[walalo2001]

Originally Posted by ashley

Hey,

What are you semaing, manze i thought you had to pay for the food they serve on the plane.... i said am sawa when they asked me if i wanted something to eat. Wacha i fikad stato, i told my buddies who met me at the airport that i had not fed for two days so i was starving. They just looked at each other and exchanged smiles.

I came to gundua myself when i was flying domestic that the dish is already included in the fare. But Hey, we have to start somewhere

That is HILARIOUS. )))

[lavidanor]

It is a long story, I'll give an outline:

My first time at the airport in Nairobi. Checked in and crossed into the lounge thinking that I would come back to bid by to those who escorted me to the airport. Sorry, no reverse!

In the plane, we were served fish and some greens. The problem, the greens looked like leaves and they were raw. I had to check aside to see that people were eating them. The fish also looked raw.

At one time, we were in a lift at the students’ hostels with a fellow Kenyan (a lady). Two Norwegians--a man and a lady--started kissing--intimately. I thought these things were preserved for a bedroom or a strictly private environment somewhere! Embarrassed we tried behaving as if nothing had happened but it was not possible. The fact that I am a man of God and the lady was also saved made things even worse.

One morning I woke up and it was snowing. On a 8th floor, I couldn't see the ground at once. I wondered what manner of insects are these. They are flying everywhere. If one went out, one would inhale insects into the nose--it was scary.

The first slippery ground in winter: Was riding a bicycle to the university--about 5km away. I never knew that the ground could be so slippery. I came to a sharp bend. I tried to mix four things that are sworn enemies--they don't go together whatsoever: 1. high speed, 2. icy (slippery) ground, 3. applying breaks, and 4. a bend. When I tried to apply the breaks to get good grip on the ground in order to take the bend, I fell so fast and hard that I never knew what had happened.

I never ate meat for a year. Reason: I never knew the true value of Norwegian Krones until I translated it into Kshs. And when I did this, a Kilo of meat was costing an equivalent of 600 Kshs. That was ten times what meat cost in Kenya. This was damn expensive.

At one time, we went evangelising in the neighbourhood (In the Students hostels). We knocked at a door. A young man, a Norwegian, opened the door, with a knife in his hand. We thought he had been preparing food or cutting bread. He was reluctant to allow us in. After he found us naive foreigners and harmless, he confessed that he took the knife into his hand when he heard the knock. That he didn't have an appointment with anyone to visit him and he had to be prepared to ward off the intruder(s). In other words, the knife was meant for us--to fight us away.

About language, I was lucky to be guided around by a friend who told me how for him, when he was a new arrival he bought cat food, prepared it and was about to eat when incidentally someone came by and asked him what he was preparing. He didn't know what it was called a result of which he showed him the wrap. "But that is cat food!" the man said. Not knowing what things are called in Norwegian was always a challenge when buying especially foodstuffs.

[MA-HE-GOAT]

I too remember when I first went to a Scandinavian country (my first visit outside Kenya), with the language being different, it was hard to know what things at the grocery store were e.g. whether it was food for humans or cat or dog food as they all looked different from our Kenyan ones and were not written in English. I found it strange too that there was no "Uchumi guy" to take my bags when i entered a grocery store and that you had to bag your groceries by yourself unlike at home where the cashier does that. I would take a train and as soon as i got off, i would take the nearest exit not knowing that each exit led you to a different street and would have to come back to the Station and try again. I remember getting to the bus stop just as the bus driver was closing the bus door and even though i was a second or so late and the driver had seen me, it meant i was late and he would not open the door but drive away so i learnt to check the timetable first and keep time. In the US, one time the bus just passed me even though i was standing at the bus stop when i asked a driver the next day, he told me you have to move closer to the kerb (approach the bus) instead of seating at the bus stop or standing there so the driver would know you are approaching the bus because you want to get on otherwise he would assume you were waiting for another number. I also found out here that if you are in a bus, even though you may be standing and approaching the exit door (front door), if you have not rang the bell, the driver will not stop for you to get off and will assume you are just standing there because you feel like it. Also unlike back home, you do not alight at the nearest door but you enter and alight from the front. I still find myself using phrases like: "You need to indicate when turning" instead of "Put on your blinkers" . "Alight" instead of "get off the bus" and Americans don't understand these phrases. A lot of them are ignorant and could easily tell you Kenya is the capital of Africa and that all Africans speak the same language cause Africa is a country. Lots of the African American think Africa is still a dark continent with people living in the bush and are surprised when you tell them the big cities are just like any city in America (of course apart from the roads).

[DaDon]

For the chaps in otato, I think it is different in Europe, but did anyone ever go to a fast food drive through and ask for chips and sausage?

Ama inside a macdonalds, did you throw away the tray after you malizad feeding?

A friend came from Kenya and was hungry something chaotic, well I knew this chap as a jocker and so I pelekad him to wendys and told him that that was the joint that had the best for the least. Just to prove to him that my claims were authentic, I showed him the value meal menu. When he scanned the word value, he believed that I was saying the truth and still asked what was the best on the menu for the least. I told the chap that whenever I was hungry like from the hanye in the cox, hehe, I always ate the chicken nuggets lol, because they patiad you 5 big pieces of chicken that you could not even finish in one sitting. The guy ordered them with a ka side of french fries to go and we moved. In the moti, I an checkaring cause the jamaa is tossing the nuggets into his mouth like they are popcorn, thinking that the main dish "the gigantic nuggets" are huko under the bag which has jaad with napkins si munajua. When the guy eventually emptied the bag and was thoroughly upset. Good times

[Kariuki Wanjau]

In Bangalore, the weather is like Nairobi, so like nilifika huku when it was hot and I had shaven my cranium. Here in South India there are Indians as black as Sudanese, nywele zao ndio difference. So my bald ass is walking around tao, jumping across the road, blatantly snobbing the traffic cops who think I'm insane. So they catch up to me, and launch into Kannada (local language). A whole 6 minutes of incoherent blabbering plus a threat of incarceration later, I said "excuse me?"

[Kabunja wa Gathuita]

Originally Posted by Kariuki Wanjau

In Bangalore, the weather is like Nairobi, so like nilifika huku when it was hot and I had shaven my cranium. Here in South India there are Indians as black as Sudanese, nywele zao ndio difference. So my bald ass is walking around tao, jumping across the road, blatantly snobbing the traffic cops who think I'm insane. So they catch up to me, and launch into Kannada (local language). A whole 6 minutes of incoherent blabbering plus a threat of incarceration later, I said "excuse me?"

Similar experience on my visit to Kolkata and the West Bengal state where jamaas would start speaking to me in their Bengali. In Sri Lanka, the worst. They make wrong-number call on your mobile or landline and they take couple of minutes talking mostly in Sinhala and in rare cases Tamil. The Kenyan in me made ask them in Swahili wanataka nini?

[WISEMAN]

hey 4 me trouble started on the plane,when with a very serious look i was trying to put my hand bag kwa ile meza -i thought it was a luggagge compartment -haikuwa inatoshea.

then after reaching US,kuna siku a certain american was asking whether it is true that in africa pple stay on trees, i was so pissed off that i told him-YES infact the american embassy is the tallest tree in town.

bush akija africa anapoleanga hapo.

[carolecarole]

Originally Posted by tototss

This one was the best....did not happen to me but some other dude.

No offense to Kisii Dudes, but this guy from Kisii was the funniest....someone told him that when he fikas huku, all he has to do is stand at the entrance...(sliding doors), say his name and the doors open. He fikas airport, stands near the doors and says "Ochweri", voila, the doors open. A jamaa did that for like three ama four weeks mpaka the dude who was hosting him was like hapana, something is wrong here, and he asks "Ochweri" why he always says his name everytime they got to a door, wacha "Ochweri" explained how doors open when he says his name....VICHEKOS, I was told that one I almost died of laughter. It is true by the way, I have met "Ochweri" and he even jokes about it and has a serious "wanted" for this pple who lied to him before he came here.


An opinion is like an ####, everyone has one.

Since i read this kapost a few days ago,every tyme I go near a sliding door I picture that jamaa saying Ochweri.Told the story to a pal of mine but she seemed not to enjoy the joke.I guess some pple just do not know when to laugh.Very cracky!n the name too Ochweri ..hahahaha

[lavidanor]

Na huyu Ochweri, was he always alone when he was approaching doors? Couldn't he have realised sooner rather than later that others were not "telling" the doors their names? a Day or two days would have been max.

[barb]

somebody pulled a mean trick on me, so my friend i went to sam's club and inorder for you to get in you need a membership card, so this very mean friend of mine told me to beba my passport before hand coz it would be necessary for me to have proof that am a legal citizen and i can enter a sams club, so me and my chizi self chomoad my passport and this attendant and he was like ok what's that for, so i started explaining to him that am legal, i just went there to buy some salad for lunch, nothing against the u.s government, you can imagine the shock on the attendant's face, he probably thot all africans are crazy, needless to say my friend was cracking up and my face was red as hell, damn i was dumb.