point where you can be totally open with god in-front of another, that's deep. and to be together in that humbleness is special. like two children on their knees before the ultimate master. trusting and holding on to one another's love and assurance.

anyway.......

so, the prayers aren't like beating drums or anything.

i just tell god how my day went, why i think things went the way they did; what i think i did wrong; what i feel i'm lacking; how i want to grow and how i want god to help me grow. that's it.

yes felicity, join the fray. also gathoni ulipotelea wapi? na remedios wacha kunyamaza hivo. solo and i were having a hard time keeping it going. and mark twist appeared and then went back to entrapping his political opponents. i think jujusis is packing her suitcases.

[jujusister]

i'm very 'here' supajack. just doing this and that.

i think relationships everywhere fail because of selfisness. we're always demanding change from the other person - by force - yet very unwilling to change ourselves.

other reasons - and i don't even know how to classify these, but i'll cite 2 personal experiences:

i have a white acquaintance who had been longing for someone for a long time. she met this 'wonderful guy' and they start going out. i was happy for her. one day, in a random conversation, she tells me that he doesn't like black people because of.... she then invites me to a party they are both giving. i decline on principle. she gets offended and says i'm being bad, that i don't understand, etc. i tell her i think she's nuts if she thinks i'm the one with the problem and can't she comprehend why i wouldn't want to be in the same room with him? but i tell her she's still my pal etc. we 'maintain' for a while till she starts feeling wierd around me, tight and tense etc. i continue to be cordial/pleasant to both she and her partner whenever i meet them both. she's still with him and has worked around his racism.

------------
my aunt's husband was a nobody and then catapulted to the top (kenyan politics). they lived in a high-density urban estate, children went to 'normal' schools, he drove a 'normal' car. in a few months, he's driving a mercedes, they have moved into a huge mansion in lavington and are building another upcountry. she acquires a certain haughtiness; the kids move to some 'academy'. uncle is a multimillionaire, stealing funds from the ministry he's in charge of. in a conversation with aunt, jujusister asks her how in the world she is able to share her life with a thief. how she is able to go about her daily business knowing that her 'wealth' is the cause of millions of others' misery. relationship between aunt and jjs ends.

in essence, how in the world do we get involved with seriously defected people?

i know these are rudimentary but i can't write too much now.

----
solomatic, are you afraid of the cave?

[solomatic]

ala!! nyinyi nyote m'meamuka?

jujusis i'm not afraid of the cave. actually it's warm and fuzzy. plus i need an adventure, this life has become boring and i need to grow. tomorrow i need to be in a different place than i am now.

remedios thanks for logging on again.

on a serious note superjack, i think relationships fail also because we kenyans have so so many complexes.

1. dark skin vs. light skin (it's not only an akata problem).

2. this mentality: i need to marry a jungu so my kids can be point five. i need to marry an indian/ point five/ jungu so i can 'win', be different whatever.

tumekumbwa na ma-complexes sana.

and of course, the ultimate tribal nonsense. i can't marry someone from a 'funny' tribe. and by the way, i'm not dismissing tribe/ethnic background's importance in the make-up of a human being/society. but i think we are individuals first.

[fiji]

I usually just read these posts, but the sincerity with which some of you have posted has moved me to throw in my two cents.
I am also very curious about african spirituality. I find stricking similarity between what jujusister said about becoming an ancestor and some eastern beliefs on reincarnation. In one version that I have read about, it is believed that we are here on earth to find out who/what we really are and until that is achieved, a person shall continue to be born over and over again. Ie this life is the illusion, the next after "death" is the real one. That we as human beings do not have souls but are actually souls temporarily confined in human bodies. Yaani the saying chip of the old block is a perfect description of our relationship with god.

my two cents
AK

[supajack]

sasa fiji, welcome.
tuesday morning and insted of working, i'm busy on this comp. lakini my boss isn't around today.

okay the rest of you; yesterday i was thinking about all the problems i have in life (they are not too many), and i realised most of them stem from one thing: relatives.

i have the relatives from hell. all my life, they have been planning and plotting my family's downfall. they are malicious, vindictive, and have always compared their children with my parents kids. anytime one of us has done something good, passed exams etc, you can see my relas kunjaring their faces wishing we could disappear.

now, what i'm afraid of is that these same relatives will become my ancestors when they die and instead of helping me, they'll be out to get me from another dimension. plus, and this is directed to jujusister, if they become my ancestors, does that mean i'll inherit all their bad deeds and have to clean up for them?

supaj.

[robin hood]

i had been avoiding these juju threads also. but this one is interesting. actually, the other was interesting also, just that it was scary coz of the starnge information.

manze guys are really afraid of posting in this things!!

[jujusister]

hello supajack,

yes relatives can be very wicked.
after all i’ve seen in that country of ours, i wonder sometimes whether it’s part of the kenyan ethos to desire the failure of others, especially family. it certainly seems to be one of our people’s distinguishing characteristics (and yes, it can be said about any other country…).

there are a few rotten apples in my family too, and i fought amazing battles with them in the past.

don’t worry about your relatives. as long as you continuously pray, and ask god to undo/nullify whatever they may be sending your way, you’ll be okay. but you also must believe that you weren’t put here to fail. we are so timid and afraid of seizing life yet there’s no reason we should fail. just go out there and do your thing. constantly push ahead. and pray, cultivate a relationship with god, and your ancestors. that’s the only way to ‘get ahead’.

what really helps me do the things i do, move ahead, is the implicit belief in my ancestors’ love for me; and in their desire that i succeed. in fact, more than desire, it’s a requirement for them. i must succeed. and since i know – in this lifetime - that they exist and that i can be overcome by their strength and love, i’m fine. i totally gave up trying to manipulate events. i don’t even worry about my next meal. i do my thing, try to do it well, ask them to help me to do it, and leave the rest to them. that’s why i have no worry lines.

and again, (i think i mentioned it in a previous post in the other thread), ancestors are those who did what they had to do to move on to the next level. there are no ‘wicked’ ancestors. all good. and as much as we may come back , reincarnate, whatever…, we also have a set amount of time. so those people who spend their lives doing wrong, full of hate, jealousy, and who don’t want to go deeper than necessary – when they know they should be forging ahead – those people whether they like it or not, compromise themselves and are doomed.

there’s no greater evil than knowing you’re doing the wrong thing, yet going ahead and doing it anyway.
just go ahead and do your thing. don’t worry about those fools.

and fyi, you won’t have to clean up their mess.