[Grapes]

CAN A HUSBAND RAPE HIS OWN WIFE? CAN A WOMAN RAPE HER HUSBAND?
IN MALAWI IT IS NOW AN ISSUE THAT IS BEING CONSIDERED AS MANY WOMEN CLAIM THEY ARE BEING FORCED TO HAVE SEX WHEN THEY ARE TIRED, SICK OR NOT IN THE MOOD. HUSBANDS THINK THIS IS IMPORTED FEMINISM THAT WILL BREAK THE AFRICAN MARRIAGE AND HOME. WHAT DO YOU THINK?

[playette]

in a nutshell
Rape:I beleive is when someone forces themselves on someone else sexually.
I hope that helps answer your question
A NO still is a No even in marriage!.

[Grapes]

my thing is you cannot equate 'rape' by your husband to 'rape' by a stranger. It takes away from the ugliness of the act.

[mshefa_]

Grapes i think rape in marriage is even worse because the parties are more emotionally attached. It does not matter whether the husband or the wife is raped.

Imagine how you would feel if your husband or your wife forced himself/herself on you. You will be like, i thought i trusted this person. So rape does occur even in marriage.

Anyway rape is rape out of or in marriage.

Himself the Pirate

[Dearly]

i guess it can happen.. rape is generally when you have sex with someone and they are not willing participants.. so if forced and if thats what the husband is doing to the wife or vice versa then it is rape.

[Kairetu]

<my thing is you cannot equate 'rape' by
>your husband to 'rape' by a stranger. It
>takes away from the ugliness of the act.

Would you care to elaborate how the two are different?? As far as i'm concerned, rape is rape! Did you know that majority of women who have been raped usually know the rapist; husband, family member or an acquintance. :-( :'(
Check out this website...

http://www.rainn.org/statistics.html#masked

kairetu

The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in times of great moral crisis maintain their neutrality…

[kuma_ni_kitu_tamu_sana]

Grapes , kairetu ,playette.. let me educate you abit on the status quo of todays kenyan agro ati westernized society..Accaully before that let me give my pongezi to the man who tadikad his wife the VP OF UGANDA for this same ujinga..
1:Like i said before, what makes you think that this thing belong to yourselves , using it as a weapon on us.It is ours both of us..Tell me ? what would you do with it if we were not arround..huh.get it , god intended it be ours.Now when you start expoliting its purpose, which is to bring solace to we as humans , eroctically how are we to respond.You forget we are bigger and stronger and when confronted with irationality from geting what is our god given right ,then we too become irrational and counter that with force..As i mentioned before , why do you females think we marry you..Ask any guy and and he will admit , ITS TO SECURE A CONSTANT REALIABLE LIFE TIME LAY, and to a lesser extent offsprings.Now when a jammaa invests in this, inexchange for your craved commitment,protection, security crap etc, why should he get a raw deal or get subjected to intimidation or rather blackmail from his given right(kuma).You have joked.We are africans , never forget that.Your kumas belong to us , that deal was sealed when we paid bride price.By the way we pay bride price paka waleo be it rural or tao areas.Dont use that silly argument that maybe she is tierd or has a headache..please we are not stupid we have empathy and can tell when its genuine.
BOTTOM LINE WHEN A MAN'S WIFE REFUSES WITH THE KUMA..HE HAS EVERY RIGHT TO TAKE IT(AGIAN WE ARE NOT STUPID WE CAN TELL IF SHE IS GENUINLY SICK OR USING IT FOR HER OWN pycological explotitional GAIN WHICH IS UN-ACCEPTABLE)..HE HAS AREADY PAID FOR IT AND AGIAN HE IS THE ONE WHO MAINTIANS IT.
mwanaichi , zinzi shiro74 grapes kairetu playette sweet9 and the twisted idiot mark thuo stop being unreal, cannot change our african hakiriz this generation.African for life,,, kumbufff

[Mkosa_Kabila]

Forceful sexual intercourse is rape regardless of who the offender is. Following the high incidences of men who 'knowingly' infected their wives with HIV in Zimbabwe, it is now a very very serious offence for a married man to rape his wife. Big ups to Malawi, perhaps Kenya shall be follow suit?

Mkosa kabila ni mtumwa :o

[Sadik]

Thank you for posting this thread. I am going to raise a comunal awareness message. Feel free to contribute.

I call marital rape -

A crime that dares not speak its name.
--------------------------------------

The way ordinary Kenyans understand it, men are said to have raped women when they have had carnal knowledge of them without their consent. This is bestial activity that is suitably frowned upon by society and punishable by law.
But this society also assumes that rape takes place exclusively out of marriage. Indeed, a bachelor accused of rape will be traditionally advised to get married in order to tame his lust. Most men take very seriously what they regard as their right to sex with their wives and take a dim view of suggestions that wives cannot only deny them sex but that are not to be taken by force.

What is generally acknowledged is that wives are battered, but rarely do Kenyan women, or indeed women of other races long resident in Kenya, step forward and say that they have been raped by their husbands. The truth is that there are times when husbands, drunk or sober, have carnal knowledge of their wives without their consent.

This is what is now being clearly called marital rape and is what gender activists want declared illegal and punishable by law. But some church leaders think there can be no such thing as marital rape. They argue vehemently that the law -- read Government - must be kept out of people's bedrooms.

But the other side charges that when, one of these days, an enraged woman kills her husband who is trying to impose himself on her or causes him grievous physical harm, then these shall be cases of murder or manslaughter and assault and therefore compel the law or Government into the bedroom.

The other side counters that such intimate matters as how a man and a woman make love are to be discussed within the confines of the bedroom and when they get out, they should be handled by a close circle of relatives and friends and not be aired in a public arena such as a court of law.

This will no longer do. Kenyans are now discussing sexual issues openly, topics that have long been taboo. Secondly, it is important that the matter of rape in marriage be discussed exhaustively. Let's talk.

This should happen because a law will be passed by Parliament and the House is dominated by men, most of whom simply do not countenance the reality of marital rape.


I SAY LOUDLY THAT it's time to confront the sexual crime that dare not speak its name - whether in or out of wedlock.

[wordapeople]

What is even more disturbing is the belief that some men represented by one above here have that .....it is their right.

So, with that simple way of thinking women in marriage are just an assurance of regular sex?
A disturbing perception.

I feel that women we are not still empowered enough to come up and state that my husband raped me.
Society is still closed in such matters and it will be very hard to get alot of women to get out and speak about this.
First of all the world is not over the stigma that a woman who has been raped is responsible for what happened to her.
That is why even in court when the rapist is to be charged with violating a woman .
It is always the woman whose integrity is in question.
Her sex life.
The men she has known.
Her interaction with men and how she dresses is she too suggestive ?
Etc etc

Now imagine a wife what will they do to her?

The crime that is never spoken to me is the worst form of rape.
At the same time the most difficult to prove.

The law that is going to be passed regarding marital sex like all those before it that have had men cast their votes and no concerned women votes .
Will do very little to change a raped wife's fate.
She will still be vulnerable and scourged by society.

It is easy to say speak up but ask any rape victim who has had to bring her oppressor to justice.
It is still the victim that is taken to task.
If progress has to be made this has to change the victim has to be given a platform and voice to be heard.