[moto kama pasi]

Just some thoughts that I have that were inspired by a recent forum i frequent...

I personally believe that if you're a single girl, then by all means, if you want to, go on out there and have fun (especially if you are young). Enjoy meeting new people. Enjoy going out on lots of dates. Just have fun with everything. If you don't want to be tied down, then it's perfectly fine.

But...I feel like a girl who is doing that needs to abide by two cardinal rules

#1 - BE SAFE!!!! If you aren't just sleeping with one dude, then for God's sake make sure you are safe, clean and healthy!!!

#2 - (and this is more at the heart of what I want to talk about) BE HONEST ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT AND YOUR SITUATION.

When it comes to single girls who are playing the field, I only have a serious problem with one type - the player (we're not going to get into girls who are clingy or girls who are controlling as they are less likely to be "playing the field" so to speak since their attentions are focused on one man).

There is, of course, the classic player. The girl who sees multiple men at the same time, all the while making the individual man believe that they the only ones that he is seeing.

But then there's what I call the "dangler." The dangler is the girl who dangles the prospect of a relationship in front of a man while she strings him along. she may be stringing him along for a couple of reasons. Oftentimes, it's for one of two reasons - 1) She genuinely isn't really sure that She wants to be with just him. She likes spending time with him, but She isn't sure she wants to commit to him. Or it may be that she isn't sure that she wants a relationship in the first place. So she holds on to her while she (unbeknownst to him) keeps her options open. 2) SHe knows he isn't "girlfriend" material in her eyes or that she doesn't want a relationship with him. But he's a security blanket. So she holds on to him while she searches for the BBD

Is there anything inherently wrong in seeing more than one person at once if you're single?

Nope.

Is there anything inherently wrong in not knowing what you want and wanting to keep an opportunity open with someone?

Nope.

Is there anything inherently wrong in not being honest with someone with regard to where they stand with you as far as dating and a relationship?

Yep.

With regard to the first kind of player, the classic player, there's just no justification for that. To deliberately deceive someone into thinking they're the only one is just plain wrong and mean. You can see whoever the hell you want and not have to lie to others about it.

The second instance is more understandable. You really like the person, you've gotten close, to the point where the other one may want a relationship with you. If you tell them you're not sure, then you may risk them not wanting to hang around and you possibly losing someone who could have been good for you.

But that's the risk that you take when you choose to be responsible, mature, and considerate of others.

But on the other hand, men sometimes don't make being honest easy. Or rather, generally speaking, PEOPLE don't always make it easy to be honest and speak freely. Some people cannot handle the truth of matters, and won't react well. Understandably, your average person wants to avoid that

But, if you are honest about your situation, your feelings, and what it is that you truly want (even when you don't know what you want), you could save yourself a lot of headaches in the end.

So girls, in my mind, there's really no reason to be a player. Do what what you will, enjoy your life, and enjoy your freedom. Just be honest about it. In the end, I'm sure it will bring some good karma your way

[aluochnora]

man you can write...but i know the pain of realising that a gal is cheating on you and most men aren't ready to forgive. but a chikkita does not want to fall into a ditch and maybe by playing two jamaas at the same time helps to evaluate the situation and make a good decision, though she realises it's risky. she has decided to take the risk coz nothing good comes on a silver platter, ama?

[jasakwa]

Man women of these days have never been more confused.The danglers you describe just wastes the time of the men.She might go her way depriving of these men chance to meet real good women women enough who appeciate the respect a good man duely deserve.

[aluochnora]

Originally Posted by jasakwa

Man women of these days have never been more confused.The danglers you describe just wastes the time of the men.She might go her way depriving of these men chance to meet real good women women enough who appeciate the respect a good man duely deserve.

we respect them enough, to try not to end up with them if we weren't meant for each other coz it'll bring chaos in the house

[jaykam]

Wow..........your thoughts are well organized, if i was to write such a thing my ma-issues would b all over the ki-damn place.
Personally i dont believe in dating one guy esp when u r old enough to know wat you r looking for in a guy, until i meet the right guy........ i guess i'll hav to keep testing those waters. I just dont believe in settling for less ati hoping things will b better in future.

[moto kama pasi]

Originally Posted by jaykam

Wow..........your thoughts are well organized, if i was to write such a thing my ma-issues would b all over the ki-damn place.
Personally i dont believe in dating one guy esp when u r old enough to know wat you r looking for in a guy, until i meet the right guy........ i guess i'll hav to keep testing those waters. I just dont believe in settling for less ati hoping things will b better in future.

Thanks JK i will take that as a compliment and this thread applies to men too. Just change the woman in the thread to be a man and Voila, you have it.

[Dynamic]

MKP, I feel you, bro. To me it seems like a retaliation from women for all the wrongs we do them cuz more than often it's alright for us men to play them but we raise all kinds of hell when they reciprocate. Anywho- back to the topic on hand. I think someone said something about women wasting men's time dangling them, etc. Personally, if i even sense that the mammi's playing/dangling me, I drop her like she's hot. Because of an experience I had, I don't avail myself or even appear like I want the lady cuz once emotions get tied it, that's where things get complicated... then come the questions like "is she really feeling me? If so, why isn't she commiting, etc..." and I ain't got time to deal with all that. So me, I stay reserved emotionally. If she wants me, the the feeling's mutual and maybe I can getting warmer. But if she's trying to dangle me, Peace out!!

[aluochnora]

Originally Posted by Dynamic

MKP, I feel you, bro. To me it seems like a retaliation from women for all the wrongs we do them cuz more than often it's alright for us men to play them but we raise all kinds of hell when they reciprocate. Anywho- back to the topic on hand. I think someone said something about women wasting men's time dangling them, etc. Personally, if i even sense that the mammi's playing/dangling me, I drop her like she's hot. Because of an experience I had, I don't avail myself or even appear like I want the lady cuz once emotions get tied it, that's where things get complicated... then come the questions like "is she really feeling me? If so, why isn't she commiting, etc..." and I ain't got time to deal with all that. So me, I stay reserved emotionally. If she wants me, the the feeling's mutual and maybe I can getting warmer. But if she's trying to dangle me, Peace out!!

well expressed and taken. but just be careful you don't fall for my friends...ave warned them in advance

[Delylar]

What's good for the goose must be good for the gander too. Women have simply flipped the script or should I say modified it to suit their needs and the time we live in?
To the men I'd say take the game a notch higher than we can grasp - at least temporarily- till we catch up again with y'all and then we both start all over again ama?

[rake81]

well we learned from the best - problem is now we r better than our teachers!!!