[dotNet]

Originally Posted by BLINGBLING

Try dating the daughter of a "single-mum".... utaona cha-mtemakuni. Its an absolute no go zone. ( i cud write tons on this topic but............ ) as someone said, its a very sensitive topic.

We all agree that single parents have it rough, the problem is that a majority of young gurls are getting pregnant with no idea of how to bring up their kids. The best they can do is ape what they see on tv. I like the way someone put it.. good African Morals!!

[BLINGBLING]

Originally Posted by dotNet

We all agree that single parents have it rough, the problem is that a majority of young gurls are getting pregnant with no idea of how to bring up their kids. The best they can do is ape what they see on tv. I like the way someone put it.. good African Morals!!

Thats true. Lakini hapa i was referring to those mamas who willingly go looking out for a sperm donor coz they want nothing to do with a man but
still want a baby. ( Things gals do in the name of womens liberation )
A mum like that is prolly a man hater. So you can imagine if she gets a daughter. In my view she would raise her up to think that most men are dogs.
Her,daughters, default setting is already tainted.

Having said that, there are tons of single dads out there as well. I know a couple of blokes whose wives have done a runner.

[Mishky]

When we read this it tells us many things in itself. A person called a father is a very important figure in the discipline of children in a family set up biblically. Fathers the way i understand set standards of a family unit and no one even is allowed to deviate coz fathers av never been known to be compromising. Mothers can have that mercy ati oooh mtoto wangu mtoto wangu but fathers ni lazima utanyoroka. That way we grew up knowing that everything we do must be done in order and u must learn to respect ua elders and pple the age of ua parents. Nowadays single parented children got choice.

[fry]

You can't spank your kid coz you'll be labeled a brute. If it's still a toddler you say it's 'innocent'

You can't give your kid a tongue lashing coz that's not 'civilised'

You have to give in to your shild's tantrums otherwise others will frown upon you.


ACCORDING TO WHO?

Back in the day a neighbour would spank us silly if we stole his mangoes. In the evening he would come and explain it to our parents who would knock the mischief out of our heads. Today a parent would most likely say...

" How dare you lay a finger on my child! It was only a mango kwani you can't afford a mango? Shame on you. If he feels like climbing a tree, is it a crime? He's only a child who doesn't know right from wrong! I'll sue you for traumatising my sweetie!Mbwa wewe! tsk!" All this time the kid's watching. Then we wonder what went wrong.

[KEMINOKANA]

Originally Posted by Mishky

Fathers the way i understand set standards of a family unit and no one even is allowed to deviate coz fathers av never been known to be compromising.

Alternatively, fathers can lower the standards with the drunkardness, violence, squandering of family resources, lethargy and etc. Not deviating from such is an abomination, not a virtue. Dont u think?

[dotNet]

Originally Posted by BLINGBLING

Thats true. Lakini hapa i was referring to those mamas who willingly go looking out for a sperm donor coz they want nothing to do with a man but
still want a baby. ( Things gals do in the name of womens liberation )

I have never understood this liberation debate, some women think the only thing to liberate them is to fight for control or sumthn. You hear them talk of how they can live without men.. I just want the sperms.. I don't need a man in my life.. I mean.. where did that thing come from? Its a man.. then what happens if she gives birth to a boy? Juu ni wake sasa he will be different?

[kenyangal83]

Originally Posted by KEMINOKANA

Alternatively, fathers can lower the standards with the drunkardness, violence, squandering of family resources, lethargy and etc. Not deviating from such is an abomination, not a virtue. Dont u think?

I think it's wrong to use generalization here. For some of me it would have been better if I was brought up by my mum alone, rather than a violent, adulterous man who made me hate men forever and ever.
I think if thats how fathers are, they're over rated...

[Mishky]

Children of today a mum is nice if; 1. She allows her/him to bring their partners home to fuc.k even in the her own bedroom 2. She allows her to date men for money 3. She nods at everything he/she likes...... I mean this just hell bent. Ua dad having a drink and coming home drunk has nothing at all to do with ua upbringing. Fathers must see their friends and enjoy. If he sees u going astray he has all the mandate to bring u to focus coz thats his obligation as a parent. Single mums av never been known to bring up children accepted in the society like other children. Coz at some point they just lose it. Especially at adolescent. And thats why they say you cant clap with one hand. You need two to clap.

[Shyloxx26]

Originally Posted by KrOoK3D L3Tt3rZ

I also think this is a very sensitive issue. If it was our choice we would have loved to be raised in a Cute little family with both parents. So its good not to generalise. Dont get me wrong m not complaining about being raised by a single mom, i think she did a pretty good job all by herself.

I second you Krook, sometimes one is born in a family with both parents, but for some strange reason, it ends up being a single parent family because the man is least bothered about his children. I know of people who are in such families and sometimes it's difficult to know how to live life once you're on your own.

Originally Posted by KEMINOKANA

It looks like Obama's mom did a very good job. I doubt we can say the same of George Bush's mom and dad given the carnage he's unleashed upon the earth with bushy cowboy tactics that are absolutely childish and stupid. John Mccain from a two parent family divorced his wife after 3 kids to marry a mistress.

Dunia ni mti mkavu - that's all I can say.

I think it is the lessons we learn in life that matter, not where one's from. Obama has come to appreciate the importance of family due to his experience, Bill clinton didnt. We can go on about kids brought up by drunkards, wife beaters and etc. Some adopt the experiences, others grow up to despise it.

I agree with you. Think of orphans who are brought up in children's homes ... it's actually what you learn in life that shapes you. There may be a few exceptions here and there - but as they say, the world is one cold tough place, it can bring you to your knees.

Originally Posted by BLINGBLING

Thats true. Lakini hapa i was referring to those mamas who willingly go looking out for a sperm donor coz they want nothing to do with a man but
still want a baby. ( Things gals do in the name of womens liberation )
A mum like that is prolly a man hater. So you can imagine if she gets a daughter. In my view she would raise her up to think that most men are dogs.
Her,daughters, default setting is already tainted.

If a woman has reached the age where no man wants her just cos she's over a certain age limit, what do you expect her to do?! Thank God for the sperm banks and all. It's not a question of liberation. Men have created that animosity that ai, where was she to get married at age 22-26?! Society is very cruel, very judgemental and very unforgiving, but what to do - women have had to up their game and say, look here, I don't need a man to complete me. I am an entity. I was born as I am and I can function fully well with or without a man. We were cretaed to complement one another, not kto compete.

PS I'm not a feminist.

Having said that, there are tons of single dads out there as well. I know a couple of blokes whose wives have done a runner.

Even men do a runner, and thus, single women families.

Originally Posted by dotNet

I have never understood this liberation debate, some women think the only thing to liberate them is to fight for control or sumthn. You hear them talk of how they can live without men.. I just want the sperms.. I don't need a man in my life.. I mean.. where did that thing come from? Its a man.. then what happens if she gives birth to a boy? Juu ni wake sasa he will be different?

Unfortunately, that is how society has preconditioned our thinking. It's a doggy dog world. And like I said hapo juu, sometimes women are thrown into an abyss and the only way to stand up tall is bite the bullet and do what society thinks we can't do. We may get branded but who cares. As the saying goes, If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

my 2 cents

[sdolphin]

Originally Posted by dotNet

I have never understood this liberation debate, some women think the only thing to liberate them is to fight for control or sumthn. You hear them talk of how they can live without men.. I just want the sperms.. I don't need a man in my life.. I mean.. where did that thing come from? Its a man.. then what happens if she gives birth to a boy? Juu ni wake sasa he will be different?

I have said this several times here.
Needing a man has connotations of; your life is not complete with a man. If one is to view life this way to me it means i am living half a life because i am single.
How then can you enter into a r/ship as half the person you can really be. You would than be looking to the man to confirm everything decision you make, you would never have a mind of your own.
A woman would end up being a burden to the man because she would be like another child, always seeking approval from the man. Like Shy said we are a complete entity as are men.

We need oxygen to breath. I want a man, i don't need him.