[reggae analyst]

well niaje wathie tuendele ama tusiendele.

well before i went to boarding school,i attended a primary school in eastlands and manze those 8 yrs,i can write a survival manual in primo.the saga we went thru from the time i remember when i joined primo and seeing all the other std 1 classmates crying their ass off coz their mum was leaving,to kuruka fence when we was late so we would not be canned,i saw it all.i will unleash those crazy storo of life in a city council primary school and trust me it rocked.

the saga continues

akina superman,west pokot,easydoes,paudah pauf,nxele, rashad and all hard knockers,semeni hope u sticking to your new year resolution,i broke mine already

[karis papa]

primo gani eastlands?
i hope si wewe nilishinda 100m huko martini siku za division athletics!!!

[jarabuon]

i remember telling some jungus storos of kenya and chuo, lakini when i got to the part about being canned, these falaz started that "you were abused" shyte. u can try to explain to them the difference but they never shika. i mean a punch from a teacher anywhere on a kid is abuse but a ruler on the open palm is discipline. i guess if the teachers here tried that they might end up getting shot

[Playeress]

Went to a catholic school for primo. Damn those odijos.

~ Used to come to school late every single morning. Punishment? slashing grass in the front field the whole darn morning, while other students r learning in class. Damn, mpaka I used to get them blisters. Yaani I had had enough..woke up one day, and as usual, was late....that day I refused to go to school, coz I knew sister doreen would be waiting at the entrance, ready to hand me a slasher. Yeah, so I told my dad, he came to school and complained...after that noone ever told me to slash grass with the other kidz...I was made to pick papers instead (but that was a hell lot better).

~Our commerce teacher, Mrs Njenga...hehehe, once she called me a prostitute coz I had gone to a guy's desk to ask him a question in B/Ed. Aii, that was painful. I never talked to her after that. Even when she used to greet me in the hallway, I would lenga. That mama was kali, one of her eyes was black like a bulldog. Halafu she used to sell veggies at the back of her pick-up at hometime.

~ LOl, this thing of writing noisemakers down when the teacher leaves the class has got to be the silliest thing ever. Yaani even whispering to someone to borrow an eraser cost u big time...kwani some prefects were sadists like how? Halafu vile u beg them to rub ur name kabla the teacher rudis..lol.

~we used to get handwad by nyahunyos....ama those pipes for fire extinguishers. Yaani our parents wont even dare use that shyt....someone should make these things illegal.

Highschool:
was never touched...twas school policy...punishment of the day was being made to right an essay..if things were seious, parents were contacted. Tena I was a cop...so things were so boring cuz u couldnt be sadistic to the students.

Anywayz, so reggae analyst, what eastlands primo were u in? unleash ur dramas.

[unshagged]

anyone ever had to hang a wet smelling rotten bone (that was our schools muntu) on their chests coz of speaking in their mother tongue?? Haki ya mama, nikio njarigia gikuyu kinya kwi my boss ona umuthi!!!!

[WestPokot]

@ra
i never keep resolutions man!!

Meanwhile, Lets rewind....
i happened to in this primo where a one time Chief Of General Staff had kiddoz..and his wife was a TA there too..at that time he was high ranking soldier based in Lanet, i think. one of the kiddoz was ma class 2-X mate
there was this monday morning when we were in assembly and the headmaster then is standing huko mbele telling us stuff about picking litter in the morning, making noise in class, skidding on corridors and ofcoz nyanyuing(hanging)on the bus!! the whole skool is very attentive at this time nonetheless...

then suddenly we hear a chopper hovering past..ofcoz kiddoz peer outside and the heady calls for our attention..but then...the chopper keeps hovering about and when jammas look outside, they see in landing on the hockey field...to hell with the heady and his boring assembly! kiddoz wanna see the army chopper!...no sooner had the thing landed than kiddoz took off...luckily the assembly hal had like 6 entrances and all were open, otherwise there would have been a stampede!!..si we all ran out to cheer the landing chopper..

like 3 soldiers shuka and try chasing us away before we get too close to to the blades..but wapi, thats when we chengaa and hepaa them. when it landed, the CGS's kiddoz shuka and so does the wife..then mazee, after we have risked deserting the assembly to give them a heroic "home-coming" on this chilly monday morning, she starts chasing us away man!! ofcoz we are astonished so we turn and run back..on running back, some 5 TAs have unleashed their sosiots(sosiot is a Kalenjin name for some particular tree which made great kibokos)..they are thupping us at random as we scamper by...being agile and swift, i evade all the sosiots and make it to class...

fikaing huko, am like the only kido who ran to the chopper instead of attending English reading("Mr.Kamau and his Bus")...the TA maze tells me to kneel infront of class with my hands raised up. i did that for the rest of the lesson and then got my dose of like 5 canes on the butt!..

the next time the chopper came, i never bulged from my spot in the assmbly hall!

[reggae analyst]

manze semeni wathii

yenyewe when i was in primo life was good and bad.let me start with the good times.

our school was located in one of the notorious parts of mtaani.imagine at times it was usual to see a jamaa murdered or see a foetus (sp) being flocked with inzi etc near the bush.anyway those exeperiences were hard but there was this old mzee who had a habit of showing his mboko (read penis) to chiles of our primo.

he used to live in the bush and was more like a cave man.thanks to him,we used to fika chuo mapema coz that jerk would chase you and your chick for 1 mile and u be surprised that u could show carl lewis vumbi.

anyway as fate would have it,makudinyo was his name died in mysterious ways and that made many stude late for classes but most importantly,there was no one who would harras youwhen u trying to hanya.

the good part of being in primo was that there was this thing called P.T.A money which was like 300 shillings per term.them days it was alot of money.anyway we used to look forward to the day when the head of p.t.a would chase us.we used to call him "CHAIRMAN".the worst part is when your parents pay and u have to remain in chuo while 3/4 of the school goes home.

well since i joined std 1,my pero decided that i use my cuzo family name so we can share the coast sababu they were many kedo 5 and they had established their name huko.many of my cuzo went thru the same chuo.anyway the bad part of it was that the teachers used to make fun of us ati tuko wengi chuo and atimes i used to feel embarrased.

but it was all good when mr chairman used to chase us to go get the p.t.a money.cheers to you but manze mlimanga pesa zetu.u lied to us that u will make a swimming pool put 10 yrs later,we still waiting.

but for substitute we used to go to a place called fishing and another "water slide" made of old sewage pipes called ****** mtelezo,i wonder who came with that name


may be my kids will see the swimmo only time will tell

[MeyerLansky]

>>but there was this old mzee who had a habit of showing his mboko (read penis) to chiles of our primo.<<

READ ~: JAKROTHII!

[karis papa]

times it was usual to see a jamaa murdered
>or see a foetus (sp) being flocked with inzi etc near the
>bush.

UUUWanjo soooo!

anyway those exeperiences were hard but there was this
>old mzee who had a habit of showing his mboko (read penis) to
>chiles of our primo.

Jack rothi or Rashad!

>
>well since i joined std 1,my pero decided that i use my cuzo
>family name so we can share the coast sababu they were many
>kedo 5 and they had established their name huko.many of my
>cuzo went thru the same chuo.anyway the bad part of it was
>that the teachers used to make fun of us ati tuko wengi chuo
>and atimes i used to feel embarrased.
>
Juma?
>
be my kids will see the swimmo only time will tell

swimo isha jengwa rabai
>

[jmburus]

>anyone ever had to hang a wet smelling rotten bone (that was
>our schools muntu) on their chests coz of speaking in their
>mother tongue?? Haki ya mama, nikio njarigia gikuyu kinya kwi
>my boss ona umuthi!!!!


Yeah I remember that thing... It actuall name in English was MONITOR .. lakini the kyuk shrub got to it sooo much even teachers used to call it "Muntu". I experienced the same thing in my early Primary school years in Nyeri.

It instigated all kind of discrimination between groups of pupils even those who were pals.
But when I remember some of the DRAMA that went on around the MONITOR, I cant help but LMAO at some of the hilarious scenes that took place.

I'll give you a typical scenario... ..I'll use the handles on mashada just to add some spice...

Its break time and pupils are nibbling on what they carried to school for break in the open field ... Karis Papa, unshagged ,reaggea A, westpokot and Playeress are busy talking about how the weekend and where the action was... jmburus approaches them almost in "stealth mode" smiling... pretending that its just another school day.
WHY: jmburus has the dreaded MONITOR, but he is sly and has hidden it under his sweater. The only thing that can sell him is the pungent smell of the kabone. So he comes and talks to Playeress...

jmburus: What did you carry for Lunch today ?
Playeress: Meat and..... err and err (he hesitates as she mentally looks for the english word for Ndúma - Arrowroots)
jmburus: ...meat and..what ?
Playeress:... Ndúma ciîtagwo atîa na gîthúngú ?

jmburus: HAH HAH HAH HA HAIYA !!!!! HAIYA !!

He proceeds to remove the MONITOR in flash and throws it to Playeress .
SHOCKED ... Playeress tries to duck the thing as if it was contagious.
"No No No! I did not speak in Gîkúyú. I was only ..kúúria kîúria asking what.... err err err those things are called".... But jmburus has already taken off...

karis Papa, reaggea, westpokot unshagged the other pupils nearby who saw the monitor "change hands" and tear down the hill @ 140mph to get as far away from Playeress as possible.
The rest of that day Karis Papa avoids Palyeress (who is his close soul mate) like the plague.

Playeress ... now know she has just earned himself 3 strokes of the CANE that evening BUT she doesnt want to be the LAST person to have it because the teacher is NORMALLY more generous (6 plus strokes)with the CANE to the pupil who ended up with the MONITOR at the end of the day.

So she quickly hides the MONITOR under her sweater .. and goes out hunting for a victim at another corner of the school...