[2Fly]

When I came to the states, i had a girlfriend that I had to leave in Kenya. It's not like we broke up or had a fight or anything. In fact we were so hot and heavy up till the plane flew out of JKIA. It would have been easier if we had had a falling out so I could forget about her and move on.

Now I have been in the states for six years and I have already married an American woman whom I love dearly, too. But the problem is that every now and then I remember the good times I had with my ex and miss her.

I feel like this is a betrayal of the woman I am married to. I feel guilty that I still have feelings for my ex even though we haven't talked in three years.

Is this normal? Is anybody else out there going through the same shyt?

[STYLED UP]

Lack of closure with your ex is the problem here. Since u left ach other in good terms and I am guessing letting the relationship slowly fade away, you will still have those feelings lingering soemwhere.

It's you to decide whether closure is going to help you. And yes, you are being unfair to your latest one.

[babygal]

Is your wife the same one who has kataad with her pudesh for a month?

[makaveli]

LOL. Good catch babygal.

[mwananchi_]

Yes. One can even love 3 or more women very dearly at the same time. And I don't think it's unfair to think about your Kenyan love even though you are now with the akata.

It's like food. I mean I love nyama choma very much, but I also crave chips masala and Farmer's choice sausages drive me crazy. Each of these loves is distinct and does not take away from the other.

You loved the Kenyan chick and she will forever be a part of your life and your memories. If you wachana with the akata and link up with another chick I'm sure you'll still think of the Akata and the Kenyan chick. Your past will forever be a part of you.

[slaggard]

love is meant to be a generous feeling. give it out. u see love can be an ingredient for a relationship---relationships can survive without love. the reason why we choose to be with someone is squarely because of our self interests. maybe the financial, security, joy or even the emotional support they offer. unfortunately relationships founded on other interests are given a bad rap by our society while we support this 'emotional dependance and obsession'(love).
if you can love more that one woman ---great. there is a reason why u fall in love with a particular person mainly because they contribute positively to a particular aspect of your life. its your job to prevent conflict, and keep things in focus. you wife will remain your wife and so should her interests be most dear. however any other soul u share a special relationships should not jeorpadize what u already got, but compliment it.
[ Slaggard- "the reckless diamond" ]

[2Fly]

I can see that closure thing, but it was just hard to get closure.

I remember very well that day I came back from the US embassy and I told her that I got the Visa and that I would be flying out the next week. Man, the chick just suddenly broke down and started crying. She turned around and ran back into the house.

I have never felt so shytty in my whole life. I felt so guilty for leading her on like we were going to be together forever and then turn around and say I'm leaving.

It was even worse that weekend when we went to Crni together and I caught her a couple of times just staring at me with such sadness in her eyes. I felt like the biggest jerk in the world.

I told her that I didn't know when or if I was gonna come back and that she shouldn't feel she has to save herself for me. I just didn't think it was fair to expect her to put her life on hold for me. But then she started crying and said she would hear nothing of it. She chose to believe that someday we would be together again.

When I got married, I was too chicken to call her and tell her coz I knew she would start crying and make me feel bad. So I just e-mailed her and broke the news to her.

One of you asked if my wife is the same girl who kazia'd me the pudesh. Well, yes it's the same one. It's times like these when we are going through a rough patch that I tend to remember my old girlfriend. It just seems that we never fought as many times as I fight with my wife, and it makes me miss those good old days.

I don't know what to do.

[mahatma]

>I can see that closure thing, but it was just hard to get
>closure.
>
>I remember very well that day I came back from the US embassy
>and I told her that I got the Visa and that I would be flying
>out the next week. Man, the chick just suddenly broke down and
>started crying. She turned around and ran back into the
>house.
>
>I have never felt so shytty in my whole life. I felt so guilty
>for leading her on like we were going to be together forever
>and then turn around and say I'm leaving.
>
>It was even worse that weekend when we went to Crni together
>and I caught her a couple of times just staring at me with
>such sadness in her eyes. I felt like the biggest jerk in the
>world.
>
>I told her that I didn't know when or if I was gonna come back
>and that she shouldn't feel she has to save herself for me. I
>just didn't think it was fair to expect her to put her life on
>hold for me. But then she started crying and said she would
>hear nothing of it. She chose to believe that someday we would
>be together again.
>
>When I got married, I was too chicken to call her and tell her
>coz I knew she would start crying and make me feel bad. So I
>just e-mailed her and broke the news to her.
>
>One of you asked if my wife is the same girl who kazia'd me
>the pudesh. Well, yes it's the same one. It's times like these
>when we are going through a rough patch that I tend to
>remember my old girlfriend. It just seems that we never fought
>as many times as I fight with my wife, and it makes me miss
>those good old days.
>
>I don't know what to do.





One thing that i dont get here is, are you still communicating wit this chic? How does she take it? When you wrote the email about yua wedding, what did she say?
You have left out way too much info that wud assist in trying to give yu a logical answer. BTW, maybe the chic long forgot about about yu and moved on wit her life.

[mpwani]

>When I came to the states, i had a girlfriend that I had to
>leave in Kenya. It's not like we broke up or had a fight or
>anything. In fact we were so hot and heavy up till the plane
>flew out of JKIA. It would have been easier if we had had a
>falling out so I could forget about her and move on.
>
>Now I have been in the states for six years and I have already
>married an American woman whom I love dearly, too. But the
>problem is that every now and then I remember the good times I
>had with my ex and miss her.
>
>I feel like this is a betrayal of the woman I am married to. I
>feel guilty that I still have feelings for my ex even though
>we haven't talked in three years.
>
>Is this normal? Is anybody else out there going through the
>same shyt?

@2fly- I feel you.I feel even more for your ex. I went thru the same.The guy left for the States, I left for the UK - we didn't break up.Long distance and keeping it real didn't work very well- we just drifted apart.After a couple of years down the line.I did what you did- I met somebody else and got married.

Can one love two people at the same time? Could work but you'll always love one more than the other. Who?- spouse or ex? It depends on the level of intensity......

Don't feel guilty about having feelings for your ex- It's OK, infact it is healthy.I would be surprise if you didn't,especially since you didn't break up with her.She probably still has feelings for you too.I also think about my ex and I still have very strong feelings for him, I feel good when I think about him.


2fly- I hope this makes you feel better,
my 2 cents...

[Pichez]

Hey, manze don feel guilty about that shyt. I guess it happens to us all one time or the other. I went home and met this really hot jamaa {my perfect guy to be honest}and we hit it off. the only probi is he had a chilly so we really didnt do anything. shortly after he went to the states and i came back here. we kept in touch and he said that he really loved me and all that. Its only fair to say that i've never loved anyone else as i did this guy. Anyway after sometime the long distance thing didnt work out and we stopped communicating. Later i met this guy and we started going out and i do honestly love him. We've been going out for over a year but there is no day that goes by without me thinking about the other guy. He's been calling me lately but i love my boyfriend and he's been so good to me so am not gonna do anything to spoil my relationship.All i know is thinking about this other guy doesn't make my love for my boyfriend any less.