Stay onside; Understand the Politically Correct phrases used by Mashadites in the US.

[kapuf]

Good people of Mashada, I have found it necessary to elaborate and shed some light on some of the politically correct phrases used by most Mashadites in the US. I hope this will create a better understanding among us in mashada and minimize the hate that governs this great site.

I work as an Automotive Engineer in Dallas……..I’m a car park attendant on the wrong side of Dallas. No prizes for guessing who falls in this category.

I’m studying Medicine in college………She means, I finished a short course in nursing and I work as a caregiver in an old peoples home. I have no hope in life, just waiting for Jesus to come back the second time. Ester stand up and be counted.

I’m looking for a $700 apartment in TX….Look here guys, I earn $700 a month and I’m desperately looking for an equally broke Nigga to share a room with. Mumgy it’s your turn.

I miss home….Well I miss home but I can’t go back there…. First I got no idea where I can get an air ticket from and guys in Kenya will laugh at me when they realize I’m on the broke side of life. My man Econ Major…still around?

I’m in business……Ladies and Gentlemen, I have sent over 500 applications and not a single employer acknowledged receiving any of them. In other words I’m just there, loitering in the streets of Fredericksburg. (I have a gut feeling that Mwolovi falls in this category)

I am happily married…..Not hard to explain. Well friends, time flies here and I soon realized that my student visa was running out. I did not want to be a passenger on Ice Air (The airline used to transport deported people back home) That’s why I hooked up with a 60 year old mama and voila permanent residency came a long. (Oops MUK again)

I will be visiting Kenya to meet my future in laws…..You know what good people; I have seen a number of decades. In the process I married and divorced a couple of times. While idling online I found an equally desperate young Kenyan and the rest are just details. (Sorry PP excuse my idleness today)

PS Feel free to add any other politically correct phrases you may be aware of. There is no monopoly of knowledge. Cheers M’a Niggaz in D’ ghettos of the US.

[msema ukweli Kabisa]

When does someone get so bitter and miserable that everything about others just causes him pain......

Let me psycho analyse this man from Nyandarua.

With your morbid hate of other tribes, I can tell you grew up in the village in Kinangop and you speak with a heavy Kyuk accent.

You first time in Nairobi was to attend campus where for five years you hustled for a long time.

Like many people from North Kinangop who are emigrees you tried to get a US visa but was denied...... and among the schools you had applied to was Michigan ( no wonder you project about it.)

Finally an advert in the corner of Nation newspaper advertising Jobs in the middle east.... and because you had tamarked for a long time you finally bought into the scam. You family sold a piece of land and you paid the 70k shillings to get you a qatar visa and "the application process"

When you got to Qatar you discovered you were all 10 of your being holed into a hot apt without ac. and barely fed twice a day.

Atleast they got you a job on the new construction of the oil rig where you socialize with engineers, and you started dreaming of being one.

Occasionaly you get internet access in the afternoons and are able to log in mashada, and read with envy as people write about normal life eg looking for apts, etc and you wonder how this people can be med students, engineers, IT admins, nurses et al.

Then you read about Frag and the rest who are also in very good profession in Kenya, and others in Europe. By the time you get to your Apartment that has no AC in the 40 degrees celsius quatar, where you cant even watch TV with too many scantily dressed women, where facebook is blocked, where you have not seen a girl since you moved there, where a playboy magazine is like gold.......... you fume and get mad and think life is unfair

You then rush back to the cyber cafe and log in with your alter ego papa mavi, and keep on lambasting people in the diaspora, and as much envy strangles you.... you alternate between morbid tribalism and morbid hate of any succesful Kenya.......


That is what you Mr,,,,, let me not use your real name.


All I can tell you is all this jealousy and envy will destroy you

[kapuf]

Aiiiiiiii MUK you win, I even bow down for the Automotive engineer. You see MUK I had a terrible headache today and my body cannot make up its mind whether to sweat or tremble lakini nimecheka tu sana.

However let me take this early opportunity to correct some of your not so wise assertions....for lack of anything better to do.

1. I do not come from Nyandarua and I don't have a heavy kyuk accent. I come from Nanyuki...find out how many tribes stay there and you'll know where my accent leans.

2. I was never denied a Visa to the US...some stupid American was so glad to give me the damn thing and even congratulated me for being admitted to such a good university and doing a good course( even though I regret it)

3. We don't stay 10 guys in an aparment...I'm alone in 3 bedroom house. (Ngai I get bored alone..I wish we were 2) Plus I have 2 AC's in the house.

4. I don't get occasional internet access its 24/7 plus with Vodafone around, now I can squeeze my way into some porn sites.

5. The 40 degrees temperature is sometimes good for business...I don't get to work in the extremely hot afternoons.

6. I can't recall the last time I used a cyber Cafe

7. I didn't pay a single Riyal to come to Qatar....The sheiks paid for everything including a 3 week stay at the Ritz Carlton.

8 I see girls quite often...Problem is that most of them are covered...like our receptionist.

Byee MUK gotta go back and sleep.

[PrivatePractice]

We don't stay 10 guys in an aparment...I'm alone in 3 bedroom house. (Ngai I get bored alone..I wish we were 2) Plus I have 2 AC's in the house.

OMG you don't have central air They still make those window units You only have two in a 3 bedroom house, that is sad You must really be hot. Next time be sure to upgrade to central air!!!! It is a lot cheaper too as it is energy efficent.


BTW: how old is the house you stay in if you don't have central air??? It must have been built in the 1950s or so..

[msema ukweli Kabisa]

Originally Posted by PrivatePractice

OMG you don't have central air They still make those window units You only have two in a 3 bedroom house, that is sad You must really be hot. Next time be sure to upgrade to central air!!!! It is a lot cheaper too as it is energy efficent.


BTW: how old is the house you stay in if you don't have central air??? It must have been built in the 1950s or so..

40 degree celcius is equivalent of 104 degrees Farenheight, with two ac units in a "three bedroomed house" no wonder our south kinangop dude is always pissed

[PrivatePractice]

I live in the Middle East: My grades were poor, and I did not qualify to school in Kenya. I applied for visas to Europe and USA, but all were denied. So I decided to take up an offer to work as a janitor and clean living quarters for American Soldiers. The pay is low, but they offered me free room and board. I fear the war will soon be over and that will leave me with nothing!!! What will become of me!!!


excuse my idleness too Kapuf

[PrivatePractice]

Originally Posted by msema ukweli Kabisa

40 degree celcius is equivalent of 104 degrees Farenheight, with two ac units in a "three bedroomed house" no wonder our south kinangop dude is always pissed

lmao I would be pissed too

[mwolovi]

So kapuf what do you do?? I understand that you are making the earthcleaner and greener. recycling is the in thing right??
(kuokota makaratasi kwa barabara).

[PrivatePractice]

Originally Posted by mwolovi

So kapuf what do you do?? I understand that you are making the earthcleaner and greener. recycling is the in thing right??
(kuokota makaratasi kwa barabara).

OMG He is a sanitation worker aka garbage man

[jedimeditricks]

i find your articles very funny and i like the humour in them...however with this accent thing the american immigrants seem to take it too far..the essence of opening ur mouth is to commmunicate not to show us how posh u r with ur accent..i have a thick kenyan accent but that hasnt stopped me from doing my Job..accents dont pay bills..as for the janitor dude no dramas kazi ni kazi..i found a kyuk working in the most dangerous land on earth..and he was selling masai stuff in a kiosk..so i bigged up.and i was proud of him..am doing a gucci job but aint as successful as the people doing carework...so people whether u speak like oloibon or like mutiso..dont worry.as for where u sleep..make urself comfortable hata kaa ni kwa train station...peace people