[Africhic]

Good answer Sheila!

>No.
>We have too many relatives and orphans
>in Africa she can adopt! As for MTT's
>question, I would not put my sister in
>that situation by asking her to do that
>for me.
>Who adopts African orphans?
>Americans rush to adopt Asian babies and
>Africans adopt mostly relatives in
>addition to their own huge households so
>orphans in Africa rarely get adopted.

[Sadik]

These are important decision one has to make. You don't just haphazardly decide to surrogate!

I digged up this piece.


Why Be A Surrogate?

by: Ms. Wendy

I have the two most beautiful, most intelligent, most well-behaved children in the world (yes I am biased). Two gifts given to me by God. My children are my heart, my soul, my very being. My son and daughter are foremost in my thoughts with every decision I make. I spend every extra penny on them, all my extra time with them, plan events around them and always focus on their needs first. I am not super woman, I am only an average mom. This is what we all do for our precious little ones. After all, children really do melt your heart. Remember the first time your baby smiled, said ma-ma, crawled, walked, made a friend..... Those are special moments you will always cherish. Those were moments when you cried tears of happiness and felt deeply and totally in love. Those were moments when the universe seemed right.

Now imagine never being able to have a child. Imagine infertility. What if your precious bundle eluded you at every turn? Month after month you tried to get pregnant with no success, only to spend many years and a great deal of money on heartache. Imagine being able to get pregnant with ease, but never being able to carry your baby. Knowing with every positive pregnancy test, that you will probably face another heart-wrenching miscarriage. Why do I want you to think about this sadness? Because for some, kind, loving, caring people this is reality.

I know I would be lost without my children. My world would be shattered. I am one of the lucky ones. Conception is easy and pregnancy is successful. I have decided to help a less fortunate couple who longs for a child. I am going to be a surrogate mother. I am going to give a dedicated, sincere, passionate couple their dream. I will fill their home with joy, laughter and the sounds of playing children. I will hold their little embryo deep inside my body, nourish it, warm it and keep it safe for nine months. I will sing to it, rock it, read to it and feel it move. I will love the gift I am giving, but not like my own children. It is a spiritual love that will heal a family full of pain. I feel so special to be trusted with such a precious cargo. I am overwhelmed by the fact that I can give a gift so wanted, so appreciated and so loved to such a deserving couple. I look forward to the day their baby arrives safe in their arms, melting away years of heartbreak and pain. I want to see their tears of joy as they hold their baby for the first time. My gift is such a small sacrifice from me and yet it will bring years of happiness to a deserving family.

Too many people hear negative stories about surrogacy, I want everyone to know the fabulous, extraordinary, extremely positive side of surrogacy. The miracle of a child is given to an infertile couple.

[ciru]

no. I dont think one need go to the extreme of surrogacy with all its medical complications and legal custody risks when adoption is a wholly viable option.

i mean, are you desperate for a child or are you desperate to pass on your own genes? It feels a bit egocentric - its like u're the royal family or stg.

[novette]

i would do it ???for ma sister 100% for someone else hmmmm i would do it as long as they give me everything i ask for........demand .....i would do it for a good fee also why not??kwani what is so bad with being a surrogate mother...after all it's the best thing that could happen to one...........as for the attachment with the unborn kid ...off course that has to be there but in life we just have to learn to let go of even the most precious things!!so i can deal with it....

[Vicki]

You're a woman. Try and understand the desperation of another woman who can concieve but her uterus cant hold up and thus she needs someone to carry the baby for her. Better still, put empathise with her and her situation. Take up everything she's going through. Would you wish for someone else to carry you and your husbands baby? Would you want someone to give you the chance to be a mother, to help you bring your child through to your life and to your world? How would you feel?

[lale]

Vicki....
yeh..i get what u're saying...lakini that child will be in u for 9 whole months...will it be that easy to let go when the time comes...
coz there will that inevitable bond btwn u and the baby,u'll give it up and thats that?...
anyways i guess i'd do it for any of my sisters.....but 2 be honest i wouldnt want to be in such a situation,...

[short_tweety]

>no. I dont think one need go to the
>extreme of surrogacy with all its
>medical complications and legal custody
>risks when adoption is a wholly viable
>option.
>
>i mean, are you desperate for a child or
>are you desperate to pass on your own
>genes? It feels a bit egocentric - its
>like u're the royal family or stg.

Ciiru, i see where your coming from but adoption in this place is like going thru hell, there is an age limit! what if your not in the age category?
You have to met certain financial stature, this is not meaning you can't afford to take care of your child if you had, but they want to you to be really well off,........ most p'ple don' even fall into that category!!
time consuming, some people have been waiting for years and years for the social services to even just give them a simple answer whether they can adopt or not!! and by the time the time fikas, again your not in the age group!!
And some else thu' most people don agree, unfortunately race, according to the statistics, when a poll was taken 85% said they would definetly adopt a child of another race!!! but does this happen no!
and yes, not that i'm throwing adoption out of the window but it's good to have one of your own, not that the others are not as good, but there is a difference when you have one of your own!! Just like you would rather have your own house and not leave with someone even if you pay rent ( and i'm not comparing a child with material stuff!! and of course lack of a better comparison)

[Lioness]

As I understand surrogacy, in most cases it will involve the eggs & sperm of the couple, being implanted into the surrogate mother. However, there is the more complicated scenario where the egg has to be donated (by the surrogate mother or another woman) since the potential mother cannot produce viable eggs (or whatever the medical reasons are).

It is not uncommon (esp. in the States & the UK) to hear of a surrogate mother who changes her mind despite agreements etc, and her decision is upheld by the courts. That there is one mess of emotional attachments and legal sagas that anybody can do without. In Kenya, I believe that surrogacy is not allowed and would have to be done on the down low.

Personally, as I type this, I love my female relatives very much but I wouldn't go thru pregnancy & labour for another woman. There are too many unforseeable things and too much emotional and physical turmoil that could follow. I don't think I could come round to accepting, but..........

The Lioness has spoken :)

[ciru]

I guess that’s why so many would-be parents adopt children from a nation where it is much easier. Like Kenya, Vietnam, China etc...

I don’t see u getting a hassle from Kenyan authorities to adopt an orphan (except the usual toa kitu). In fact I think corrupt Kenyans would be all too ready to sell u as many kids as u can handle. lol just kidding, I know they screen u but probably not as harshly as those western nations.

Anyway, I think surrogacy was only made popular because of all the financial 'reward' a surrogate mother gets. It’s like organ donation, why the heck would pple do it if they weren't desperate for the cash?

I'm not saying that's all surrogacy is about but I do think that if u're ready for parenting then u'll realise that ur child comes b4 ur ego & ur needs, and if u cant love ANY child just for who they are then u're not ready (in my opinion) to properly nurture a child.

Another reason against surrogacy is that if ur body (read: both parents’) has a low sperm count/ high blood pressure/ hormonal/ hereditary dysfunction preventing u from conceiving or carrying a baby to term, then u don’t need to be passing on your inability to breed onto ur kids, now do u? There’s a Darwinian reason why u can’t breed, its like part of the circle of life ;)

Finally, surrogacy opens up so many scenarios that could leave u worse off than u were b4 in all the ways u can think of.

For example:

1)Multiple births – Invitro fertilization has a common occurrence of more than 1 foetus forming. Would u kill the extra babies? Who would take custody of the extra babies born? Would the Court find that its in the babies’ best interests to be kept 2gether in 1 family? Just from that situation u could end up living in the poor house becoz u hadn’t anticipated triplets or quadruplets and end up getting all of them; or get tied up in a Court battle for years and end up broke & childless anyway. :(

2) Childbirth complications could leave u with a mentally retarded child needing 24/7 medical care or a whole lot of special (expensive) needs that u wouldn’t get from adopting a child whose health record u already knew.

3)Custody – its too common to even go into @ great length. It’s almost standard that there’ll be a change of mind by the surrogate mother once the babies are born. There should be mandatory litigation insurance in surrogacy. Often, u will end up not getting the child.

So, just hop on a plane to Kenya, visit Nyumbani Children’s Home and ask abt adopting a child that desperately needs parents & a happy home.