[MissK]

It's always surprising to hear a group of Kenyan women talk maliciously about their friend's come we stay relationship, based on "moral principles"! It seems hypocritical that while premarital sex is not a shocker, come-we-stay triggers 'morality' in these women. Kenyan culture may be more conservative than Americans but it's strange that common things such as this would merit gossip from generally non religious 20somethings in 2002.

What is the Kenyan status of 'morally' acceptable conduct? Is sex OK but the consequences not (cohabitation, contraceptives, abortion etc)?

[wordapeople]

I think that society dictates alot of what we term as acceptable and not acceptable conducts in our society.
Apart from our understanding of sex and come-we-stay kind of relationships our so called morals have alot to do with our learned truths.
We have been taught that sex is good but mostly bad when you live with a man and you are not married to him.
At the same time we like sex but not the consequences that come with it.
Human beings are contradictions.
It is therefore best to make decisions based on what you feel and know is right for you.
People will talk they always have and will continue to.
You however are the one living your life so go ahead and live it.

So, who is the pillar of morals?
The lady with a longstanding history of one night stands but lives on her own.
The lady living with her boyfriend in a committed relationship.
The lady who likes it both ways.
The lady who chooses to please herself.
Which of this women can twitch an eyebrow at the other ?
Aren't they all not having sex?
They just choose to do so differently.

So if we are to point at one of them as the moral or the immoral one what are we suggesting about sex?
That how you choose to have sex and with whom makes it immoral?
We forget that sex in itself is just an act what differentiates it is the people involved and their motives.
Hence my stand that prostitution is shameful , but will not even notice it when two unmarried people live together and have great sex.
Why, it beats me but it is part and parcel of being human.
Am a contradiction .

[sub_saharan]

Right/wrong (ethics , truth) are concepts that we create for ourselves. This is greatly influenced by our society.

The only important thing we need to realise and remember is that one needs to "develop an unshakable relationships with oneself". This way right and wrong will be clear and intuitive...and what Jane, Rose or Mary says will be what it is...unfounded gossip.

[mwananchi_]

Kenyan women must follow strict unwritten rules or risk ridicule from their peers.

1. A Kenyan woman can not date a younger man
2. She cannot be a lesbian
3. She should never approach a man
4. She cannot date her friend's ex
3. She should never have an abortion
4. She should not move in with a man before marriage
5. She cannot pierce anything other than her ears
6. She shouldn't have tattoos
7. She should only date black men preferably Kenyans
8. She cannot ignore Kenyans even when in a rush
9. She cannot wear revealing clothes.
10. She should not smoke
11. She cannot have casual sex
12. She shouldn't do any job that involves getting naked
13. Public displays of affection are a no-no
14. She should retain her tonal African accent
15. She cannot file charges against her abusive Kenyan boyfriend
16. She cannot dance too suggestively
17. She must play hard-to-get
18. Her inner circle of friends must be Kenyan

[sub_saharan]

>Kenyan women must follow strict
>unwritten rules or risk ridicule from
>their peers.
>
>1. A Kenyan woman can not date a younger
>man
>2. She cannot be a lesbian
>3. She should never approach a man
>4. She cannot date her friend's ex
>3. She should not have an abortion
>4. She should not move in with a man
>before marriage
>5. She cannot pierce anything other than
>her ears
>6. She shouldn't have tattoos
>7. She should only date black men
>preferably Kenyans
>8. She cannot ignore Kenyans even when
>in a rush
>9. She cannot wear revealing clothes.
>10. She should not smoke
>11. She cannot have casual sex
>12. She shouldn't do any job that
>involves getting naked
>13. Public displays of affection are a
>no-no
>14. She should retain her tonal African
>accent
>15. She cannot file charges against her
>abusive Kenyan boyfriend
>16. She cannot dance too suggestively


This is not true. When were you last in Kenya? This is certainly not true abroad.

[Wretched_Kenyans wife]

SOme of the facts above fits some women in one of the Northeast states.

[msemakweli]

Good Q. Missk...somethings i just abhor in human behavior...badmouthing and hypocrisy both rank way up there.

Pray,what is the difference between premarital sex and 'come we stay' relationships
maybe the fact that the former suggests predominantly short term relationships, each living on their own vis a vis the short/long term relationships btwn p'ple living together...same difference!, in my humble opinion niether can afford to be critical of the other!...watu wengine kwa hakika wamekosa kazi!!

Worda and Mwananchi wamenena...there are some things that are considered unacceptable by society/community/peers or all of them and some things just are....you live,learn and grow.i'm with worda on prostitution..never been able to bridge that divide but i know a girl(african)that dances in one of those clubs for the money...which is great btw, she told me and although i was kinda shocked, she explained and i'm now ok with it...so i'm thinking i'll be bridging that divide soon....

Personally I'm also party to two of M.'s prejudices/issues : the dating the younger guy and dating my friends ex but those are personal..if asked i will answer accordingly...I however believe ev'body should live as far as possible on their own terms and not those dictated to them by society/community/peers...in the end only you will have to live with urself/be responsible for ur own actions kwa sababu kila mtu ataubeba msalaba wake yeye mwenyewe...

Sometimes i think about standing b4 Him and explaining how exactly i chose to do such and such....er,never fails to give me the chills!!so choose wisely people..... ;-)


I call it as i see it!!

[spoony]

MWANANCHI i got one word for you! IGNORANT GIT! I CANT BELEIVE U JUST WROTE THAT CRAP!

[nyawera_1]

Mwananchi,

Tell it as it is Bro!

It's pretty amusing how some people are getting so offended.
Does it hit too close to home perhaps..?

[roma]

True some of the behavior is hypocritical, but I believe that alot of this wicked behavior in women stems from jealousy. Granted they are all engaging in pre-marital sex...the only difference is one is a guaranteed partner and the other probably have multiple partners...if anything I would rather the come-we-stay arrangement. i just think its ridiculous how we all have something to say about each other...women in particular...why do we pretend to like one another??? Why should one claim to be ones friend while at the same time single-handedly run a smear campaign against the "friend"??? Why do we hate women we have never even talked to....how many of us I've heard the statement...

"I hate that slut!"
oh..what did she do to you???
"Ummmm...nothing I just hate her..she wears revealing clothes and talks to too many guys."

I mean, honestly the venom we exhibit towards each other is scary. Its all about jealousy the moral card is thrown in to provide a convenient cover.

@ Mwananchi...when was the last time u were in Nairobi????