[Msoto]

>>>dear mashadites...i have a question. As far as the future
>>of
>>>a marriage is concerned do you think a marriage
>relationship
>>>that is made up of two different tribes has a poor future
>as
>>>compared to one made up of two similar tribes?
>>
>>It depends any marriage can be successful irrespective of
>what
>>tribe is chosen. Meaning that the similarity or
>dissimilarity
>>of tribes is not exactly what may impact the marriage. Then
>>again it also depends on what significance you
>>attribute...both spouses to tribe. You can easily make
>>something that may not necessarily be troublesome...into
>>insurmountable. It all is determined by what perspectives
>both
>>of you have adopted upto the current point.
>>
>>Actually i
>>>guess to be more clear, do you guys think that a marriage
>>will
>>>surely not work out because it is is made up of people of
>>>different tribes?
>>
>>I think a marriage can fail to be successful on many things.
>>It would be unfortunate if tribes were the deciding factor
>for
>>the marriage since it would mean that the individuals are
>each
>>sticking to the ethnocentricity fanatically.
>>
>>>Another question do you think that in the case of an
>>>intertribal marriage there are certain tribes that are more
>>>compatible ex. meru and kikuyu or kamba and kikuyu compared
>>to
>>>maybe meru and luo?
>>
>>I think compatability is based on exposure. Most people
>>believe that gema are more compatible because they are all
>>bantus and their languages are very similar...only
>differences
>>in dialect. Most people grow up in societies where they are
>>exposed to maybe more of meru/kikuyu/kamba i.e.
>>eastern/central province and thus they may feel that they
>>associate themselves closer culturally to them and that the
>>cultural divide with luos who are nilotes is too great.
>>Others on the other hand may grow up in the city but get
>>indoctrinated into cultural perspectives and heritage...i.e.
>>only speaking in kikuyu/luo/luhya as opposed to swahili and
>>english. Only hanging around people who speak your
>>"mother-tongue" believing that it is only with them that you
>>are yourself. This kind of seeking of identity maintains the
>>idea that some tribes become incompatible.
>>
>>
>>>i am in a relationship that my parents think is doomed
>>because
>>>i am kamba and he is a kikuyu... i just need to hear other
>>>people's opinions.
>>
>>As Cboo, mkenya, okwang have pointed out...and others as
>well.
>>Ask your parents for the reasons as to why the marriage is
>>doomed. Find out if it is perhaps due to the characteristics
>>exhibited by your spouse and not just his "tribe" and your
>>parents have attributed them to being kikuyu that are the
>>problem.
>>
>>Then try and observe if there is any validity of your
>marriage
>>being not successful because of other factors that have been
>>masked by "tribe". Then look at your own notions and
>>expectations of what the "stereotypes" are. You could for
>>example write them down and judge for yourself which ones
>you
>>feel that you cannot stand and perhaps those are the ones
>that
>>your spouse has exhibited. Now you can either decide to
>>curtail your relationship because you find your cultural
>>divide too wide...being raised up in strict kao heritage and
>>traditions. Or you can seek to rationalize with your parents
>>why he is not simply a "kikuyu" but "your spouse" and what
>>factors in him led you to make that decision. In doing so
>you
>>will be more at ease with yourself for not defying your
>>parents....and your relationship with the kyuk may infact
>get
>>strengthened because you will gain support of your parents.
>
>
>SUMMARIZE MZEE!
>
>THATS AN ESSAY I HAD TO HIGHLIGHT SOME AREAS TO GO THROUGH
>HALF OF IT.
>
>THE TRIBE ISSUE IS LIKE THE RACE ISSUE, PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS
>SKEPTICS. THEY JUST DON'T WANT YOUR LIFE TO BE DIFFICULT, YOUR
>CHILDREN TO BE DIVIDED IN CHOOSING WHAT CULTURE THEY IDENTIFY
>WITH.
>
>MY TAKE, IF YOUR NOT A QUITER, JUMP IN THE DEEP END TAKE A
>RISK.
>ITS GOING TO BE HARD WORK BECAUSE U HAVE TO PROVE YOUR PARENTS
>WRONG, SO I WILL REPEAT. IF U ARE NOT A QUITER, TAKE THE
>PLUNGE

Some issues need more than one-liners and CAPS LOCK.
Pole lakini sometimes its good to exercise the muscles kwa kichwa...its healthy.