[Nadia]

Milanya, Milanya!

Can I tell you sum', I dated someone like your boyfriend. And I dumped him because, this symptom of "Wanting everyone to think the world of him" ..and him being nick-names "Mr-Nice-Pants" in the expense of his own life will creep into your relationship.

Soon enough, he will be dissing dates with you ati cause he has to work on someone elses assignment, etc etc.

There is something such as someone being too into maintaining their rep, such that even you start to see...that this maa'faka is going to end up frustrating you in the long run.

My suggestion: Talk to his ass, tell him how you feel, if he feels that you are over reacting, may be you have funguad his machoz and he will think things twice before he accepwts to be "someone messiah". If he semaz, "Ohh sijui I know, I'm trying to stop" break up with the maafaka, girl his a knuckle head!! Med school or no med school! the bwai needs to handle relationships with others a whole lot better! Just learn to say "Hell NAW!"

hope nime saidia, :), yep! and we need the jina...u talk of this man like you never dated a nice guy before! it would be nice to know the name!

P.S:, my ex who always wants to be the "saviour" to kila mtu is still constantly being used by the world around him, Heck! I even use him to my advantage!! And I don't even feel bad about it, cause at this point I believe he wants to be used,..or his just a stupid ass!

[Msoto]

Why hate on the guy for giving?

It is in giving that they receive.

Wacha apatiane...its his life those are the decisions his making.
It is great that he feels that his life should continue like that. I wish I had it in me to be that generous.....I think it is truly encouraging and motivating that he is willing to seek that form of self-actualization.

Jobs he can always get others...they come and go. Helping someone at 3am may seem over-stepping your boundary but maybe that person was going to commit suicide. One can never be too good....they all slip from time to time. Its great that he strives to be so good.

Lakini this "woi woi" threads....

[shayvonne]

hmmmmm thats just weird....i know kind giving pple...but to that extent u need to call Dr.Phil ASAP bhane!!!

[acq]

there is something called the circle of influence vs the circle of concern.The circle of influence are those things one can dictate to his advantage shule,job......and circle of concern are those others like his buddies problems.Seems to me like he is spending a lot of time on his circle of concern rather than his circle of influence which is hindering his personal development.Probably what u should do is sit him down and work on his values and priorities but also if this is the character he has formed,well good luck.Try talking to him cos probably his background and history is playing a big influence to his behavior cos eventually it will start catching up with u.One thing is u cant solve the world's problems and how he values his other buddies they have to value him the same way but if its sacrificing his personal development for others then theres the problem.

"its better to labour diligently to one individual, than to wait for the salvation of the masses"Mahatma Gandhi

[KEMINOKANA]

ACQ that is an excellent posting.

I have come to realize that individuals' traits at a certain age should be factored to anticipate his behavior several yrs down the line.

My dad can send all of his bank account to his relatives back home even as unpaid bills go unpaid. It irks me to the core and no amount of advising, pestering and confrontations has made him stop the habit. So we finally quit paying his bills and they are accumulating at a concerning rate.

A blind man cant lead a blind man. Such irresponsibility renders future opportunities to help invalid because you will be so much in need of help yourself to help someone else.

[cwangari]

Maybe thats his calling! has it occured to you, that perhaps that is what makes him happy?

[milanya]

>Maybe thats his calling! has it occured to you, that perhaps
>that is what makes him happy?

Man cannot serve two masters. Just coz u have a calling doesnt mean you have to neglect your responsibilities

Life's not a garden so don't be a hoe

[msema ukweli Kabisa]

(disclaimer - to get it correct if what you said is that those people are not using him, only that your boyfie loves helping here is my rumblings)

I have rarely been contribting to threads for some time now but this one I cannot let it pass.
Milanya, its so sad that "and I say this kindly" you are bit*ching about your boyfriends kind heart. And I can bet my last cents that you are exergerating alittle bit about the extent of his giving.
Anyway this is my point, this world day by day is loosing men and woman of your boyfriends calibre. People who would go an extra step to help despite of their needs. We are becoming a society of me first and only me. To read you castigizing your boyfie for his kind heart is so heartbreaking. You do not deserve him if you think him going an extra step for people is a crime. As msoto told you in an earlier post some people's purpose is to give and that is is (as much as this sounds corny) you trying to change him is such a deservice to this world which is so lacking of such characters.

May God bless your boyfie and I hope he keeps on going an extra step for people

[milanya]

msema kweli, i dont mind that he has a good heart, that is one of the reasons i penda him. lakini you cannot go save the world and neglect those who are right there in front of you, neglect your responsibilities. You cannot serve to masters. What good is it to go save all the chics in ur high school if your sisters are at home high on weed and pregnant coz u r too busy playing superman for everyone else? What good is it giving out your paycheck to help your neighbours while your kids have been sent home for lack of school fees.
Plus, if you don't look after your own responsibilities, that will eventually catch up with you and you'll end up so messed up you won't even be able to help other people.

It is like when you are on a plane and it is going down. Wear your oxygen mask then help others put theirs on. Ama you will suffocate as you try helping them and they will suffocate coz u suffocated and it all goes to waste

In life you have to pick your battles. You can't save everyone. Even paramedics have rules of triage, they can't save everyone.
Life's not a garden so don't be a hoe

[chotadipo]

>msema kweli, i dont mind that he has a good heart, that is
>one of the reasons i penda him. lakini you cannot go save the
>world and neglect those who are right there in front of you,
>neglect your responsibilities. You cannot serve to masters.
>What good is it to go save all the chics in ur high school if
>your sisters are at home high on weed and pregnant coz u r too
>busy playing superman for everyone else? What good is it
>giving out your paycheck to help your neighbours while your
>kids have been sent home for lack of school fees.
>Plus, if you don't look after your own responsibilities, that
>will eventually catch up with you and you'll end up so messed
>up you won't even be able to help other people.
>
>It is like when you are on a plane and it is going down. Wear
>your oxygen mask then help others put theirs on. Ama you will
>suffocate as you try helping them and they will suffocate coz
>u suffocated and it all goes to waste
>
>In life you have to pick your battles. You can't save
>everyone. Even paramedics have rules of triage, they can't
>save everyone.
>Life's not a garden so don't be a hoe

@Milanya, your response above is a classic case of a 'woi woi' reply to Musema kweli's comments. You should have refuted his comments using the example you gave in the initial post. Nowhere in your post do you mention what you have just mentioned above hence Musema kweli's conclusion that your husband's action are for the better good of mankind.

I'll help you out. In the below comments you made, is it not fair if I conclude that the motive behind those woman is pure selfishness? Spending, working hard, and giving being the main words here are all relative to some base. Nowhere do you mention the disadvantage those ladies have to go through in terms of less money in the bank, no output for the work he does, or the constant state of no money for the giver. You just mentiond intangible results like being irritaed, pissed and what have you.

>...They got married and now he still does it but
>she relaized just how much money he spends on it and that is
>now an issue...
>...but now she is pissed because he is a workaholic mpaka
>usiku wa manane in the family study while she sleeps alone.
>
>...For my bf, he is super helpful. He is always running around
>helping everyone and lending an ear, an arm, money whatever.
>He's such a giver. However, the longer we've been together it
>has to irritate me...

In the next comments, and these specifically refer to your boyfriend, I can safely conclude that he is not the nice loving always ready to help kind of guy, but a guy who is running away from his responsibilities. See how it sounds, "Missing class, losing dollars, losing sleep, failing grades." Either he doesn't like his life as it is or he is simply plain lazy or worse he is trying to run away from you (pray not).

>...So he ended up losing a lot of $$$, references, his
>job just so he could help his pal out... >
>...Then he volunteers to drive people places asubuhi na mapema
>mpaka he is too tired to go to class and hence there goes his
>grades...
>...sees anyone sad, he dont care if it is 3 a.m he will stop and
>talk to the person till they feel better and then be shindwad
>to amka the next day.
>...sometimes, esp because half these people he is dropping his
>life for couldnt care less about him and even use him.
>...Plus,he is letting his priorites go, but nooooo! superman to the
>rescue. I like to play psychologist somnetimes

I rest my case.