[Pimpala]

Does anyone share this morons' insight?

[copied from the E A Standard letters page.]

IT'S DOMESTIC MISUNDERSTANDING NOT WIFE BEATING

I refer to an article, “The world has changed man” by Mwingirwa Kithure in “the East African Standard’ (February 20, 2002).

I agree that women are beneficiaries to a greater extent of these recent transformations.

However, I disagree with the writer when he portrays an African man as a villain and a very selfish being, yet these are the things that “held us together” then and now.

Secondly, the traditional man did not batter his wife but corrected her using the accepted norms not beating her senseless hence rendering her immobile.

There is nothing new about wife beating. Even during our great grandfathers it always happened. And it continues to this day even among the “elites”.

Then it follows that wife beating does not occur before or immediately after marriage. It is the normal aftermath of a domestic misunderstanding, which the writer wants to make it look like a male initiative.

Sociologists say that wife beating takes a cycle: First, a build up of tension, then violent explosion and, finally, a period of feeling sorry with apologies that bring lovers to their normal course.

This scenario is evident in Ruganda’s The Burdens where Wamala and Tinka after a domestic squabble iron it out in the reverie way. Some shed tears - common among women - which can even move mountains! Whether these tears are real or unreal it is hard to tell since it is said that “when a woman says “No” she means a yes”.

Usually domestic quarrels start as soon as the wife is pregnant whether times have changed or not. Some women to go through a kind of mental disarray irrespective of their social status during this period.

Why is it impossible for a modern woman to change a man? The truth is that most violent quarrels in our homes are started by our women.

A man for instance comes home tired like a dog. More often than not there is no welcome. Food is hardly ready. This forces the husband to walk to the nearest bar to take one or to a nearby church for kesha’ (overnight prayers) as he waits for the meal to be ready. It is while in the bar or in the church that a man finds one who will offer a loving smile with greetings.

In some homes, men live with their wives as strangers. Yet the same women will appear so charming to neighbours.

On the other hand some men are to blame for the quarrels as they marry women with low formal education and in the course of time with advancement in career they stumble on a highly educated girl: young and no doubt cute. His wife at home becomes virtually an enemy.

Against this backdrop, wife beating, should be encouraged at the family level and families should be left to resolve their domestic disagreement on their own.

If it goes ‘beyond the elbow’, then counselling should be encouraged and not divorce notices as the writer suggests.



Rotumoi Lomariwo,
Kalabata.

Letters | Home

[slaggard]

why is it that people think women are the victims....women also beat men or at least put some resistance. when things get out of hand some women cannot help it, but get all over your face ,,,,come on, u know what u are heading for and yet u push and push till the last button.....what follows is mostly pure instinct. yes, we have some extreme cases both ways but look at it this way,,,,some of this women can hit you senseless and the minute she attacks(especially their favourite target)......you are bound to use any brute force to deter another attack, or set an example.
i dont encourage wife beating especially if she has not raised an arm against you, but on the other hand, i will not give her a chance......the minute she strikes...woiiiiiiiihhhh
but you wife beating guys need to chill a minute. some of the reasons you get to hear are really off the wall.....dont raise that arm out of anger....use it if there is eminent danger.
the feminists too need to give us a break...there are better ways to solve differences...u dont have to shout or raise hell and worst of all......attack

[muombaji]

this is a tired topic. let it rest unless u have new ideas. yawwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnnnnnn