GET HITCHED...JUST LIKE THAT!! -
04-21-2006, 01:43 AM
Let's say you go to a social event -- a young
professionals' mixer. As you get there, you notice a lovely
young lady from the corner of your eye. She's tall, she's
lithe, she's got great hair and a million-watt smile. And
you think, "That's the girl. I'm gonna get HER number."
And so you talk to all the other people, maybe do a Two-Hit
method on her, still chatting to everyone
else, slowly wending your way over to her. And eventually,
you start talking. You notice her bright shiny teeth, her
great bod, and you're pouring on the smoothness. Things are
going well -- you read the same books, she likes the same
cheesy grooves, etc. It's on.
As the event is winding down and everybody's leaving, she
says to you (and *only* to you -- you've done so WELL, you
dirty devil you), "Hey, wanna go grab a drink at this place
close to my home?" And you say, what the heck. Let's do
it. It's all going according to plan.
At the watering hole, she buys you a drink (good sign). And
one for herself. And she begins to drink. And drink. And
drink your drink. Before you know it, she's totally
incoherent, falling over, and just a complete mess. She
starts talking about stuff that sets off all kinds of 120
decibel alarms in your head. You want to get as far away
from her as quickly as possible. And you do, by walking her
to her place and bidding her farewell. It never even occurs
to you to get her number.
Does this sound at all familiar to you, gentlemen? You
start out hankering for something, and then, the worst
possible thing happens: YOU ACTUALLY GET IT. And then you
realize, oh crap, what was I thinking? Man, that guy must
have felt silly.
The problem, my friends, is this little itty-bitty feature
of the human brain that screws us all up.
It's called DESIRE.
My good friends, Sigmund Freud s had something to say about that in his book "Tatriatic sex" . In fact, he thought
it was so important, he brought it up in the first chapter:
"Free from desire, you realize the mystery.
Caught in desire, you see only the manifestations."
There's at least two problems with desire, you see. The
first is that according to ancient spiritual law, when you desire
something, you're affirming its *lack* in your life. And,
according to Tao of Dating Belief #1, the universe is merely
a reflection of your dominant thoughts. So when you say,
"Gimme!", the universe says right back, "Gimme!". Congrats
-- you just drove away from you that which you desired.
The second reason is more tangible, but gives you the same
bum result. Here's the deal: when you want something badly
enough, you *will* screw up your judgment. Guaranteed.
It's been called 'wanting-it tax', the Second Noble Truth,
babenosis, and any number of other things.
I just call it bad business.
Would you walk into a car dealership saying, "Oh my god, I
love that car right there! How much can I pay you for it?"
Even worse, would you walk into that dealership drunk? Or
sleep-deprived?
The fact is, we engage in very similar behavior *all the
time* when it comes to courting women. We get ourselves
(metaphorically) drunk with desire, and all that's on our
mind is "OMG she's sooo hot! Gotta get her!". We
immediately try to show how witty and smooth we are, to
impress her and entertain her with our male primate display
behaviors (and if you've ever seen other guys do it, you
know how obvious and goofy it looks, right? Right.)
I've got a question for ya, my friend: Who is she? Do you
even know her? And, most importantly, is she paying you
enough for your fine company?
I'm only saying that semi-facetiously. Because right now, I
want to talk about one of the most important things that you
must do to attract women in the right way.
It's called FRAME-SETTING. And what you have to remember is
this:
"He who controls the frame controls the interaction."
For example, when you walked into that showroom saying that
you already wanted that car so bad, you set the frame as "I
am the chump, and the dealer is the guy who's going to
stick it to me."
You could have just as easily walked in and said, "Yeah, I'm
looking to buy a new car, with cash, and I've been to a few
dealers checking out what they've got and was wondering how
good a deal you had to offer." Now you have set the tone for
a VERY different interaction.
One in which you are the BUYER. And a picky one at that.
Just like girls are when it comes to guys.
'Cause you've got money in your pocket, you've got damn good
taste, and there is no reason for you to settle for anything
but the absolute best your money can buy.
In the social marketplace, it works the same way. You've
got all kinds of things going for you. You're intelligent,
affluent, funny, fun to be around, dynamite in the sack (or
you will be after you read 'The Tao of Sexual
Mastery'), or all of the above. That's the money in your
pocket.
But sometimes guys forget that. They see a cute girl, and
immediately start supplicating at the foot of the goddess:
"Please, please give me some attention." This drives me
nuts, because it turns the whole logic of the world
topsy-turvy.
Fact: most women have relationships with men older than they
are. Fact: almost all women have relationships with men
with higher status and income than their own. Fact: on the
whole, men have 30% higher income than women worldwide.
Fact: you're probably older than most of the women you're
attracted to.
And therefore, Fact: YOU ARE WHAT *SHE* WANTS. It's always
been this way. It will always be this way. She's younger
than you, less experienced than you, and has less economic
power than you. You are in the dominant position.
So what the heck are you doing pretending like it's *you*
chasing *her*?
Because you get drunk with desire, that's why. And when
you're drunk with desire (here comes the car metaphor
again), you're too focused on trying to get what's in front
of you to notice the dents, the record of unreliability, the
clunky transmission and all kinds of things that you simply
don't want in that car that you *think* you want so badly.
I've dated enough women to know that
there is only a slight correlation between a woman's looks
and how fulfilling your relationship is with her. And,
strangely enough, the hottest ones often (but not always)
turn out to be the biggest chores to deal with. So don't
get blinded by the packaging, my friend. Look what's inside
the present.
So be the picky buyer. Set the frame. Turn the tables on
the girl and evaluate *her* -- which is different from
judging. (Evaluating what's good for you is good. Judging
people, on the other hand, stops the evaluation process, and
is less good.) Why would you want to hang out with her? Is
she making you laugh? Is she warm and nurturing? Does she
give killer backrubs? Why is she good enough for you?
Guys can sometimes get so hung up on getting into a woman's
pants that they don't even bother figuring out whether they
actually *want* to have that woman around for more than 15
minutes (and if that's all the time you need, buddy, you
need to read ' Sexual Mastery by Greg Jeffries', oy).
Now some of you might have noticed something. There's a
crazy twist in this. When you set the frame as the buyer,
it's pretty obvious who controls the interaction. But even
when you walked into the dealership saying "I love that
car", *you* still set the frame for the interaction. Only
you *chose* to give control to the other guy.
Stop doing that. Especially when it comes to women. Assume
the most favorable frame. Take control.I give a bunch of examples,
scenarios, lines and attitudes you can use to set the frame,
assume control and lead.
Now let's put this to practical use. You see her. She's
hot. Great. And you maintain your composure and step back
from your desire, still interacting with her in a powerful,
attractive way, but detaching yourself from the results.
You don't care how things are going to turn out. You don't
care whether you get her number. Because frankly, you just
don't know her well enough yet. She could be the love of
your life or a colossal pain, and you're here to patiently
find out. As it stands, you don't need her. You *do* care
whether she earns *your* number and
your company, and whether she is the kind of person you'd
like to spend more time with. But not the other way around.
Just remember: you have everything that you need. When you
truly believe, know and feel that, all good things will come
pouring at you in an avalanche. More on that later.
I'm interested in your comments and personal
questions.
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