Break ups and family

STYLED UP · (#1 (**permalink**))

Situation: There has been a break up btwn me and my boyfriend. My sisters and my boyfriend still want to cling onto their "friendship."

History: We were together for year and a half. During this time my ex bonded with my sisters and they look up to him as a big brother. When we were dating, my sisters introduced their friends to his friends and they all became this huge weekend heng out crew (this bonding happened when i was away at home for 5 months).

Currently: Now that we have broken up, my sisters and my ex keep saying that the bond that was created cannot be let go since they have all become too tight. I have tried to explain to them it feels very uncomfortable that my sisters have to leave the house and go and heng out with my ex. Why?? The break up needs time to heal and figure out where things are. I'm i going to keep him as a friend or not and all that crap that u decide once u break up.So now, they all think i am being mean to them coz of telling them i expect that distance btwn them. My ex kabisa doesnt see why. I hv tried explaining it and to him its like, "what the hell. You want everyone to mourn with u bcoz of the break up?" According to my sisters..."we have created such a tight bond with those guys that we cant just tell them let's not heng out together. Its unavoidable."

I'm i being fair asking for this space/ distance or shld i let them be?

PS....my boyfie is 5 years my senior and 7-9 years my sisters' senior. My sisters are younger and still in college.

milanya · (#2 (**permalink**))

This is why you introduce your significant other to your famo but you don't let them bond until you guys are engaged!

My bf's sisters and I have hung out a lot but we're not really tight. They sense the distance from me but I do it for a reason. His ex was so tight with his sisters that she was in the family's issues and caused such drama. Now that they have broken up, she still hangs around his sisters much to his consternation (they had another bitter breakup) and mine as well. Their agreement is they have to go out with her on their own time, she is not invited to family events, and she is not allowed in their home. I guess it helps that his parents hated her all along.

His family told me right off the bat that they like me but they maintain their distance because they know where their loyalties lie for now, unless we tie the knot.

You have voiced your opinions to your sis, you are entitled to your hurt, but they are both adults so there is not much you can do. The jamaa is 7-9 years her senior? Kwani wanafanya nini pamoja? Next thing you know they'll be a 'my sister stole my ex' thread
Life's not a garden so don't be a hoe

Bachelor · (#3 (**permalink**))

Are you a marriage counsellor by proffesion?

it seem you are on top of these issues.
maybe i can book some sessions juu me and my girlfriend have been trying to have a baby lakini wapi
i got sperm and she ovulates kama kawaida.
wats wrong?

Dem Gal · (#4 (**permalink**))

@Styled Up;

I think its unfair for your sisters to heng out with your ex after a break-up and for your ex to advocate for it to go on. Being your sisters, their loyalties should lie with you and they should be sensitive to your feelings.

Anyway, maybe you can give your ex a taste of his own medication and see how open minded he will be about that. Are you tight with any of his male friends/cousins/bros/workmates? If so, why don't you suggest a heng-out with them....just a plain fun-out night. Make sure your ex gets wind of it. Lets see if he will view the situation the same. My guess is that he won't stand it!

milanya · (#5 (**permalink**))

Thanks for the compliment Bachelor...perhaps you need to see a fertility doctor. Kwani what shall I do? Counsel your sperm

'woiyee you guys swim faster, ama swim that way'
'woiyee ovum let the sperm ingia'???

chotadipo · (#6 (**permalink**))

Dem Gal,

Your suggestion is too innocent for common sense. In her case, if she tries to show the man madhaa, he will start screwing her younger sisters. If you think that is bad, listen to this. The man's cousins' will want to screw her also. Now that is some sh*t a gal would not want to be involve din. Remember, to the men, it is one bif sex fest! Sometimes, try to think like a man before you offer suggestions.

Now what happened to Kemi and Dem Gal Moraa. Any bump? I need updates, cannot wait for the next issue of People's magazine to come out next month.

And who the #### just wondered ati 7-9yrs age difference is an issue? Go tell a 21 yr old college girl that a 28yr old MBA guy is too old for her. Some people are so obssesed with age as if...*shrugs*

m kenya · (#7 (**permalink**))

>Dem Gal,
>
>Your suggestion is too innocent for common sense. In her case,
>if she tries to show the man madhaa, he will start screwing
>her younger sisters. If you think that is bad, listen to this.
>The man's cousins' will want to screw her also. Now that is
>some sh*t a gal would not want to be involve din. Remember, to
>the men, it is one bif sex fest! Sometimes, try to think like
>a man before you offer suggestions.
>
>Now what happened to Kemi and Dem Gal Moraa. Any bump? I need
>updates, cannot wait for the next issue of People's magazine
>to come out next month.
>
>And who the #### just wondered ati 7-9yrs age difference is an
>issue? Go tell a 21 yr old college girl that a 28yr old MBA
>guy is too old for her. Some people are so obssesed with age
>as if...*shrugs*

Chotadipo, i agree with you. Demgal, try and think like a jamaa before you offer that suggestion.
If the mans cousins screw her, and the man scruz her smaller sisters, and for what? Just to even the scores? The chick will get double pain?
Suggestion. Its painful, but try talk to your sisters about how you feel about them going out with a guy u've broken up with. That might help them see the situation a bit differently. If not, just talk to your boyfriend and get back together. Crap happenz, but love is tougher than crap.
Remaining-just friends, has never worked for jamaaz. They just end up pretending. For me i'd want you to talk again to your ex, and get together.
Love is sooo soo strong.

KEMINOKANA · (#8 (**permalink**))

Lol chotadipo sometimes I think ur a transexual.

It is the truth you speak. As it stands right now, the guy is about to *** one or all of the sisters. The only thing holding him back(if he hasnt) is respect. As soon as the gal crosses the line, he'll have every reason to go on rampage. Plus, what if the guy's friends are decent people? I know for a fact that my friends' gals are NO NO territories.

Let's get real. It is not a friendship bond. This is the classic case of 'boy met sister and loved her more or sisters met boy and wanted him for themselves'. If you broke up with him, just move on although it is hard. If he broke up with u, ur in for tough times ahead.

@chotadipo, keep an eye on the newsstands...:7

pipitp · (#9 (**permalink**))

> Kwani what shall I do? Counsel your
>sperm
>
>

ha ha .. thats a winner .. LOL

Dem Gal · (#10 (**permalink**))

@Guys who responded:

My apologize for "not thinking like a guy" I didn't realize "plain fun henging out" = Screwing her brains out!!! My bad! So what is the terminology for plain fun henging out with a dude who's not your boyfriend?