The Case for Early Marriage.

[al-zalzalah]

I think some of you will enjoy reading this article about sex, early marriage and faith. I know it's long, lakini it's worth the read.
The Case for Early Marriage

[Devine]

Ai yawa 7 pages! Nitarudi kesho lol.

[al-zalzalah]

lol. devine wewe ni spoiler! lemme put some tidbits out watu wakaonje so that they're enticed to soma.

i know these ones will bring akina ATLian running over:

Indeed, over 90 percent of American adults experience sexual intercourse before marrying. The percentage of evangelicals who do so is not much lower. In a nationally representative study of young adults, just under 80 percent of unmarried, church- going, conservative Protestants who are currently dating someone are having sex of some sort. I'm certainly not suggesting that they cannot abstain. I'm suggesting that in the domain of sex, most of them don't and won't.

The abstinence industry perpetuates a blissful myth; too much is made of the explosively rewarding marital sex life awaiting abstainers. The fact is that God makes no promises of great sex to those who wait. Some experience difficult marriages. Spouses wander. Others cannot conceive children.

this one, najua JD na wengine wataipigia makofi:

Unfortunately, American evangelicals have another demographic concern: The ratio of devoutly Christian young women to men is far from even. Among evangelical churchgoers, there are about three single women for every two single men. This is the elephant in the corner of almost every congregation—a shortage of young Christian men.

Devine & Ester, lol, this one is to put a smile on your faces:

As a result, many men postpone growing up. Even their workplace performance is suffering: earnings for 25- to 34-year-old men have fallen by 20 percent since 1971, even after accounting for inflation. No wonder young women marry men who are on average at least two years older than they. Unfortunately, a key developmental institution for men—marriage—is the very thing being postponed, thus perpetuating their adolescence.

ok, enough spoonfeeding, people. discuss.

[Devine]

Sorry for the spoiler but those were 7 amazing pages. I love it. I think that is what I had in mind when I started my what's so wrong with fornication thread. No right or wrong answer but being realistic that sex is a natural part of life and pple want to have it, but then again the church is sooo consumed by it that it (the church) is missing the big picture. Young pple are going to have sex, why don't we look at other ways to address this reality than saying don't do it and burying our heads in the sand when we hear moans and groans from the next room and are shocked and dismayed when s'one (the abstaining Governor Palin's daughter) becomes pregnant.

Weddings may be beautiful, but marriages become beautiful. Personal storytelling and testimonies can work wonders here, since so much about life is learned behavior. Young adults want to know that it's possible for two fellow believers to stay happy together for a lifetime, and they need to hear how the generations preceding them did it.

I feel unrealistic expectations are the worst spoilers in marriage. Pple go in expecting romance everyday, chocolate and candy and undying devotion and no arguments and cherries and pie. When it doesn't turn out that way, there has to be someone else out there for me who will create that perfect life. So pple walk away from marriage too quickly. I've always maintained that be careful who you get yoked to, but once yoked, divorce is not an option. I think pple would be more careful getting into relationships knowing that, otherwise the sense that divorce is always an option creates this lax feeling in marriages and don't work as hard to stay together. His solution was brilliant, more older couples should talk to younger ones about their own stresses in marriage so the younger ones don't think it's all peaches n cream.

More later...

And what's with pple lumping Ester and I together? I like Ester well enough but I've noticed that pple tend to think we think alike or something. Nielezee...

[teejay]

Married people and those intending to get married must know that, we are not Angels, because if we were, We'd be in heaven.

[al-zalzalah]

Originally Posted by Devine

And what's with pple lumping Ester and I together? I like Ester well enough but I've noticed that pple tend to think we think alike or something. Nielezee...

i can't speak for other people, but i dedicated that paragraph to you and ester because you're both female and both regulars on the religion forum.

[Devine]

Originally Posted by al-zalzalah

i can't speak for other people, but i dedicated that paragraph to you and ester because you're both female and both regulars on the religion forum.

LOL gotcha.
What's your take on the whole thing anyway?

[Devine]

Originally Posted by teejay

Married people and those intending to get married must know that, we are not Angels, because if we were, We'd be in heaven.

This could be one reason why a wouldn't advocate for young marriage. Young pple are usually very immature and self-centered. Been there, done that, still learning from it. I would advocate for marriage in the late twenties and thirties. This age group is a bit more mature and can handle flaws in the other better.

[teejay]

Originally Posted by Devine

This could be one reason why a wouldn't advocate for young marriage. Young pple are usually very immature and self-centered. Been there, done that, still learning from it. I would advocate for marriage in the late twenties and thirties. This age group is a bit more mature and can handle flaws in the other better.

I don't think that delaying Marriage necessarily helps in resolving or Marital flaws.We have had those people who dated for 10 years marry only to divorce in 10 days.

I think people just don't understand the Value of Marriage anymore. There is generally lack of patience and other marital principles that mimics the one our parents practiced in yesteryears. I also think that the biggest factor that contributed to the success of our parents marriages was the fact that most women were Housewives trained from childhood to adore and be cognizant of the man's needs. She had to put the Man's need before hers.

There was also the ever present wife battering which I'm being told some women from certain quarters consider it part and parcel of marriage. Such women I am made to understand don't consider being loved if they are not thumped! Very strange!

With the coming of new-found feminine independence(I usually ask from what), Men somehow feel threatened. It is highly unlikely that a man would marry and stay happily with a woman who earns double or even triple his salary. Women on the other hand are born to brag about their achievements. They would be quick to remind the man of the under-garments they bought for them in the middle of a fight that had absolutely nothing to with clad.

Let us not forget that a man's money is always more sweeter a woman. Never mind that the sweet lady of the house is also earning. I hear the wisest of women concocted a new adage which says that what is yours (man's) is ours and what is mine (woman's) is mine. That adage clearly trashes the oneness of a couple that is married and introduces selfishness in the union.

Then of course there is the roving eyes of men. This one transcends age. Maturity does not matter. Here I give our sisters overwhelming adoration. They can forgive a thousand times before my male counterparts think of the word forgiveness itself.

[Dem Gal]

Originally Posted by teejay

I think people just don't understand the Value of Marriage anymore. There is generally lack of patience and other marital principles that mimics the one our parents practiced in yesteryears. I also think that the biggest factor that contributed to the success of our parents marriages was the fact that most women were Housewives trained from childhood to adore and be cognizant of the man's needs. She had to put the Man's need before hers.

True, we all agree that our parents marriages are something to look upto. But we will also admit that it took the woman's BIG, GIVING and FORGIVING nature to prevent these marriages from collapsing. This women sacrificed their all and all to make the marriages work. If you asked any one of our mothers what their dreams were as young girls, they would tell you to be good wives (society's expecatations). However, if you ask them NOW what their dreams are for their daughters, I would submit to you that very few of them would say "to be good wives". Our mothers have encouraged us to achieve our professional goals before settling down. They've tols us not to get married at 20 (after high school) but to go to universities and finish our post graduate degrees before thinking of tying the knot. Ever asked yourself why women nowadays encourage their daughters to pursue education? Ever asked your mother/auntie how happy their marriages were? Ever wondered what other choices they had other than get married and remain married? Most of this women were neither well educated nor earning a good paycheck, how would they even think of leaving if their marriages weren't working? Divorces/Separations were a most shameful thing during their times. And where would they go when divorced? Their own parents would not even take them back choosing to blame them for the separations. Basically they had no choice but to stay.

Originally Posted by teejay

There was also the ever present wife battering which I'm being told some women from certain quarters consider it part and parcel of marriage. Such women I am made to understand don't consider being loved if they are not thumped! Very strange!.

This is classic Stockholm syndrome. The same reason Elizabeth Smart never left her kidnapper even with an opportunity to do so. In a marriage it becomes a very complex, confused, emotional situation where the victim has no idea nor social support to leave the abusive spouse. NO ONE is born deriving pleasure from pain. Neither is love supposed to hurt. Having been exposed to continous abuse this women's brains rationalizes it and even empathizes with their abusers. Its a survival technique for the brain to endure the abuse NOT to be confused with devotion and love.