[barb]

The institution of marriage is failing due to the following reasons

1.. the idea that one can do better

2..we live in a disposable society where divorce is easy and doesnt involve the social stigma of the 50's and 60's

3..pple rushing into marriages without taking their time to test drive their potential partner, immature pple who want to live in an ideal world expecting their spouse to do everything 4 them and they r those tied up being too mature they miss the forest from the trees.

4..people are obsessed with instant gratification, if its not working let's fix it by avoiding the hard way and get rid of it all together

5..belief in the happily ever after the wedding bestowed by our society, marriage is hard work and needs alot of commitment.

6..last but not least, the institution of marriage esp in here in the u.s has been reduced to credibility, pple are looking for partners who they can lean on financially.

All in all marriage does work, if its done right, my grandparents have been married for 45 yrs and my parents for 25 yrs, and all they had to do was to take their time and committed when and only when they were ready 2 do so.

[Ester]

Originally Posted by nyira

Marriage is a holy institution given by God to man unmasked and it will never be obsolete.

well put nyira,
Marriage is not just a physical coming together/shacking up between a man and woman. Most importantly, it is a spiritual union between three: God, husband and wife. If pple want a marriage that is like heaven on earth, they need to invite God into the partnership and it's guaranteed to never go wrong.

[grip_daddy]

Originally Posted by Ester

If pple want a marriage that is like heaven on earth, they need to invite God into the partnership and it's guaranteed to never go wrong.

Marriage will be sore at times to the point of seeking divorce even by the devote Christians. Sometimes couples seperate, other times they seek consolation.

With or without God, God's presence improves the essence, the speed, and the intent for healing and sustenance of blissful moments. Recognising Him therefore does not make it a heaven on earth (unrealistic expectations) but a shadow thereof. Your shadow tends to black, doesn't it?

But heavenly realities are as bright as the sun. If you want to enjoy the sun at noon day, sit in the shade for the sun itself might consume you. If anyone wants to have some fantasied heavenly marriage, be ready to heat up sooner than later because of the ill begotten expectations.

[Real Talk]

Originally Posted by Ester

If pple want a marriage that is like heaven on earth, they need to invite God into the partnership and it's guaranteed to never go wrong.

I wish I lived in that world!

[carolecarole]

It's all true what pple are saying here.
people especially the young ones have too much expectations from marriage.

a friend of mine (she is 24)is dating a 32 year old man.
now this gal thinks she's in another heaven.
of course what with 2 hours before bed tyme on the phone with him.
Now the bad part is that the guy is a heavy drinker n gets really ir responsible and at tymes violent akikunywa.
when i asked the gal why she plans to marry him all she could say is"i know I will change him.He loves me."
See now,young gals do not know no woman can change a man.

Or men,will or do women change yu from what yu like to do once yu are married?

n M kenya,the part about changing tampos is such a turn off.
My room mate used to change her pads in the room,once from the shower.
n I told her that it makes me feel nauseous,which it does.
just the sound of the back wrapper being peeled off.

[Real Talk]

Originally Posted by m kenya

Seventh,
ladies, you gatta be fly, dang. Tone yourself, by doing some exercise, understand what kegel iz all about.

Your warrant being that Men always stay in shape?

[wanaume]

Originally Posted by Ester

well put nyira,
Marriage is not just a physical coming together/shacking up between a man and woman. Most importantly, it is a spiritual union between three: God, husband and wife. If pple want a marriage that is like heaven on earth, they need to invite God into the partnership and it's guaranteed to never go wrong.

See, thats where you go wrong. God being there does not give a guarantee that the marriage will survive. Just the same way he says that if you follow him with all your heart, body and soul, he can guarantee you heaven but not a safe passage thereof.
I guess this days people are just giving up too soon and are not willing to work at it. And also what most of y'all are saying, unrealistic expectations. For everything to work, alot more work has to be put into it.

[grip_daddy]

Originally Posted by wanaume

I guess this days people are just giving up too soon and are not willing to work at it..

Sometimes you may wonder what people really want. What made you prefer her over and above the rest? Didn't you see something only her could offer and no other? Why then give up so soon?

We give up so soon because of the standards set by others. We listen to fables and stories on how marriage ought to work. We rely on comics and soaps for guidance. We sometimes misjudge the initial cause of a marital problem. More often than not, we fail to discover a gold hid in sheit!

People expect that there will be less friction or that some types of friction are not meant for them, and when such happen, they don't take a moment to think deeply and contemplate soberly.

For a happy marriage, the best your partner has and is able to offer should never be forgotten.

[Fraglante]

Originally Posted by m kenya

Second thing ni hii mambo of ladies asking...."so where is this going?" Yaani making it the mans responsibility to drive the relationship. If it ends its becoz of him, all the while the lady never puts her feelings on the line, az in, what does she want, kazi yake ni kuuliza the hubby, ati so...what does this mean for us? arrgh! Mind games, what do you mean what does it mean? You what does it mean for you?

LMAO, you have spoken directly at my heart.

But, this is how I look at it. The man is the head of the family. Well, at least that’s how it should be. Therefore, if he is to be the head of the family, he should start demonstrating these leadership qualities early ie during courtship.

If he cannot even steer the relationship, if he cannot tell me where we are headed (if anywhere) how am I expected to submit to him in marriage? How do I allow a man who is so comfortable taking a back seat to head my family??

Hahaha… its laughable. He best step up and rise to the occasion (in all sense of the word) lest he gets kicked to the curb.

[BLINGBLING]

Originally Posted by Fraglante

LMAO, you have spoken directly at my heart.

But, this is how I look at it. The man is the head of the family. Well, at least that’s how it should be. Therefore, if he is to be the head of the family, he should start demonstrating these leadership qualities early ie during courtship.

If he cannot even steer the relationship, if he cannot tell me where we are headed (if anywhere) how am I expected to submit to him in marriage? How do I allow a man who is so comfortable taking a back seat to head my family??

Hahaha… its laughable. He best step up and rise to the occasion (in all sense of the word) lest he gets kicked to the curb.

The man is the "said" head of the family. ( I will expand on this at a later stage )

Dyu mean to tell me that if ur man does not tell you where the relationship is headed yu will do a runner ? ? ? What input will you be putting in the relationship yourself @ this point and with this angle of lookin at things ? ?

Its always sounds like the relationships are a one way traffic. This kind of reasoning will mos def make the traffic flow downhill.

To me, its all about who you surround yourselves with and what sort of goals one has in life.