[neutral]

What gauge do wazees use to come up with ridiculous bride prizes? Recently family members of a girl I know requested dowry of 6million kshs/= for the reason that the girl is educated. I don't know her fiancee's level of education. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with asking and paying dowry,I think people should come up with reasonable bride prices. Discuss.

[bryo99]

If you can't afford then, leave her alone. The family of the lady knows that true value of the lady at hand. They sure do know how much money they have "invested."
Pay up or do the shtepping you cheap bastard!!!

[Mtulivu]

>If you can't afford then, leave her
>alone. The family of the lady knows that
>true value of the lady at hand. They
>sure do know how much money they have
>"invested."
>Pay up or do the shtepping you cheap
>bastard!!!

I am a little bit confused but how the hell did you come up with that crap. You are one very ignorant fella and it would be no surprise if you abuse women.
They are human and it is very disrespectful of you to consider them to be some property to own. According to you, I can pretty much do whatever I want with the woman and she should not have anything to do with her relatives after you get married.
I am not against dowry but it should be out of respect. I am sorry if you are considering it an investment because in this day and age, they are living single or marrying others. It about time you broadened your portfolio.
You need to check yourself out first before you start calling other people names.
PEACE.

[Xuxa]

Personally, I think that issue of dowery is over-rated these days. It should be a sign of appreciation from the guy to the chiles family....just to say thanks for doing a good job at bringing her up. But people take advantage of it.....its a quick way to make money these days. What is the use of someone paying a million shillings in dowry then be poverty striken when they move out on their own?

[bryo99]

Mtulivu,
Why jump into conclusions? I did not state anything about how you should treat the lady. That's your choice on how you treat her. All the parents are asking for is a token of appreciation for a job well done. You can't just expect to come in and walk away with a woman they spend so much money educating and grooming. If the lady is worth that much money, you better get with the program or you should find a cheaper one you can afford.
It is the African way and I am sorry if you can't live with it. Otherwise, in the free world, you can marry without paying any dowry. The choice is yours.
FYI, 6 million is nothing. I met this lady and she told me that her dad wanted a Rolls Royce before he could give her away!! There was no formula, he just wanted a RR. I couldn't afford it, I had to leave her alone. That's life.)

[Chameleon]

I will never forget a certain FATHER who asked for a new pick up truck from the groom as the bride price.

The groom refused to pay the bride price. He told the FATHER to keep his daughter:)

[Mtulivu]

>Mtulivu,
>Why jump into conclusions? I did not
>state anything about how you should
>treat the lady. That's your choice on
>how you treat her. All the parents are
>asking for is a token of appreciation
>for a job well done. You can't just
>expect to come in and walk away with a
>woman they spend so much money educating
>and grooming. If the lady is worth that
>much money, you better get with the
>program or you should find a cheaper one
>you can afford.
>It is the African way and I am sorry if
>you can't live with it. Otherwise, in
>the free world, you can marry without
>paying any dowry. The choice is yours.
>FYI, 6 million is nothing. I met this
>lady and she told me that her dad wanted
>a Rolls Royce before he could give her
>away!! There was no formula, he just
>wanted a RR. I couldn't afford it, I had
>to leave her alone. That's life.)

All I am saying is that it is very redundant. I mean it is not like my parents did not spend any money on me. All I know is that the parents do everything for you so that you can have a good future for your family.
Who says that it is an investment. Well if they expect some return on the money they spent then they should keep their daughter. How many people do you know have a Masters degree and do not even have a car leave alone be able to buy a Rolls.
What you need to realise is that the old Traditional ways are gone and you need to educate those fools still counting on their daughters as investments. After all they are the ones who accepted the modern culture so they should not grump.
The best investment is to maintain a good relationship with your in law and you will receive assistance all through and most of all you are a part of the family.
As for the girl of the rolls, you no she will get married to her dad, do not sweat.
PEACE.

[wamuiru]

what the hell *mita sita* men kwani its a trailer ama her paros wanna try to reestablish credit. theres something seriously wrong with that family. kwani amebeba nini wale wengine hawana . tell them to be reasonable or else let them marry her

[Points]

Dowry should be something respectable.
For those of you who have done psychology, you probably know that when you spend more than what you feel is right, you have a tendency to treat the "item" as a property and that is what Mtulivu meant Byro99. Just like when men take some girl to an expensive restaurant because they expect something in return. The girl sometimes also feels like she ought to do something in return..this whole idea is called reciprocal concession.Imagine that you buy an electronic device for $100 and it doesn't work as expected compared to buying the same device for $25. What I mean is that this outrageous dowry is a well of marriage problems. Whenever the man is not happy with his wife, he feels that he wasted his money and he might be very angry at her and hence possible abuse.

Somebody gives a stupid reason that parents are asking for money spent on daughter. Does this mean nothing was spent on a son apparently because no price is asked of him?

I don't oppose dowry; my reason being that I come from a society that practices it, but there is what is reasonable and what is insane . To me, people who set high prices to gain from marriages are greedy and materialistic. Dowry should be a form of respect. I remember when my female cousin was about to marry, one of problem the groom's family expected was high dowry because my cousins are extremely well off but they were surprised when the dowry was very reasonable and the wedding could not have been merrier. If I had Ksh 6m I would rather start a business than committ it to a marriage which is of course a no guarantee. Hey! I bet if my girl loves me, she would run away with me and we could use this money to plan our future than hand it to money-hungry in-laws.

[Dem Gal]

Dowry is a traditional practice, which had its rightful place in the olden times. However, I think its usefulness and purpose is well overdue, like someone said it’s redundant. Traditionally bride price was paid as a sign of appreciation and also to pay for the ‘asset’ the family of the bridegroom where acquiring from the family of the bride. Basically it was a business transaction that occurred, hence the huggling over the price. The more beautiful, hard working, well trained, pure the girl was, the more worth she was. Kind of like property, the more economically viable it is, the more costly it is. Also once the girl was given in marriage, she became the ‘property’ of her husband and her husbands family. She was never expected to go back to her people or render any kind of services to them. Essentially, she belonged to someone else.

Nowadays, I would say things have greatly changed. We would have to admit that most parents are from the transitional generation and dowry was an important part of their marriage ceremony. They therefore still look at dowry as essential for marriage. I however beg to differ with this idea. When I get married, I do not intend to become a property of my husband (in any way, shape or form), we will be equal partners in the marriage. Therefore we will be able and visit both his parents and mine anytime, we would help them both financially if need be and he will become my parents son (in-law) just like I will become his parents daughter (in-law). I do not expect dowry to be given out for me because most of all, I refuse to be valued in monetary terms….I am much too invaluable. Essentially, I would be offended if a ‘bride-price’ was earmarked for me. Bottom-line, if I would have my way, I would propose that the whole idea of bride price be scraped off…...and we wonder why women are being battered day in and day out by husbands who consider them their property… just like the cattle in their cowshed!!