[YB*]

There was a thread back where we tackled the issue of telling the qualities of a good woman vis a vis a bad one, rather we were looking at trying to sort out a genuine woman from a fake (from the men's perspective), and the reasons were good.

Lets see whether ladies notice or identify with some of these small things in men, and again feel free to add more, we might feel more appreciated after this, and don’t spare the bad ‘instinctive’ stuff either.

Men tend to be by instinct protective, so whenever in the bedroom, and if your bed is pushed to the wall, the man will always sleep out, nearest to the door. (in case of intruders)

In the house, men prefer ‘their’ seat closest to the door, or the one facing the door with no furniture in between the door and them.

In the evening men will probably insist that the back door stay locked, they feel vulnerable if they can’t control flow of intruder in case of an attack, but you will notice this relaxes when there are other men in the house, men he trusts.

Depending on whether a man is right or left handed, for me am right handed, by instinct the woman is always on my left, I move with right, hence my right swing packs more punch.

If you see a man carrying his child, you will note the same thing, unless the left arm is tired, the child is held by the left hand, the right hand free - to ward off danger.

If the door to the bedroom is in the middle of the room and the bed is also centrally located, feet facing door, as in when you get in the bed is neither left or right, the man by instinct will sleep on the side the door swings away from, yaani ukifungua ghafla, yeye ndio wa kwanza unapata, and also if an ensuite bedroom, the woman is usually on the side of the bathroom.

When the sons get older lets say at 16+ and if the dad is not very domineering, he loosens the grip on some of the controls, sharing with the sons the protective roles, like if you are from a safari and arrive late when dark, the dad will let the boys go in the house first, to 'light' up the house, draw the curtains, and also open the back door, and just generally check the backyard, then he goes back out to get the rest of the family, this is not a ritual they talk about, its very instinctive, in coming years by the the time the son is 20, and he is at home, the seat next to the door becomes his, while dad migrates to laze in the couch asleep.

Want to add something, please do and if your man does not have even one of these we need to debate a few things………………….

PS, this is not scientific call it social based on experience, so you can refute any point, with good points of course

[Poster boy From Hell]

In a restraunt.. A man will always want to seat in a seat where he gets a bigger view of the room.. Men tend to be uncomfortable when other people in a room are behind him..I know i do..So always reserver the seat with a greater view to them..This makes him have control of things like calling the waiter..e.t.c e.t.c

[sugarNspice]

Men tend to be by instinct protective, so whenever in the bedroom, and if your bed is pushed to the wall, the man will always sleep out, nearest to the door. (in case of intruders)

In the house, men prefer ‘their’ seat closest to the door, or the one facing the door with no furniture in between the door and them.

In the evening men will probably insist that the back door stay locked, they feel vulnerable if they can’t control flow of intruder in case of an attack, but you will notice this relaxes when there are other men in the house, men he trusts.

If the door to the bedroom is in the middle of the room and the bed is also centrally located, feet facing door, as in when you get in the bed is neither left or right, the man by instinct will sleep on the side the door swings away from, yaani ukifungua ghafla, yeye ndio wa kwanza unapata, and also if an ensuite bedroom, the woman is usually on the side of the bathroom.

When the sons get older lets say at 16+ and if the dad is not very domineering, he loosens the grip on some of the controls, sharing with the sons the protective roles, like if you are from a safari and arrive late when dark, the dad will let the boys go in the house first, to 'light' up the house, draw the curtains, and also open the back door, and just generally check the backyard, then he goes back out to get the rest of the family, this is not a ritual they talk about, its very instinctive, in coming years by the the time the son is 20, and he is at home, the seat next to the door becomes his, while dad migrates to laze in the couch asleep.

I was never consciously aware of that stuff until you wrote it, but it is true. The next time I see a man holding a child, I will have to pay attention to what arm he holds the child. I am also not sure what side of a man I walk on...I will pay attention next time too.
Interesting thoughts

[barb]

Ok am gonna pull a "Freud" here and say that from yb*'s comments it shows that most men are inclined to be positioned near the door, i dont necessarily think its show a sense of being protectors but as commitment phobes.......the exits are like a comfort zones for them, they dont want to settle down so the door offers that sense of freedom........

Ok here is what i found out abt men.....

- Men can get sex without marriage more easily. Though men want to become friends with a woman before becoming seriously involved, casual sex, they said, is easy to come by.

- Men can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabiting rather than marrying. Men think living together is a good way to test out a marriage prospect. They also view living together as less risky than marriage. At the same time, the men like the convenience of having a regular sex partner.

-Men want to avoid divorce and its financial risks. Men feel that their financial assets are better protected if they cohabit rather than marry. They also fear that an ex-wife will take financial advantage during settlement proceedings.

- Men want to wait until they are older to have children. Although men understand that women worry about their biological clocks, they say they don't have to. And they don't want to be pressured into marriage by women who want marriage in order to have children.

- Men fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises. They savor their freedom to enjoy hobbies, late nights out and freedom from extra financial burdens. They want to postpone absorbing extra responsibilities until they are on extra-solid footing in a number of areas.

- Men are waiting for the perfect soul mate and she hasn't yet appeared. A soul mate, according to men, is a woman who accepts them just as they are and won't try to change them. They say they don't want to settle for second-best.

- Men face few social pressures to marry. Today's young men a house before they get a wife. Men want to beencounter few traditional pressures from religion, employers or society to marry.

-Men are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children.

- They want to own financially "set" before they marry. For many men, this means home ownership should come before marriage.

- Men want to enjoy a single life as long as they can. Men fear losing their solitary pleasures by marrying. And they become accustomed to their own space and routines. They enjoy the freedom of not having to be responsible to anyone else.

[YB*]

Originally Posted by barb

Ok am gonna pull a "Freud" here and say that from yb*'s comments it shows that most men are inclined to be positioned near the door, i dont necessarily think its show a sense of being protectors but as commitment phobes.......the exits are like a comfort zones for them, they dont want to settle down so the door offers that sense of freedom........

@barb - I believe you should have put a caveat and said your comments are particularly 'single men', are you saying that, that 40 yr old dad with 4 kids wants to bolt??

2ndly, what you have here is not instinctual, that's just a reasoning men had and has been changing with time, divorces are costly, that's a very modern concept and its still evolving, so the man's reasoning changes with the environment.

[mycalian]

A mans got to do what a mans gotta do.

Men are protective but if they are not who will scream?

[sugarNspice]

Women like to be heard and vent. A man instinctively feels that he needs to solve the problem and gives a solution. The man gets frustrated because he does not understand why he can't give a solution and then the subject is dropped. The woman just wanting to vent is not looking for a solution and just wants to talk about whatever her vent is about.



When men are under stress, they generally distract themselves with various activities to relax. They may watch TV or play basketball. A man tends to be very self-reliant and competitive, and to ask for help is weakness, so he will first want to solve the problem by himself.

Women handle stress in the exact opposite way. When women are stressed, we get more involved with other people. We want to talk about what's upsetting us, because we process information and feelings by putting them into words. But merely talking is only half of it; we talk in order to be heard and understood. Having a good listener on the other end is extremely important.

(is this what your looking for in your question????)

[KEMINOKANA]

Originally Posted by barb

Ok am gonna pull a "Freud" here and say that from yb*'s comments it shows that most men are inclined to be positioned near the door, i dont necessarily think its show a sense of being protectors but as commitment phobes.......the exits are like a comfort zones for them, they dont want to settle down so the door offers that sense of freedom........

.

Very senseless. This coming from a woman whose first thread was about how to break up with her man because she saw a ring in his safe. LOL.

[mutuko]

Originally Posted by barb

- Men face few social pressures to marry. Today's young men a house before they get a wife. Men want to beencounter few traditional pressures from religion, employers or society to marry.

-Men are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children.

- They want to own financially "set" before they marry. For many men, this means home ownership should come before marriage.

- Men want to enjoy a single life as long as they can. Men fear losing their solitary pleasures by marrying. And they become accustomed to their own space and routines. They enjoy the freedom of not having to be responsible to anyone else.

Total agree with the above points as we men think that get a house then financial secure then get a wife and have kids. Its the reverse get married then kids and then extras will take place as build the future together.

[barb]

Originally Posted by YB*

@barb - I believe you should have put a caveat and said your comments are particularly 'single men', are you saying that, that 40 yr old dad with 4 kids wants to bolt??

2ndly, what you have here is not instinctual, that's just a reasoning men had and has been changing with time, divorces are costly, that's a very modern concept and its still evolving, so the man's reasoning changes with the environment.

married men wanting freedom doesnt necesarilly mean that they want to walk away from their families...if you ask a married man what they miss abt being single, most of them will tell you that they want the freedom they once had,... being married entails making decisions after running them thru someone else for approval even the simplest decisions of buying that big flat t.v, going out on a sato afte to play golf or even having drinks with buddies....but this doesnt mean they will leave their partners to do this, they just admire the concept of being able to do whatever they want, when they want....

and i did say i was pulling a freud so what i said was inconclusive....