[SHE.KE]

Great jokes right there but hey!! to make your work easier, why don't you go to newjoke.com it has it all.

[BMJ]

These keep increasing.....

--------------------------

why did the chicken cross the road?

kindergarten teacher - to get to the other side

plato - for the greater good

aristotle - it's the nature of chickens to cross roads

karl marx - it was a historical inevitability

martin luther king - ..........i envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives being called into question


machiavelli - the point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? the end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Freud - the fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity

saddam - this was unprovoked act of rebellion and we were justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it

g.w. Bush - we dont really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There's no middle ground

budha - asking this question denies your own chicken nature

isaac newton - any chicken in the universe shall always cross a road perpendicularly and in an infinitely long straight line at uniform speed unless it stops due to unbalanced reactive force in the opposite direction of the chicken's motion

charles darwin - chickens, over periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they're now genetically disposed to cross roads

nelson mandela - never again will the chicken be questioned for crossing the road. This is an ideal for which i am prepared to die

thabo mbeki - we need to establish if really there's a connection between the chicken and the road

robert mugabe - for all the years the road has been owned by white farmers, the poor underprivileged chicken has waited for too long for that road to be given to him and now he is crossing it in force with fellow war veteran chickens. We shall take over the road and give it the roadless chickens, so that they can cross it without fear of retribution from britain . We will not stop untill all roadless chickens have roads and the freedom to cross them,even if hunger and 10,000% inflation bites them.

Kenneth matiba - let the people decide. No short cut....

Samuel kivuitu - i am not sure if the chicken crossed the road.the chicken keeper has disappeared with form 16a. Dont ask me again. You can shoot me if you want...

Martha karua - this is a legal matter that must be taken to the high court of the animal farm where the eagle is the judge. Thats the tradition.

James orengo - it's vital we first establish if the chicken crossed alone or if it was accompanied with anyone, whom we've overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing

mutula kilonzo - it depends upon your frame of reference to see if indeed the chicken crossed or the road moved beneath it. You shud read all relevant chapters and not just conclude after reading only one chapter.

Anyang ' nyong'o - it was looking for equity and social justice

mutua alfred - the chicken never crossed the road. This is a complete fabrication. We don't even have chicken.

Loosy - mimi kama rais.... Najua jibu

eric kiraithe (police spokesman) - the scene must have been video edited to show the chicken crossing the road yet it was standing

william ruto - haki yetu!!

kalonzo musyoka - it was expecting a miracle across the road

mzee moi - kuku gitu kani? siasa mbaya,maisha mbaya

raila odinga- had the chicken signed an mou not to cross the road?crossing the road is a two- horse affair. Anything else is a donkey!! besides no one can stop the r. Nile .....but if we cross the road as we did on 27th dec,then we can invite the chicken back to the original side of the road. Raila na mpira.......gooooooaaal

emilio mwai kibaki - kuku ilivuka pale pale, ikienda huko huko........na hilo ndilo jambo la muhimu.......hakuna mambo ingine.......na hatuwezi kataa, tutakataa namna gani? hakunaaaa!!! na hao wanaendelea kuongea mambo ya kuku.......ni wapumbavu......mavi ya kuku!!!

[Ester]

BMJ,

That's the funniest thing I've read all day !!

Originally Posted by BMJ

emilio mwai kibaki - kuku ilivuka pale pale, ikienda huko huko........na hilo ndilo jambo la muhimu.......hakuna mambo ingine.......na hatuwezi kataa, tutakataa namna gani? hakunaaaa!!! na hao wanaendelea kuongea mambo ya kuku.......ni wapumbavu......mavi ya kuku!!!

EMK- Kuku hiyo itafauluuu......it will succeed, I have no doubts whatsoever........mradi iwache kuwa very clever, itafauluuuuu.... it will succeed!!

Lucy - Hakuna kuku hapa....this is Muthaiga, not korogocho...nikiiona huku nitachapa kofi!!!

[YB*]

Originally Posted by SHE.KE

Great jokes right there but hey!! to make your work easier, why don't you go to newjoke.com it has it all.

Thanks, but its not that am not aware of joke sites, they are just to cluttered, malware infested and for each joke you click on a link or open a page. too many adverts tena, and anyways this is fun.

************************************************** ********

A bartender was getting ready to close for the night when a
robber with a ski mask burst in and pulls a gun.

He yells to the bartender, "This is a stick-up! Put all your
dough in this bag!"

The frightened bartender pleads, "Don't shoot, please! I'll do as
you say!"

The robber yells, "Shut up and empty the cash register!"

The bartender says, "Okay, okay! Just don't shoot, I have a wife
and kids! I'll do whatever you say!"

The crook takes the money then puts the gun to the bartender's
head and says, "Alright, now give me a b.lowjob!"

"Anything!" cries the bartender, "Just don't shoot!"

The bartender starts to blow the crook. As the crook gets
excited, he drops the gun. The bartender sees the gun on the
floor, picks it up, hands it back to the crook and yells,

"Hold the gun, damn it! One of my friends might walk in!"

[YB*]

Side effects of alcohol & remedies!!!

1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward

2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite drink!

4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you!

5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!

6. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking funny.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

7. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and The music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.

[YB*]

"You read about all these terrorists, most of them came here legally, but they hang around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two days late with a video and these people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration."

- Jay Leno

[YB*]

"Hello, is this the FBI?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He's hiding cocaine inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir."

The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no cocaine. They swore at Billy Bob and left.

The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.

"Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep."

"Happy Birthday Buddy

[YB*]

A man came home from work sporting two black eyes.

"What happened to you?" asked his wife.

"I'll never understand women," he replied. "I was riding up on an escalator behind this pretty young girl, and I noticed that her skirt was stuck in the crack of her ass. So I pulled it out. Sheturned around and punched me in the eye!"

"I can certainly appreciate that," said the wife, "But how did you get the second black eye?"

"Well, I figured she liked it that way," said the husband, "So I pushed it back in."

[YB*]

THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female definition: Any part under a car's bonnet.
Male definition: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

LESBIAN (lez-bee-an) n.
Female: A woman who makes love to other women.
Male: A woman who has sex with other women so men can watch.

VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing soccer without shin pads.

REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2
minutes.

COMMUNICATION (ko-muu-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's
Partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a
weekend with The lads.

BUM (bum) n.
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured
makes look bigger.
Male: The organ for mooning (and farting).

COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's
Girlfriend.

ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Sex!!

FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and
male bonding.

MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can Achieve.
Male: What women do while the man is ********.

[Nikio Ndoka]

Enyewe hii ni cut and paste lakini inanijazz mbaya.........

Height of Honesty - A pregnant woman asking the bus conductor for one & a half ticket.

Height of Confusion - Two earthworms making love in a bowl of noodles.

Height of revenge - A bastard roaming in a condom factory with a needle in his hand

Height of pain - A monkey sliding down a knife's edge using balls as his brakes.

Height of Foolishness - A guy peeping thru' the keyhole of a glass door.

Height of Noise - Two skeletons ****ing on a tin roof.

Height of Itch - A fat man hanging (upside down) from a roof trying to scratch his balls.

Height of Innocence - A teenager girl applying Clearsil to her nipples thinking them as pimples.

Height of Unemployment - Cobwebs in prostitute's cunt.

Height of laziness:
A guy lying on a girl and waiting for an earthquake to do the rest.

Height of Competition:
1.A guy peeing beside a waterfall.
2.A topless lady standing near mount everest.

Height of Bravery: A naked man bending over to pick up a quarter on an island of gays.

Height of Sophistication: Sucking nipples with a straw.

Height of Disgustion: While wiping after a good toilet dump, your finger pokes through the paper.

Height of Technology: Condom with zip.

Height of Penetration: A baby girl born pregnant.

Height of Darkness: A black guysearching for his penis in a dark room.

Height of fashion: A female applying LipStick to her vertical Lips.

Height of patience: A female lying naked under a banana tree and hoping for banana to fall in the right place.

Height of coincidence: And the banana falling i