[Sanaa-]

Originally Posted by Type R

The home is not as dumbing as people make it out to be. There are various challenges in the areas of nutrition, psychology/sociology (home is where all the psychos in society come from - rapists, manic depressives, drug addicts). The house/garden are also potential areas for beautification, modernization with electric/electronic gadgets, esp in the areas of security and entertainment. Child-rearing is where more and more families are failing, that's another challenge. Gourmet cooking is not as easy as people imagine, esp if you've got health in mind. And of course, kama sutra books.

If I ever become a househusband (spell check does not even underline "househusband"!!!!) to a billionaire wife, I'd write books on any random thoughts in between diaper changes. I'd definitely become famous. Larry King would interview me from my kitchen. Don't many famous novelists work from home - akina Ludlum, etc.

Boredom is simply a product of a lack of drive.

Maajabu haya.

[Type R]

Originally Posted by grip_daddy

Type R,

Women used to work at home (as a matter of distance) which did not bar them from performing the stay at home duties.

A man ploughing a field for ten hours keeps him away from home, just as a hunter would be away from home.

grip,

Have no doubt about it: women in Africa went away from home. The only thing is that, they'd carry the baby and tag along the kids to Market Day. But commerce, agriculture and some production in traditional Africa was dominated by women. I mention this point many times and many of my colleagues react with the same denial.


"Figure 3: Market day in Notsé, 1906. ... Even in Notsé, which had become the center of Tuskegee efforts in 1904, women still dominated cotton marketing. In all likelihood, much of the cotton sold here was grown by these women, a gendered division of labor that Tuskegee personnel and the German government hoped to change."

I know it is difficult to perform a U-turn from beliefs that you have held as true, but this one, make some effort: women dominated commerce and agriculture in traditional Africa. You can't soften or adjust that fact.





"If African women were to stop working for one day, there would be no food, no caring for the sick, no sewing, no trading in the market — life would stop for that day.” - Engo-Tjega

[Type R]

Originally Posted by grip_daddy

All stable families that provide "home is best" environment have their women at home.

The African approach to women at work outside the home was for women to take their home duties with them to the market, farm, etc: -


The sub-text on the website of this photo says: "Women at Market Day: Men and women from dozens of different ethnic groups travel hundreds of kilometers to arrive each Monday in Djenné, where they buy and sell goods in one of Mali's most thriving weekly markets."

Grip, "hundreds of kilometres" (often by old buses, matatus or decrepit trains) is not in any way "near home." This is not a rare occurrence; it is every Monday.

Mzungus introduced sharp dividing lines, "either-or" situations, and thus the need for a thread like this, because men fear that career women will abandon children and we will soon have a generation of chokora brats..............

[grip_daddy]

Type R,

I'm very familiar with your examples. I was brought up by a mum who could once in a while disappear into an known land to look for her own, and her children's. My dad though, was a full time employed dude whose benefits came every end month.

Twice every week my mum could go to the market and trade. But, she was/is a stay at home woman. The days (5 in a week) in which she was around home, she could go to the shamba and dig. Then at lunch she was available to cook our lunch, assign us duties, and set for us play time and boundaries.

She was her own boss at home, nurturing her family. Currently, because she can't perform some of the long distant trade, she is happier washing the young one's clothing, tiding the house, and listening to our boring daily stories. I think in the neighborhood, ours is the most admired home.

[Sanaa-]

Originally Posted by grip_daddy

Type R,

I'm very familiar with your examples. I was brought up by a mum who could once in a while disappear into an known land to look for her own, and her children's. My dad though, was a full time employed dude whose benefits came every end month.

Twice every week my mum could go to the market and trade. But, she was/is a stay at home woman. The days (5 in a week) in which she was around home, she could go to the shamba and dig. Then at lunch she was available to cook our lunch, assign us duties, and set for us play time and boundaries.

She was her own boss at home, nurturing her family. Currently, because she can't perform some of the long distant trade, she is happier washing the young one's clothing, tiding the house, and listening to our boring daily stories. I think in the neighborhood, ours is the most admired home.

In other words you want a wife who will be just like your mother?

[flexxxx]

Mathe Jobo, Fathe jobo, Mboch anapika. Mathe anapika weekend and do love her cooking. Fathe was the guy you went to when u needed to buy big things like play stations, holiday tuition and bikes. Mathe alikua chapa ya mabash, kwenda trips na chakula.

Preety much democtic family id say and i plan to do the same when i get my own family. Dont want kids so i cant see me being a dad but the lady's gotta work man.

[wanaume]

Originally Posted by mo-uk

A womans place is her home

Finally you found yourself the perfect guy. Handsome young charismatic and even a great smile that will make you melt You love him he loves you. Your family loves him , the one you have been searching for all your life . You finally found him ( or he found you whatever the case maybe). Here at your feet is the 'golden man'. Too good to be true!

He thinks you are the girl he has been looking for. Things go smooth no bumps along the way. You both decide this is it, marriage next. He expects nothing form you other than to be a stay home mum. He wishes you stay home and not work , look after him and his children.
What would you do? Freak out yell I did not finish a four year degree to be a stay home mum . Or would you kindly keep quite be happy you find a wonderful husband.

So gurls my question is how many of you would drop their careers for the golden boy and how many of you will refuse to be a stay home mum. BTW there is nothing wrong with being a stay home mum. No stress carefree life , look pretty all day since you have all the time in the world. I mean there are advantages and disadvantages both ways right?


So what would you do? if your future spouse demands you will not work full-time or part-time. And out of curiousty how many guys here will demand their wives stay home?

That would be a very selfish man. Me i want my wife working, so i can drop her off at work and sometimes she drops me. So that we can meet in tao after work and grab coffee before we go home, atleast until the kids come, and when they do, if she feels like staying home then thats up to her but otherwise, the maternity period is over she goes back to work.

[grip_daddy]

Originally Posted by Sanaa-

In other words you want a wife who will be just like your mother?

Yes. In principle that is.

[fry]

Methinks we're stereo-typing the stay at home mother.

In as much as running her home is high on her priority list, she does have a happy productive life as well.

Formal employment is one of the reasons for dysfunctional families. Parents spend so much time on their careers they lose focus on what they started out to do...have a thriving lineage to carry on the legacy.

Too many women are complaining on having missed out on raising a family early on in life. Too many women in their 30s and above are bitter and envious of those with children and stable homes. Case in point...what moral authority does FIDA have to resolve domestic issues? FIDA is nothing but a bunch of unhappy 'independent' (read - divorcees and misfits) who offer 'experience' over matters they've only read about.

All it takes is balance. The woman and man's place is in the home otherwise we'd not be planning for retirement. We'd not be saving for the future if we didn't want to build our own houses.

Saying the woman's place is in the home is not the same as saying the woman should be a house wife.

Moving on...

[Type R]

Modern amenities have made routine housework damn easy. I think woman-at-home was appropriate when house work was physically harder than any work than any Mashadite will ever do in his/her life, and in any case, "home" used to include commercial activities (farming, trading). These days, it's just a matter of buttons.

As long as hubby/children are not neglected (which, by the way, is what a lot of modern women do - leaving way too much to the poorly educated and obviously-not motivated maid [not her children, why should she care so much? maids can miss dawa doses...y'know that]) .. I see no problem with an accountant wife, a doctor, a secretary,-------

Another thing: many men use the woman-at-home argument in the exclusive sense, implying the man should never be seen there unless he's hunting for poko. Some women even don't entertain a man's domestic interest, unless to fix elec or water probs. Hello? I'll be barging in with my ideas: food, colours (no Kao paint jobs!), etc........