[solomatic]

remedios,
i like to think the ultimate god is one and the same. but i also get pissed off with him/her/it a lot these days. especially with all the nonsense that's going on in the world. why in the world did he/she/it put us here if our only mission is to suffer and die? if there's no chance at spiritual success, then why does he continue to tesa us by letting us live? si he just destroys us all once and for all?

i get so frustrated when i hear jujusister talk about what spirituality means to her, knowing that i may never get to where she is in this lifetime.

i've also been thinking about what supajack said on that other post about africans being born into tribes precisely so that they could overcome those definitions... i'm still processing that one.

about five years ago when i was in my mid 20's, i just got tired of all the drinking, sleeping around and stupidness that a young kenyan man's life is all about. so i just stopped. i said f--- it. i moved to another city, started a whole new life and decided to just chill. and the sad thing is, i decided i didn't want to be around kenyans anymore. i'm just tired of being 'kenyan' and of the ridiculous issues we're always fighting about and discussing.

who's best for president? why is so and so not a good leader? which chicks from which tribe are better in bed? where's the next heng? and all that stupidity. honestly death for me would be going back home right now and being around your average educated up and coming kenyan. those ones who consider themselves 'the next generation' and have all these plans, deals, agendas, etc.

anyway, so i just decided to chill and i guess i thought that since i've given all that up, i might as well spend my time trying to figure out who solomatic really is and whether there's even any real reason why i'm around on this planet. do i matter? does any of this ##### matter?

i guess i feel better knowing that i haven't drunk in five years. that i'm physically fit. that i spend time doing other things. that i don't have a babe just to have a babe. you know what i'm saying?

anyway, i guess i'm just trying to say that i'm trying to grow.

solo