[spider-ndwalz]

Why do we go through the motions?- they are like a never ending rollercoaster; they keep coming and going - what is life for- miserable few years of searching and wanting and in the end it wont mean a damn thing. My life is like a passing shadow- vague and quick- no memory- no history- no damn ####ing thing. Where do you run to when you hurt like this- whose arms will be quick to embrace you? You remember the song-“ nobody gets too much heaven no more- its as harder to come by- am waiting in line’’. I wish I could just go away – go someplace and be alone- be alone forever. I wish I could say what I want and not what others want for me- I wish I could speak my mind and forget every other ####ing voice that tries to speak my mind for me- I wish I could find me and not hide within other people and what they perceive me to be. I wish I could live free and live this moment. I wish so much; I could listen to my heart and what it tells me and not voices of humanity telling me what they ‘ know’ is best for me. I wish with all my soul that my nothingness would cease and I would be something or someone great.
I wish to change the world and bring forth something lovely, something beautiful…something fly. I wish every other day that I would revolutionize my thinking- do whatever that I was meant to do- and just be glad. I wish every passing minute that this bottle wouldn’t take a toll in my life and I would find me; I wish something or someone would find me- find me and tell me it will all be okay. Mmmmh…the boldness that comes with being drunk is indeed commendable-. Sitting in the silence and waiting, having closed the drapes. Waiting for whatever it is we wait for- after all is said and done- that thing- that thing we yearn and yet we don’t know what it is…. that thing we want but barely recognize-. How twisted life can be, but does that mean you let your very life be twisted along with it. Hell no- do what you have to-- love life- want life- leave at least a memory; a history- a mark to show ‘ I was here’ and then do whatever you want to do- whatever it is you wish to. Probably being low is a good thing- it helps you appreciate what being well means. However, this life is like a trick question – only that there is no trick involved and the results can be overwhelming- painful or better yet- amazing- this life- a joke in itself- but no joke involved at all.

‘ Life is like a passing shadow- vague and quick- it comes and it goes- and with it carries the memories and history of what you made it to be. Life is a trick question- only there is no trick involved therein’


Written by carolndwalz- all rights reserved