relationship saver - communication pitfalls to avoid

pipitp · (#1 (**permalink**))

Just thought that i'd share this for those who've never come accross it ..

What are the secrets of effective communication? How do we truly get what we want while also giving our partners what they need? Let's look at the top three communication problems that most couples have -- and see how they can be solved right here.

Pitfall 1: Communicating to Manipulate
Sometimes we communicate solely for the purpose of getting what we want, when we want it, whether the other person is able to give it or not. We sulk, pout, threaten, cajole or do whatever we can to make the other person feel bad. This kind of communication, however temporarily effective it may be, has a terrible effect on the long-term health of any relationship. Give it up. Respect what the other person has to offer. If they cannot give what you want to you, see if you can give it to yourself.

Pitfall 2: Communicating to Deceive
Needless to say, this is one of the most dangerous kinds of communication, one that destroys many relationships. Lies, exaggerations, games and general deceptions all cause confusion and pain. They shake the very foundation of the relationship and eventually cause a deep breach in trust. Be conscious of the danger of this and stop it before it starts. If this is something that sounds familiar to you, address it in your own behavior first. When you are honest and forthright, you will no longer be willing to accept deceit from others. You will have integrity in your relationships, and a sharp eye

Pitfall 3: Communicating with Double Messages
Double messages -- saying one thing and doing another -- are a very prevalent form of deceit. This can also take the form of promising something, either with actions or words, and not delivering. Double messages cause a great deal of confusion. Always pay attention to a person's actions. They are more aligned with the truth than their words. If their words contradict what they're doing, ignore what is being said. Understand that the person is conflicted and split within themselves, and don't allow them to make you feel that way as well.

Hope that the tips will be of benefit to someone out there

slaggard · (#2 (**permalink**))

HAHAHAHA.....THANKX FOR THE HIGHLIGHT. LAKINI I GOTTA ASK U ONE QUESTION SIS.......U CELEBRATING PLATINUM IN YAH MARRIAGE? U KNOW, ONLY A MARRIAGE COUNSELLOR WILL TALK ABOUT THAT KIND OF BREAK DOWN. IN THE REAL WORLD,,,WHICHEVER COMMUNICATION U USE, AND WORKS FOR BOTH...IS THE WAY TO GO. HAKI, THIS THINGS NEVER CHANGE ATA UKIZEEKA. HEAD GAMES AND MANIPULATIONS MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP HEALTH AND FUN. U KNOW, WHEN TWO PEOPLE ARE IN LOVE...I DONT THINK ANY COMMUNICATION IS MEANT TO CAUSE HARM OR FOR MALICE.......I JUST WANNA KEEP U ON TOES HONIE,,,,,NOTHIN ELSE

KenyanRoc · (#3 (**permalink**))

Definitely agree with you .... that communication is the key to any lasting relationship.

However your guidelines are slightly misleading. Every relationship is deferent and that is where "love" comes in about two people finding what works best for the.

May I also add that honesty is goes right along with effective communication.

AfricanPride · (#4 (**permalink**))

all these communication yadi yada make relationship look like a job!!

Just let it flow ma peoples....let it flow.

pipitp · (#5 (**permalink**))

african pride, you must fall into communication pitfall number 1

AfricanPride · (#6 (**permalink**))

1,2,3,4,5,6 I am AUTHENTIC. These things come naturally to some you know, but others have to go through painstaking checklists to patch up here and there :)

hieroglyphics · (#7 (**permalink**))

we dont understand our fundamental differences,
actualy i just do what comes naturaly coz, u cant force game.

pipitp · (#8 (**permalink**))

there's a reason why psychologists and psychiatrists exist .. because some people need a hand when it comes to saving their lives, their love lives, their loved ones and a lot of other things.

the above points are of great assistance to those who find themselves in sour relationships or to those who dont know how to communicate effectively with their soul mates. The ones who dont prefer to let things come naturally - especially the lies coz believe me lies flow... they are the most natural thing in very many people, and the same lies hurt relationships all the time.

AfricanPride · (#9 (**permalink**))

Pipit you don't have to go through formal schooling/ professional help for all your problems. Part of the beauty of life is that you can learn some of these things just by living your everyday life!! If you have a libraries of do's and don'ts wont you spend all your life in the study? Men we don't want robots. We just want real people with real emotions, not walking computers.

Peace.

pipitp · (#10 (**permalink**))

Do you know why we can't be ourselves? do you know why people keep getting hurt? its because individuals are affected by very many factors in life and sometimes they need to be given a hand on how to deal with some situations without hurting others. all human beings are supposed to be very good people .. but they cant be because

1. Behavior dynamically influences the environment and personal constructs.
Likewise, the environment and personal characteristics affect each other and the person's behavior.

.2 For a person to perform a particular behavior s/he needs to know what the behavior is and know that he/she has the skills to do the behavior.

3. Individuals learn what to expect through their own experience and through their social groups.

4. Individuals act in their self interest to get likely outcomes they value.

5. Individuals learn through imitating the behavior of others around them.

6. Individuals learn through reinforcements and rewards they receive from their behavior.

and after all this you still believe that people dont need to take a walk to the library once in a while?