[Sister]

This theme was started in the girlfriend link but i just wanted us to go deeper. What causes atagonism btwn women? What is the root cauz of this age old friction? Not that it does not exist among men but for the ladies let us invcestigate and enlighten one another. Forget the petty crap about people hating and jealous. Think!

[wordapeople]

Good one sister,

I have to say the main reason that I can think of is
-Women are very competitive.

It goes without question that most woman always want to put their best foot forward( a good thing though).
It is something we are taught when growing up and it becomes part and parcel of the women we become.
The only problem is there will always be a woman out there who has better hair than yours, dresses better than you, has a better career and life in general than yours, is way prettier than you are , has a better physique than you do and the list is endless.

That is why we notice that chick's hair, outfit etc.
It is a psychological competition that breeds our thoughts and attitudes towards each other as women.
It is a woman's nature to try and be the best she can be and a wiser woman will slowly learn that she is only but herself and make peace with her hair, face structure, shape, weight, life etc.
Others will keep battling a war they will never win as the irony in life is there is always someone better or worst of than we are.
So it is best to slowly learn to appreciate who are and most importantly be yourself.

[handle]

what i have seen here in mashada just reinforces my beliefs that kenyan women are very insecure and we don't support one another.

you can count the number of women who post on each other's threads.

here we avoid one another like the plague and carry the bitterness from home.

we kenyan women have big issues to deal with.

how many women here on mashada mess up each other's threads just because we are jealous?

we are all guilty. all of us.

in fact, that's why i'm using this handle Lol!

[Wakili]

I have this to say, that firstly we shoudn't be too harsh on our women. Insecurity and jealousy can be found in the best of us, even men.

The reason why we tend to think it is only women is because one is more likely to be jealous or insecure of one who is of the 'same kind.'

We need to be careful of generalisations because sometimes we are harming no-one but outselves when we make sweeping statements. We leave ourself open to all sorts of comments and attacks.

Another thing we have to take into account is that the jealousy and insecurity at times manisfests itself differently in some men and some women. So we may be quick to recognize it in some women because they may 'biitch' about a person. Whereas some men may become very arrogrant.

All I have learnt is this, decide on an individual basis. Some womenand men make good friends, others should be avoided like the plague!

[intelligent_beauty]

Jealousy off of insecurity
Insecurity rising from inability
Life in the West has deemed many of us incapable of achieving what we came to achieve
In exchange we have become surprisingly capable to criticising those who have achieved what we cannot
It is a competitive world for women but even more so for black African women whose english sounds "funny"
It is obvious our criticism is driven by jealousy...why else do we turn to trivial matters such as "the way this kenyan woman speaks with a shrub" "the way she dresses like a shao" "the way she can never be like you because you were raised in nairobi and she in nyalgunga" as the basis of our criticism?
Why do we overlook that many of these "shao" people have gotten an education and are far ahead of most Kenyan sistas both in the west and in kenya?
Well this shallow approach reflects our disillusionment in our general inability to live the "american dream." Of course we hate the "ugly shao woman who will always be a village woman" because she, whom you always deemed as inferior to you....is now proving to be superior.

[kenyana]

Majority of us studied in girls-only schools ~ an environment that promoted/encouraged the belief that we were more or less equal. (uniform, no make up or jewellery...etc) Here, sisterhood thrived & the firm, meaningful friendships we formed are proof that female-bonding isn't a myth.
Although that environment was ideal for formal education it didn't prepare us 4 the real world where appearance, image and attractiveness to the opposite sex matters, where 'equality' in ref to that is not encouraged. We end up competing in this 'new game' bila ground rules... ******iness ensues.


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You have the right to remain silent..... Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
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[Mi$$ Thang]

It's Mother nature man! They've been trying to figure us out since Adam&Eve.... we just made like that I guess.

[littlemisspiggy]

Hi girls, i really love having these girlie talks don't you? :-) you girls are soo sophisticated and smart - oh..i wish i could be like you.

Just to add a little to this thread. I think that it may not be just a case of competition and wanting to get ahead etc. I think all women are genetically a little crazy. We are soo full of jealousy & hate.

The bible said it all.

'Women are such snakes, and snakes are such dogs!'

Do you agree?

[jmburus]

>Hi girls, i really love having these
>girlie talks don't you? :-)

I thought this was a serious discussion menat to enlighten women who are not.
Piggy here thinks its a gossip column..

Grow up !!

[msemakweli]

I agree @Worda

I also think that,in the first instance, we have lost focus...we are soo preoccupied what 'other women' are doing that we're increasingly blind to what is important in our own lives... we should be living our own lives to the fullest rather than always looking/checking up on the next person.How long will we always be looking up down and around(not mentioning over our shoulders!)???

My prescription: everybody has a life..wether it be a job/a hobby/a talent/an enjoyable passtime/a partner/a child or children/parents,uncles,aunts,cousins and friends...focus on your own life and the people in it...not forgetting the things you're doing.
If and when you do..you will realise that you are too busy and your *own* life is too full that you don't have even seconds to spare on checking up/comparing yourself with others.

In the second(related)instance it's about our desire to be/appear perfect....no one is perfect (absolutely no-one!it is unattainable!!)even that beauty peagent contestant you wish you looked like or that super model whose legs you covet,that business woman/entreprenuer whose success you admire and it goes on and on....accept yourself for who and what you are:u were made IN THE IMAGE OF GOD,What on earth is/could be MORE BEAUTIFUL than that!!!

To further complicate matters, beauty is relative/subjective..how many times will you get an overhaul with/according to the current fashion or to keep up with/look like your current 'idol'???
Making/giving the best of you is GOOD ENOUGH...if women could just *get this* they'd render the 'green eyed monster' wholly impotent.

Ask yourselves how many times you've heard sisters exclaim "who she think she is!"...there's an answer to that "i am who i am"..(in the literal sense, not trying to put sisters on a pedestal/invoke godliness!).I try to lift up the sisters who feel that they've got nothing going for them...and as for those who trash others in my presence...i let them know it's not hot and why...the response isn't always positive but at least i'll be rid of that negative crap/karma(i hope!).

@Sister,'scuse-me..have digressed jus' a little bit ;-)

Upende,Usipende,I will call it as i see it!!