[Mishky]

Originally Posted by sdolphin

I have said this several times here.
Needing a man has connotations of; your life is not complete with a man. If one is to view life this way to me it means i am living half a life because i am single.
How then can you enter into a r/ship as half the person you can really be. You would than be looking to the man to confirm everything decision you make, you would never have a mind of your own.
A woman would end up being a burden to the man because she would be like another child, always seeking approval from the man. Like Shy said we are a complete entity as are men.

We need oxygen to breath. I want a man, i don't need him.

@ sdolphin....let me translate in swahili

"Nimesema mara kwa mara katika maretio(Maredio), katika matelevisheni na hata makaseti( Magazeti) kwamba jhukumu la kila mghenya( Mkenya) mzalendo ni kuhakikisha kwamba ghenya(Kenya) inaendelea Mbele"....former president MOI......hehe

[Nyabera]

When I was growing up in the 80s most adults were respectable even if they chapad your child you would have no problems.They knew what is means to be an adult taking responsibility for your own life and the lives of your dependants.
In the present time we have predators all over who would look for an excuse to vent on your tois for having refused their evil advances - true story happened in my neighborhood so you had better have a very good reason for beating my child .

That said I will not blame anyone's parents for how they turned out especially if that person is above 18 and has made some terrible choices. You do not have a chance to choose your parents, you make do with what you have.Single, double same sex- I am curious how Africa will handle this one as it is on the way and very soon,- we are all dysfunctional to an extent.

And bravo to parents of all shades who are doing their best.

[dotNet]

Originally Posted by Nyabera

That said I will not blame anyone's parents for how they turned out especially if that person is above 18 and has made some terrible choices.

Some parents are to blame.. those who encourage their tois to just loose it. The one's who don't instill discipline in their kids, and some paroz know nothing about parenting. The report on teenage alcoholics even blame paroz for what the society has become, parent's are not paying attention!!

[Shyloxx26]

All I can say is, no one chooses where to be born or who bears them. We all just happen (though after reading a book on Near Death Experience) I tend to disagree wit this. Anyhoo, times change. But things get worse before they get bette - remember the saying it is darkest just before sunrise?! Yeah!

[m kenya]

Interesting debate.

What i say is this, part of the kid brought up by single parents is missing.

Most times people (especially the liberated women), think that if they provide for their kids financially, take them to school then the kid will turn out well.

This argument ignores the fact that humans beings are spiritual, so when i say that the father side is missing "spiritually" it means that the kid feels this hunger to validate themselves, in the "father figure".

Ngoja they fika highschool and they see other kids having men come to visit them during visiting days, thats when that hunger gnaws soo hard.

Those single mathes (single by choice) who were so militant during their hey-days are usually not that militant, unawaona wakitupia famili zingine ziko complete zile macho za woishee..i wish ours was complete.

Since you cannot live in isolation, you will always come up against a genuine situation, ambapo the gal/boy your kids age has both parents and they are doing well, its at that time, when you see the gravistas that sorrounds a total family that you truly understand what it means to have a fathere around.

I think this thing of female liberation was soo overrated. In high school we used to have guys fathers come to watch them play rugby during sevens. Let me tell you, no single woman (no matter how liberated) will be caught dead cheering her son in a group of other "fathers".

For me the only excusable absence of a father is death, secondly unfortunately, divorce, this mamboz of liberated women bringing up kids,(especially boys) on their one is as crappy as it can get. At some point a mans gotta be a man, and get validated by other men, otherwise you will end up carrying pink handkerchiefs and being all soo sissy.

One day utaona advert kwa paper of this single woman who has 3 "beautiful kids" looking for a man to help her, she sez she doesnt want his money, she doesnt want his love, she is self sufficient bla blah...yet she wants a man.

Why?

[jaykam]

I'd love to be raised by a single mum or dad if am gonna turnout to b a Clinton or Obama in that case.

[dotNet]

mkenya thats an interesting read. Big up!!

[a.wanjala]

Speaking as a child who was raised by a single parent (mum). (more or less)

I did not choose my parents. I have come to accept that. I know if I had grown up with a father I would be different from the way I am today. But I'm not sure I would want to be different from the way I am now. At times it has been hard, but life is hard. I belive that this has made me, or will make me, stronger.

My point is everyone has problems, and to sit in there judging us because of something that we could not help is not proper.

I'm sure I could go into anyone of your pasts' and find something inherently wrong, and based on that wrong, judge you negatively. But I will not. For the same reason I don't start posts about how ugly people ( according to society) have certain negative characteristics. If everyone had a choice, everyone would cute/handsome. If everyone had a choice, everyone would be perfect. But they don't and they're not. Leave it alone. Or be positive. not negative......

[Devine]

Originally Posted by m kenya

Interesting debate.

What i say is this, part of the kid brought up by single parents is missing.

Your argument is a bit of a stretch in generalization, isn't it. Regardless of how a mom became a single mom, who she is will determine who her children become. To me it's not about singlehood, but about the parent's character and what morals and virtues you impart in your kids.

Like some pple have said hapo juu, some 2 parent homes produce the devils incarnates while some single parents' kids are mature, well behaved and turn put great in life.

@A.Wanjala, I bet u are a fine person regardless, having been brought up by a single parent should not be seen as a flaw.

[FOGOTHARY]

Majority of kids at an early age learn thro imitation,and this they do by 1st identifying with a significant other-mostly parents. Kids need 2 identify with both parents. If a single mum who hates men gets a sperm donor and then conceives a boy, what nxt?