[b
]cycle of abuse .it is a classic representation of an abuser regardless of race,level of education and is typical cycle by all men that abuse women[/b] the article below is copied and pasted from
Helpguide: A trusted non-profit resource for mental health, healthy lifestyles and aging issues cycle of violence domestic abuse falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence:
abuse — the abuser lashes out with aggressive or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show the victim "who is boss." guilt — after the abusive episode, the abuser feels guilt, but not over what he's done to the victim. The guilt is over the possibility of being caught and facing consequences. Rationalization or excuses — the abuser rationalizes what he's done. He may come up with a string of excuses or blame the victim for his own abusive behavior—anything to shift responsibility from himself. "normal" behavior — the abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship.
He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time. Fantasy and planning — the abuser begins to fantasize about abusing his victim again, spending a lot of time thinking about what she's done wrong and how he'll make her pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality. Set-up — the abuser sets up the victim and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing her. The full cycle of domestic violence a man abuses his partner. After he hits her, he experiences self-directed guilt. He says, "i'm sorry for hurting you." what he does not say is, "because i might get caught." he then rationalizes his behavior by saying that his partner is having an affair with someone. He tells her "if you weren't such a worthless whore i wouldn't have to hit you." he then acts contrite, reassuring her that he will not hurt her again. He then fantasizes and reflects on past abuse and how he will hurt her again. He plans on telling her to go to the store to get some groceries. What he withholds from her is that she has a certain amount of time to do the shopping. When she is held up in traffic and is a few minutes late, he feels completely justified in assaulting her because "you're having an affair with the store clerk." he has just set her up. Source: mid-valley women's crisis service
your abuser’s apologies and loving gestures in between the episodes of abuse can make it difficult to leave. He may make you believe that you are the only person who can help him, that things will be different this time, and that he truly loves you. However, the dangers of staying are real. Domestic abuse often escalates from threats and verbal abuse to physical violence and even murder. And while physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. No one deserves this kind of pain—and your first step to breaking free is recognizing that your situation is abusive. Once you acknowledge the reality of the abusive situation, then you can get the help you need. Signs of an abusive relationship there are many signs of an abusive relationship. The
04-29-2008, 08:19 AM
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