Sexual secrecy in Relationships -
05-27-2002, 05:23 AM
Disclaimer:This post is principally informational...the content is neither contentious(that would be foolish, it's a 'recommendation' of an extremely personal nature and after all is said and done, all decisions are *strictly* up to the individual(s)...nor is it pornographic, the language/terminology used is congruent with the topic in discussion, please take it in the spirit in which it is meant.
Read a thread here with a rousing discussion on experiences/rules pertaining to disclosure...very interesting replies froms both sexes....
i have to admit to having been a card carrying member of the 'secret society' known as 'The Three Wise Monkeys'...
1. Hear no evil
2. See no evil
3. And most appropriately Speak no evil.
However, all that changed after i read this book (by Martin Klein) that dealt with Sexual Secrecy in Relationships among other things...here's an excerpt:
"...It would be negligent to ignore the way Sexual Secrets can now be a matter of life and death...no one used to inquire about the genital health or history of a partner...it was considered unecessary and unromantic but because of the Aids epidemic as well as a host of other diseases herpes,worts,chlamydia etc it is now *necessary*, although unfortunately still unromantic.A few brave souls are asking questions...but most are not...."
"Hope has always been a popular means of contraception but people are now trying to use it to control disease -and it fails as preventative medicine as much as it always has as a contraceptive."
"Unfortunately, you may not get an honest or dependable answer even if you do ask...some people really don't know if they have or have been exposed to anything...more commonly others withold any information about their background that puts them in a higher tha normal risk category. They typically do this because they fear the truth would chase away potential or existing sex partners."
"Even worse, some people *do* know that they either have or have been exposed to the aforementioned and/or others but are unwilling to 'tarnish' their sexual attractiveness with the Truth."
"There is no easy way of knowing how much you should rely on a partners description of his/her sexual health.Only real familiarity, the kind that requires lots of time together, can provide elpful cues...until you develop special closeness with a new friend, you might want to limit your relationship to mutual masturation or tennis."
I'm sure Mashadites have heard it all before..but this is important so i'll persist(at the risk of sounding like a broken record! ;-) )
1. Always use a condom it may not be failsafe(unlike abstention)but it is the next best option.
2. If you suspect/think that you have or that you have been exposed to any STD..Please see the gynae soonest and for tests/diagnosis and treatment.
3. The gynae's office is not synonymous with the 'torture chamber' and contrary to popular belief it is *not* feminine domain...the Doc deals with everything 'below the waist and above the knee' for both the sexes.
4.The Crux: ASK...There is no shame in it at all...What you don't know can hurt you..if you are unsure about your partner or the answers to your questions head straight for the tests no if's or but's!
It is YOUR RIGHT to make an informed decision about what risks you choose to take..whether they are acceptable/inacceptable.
If you have contracted a disease..tell your partner(potential/existing)the truth...yes there is the fear of judgement/rejection/abandonment but these don't stand up at all in the face of someone's Health,Happiness and perhaps even Life.
5.It is the age of Sexual liberation...but a little familiarity, while not guranteeing absolute abscence of risk, helps.
Upende, Usipende, I call it as i see it.
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