Abortion!!!...what advice should u give this brother.

[Ester]

Originally Posted by Unsigned Hype

citing various reasons,that her mom will be mad when she finds out

n since she is inthe middle of colle her dad will call it quits as far as fees is concerned.Now she's begging the jamaa for chumes to undergo an abortion... apparently the guy wants to keep the kid cz of the guilt consience that wud come with it(abortion),but the gir is crying every nait on the fone begging... with all the moral,health and risks that cme with it..wat advice should i give..any opinion accepted.

Basically the chic is worried that her parents will be annoyed with her and consequently withdraw all financial and moral support. Since there's also a family history because of her sister's situation, I can see how absolutely terrified she must be feeling right now.

What her beau needs to do is stop operating in the background and pay a visit to the gal's parents. He needs to discuss his level of commitment to their daughter and reassure them that he'll take responsibility for all his actions. All those people involved need to sit down like grown ups, possibly involve outside mediators and draw up a plan for the what's coming next.

Since he's made her pregnant, the RIGHT thing for him to do is marry her. They obviously have alot of growing up to do in a short amount of time, but for the sake of their baby they'll need to cast aside any selfishness they may have and work things out as a married couple. Even if they're not taking the conventional route; ie college/ work, marriage, kids, her parents might not mind once they see him stepping up to the plate.

The chic can always go back and finish college after the child is born. If they get married your friend should also pay for her college fees because that's his new obligation as her husband. Surely, as a 27 year old man, I'm sorry to say but he should've had better sense than to disrupt her life, and at a very crucial stage.

I don't believe abortion's the answer. She might be young, they're unmarried plus it was unplanned for but there's still so much hope for them.

[Augustine]

Originally Posted by Ester

Since he's made her pregnant, the RIGHT thing for him to do is marry her. .

NO ester....just becoz he made her pregnant....that aint gud enough reason to marry her. Since they are all freaked out already coz of the pregnancy, it shows they aint got wat it takes to be a HAPPY couple!! If they were ready to get married....all this Paged issue shldnt hav bn a problem in the 1st place. He is a 28 year old man who is suppose to be mature enough to know not to have unprotected sex. If he wasnt ready for a commitment then why in the hell would he lay down with his penis knowing most women lay down with their emotions?

He shouldnt just get married coz of the baby. It will NOT...n i repeat, NOT last!!

[Dem Gal]

Originally Posted by Ester

Since he's made her pregnant, the RIGHT thing for him to do is marry her.

WTH???

Ester, you made so much sense at the beginning until you brought up the 'M' word! Who the heck said that just because a couple gets preggers, the RIGHT thing is to get married?? That is the old fashioned thinking that we've inherited from the prior generation. What if they don't want to get married but can still commit to take care of their baby (if they choose to keep it)? Wouldn't that be better than staying in a loveless marriage just because of a kid?

A marriage is a sacred institution that should entered into for the right reasons. An 'oops!' pregnancy is not a right reason to tie the knot. Unless this was their original plan anyway. Statistics have it that most marriages that are entered into due to an unplanned pregnancy almost always end up in divorce. Marriage is much more than being together to procreate. Its about having common goals and perspective in lives and wanting to share each others lives with or without kids.

[Dem Gal]

Originally Posted by Augustine

NO ester....just becoz he made her pregnant....that aint gud enough reason to marry her. Since they are all freaked out already coz of the pregnancy, it shows they aint got wat it takes to be a HAPPY couple!! If they were ready to get married....all this Paged issue shldnt hav bn a problem in the 1st place. He is a 28 year old man who is suppose to be mature enough to know not to have unprotected sex. If he wasnt ready for a commitment then why in the hell would he lay down with his penis knowing most women lay down with their emotions?

He shouldnt just get married coz of the baby. It will NOT...n i repeat, NOT last!!

LOL! I see we be thinking alike! What's your sign?

[Augustine]

Originally Posted by Dem Gal

LOL! I see we be thinking alike! What's your sign?

Lol ....cancer!

[Augustine]

I will let u in on something ladies......I don't believe that because if you were truly and seriously in love with someone, you wouldn't waste years tieing the knot. I believe most men know from the get go the woman they want to marry...... Sometimes and yes i'll say it women use children as bargaining chips...i hav seen so many of them otta thea,,,,,,, to get a man to commit to her.

Which is so Phucked up to begin with..Now i'll agree pills just like condoms are not 100 % effective thats why I firmly believe if your gonna spread your legs at least do it with somoene you know who seems to handle responsiblities when thrown at them. That's why you should truly be informed of who your partner is before u can even get ur ******* wet n let a man into it...Don't get me wrong sometimes you have to experience the other passions of life but don't bed any and everything because it's quote un-quote pleasure and adrenaline rush.....bulls.hit!! Guys out thea, your a.ss will only end up paying for it with child support and 18 yrs of backtalk and someone depending on you...The thing that seperates us from animals is the mentality to choose between what is right and what is wrong. So lets start making some wise decisions out there people.

[jasakwa]

Originally Posted by Unsigned Hype

I got this pal of mine.lemmi say vry close who happens to be in a fix recently.well, to cut this long story short.his galfriend is pregnant (by accident)..n the chiQ doent wanna keep it.the guy is 27 n chiQ 21 citing various reasons,that her mom will be mad when she finds out (her elder siz has a kid at home too which made her mom go nuts),n since she is inthe middle of colle her dad will call it quits as far as fees is concerned.Now she's begging the jamaa for chumes to undergo an abortion... apparently the guy wants to keep the kid cz of the guilt consience that wud come with it(abortion),but the gir is crying every nait on the fone begging... with all the moral,health and risks that cme with it..wat advice should i give..any opinion accepted.

I would advise the girl not to abort,she is just feeling guilty under immense psychological stress,she may feel very different later kitu 10 yeasr from now,as for the jama he should not dare give the girl money for abortion,by doing so he is conniving with the devil to kill an innocent,precious life to be.

[msema ukweli Kabisa]

if the pregnancy is on the 1st or 2nd trimester. Flush the dang thing

[Ester]

DemGal, We don't know about the nature of their relationship, but something tells me that this man has relatively good character and values. For him to actually want the chic to keep the pregnancy versus abort it, means he has a conscience and a sacred respect for life. What better, salt-of-the-earth qualities can you ask for? How many men out there threaten their girlfriends with violence when they refuse to get abortions?

As for them, I believe a shot-gun wedding will bring these two closer together as a couple. Marriage is all about sticking together and doing what's right, when getting a divorce would be like clock-work.

Marriage is what they decide to make out of it. If they put in lovelessness and contempt into the cake-mix of their lives, then that's exactly the type of cake they'll be served with. I don't understand why the backlash when the "M word" was mentioned. It's the most ideal, win-win situation for all, and if they had come to me for advice, that's exactly the direction I would take them. There are some cases where the decision to have an abortion or not isn't as black and white as this one. There's a life on the line here, and for people to talk about it with the same casualness as say, deciding whether to wear a red dress or a black one is very disturbing.

Originally Posted by Dem Gal

That is the old fashioned thinking that we've inherited from the prior generation.

Demgal, sometimes we're so quick to embrace these selfish, Western ways of doing things and then find ourselves in a quagmire of all sorts. Abortion is both an un-African and an un-Christian thing to do. If it was back in the day, the guy would have been fined, his family forced to pay dowry and life goes on...they would be married and would live happily together until death. By "happy" I mean relatively well-provided for and contented with life. Note that I'm not talking about the hollow, individualistic Western concept of "happiness."

Originally Posted by Dem Gal

What if they don't want to get married but can still commit to take care of their baby (if they choose to keep it)? Wouldn't that be better than staying in a loveless marriage just because of a kid?

And yes, having a baby is a very good reason to get married. We have not yet "progressed" to the point of cloning; therefore every child deserves to be raised in a home made up of the two people who conceived them. This idea of having one parent "involved" but not living in the same household as the other parent is terribly misguided. Adults who grew up in such enviromnments during their childhood talk about the visiting parent as just that, a visitor in their lives. Finally research has proved what the sensible amongst us knew all along: that a fatherless society is not a society that will go places by producing the movers and shakers of tomorrow.

[Ester]

Originally Posted by Augustine

an unwanted life can be worse than no life at all.

Who are you to determine when a life's wanted or unwanted?

(Not you Augustine in particular, I'm just saying it 'in general.')

Augustine, at what point does that life become wanted or unwanted? When you say "bringing an unwanted child into the world is irresponsible," does the kid stop being unwanted the second it's born or does it carry that title for the rest of its life? Do unwanted children make lesser human beings? I'm sure there's people living today who weren't brought into the world in the rosiest of circumstances. It would have made "sense" for their mothers to abort them.

If I were to kill an adult who really was an unwanted child, should I go to jail or be relegated to the hangman's noose? Yes! I hear you cry. Don't you think that's having double standards? To be fair, I think we need to rectify this problem. All babies as soon as their heads are delivered should be slapped on with a label on their foreheads saying, "wanted" and "unwanted." Since the unwanteds shouldn't have made it into this world anyway, no one should be brought to justice in the case of any wrongdoing.

Augustine, allow me to pull your emotional heart-strings. Did you know that a whooping 8.5% of married couples in the US are infertile? There are millions of people who would do anything just to have kids to call their own, but they can't without medical intervention. Many people naively presume that when the time comes when they want to have children, that they should be able to without any problems. Wrong! Contrary to widespread belief, conceiving naturally and then going on to have a healthy baby is a very difficult and complicated process, nothing short of a miracle. That's why people contemplating abortion but have the potential to deliver healthy kids should first think twice as long and as hard about it. It's also a real challenge to be a good parent to future offspring after aborting one's child.