[wamathina]

How deeply can childhood traumas affect your later life???

I've a friend/wife who underwent so much mistreatment at the hands of her mum. Her history is, her mum separated or clashed with her dad just b4 she was born. Her mum married another man when she was either too small or still unborn and thus she has identified the other man as her real dad all through. (Although she knows her real dad now)

Despite the fact that her step dad loved/ loves her, her mum used to beat her like hell ie excessively sometimes using a knife etc, chase her from home, take her gifts as in the lady in question was very bright and on numerous occasions she was top of her class and was thus given gifts like books by teachers ofwhich her mum took and gave to her other siblings. At one time while in class six, she attempted suicide but was saved by her grandmother.

Her dad (stepdad) used to give money to her mum for school fees half of which her mum spent resulting to her constantly being sent home for lack of school fees. She even used her exam fees for a course she was doing (CPA).

In short, the lady went throgh hell in her childhood. This changed her attitude towards life i.e. lying about almost everthing, not caring about anything ie could spend a whole day idle, being withdrawn etc.

Question is how can she overcome her past since it is/has already affected her present? BTW I feel that I've made progress in trying to help her open up to me although had I known her history it would have been much much better.

For more details refer to my previous post on the link below titled: HELP SAVE ME AND MY MARRIAGE
http://www.mashada.com/cgi-bin/discu...wmode=threaded

[wamathina]

Thank you all for all the responses you gave me on my previous post. They really encouraged me.
Right now we are working on how to be open sincere and honest with each other. She has admitted her faults but attributed them to her past hence the topic childhood traumas.

[Lioness]

All I can tell you is time will heal - there are some things that pple just can't get over - they just have to work thru them - find a comfort zone of sorts. Its good that you've been trying to help her by talking about it - talking helps. Be careful not to try and deal with deeply rooted issues that may require professional help.

The Lioness has spoken :)

[masaa_always]

Wamathina, I commend you for trying to help your wife. Childhood traumas can be very disastrous. If your wife has taken a first step in acknowledging & accepting her behaviors then that is a big step towards recovery. You should (as a couple) seek professional help from family counselors who will help her recover from the bad experience and saving your marriage. If your wife disagrees, then you shouldn’t lose hope in trying to save your marriage. Its vital you also seek counseling from a psychologist to help you help your wife more and to help you get in touch with yourself when feelings such as anger and resentments are triggered by life at home.

A number of factors may contribute towards your wife lying most of the time. Having been abused by her mum as you put it, she was affected mentally/psychologically, spiritually and this would be one of the factors contributing to your wife’s progressive lying. Pathological lying can be a behavior contributed by the fact that she was affected by her childhood experience. It takes a long time to heal the soul than to heal the body, yes, recovery is a slow process and one is able to achieve serenity at the end of it all if one places humility before impatience.

Another alternative could be to seek spiritual guidance. Spirituality can be used to stitch back all those layers (psychological,spiritual,mental,moral,e.t.c) that had been fragmented when she was abused. When I speak of seeking spiritual guidance, I do not mean praying to God and that is it. Nope. Spirituality is a thirst for connection with a Higher Power, oneself and the world around us. Its a thread used to stitch back those layers. The best recommendation would be to seek therapy and spiritual guidance. Good luck!