[Tactician]

Originally Posted by ar_turr

@ poster,i can relate to ur story in one way and another...
One thing you shd understand is that she was attached to the chut' maybe even more than u think,most likely you ARE the other man,a hang on just in case the Asian decides to come back & get it on with her.Most likely he knew more abt you than you did about him.she sounds like one who's mourning,reality about the chut's leaving is sinking in and you being the plan B,she ends up desperately unleashing such 'info'.she maybe studying you or waiting for your decision~make or break!!!!
Pls note=to her you are convinient,easy and available,ready for USE.but as for the asian fella....she loves and now his leaving gets her stranded emotionally,she's mosdef insecure nowonder her behaviour after your meeting her friends......maybe wanaambiwa wewe ni by-pass!



Before i give my suggestions,one question

What do you want from her?

Thanks man.

Just for info, she has not seen this Asian dude since Sept/Oct last year.......

As for me, well i think she is ok. wanna spend time with her and see how it goes. I have been round the block and am tired of games so at the moment i just want some1 i can trust - i dont have time for games. Not that i cannot but am past that now.

[lipstick jungle]

Originally Posted by Tactician

We were in bed recently with my gal and just out of the blue she started confessing stuff...

She told me that she had an abortion like 4 years ago when she was in school. I had not met her by then.

Only the jamaa responsible, his sister and her best friend then are aware of this - none of her paros or her present galfriends know.

Now am wondering, what on earth inspired her to tell me? I had never asked her about stuff like that - she just started telling me storos and was crying like a baby when she told me that.

I of course was taken aback as i didnt expect it but i comforted her and told her that I cant change what happened years ago and i still penda her the way she is which is the truth.

Secondly, on the same night she confessed (again without me asking her) about her ex (another one).

She had been lying to me that she had cut communication with him. But this night she confessed that they had been talking kila siku on the fon but she is not interested in him as all he does is talk and is too busy to see her unlike me who sees her every 2 weeks or so (she lives in a different town from me)

My question to mashada ladies is - what would drive you to confess stuff like that especially when its so personal and there's no way of me finding out? Especially since she was in a diff country when she aborted and the jamaa lives like 500km away from me?

And about this ex, why would she lie to me and confess now? May be she wants me to know there's compe ama?

The reason am asking is that this chic will be coming to visit some of her relas in my town and we had planned that she will stay with me for some time...

Of cos after these revelations am wondering what else she could be hiding from me....

and could she be doing these so as to test me? or perharps scare me so that i can leave her?

Mashada ladies, where are you? what could be going through her mind? I have tried thinking lakini only a woman can know what a woman thinks ama?

thanks

to me it sounds like the chick is really into you but is still confused about being with u ama the other jamaa, so her telling you all this is to put the ball in your court, as in if u dump her, it means she is meant to be with the other jamaa, if you still accept her, then she will stay with you. and also most likely she is at that point of the relationship where she thinks things are serious btwn u two and its time for her to show you who she really is becoz eventually u would find out, so it would be better sooner than later
some of the things pple have put in here might be true but most chicks dont strategize like that, there could be no motive behind the confession but jamaaz are always quick to complicate or find a solid reason behind it while there is none. i know, been there done that and till this day i still cant explain why i did some things i did in a relationship, all the best lakini.

[lipstick jungle]

Originally Posted by kenyansenorita

The girl definitely loves you and thats why shes opening up to you like this, she probably wants you to know her inside out bcoz she can see her future with you, about the ex, i guess she feels the need to let you know they talk so that you don't get pissed off when you find out one day, and if she's cheating with him i dont think she'd tell you anything. Thats a nice open person, i think you should reveal your secrets too instead of questioning hers, thats is, if you love her as much as she does.

dont u just hate it when u decide to be honest with a guy and tell him wats going on with you in regards to past relationships u had before u met him and the put everything out of context and totaly miss the point and misinterpret everything? arrrgh!

[kenyansenorita]

Originally Posted by lipstick jungle

dont u just hate it when u decide to be honest with a guy and tell him wats going on with you in regards to past relationships u had before u met him and the put everything out of context and totaly miss the point and misinterpret everything? arrrgh!

...and thats why i prefer keeping my past in the past due to ppl like this, i don't even see the need of telling a newbf about my past relationship bcoz its not important

[al-zalzalah]

Originally Posted by lipstick jungle

dont u just hate it when u decide to be honest with a guy and tell him wats going on with you in regards to past relationships u had before u met him and the put everything out of context and totaly miss the point and misinterpret everything? arrrgh!

now why on earth would you want to bring up past relationships with the current boyfie?
if you had an abortion, maybe.
if you got married and divorced, maybe.
lakini talking about dudes you dated in the past is just a no go zone.

tena this scenario this guy described, his chick basically told him ati she was emotionally involved with another guy the same time she was dating him, and she only picked him because the other guy was not really interested in her. yaani she's telling him he wasn't first choice, she just settled for him. if i was a guy i wouldn't be thrilled about that.
in fact forget about being a guy. if things were reversed and the guy told her the same thing, the relationship would be over so fast.

[Tactician]

Originally Posted by al-zalzalah

now why on earth would you want to bring up past relationships with the current boyfie?
if you had an abortion, maybe.
if you got married and divorced, maybe.
lakini talking about dudes you dated in the past is just a no go zone.

tena this scenario this guy described, his chick basically told him ati she was emotionally involved with another guy the same time she was dating him, and she only picked him because the other guy was not really interested in her. yaani she's telling him he wasn't first choice, she just settled for him. if i was a guy i wouldn't be thrilled about that.
in fact forget about being a guy. if things were reversed and the guy told her the same thing, the relationship would be over so fast.

I wouldn't exactly put it this way - she had not wounded up the other r/ship so she was telling me that she had weighed the two of us. I know all jamaas do this ie you are seeing 2 gals b4 u decide on one - one could be damn hot but she gawas to every one while another could be average but loyal etc.

[YB*]

Now tactician listen very carefully, infact I wanted to find the females opinion before I rested my case after my first post on this thread.

Women will give you very good advice regarding feelings and emotions from their perspective, and there are quite a number here, I even see one asking whether men view all things as negative – this is not so dear, we analyse from experience and unfortunately we put less heart and more mental (male perspective usually) than vice versa which is usually female. (that’s why when a guy is probably thinking of taking a big step with you he draws back emotionally)

I smiled when I read you scenario because it was almost 100% similar to someone I know, He went on and had a long relationship with the said lady, but things came to a head after some time.

You need to establish one thing that at this point is the most serious one am seeing, what are your galfriends long term goals on herself, not her relationships, you mentioned that the chutta was 7 years older, and she considered herself in a relationship with him. Did she ever meet the family and friends of the said guy??

If not my friend you are dealing with woman who has an inferiority complex and she is of the type who believes her way to comfort is to ensnare a man with cash probably an asian or Caucasian.

How did I arrive at this? A woman going out with a guy that older is usually thinking long term unless he is a sugar daddy (which in any case you don’t want that), if she was comfortable not being known by anybody in his family or circle of friends, that means she was probably a FUBU and was OK with it, and the guy knew it as much. Am paying particular attention because the guy is a chutt and not a Caucasian, in Kenya I believe. Even though there has been a few Indian African couples, the norm in most cases its just a fling or arrangement.

You will fall in love and live in bliss until the next fast lane to easy life comes along (this conclusion is only based on the premise that you find out she was a FUBU in the first place) otherwise not everybody is the same, am being true to who I am, I build all my cases from a worst case scenario, and work on adding positives, gives me a better perspective, than getting an angel and shedding all the goodness (very depressing).

[Tactician]

Originally Posted by YB*

Now tactician listen very carefully, infact I wanted to find the females opinion before I rested my case after my first post on this thread.

Women will give you very good advice regarding feelings and emotions from their perspective, and there are quite a number here, I even see one asking whether men view all things as negative – this is not so dear, we analyse from experience and unfortunately we put less heart and more mental (male perspective usually) than vice versa which is usually female. (that’s why when a guy is probably thinking of taking a big step with you he draws back emotionally)

I smiled when I read you scenario because it was almost 100% similar to someone I know, He went on and had a long relationship with the said lady, but things came to a head after some time.

You need to establish one thing that at this point is the most serious one am seeing, what are your galfriends long term goals on herself, not her relationships, you mentioned that the chutta was 7 years older, and she considered herself in a relationship with him. Did she ever meet the family and friends of the said guy??

If not my friend you are dealing with woman who has an inferiority complex and she is of the type who believes her way to comfort is to ensnare a man with cash probably an asian or Caucasian.

How did I arrive at this? A woman going out with a guy that older is usually thinking long term unless he is a sugar daddy (which in any case you don’t want that), if she was comfortable not being known by anybody in his family or circle of friends, that means she was probably a FUBU and was OK with it, and the guy knew it as much. Am paying particular attention because the guy is a chutt and not a Caucasian, in Kenya I believe. Even though there has been a few Indian African couples, the norm in most cases its just a fling or arrangement.

You will fall in love and live in bliss until the next fast lane to easy life comes along (this conclusion is only based on the premise that you find out she was a FUBU in the first place) otherwise not everybody is the same, am being true to who I am, I build all my cases from a worst case scenario, and work on adding positives, gives me a better perspective, than getting an angel and shedding all the goodness (very depressing).

YB,

I'm impressed with the thinking of starting with a worst case scenario and adding positives! i wonder whether ur in the same career as I am..

To ur questions, first lemme admit i dunno what a FUBU is. But i guess this is a gold digger by any other name ie all she wants is some1 to take care of her.

Secondly, from what i have gathered so far, they met when the jamaa was on some of these construction contracts and she did not get to meet his family etc at all.

Also, the jamaa did not get to meet any of her family, friends etc since at the time whe was living & working in a town far away from her immediate family and friends. At the moment, she lives with her folks. As for me, I have met all her closest friends and have also met some of her close relas ie cousins, her bro's wife - it's still too early to think of meeting her parents and siblings.

As to whether she is looking for an easy way out ie a gold digger, i must say that one of the reasons i like her is that she is not pushy when it comes to cash. Even in the first days b4 i started really liking her, all she wanted was for us to go out etc and wanted nothing in particular. If i was to count how much cash i have given her in the time we have been together would be less than 10k; and i usually see the results of it ie new hair, new clothes etc.

The one thing which you have highlighted is what her life ambitions are. Now this is one thing that causes quite some friction btn us cos when i ask her we argue and argue back and forth. I ask her whether she is thinking of getting a jobbo in her town and she is like she has looked for one and kosad. She says the jobs there pay too low as in less than KShs 10k pm which is true - i have lived there in the past as a graduate trainee and was being paid 20k pm. She aint very educated i might add-her parents aint too well off and the furthest any on her famiy has gone is up to high school and colle. She also tells me that she has frequent arguments with her paros who have asked her what she wants to do in life and replies that she is looking but has not got one.

Given her background, i understand her limitations as to what she can do with her life etc. In fact I am quite convinced that her goal is to get married and settle down....

dunno if this helps...thanks man

[al-zalzalah]

Originally Posted by Tactician

I wouldn't exactly put it this way - she had not wounded up the other r/ship so she was telling me that she had weighed the two of us. I know all jamaas do this ie you are seeing 2 gals b4 u decide on one - one could be damn hot but she gawas to every one while another could be average but loyal etc.

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt in principle, but truly I am as cynical as they get .

I agree that people often date more than one person simultaneously in the beginning, but once we have made our choice, we generally don't tell the person about that or about why we chose them. It creates unnecessary insecurity in the relationship.

[Tactician]

Originally Posted by al-zalzalah

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt in principle, but truly I am as cynical as they get .

I agree that people often date more than one person simultaneously in the beginning, but once we have made our choice, we generally don't tell the person about that or about why we chose them. It creates unnecessary insecurity in the relationship.

I agree man...tis just that i knew about the asian dude loong before we even became serious...she told me in the very first days...

about insecurity, every1 gets a bout of it lakini mimi i have become tough these days...a chic plays around and i boot her out...

there's one colle chic who used to visit me halafu i realised she had refused to leave my house...can u imagine a chic tells me they have fungad colle in august last year and are not due to open until feb this year and she expects to stay at my house? mimi i tried telling her to go stay with her paros bt she refused...i guess she wanted us to get used and then get a mtoi..then she would never leave

every morning i would go to job and when i asked her if she was going home she would say she wants to stay....mimi i got enough of these....ok, it was not all that bad..i would find supper, clean dishes etc lakini she was assuming me too much for being a softi...one sato morning at kindu 8am i appeared straight from the bar with my ex....she left and got the message!