In the middle ages we had the age of chivalry – knights, armour and jousting. Not too long ago we had the age of duels – guns, swords and fighting. Today we have driving.

At first glance driving seems like a pretty straightforward exercise. Get in car, move car from A to B and get out of car. Foolishly lulled into a false sense of security, you enroll in driving school and are introduced to a concept known as the Highway Code. This is a set of guidelines, complete with signs that guide your activities on the road. You apply yourself to these with zest.

Driving the actual car is never much of a problem. Of course there is the initial bit of bother a few minutes into your first experience when you break so hard the instructor checks the consistency of the windscreen with his forehead, expressing his conviction that your parentage on the paternal side is unsure.

There is also the tricky business of the clutch, where 11 times out of 10; you stall the car without even trying. It eventually becomes a pleasant surprise to move the car more than a few metres without stalling it.

The examination is a mere formality, due to the fact that driving a car is a trivial exercise. But just to make sure, there is usually a memorandum of understanding between the examining authority and the driving school that results in impressive pass rates.

The real world, having waited politely outside, cap in hand, now comes barreling in with the subtlety of those bulls that run through streets in pain.

You learn very quickly that there is a time period smaller still than the micro second. This is defined as the Nairobit©, and it is the time interval between the light turning orange and the outraged driver behind you hooting. This is a very small time interval indeed.

You will also find that the Highway Code you were instructed with went out of production and out of application some 40 years ago. No one follows those rules. No one recalls those rules. There are signs and symbols on the road that have no corresponding entries in the Highway Code. On raising this topic last week I was asked earnestly if the Highway Code was some species of frog.

You will find that the driving schools have failed to keep up with innovations in road construction technology. How else can you explain a road like Moi Avenue that generally has three lanes and then suddenly only has two. Not a warning. Just before the Muindi Mbingu junction the three lanes suddenly become two. Words cannot express the range of emotions that go through one when a lane suddenly disappears and the three of you drivers have a Nairobit© (see above) to figure out how to allocate the remaining two.

You will find that traffic lights, God bless ‘em, are largely vestigial instruments. The traffic light on the Kenyan road is the equivalent of the tail bone on the human body. Drivers treat them largely as well meaning but buffoonish suggestions rather than the law. Although in their defence drivers are so used to seeing traffic police at junctions, consistently contradicting them, that if the police were removed drivers fail to see the lights at all. Anyone that does not understand Pavlov’s dog would do well to spend a few days with a driver here.

Another source of angst is fellow road users. The general rule of law is that you and you alone are a sane, talented and handsome driver, while everyone else is the spawn of Beelzebub, incapable of a single wise decision while at the wheel.

The horn, you will find, is an essential tool for a driver. There is an initial panic as you realize you have no clue how to make use of this instrument. But eventually you learn the ropes. A horn can perform the following functions

· Notify other drivers and road users to beware

· Hail your friend Jeff and ask after his weekend

· Congratulate Jimmy on the new baby

· Alert those fools up front you have no intention of using your brakes

· Tell Carol that new hairdo looks like a dead cat on her head

The horn can perform all those, and many other communication functions. It is in fact possible on a particularly slow traffic day to conduct entire conversations using that device. Wireless communications indeed.

Then there is the roundabout. Its chief purpose appears to be for one driver to waste the time and grey the hairs of three others, all the while testing the functionality of the horn.

Then there is of, course, other drivers. But that we can discuss another day

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Piga Picha

Event: A Century of Portrait Photography in Kenya
Starts: July 24, 2009 6:00 pm – runs until July 24, 2010
Entrance: Free (though museum charges apply)
Location: National Gallery (former PC’s office, next to Nyayo House off Uhuru Highway)

Animal-Control By-laws

Derelict-Vehicle By-Laws

Ground-rent

Traffic-management

Instant-ticketing

So in my two days in Nairobi I managed to score some good background gossip/story-behind-the-story info. I love the stuff just falls into my lap there

Apparently, this is a scam that has been going on for years by a cabal at Treasury in collusion with accounting officers at various Ministries and has little to do with Uhuru (hopefully the forensic audit that’s been ordered by the Parliament Committee will reveal that). Basically the civil servants, many of whom have been in their positions for years, would inflate budget numbers quietly and then generate fake invoices later on to cover their tracks. Biggest culprits are the Office of the President (according to my sources corruption central in govt) and the Ministry of Education.

The story only broke because someone at Treasury is leaking this information in terms of the raw numbers and the cooking to Mwalimu Mati. The reason for the leaks is unclear, although local papers & gossip rags point to frustration among junior budget officials as a result of the re-appointment of the Director of Budget, David Ngugi after he had reached retirement age. According to the tabloid Weekly Citizen, Ngugi boasts of being close to Kibaki ever since Kibaki’s days at Minister of Finance (I can’t even find a bio or pic of the guy!).

And for those wondering why MPs lack the capacity to do math, my source tells me that the budget MPs see did not contain the raw details that enabled Mars to break the story - what they see is a cooked version (not sure how true this is).

In any event, I hope the story continues to grow legs and doesn’t fade into the infamous siasi ya kumalizana.

It does point to a really huge challenge for trying to address corruption in Kenya. We often focus on the political leaders as the root of all evil, but as someone pointed out to me the other day in the last few years we have had a change of leaders but not a change of government - the well-oiled corruption machinery at below the PS level is still very much intact from Moi days and any new leader who really wants to address corruption in Kenya will have to tackle this monster. Does anyone have the courage to do so?

In the meantime, please lend Marsgroup Kenya your support - at the risk of being hyperbolic - I think they are really fighting a lonely fight out there and doing the hard work that many Kenyans don’t want to do.

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I just wanted to take this opportunity to clarify some facts to Kenyans, for as you know the only facts in this country are those that come from my lips. Ha ha!

First of all I object to those who threw eggs at my Volkswagen Jolf. That car cost me a lot of money and I must insist again that all those human rights activists take their activation elsewhere.

I would like to take this opportunity again to remind Kenyans that our officers do not shoot people dead. What happens is that people position themselves just as bullets fired from our officer’s weapons arrive at the particular point at which they have positioned themselves.

I also want to single out the small boy who laughed at the music from my car. Elton Gohn is a timeless artiste.

I would like to assure Kenyans an Ujandans that the following are indeed part of Kenya

• Jarissa
• Kapenjuria
• Mount Kilimangaro
• Jatundu
• Kakameja
• Kagiado
• Wagir
• Lanjata
• JilJil
• Bunjoma
• Lokichojjio
• Muranja
• Namanja

Jood Good  day Kenyans.

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This country, ladies and gentlemen, is for all intents and purposes a banana republic, only without the bananas.

Reading from light to left:

• An indecisive president rejoicing at the miles of fencing he has at State House at his disposal to sit on.
• An ineffective Prime Minister, allegedly charged with coordination of Government Ministry. Judging from the Babel from the said ministries, we are  pleasantly surprised he can coordinate trouser and coat
• A government spokesman whose own mother is unlikely to take seriously, let alone 29,998,000 Kenyans
• A cabinet which judging from the intelligence demonstrated by their banter and pronouncements, are unlikely to have the capacity to tie their shoes before descending on their Morning Cerelac
• An Attorney General who fondly believes he is perpetually auditioning for a Colgate advertisement
• An anti-corruption commission that zealously goes after chicken thieves and pickpockets
• A trigger happy police force that lurches from crisis to crisis
• A civil service run by tottering old men that refuse to give way that continues to amaze with its ineffectiveness
• A juvenile parliament, complete with soiled diapers that is more interested in grandstanding than legislating.
• A self deluded judiciary that fondly believes it is effectively discharging its mandate
• An ever naive public that refuses to see that it is viewed as nothing more than a source of funds, votes and foot-soldiers.
• A now defunct electoral commission unable to accurately count a single coin toss. It takes some effort and quite the imbecility to announce with a straight face a candidate had 40,000 votes in a constituency that has 30,000 people, let alone voters.

Most people in positions of governance give impressions of an urgent need of a swift kick in the seat of the trousers.

The nail in the coffin was this public announcement laying blame for corruption at the foot of couples working in Government offices.

Digest that for a minute. The Government position is that people who answered in the affirmative to the question “Wilt thou?” are the source of stolen public money.

After laughing myself to tears, I deployed my crack investigation team, whose findings stunned even me.

Pictured below is the Government Of Kenya Policy Maker & Decision Making Device

This device, acquired in 2002 has been behind all Government decisions and policies to date.

To many of us who have long been of the opinion that some of the decisions taken by the Government cannot possibly have come from a Homo Sapiens with opposable thumbs and binocular vision, much makes sense.

Going back to the couples, I have in my possession I card from Reverend Moon that I feel the authorities should investigate further

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Politicians of all persuasions
Strip this our land and nation.
Fortunes motivate us and keep us.
May we steal with impunity
Dodge taxes in unity;
Plenty be sourced within our dockets.

Let all politicians arise
With scams both wily and foolproof.
Eating be our earnest endeavour,
And our cake-stand of Kenya,
Heritage of plunder,
May we fight forever to perpetuate.

Let parties with one accord,
In common greed united,
Bankrupt our nation together.
May the agony of Kenya,
The fruit of our behaviour,
Remain hidden from our 2012 voters

The eventual deal that’s been agreed to is suspect…as usual the hardest worker gets shafted…The new salary for the lowest paid teacher will rise from Sh10,185 in July to Sh13,750 in July 2011. That of the highest paid teacher will go up from Sh44,990 to Sh120,270 in the same period. WTF?

Although the strike initally had the makings of a revival perhaps of a strong labour movement, in the end it unfortunately degenerated into a reminder on just how much damage the Moi years did to the labour movement, the squabbling between KUPPET and KNUT is just one example. There have been ramblings in some quarters about calling a general strike to express just how displeased Kenyans are with their leaders, but from where I’m sitting a general strike in Kenya is a pipe dream…the only thing that seems to extract a concerted +united effort from us nowadays is the celebration of various things - our runners, Obama, December holidays…

For a revealing and insightful analysis of the strike, this is a good read.

- Obama’s Indonesian lookalike.

- Be nice to your classmates, they just might become President.

- Clay Shirky on why you shouldn’t worry about information overload.

- Mapping Kogelo. LOL at having to get permission from the chief.

Kenya, as it is generally wont to, sent a contingent  of idlers and freeloaders, captained by Foreign Affairs Minister Moses “I’ve just been to Optica” Wetangula, who must be full from his numerous helpings of humble pie as he is the unfortunate who said “Who is Obama to tell us anything? He is just a junior senator from Illinois.” Wetangula famously pronounced the ‘s’.

Speaking of humble pie, I am eating my share of the same. I could never have wagered that Obama would win the election, much less the democratic nomination. Considering that Obama could not have won on the strength of the black vote alone, it speaks volumes of the American people walking the walk rather than just talking the talk.

I categorically eat my words and my hat.

Well in Mr. Obama! Well in America!

Although in my defence my jaundiced view is not helped by the poor calibre of leadership shown by our leaders and the tribal myopia of an embarrassingly large contingent of my fellow countrymen.

I have no doubt Obama would have lost the election if he run in Kenya.

If he was lucky enough to find his name on the electoral roll, and was even luckier to find his face and name on the ballot, he would have been sunk by voter turnouts of 340% voting for the incumbent. The final nail in his coffin would be the swearing in taking place while the ECK chairman is having his announcement typed by a ‘secretary’ in a beret , green uniform and a G3 slung across his shoulders.

But I digress.

Contrast

The biggest contrast I have ever seen in a long time was the way Americans looked fondly with admiration and pride and even love at their new leadership yesterday, compared to the *****, *****, ******, ****** and ***** with which Kenyans regard their leadership from the swearing in todate. What a vast difference! Rest assured you useless logarithms, that is not the way we look at you!

Why oh why can’t we get such a man instead of the hyenas and garden gnomes we have now!

I was in a passionate argument with a gentleman yesterday to the effect that America has had 200 years to get themselves in order whereas we are a young country.

I find this to be a bullshit excuse not worth the 1ply it deserves to be written on. Show me the commandment that dictates we must learn from the school of hard knocks! Is it not wiser to learn from the successes and mistakes of others.

Pal: Dude, clearly you’re being looked after well, you lucky bastard
M: I cannot tell a lie my son, that I am, that I am. What makes you say that?
Pal: Before you got married my guy you carried biscuits and snacks in all the oddest places. In your pockets, in your laptop bag, in your car dashboard 
M: I categorically deny!
Pal: Now you actually have a sealed container, something that cannot possibly be your doing!

Indeed, I am a lucky man. My dearest, YOU ROCK!

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Government: no frontier untouched!

*This image may or may not be an accurate representation.

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I’m the Director of Faith Orphan Home charity and humanitarian foundation. This letter comes to you simply because of the circumstances surrounding the death of our late founder we need your help to save the life of this children and i know as a child of GOD you will handle this process with me in one faith.
He established this foundation to help less privileged minority people and orphan children in our society which we were doing marvelously before his unfortunate death in 2005, i have been called upon to conduct a standard process and to provide the beneficiary to our late founder since he was a foreigner i will need your help on this process with the Bank here in Ghana.

This involves private funds deposited in a foreign currency account with The Bank in Ghana, as a miracle from God the bank contacted me a month ago as the director of this foundation and a trustee to recommend a next of kin to the funds since he (Our Late founder) died intestate and nominated no successor in title over the fund deposit made with the bank amounting to (Nine Million United States Dollars) The essence of this communication with you is to request that you provide me with information/comments on any or all of the issues below as regards nominating you to inherit the fund left behind since you are a foreigner hence eligible to stand for claim of the funds.

I have therefore contacted you to be legally nominated as next of kin (inheritor) to Our Late founder after all inquiries and investigation even with the relevant embassy has yielded results showing that there is no known or living next of kin. You are required therefore to answer this questions to enable me make my recommendation to The Bank in Ghana

Can you confirm your willingness to accept this inheritance if you are legally and legitimately nominated through my recommendation to the bank and approved to stand as inheritor to this funds, Would you agree to donate 50% of this inheritance to our charity organization for the continued upkeep and securing of a better future for the orphans in our care, if you are officially recommended to the bank in my powers to stand as the Inheritor?

Please write and let me know your interest towards the issues mentioned. You must appreciate that I am constrained from providing you with more detailed information at this point. Please respond to this mail as soon as possible to afford me the opportunity to provide you with more information on this matter and upon your consent proceed with the recommendation to the Bank as the inheritor of the funds.

Thanks for your care.

Pastor Samuel Kojo

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1. The are two of the dumbest human beings to walk this planet
2. The whole thing is one of the stories like bigfoot

I mean come on. Are you trying to tell me that the two never had a conversation like this?

(Let’s call then Emilio and Lucy)

Emilio: Balm of my soul, I seem to have come into posession of a position of considerable authority and I would like to treat you to a gift. When, o when did your pater and your mater say in unison “unto us a child is born?”

Lucy: O wind beneath my wings, how kind of you! I was born on the date of 15 October 1900

Emilio: Hear my heart leap like a caged beast! So was I! 15th of October 1900!

Lucy: Clearly we are as destined to be together as guano and sailor’s hats! Where exactly were you born?

Emilio: St Mary Of Nazareth Church, in Othaya

Lucy: The pot in my potato! Me too! And what time?

Emilio: 11:34 exactly

Lucy: Ha-kakaka! My popeye! So was I! Do you still have any doubts that we are meant to be?

Emilio: The doubt in my soul lasted shorter than Brazilians in British tube stations! What is your father’s name?

Lucy: Fidelis.

Emilio: What an extraordinary string of coincidences! So is mine! My mother is called Redem…

Lucy: Redemptor

Emilio: My most desperate of all housewives! Exactly!

Lucy: A love like ours is as rare to find as Form 16A

Together: What a coincidence!

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Founder of GWIIN - Global Women Inventors and Innovators Network: An organization that spotlights and supports women inventors.

In 1998, Bola decided to go for a free international inventors fair since she was expecting her 4th child and was not working at the time. Where she noticed that there was diversity in terms of the attendees and people at the booths; in talking to the people there, she found that though the inventors were male, the women were either wives, sisters or partners. Seeing this chasm, she set out to find the one woman inventor. She never found one on that day in the UK. She went to the organizers and asked if they could point one out. They had never had one as part of the inventors fair and told here that if she found one, she should contact them. She then did a program on BBC, seeking out women inventors. She got an overwhelming response to her appeal.

On Africa:-She did not begin here first, she started in Asia PAC,finding, supporting and recognizing the women inventors there. For Africa she started with visiting universities. Whenever she asked, people could barely name 3 women inventors. She discovered that there was a dearth of information on African women inventors in current textbooks. The African inventors who were featured were written about by Americans. She also found that it wasn’t just African women inventors, it was about women inventors as a whole not being acknowledged.

She faced lots of naysayers, wondering if she had this right when she wanted to have a conference for women innovators. In 2005 the first Pan African conference for women innovators was held - it was clear she was on to something because every seat was taken. Her work continues since, with a centre for innovation in Africa being opened in December. She noted something that we all know in Africa, women are very active participants in the marketplace, they are traders and sellers.She also gave examples of people honored by her organization: - Simi Bola who made a new wig that had braids, it is now on sale around the world. To see more of the women honored by her org, please click here.

Hers was a very inspiring talk because she exemplifies action. She saw something that wasn’t being done and just got on with making change happen.

Next, there was an excellent 3 minute presentation by Erik Hersman of Afrigadget the slides showcased some of the stories covered by afrigadget team, demonstrating how Africans solve problems every day by making tools and using local materials. The main idea he shared is that - Ingenuity born of necessity. The quotable from him is that **Where others see trash, africa recycles** He presented a soccer ball made of twine and paper bags to Emeka Okafor one of the organizers of TED Global. A wonderful gesture, because as most people may not know, Emeka is the pre-eminent online chronicler of African innovation and business. His blog is Timbuktu Chronicles.

The Next speaker was Dr. Moses Makayoto - Chemical Engineer from Kenya: Africa has stopped talking, its now about action.
Innovations he has been working on :

Bacillus thuringiensis -filth flies control using bio pesticides made out of 100% local materials such as cowdung, molasses and other ingredients.
Artemisinin - Drug for malaria, there is a $10 million plant in Nairobi processing artemisinin. It is possible that he is referring to the plant mentioned in TED global day 1.
“sungrupot”- Nutritive immune booster (for AIDS patients) -current research is still going on though it has been patented in Kenya. He pointed out that there are other diseases such as cholera and typhoid that are still killing people and solutions to these issues are still needed.
Quotable - There isn’t the notion of African science, science is science - Look at it in the context of science being needed to solve Africa’s problems.

Challenges: Lack of prototype development, lack of intellectual property policy. There is a question of what belongs to who - some herbs are part of tribal heritage. Not much R&D is done locally. There is also a lack of marketing skills for new products. There is also a myth that innovations are too complex and thus cannot be tackled.

The choices for kenyan scientists are often to publish or perish, patent or perish , produce or perish. In the African context the last option of producing or perishing is even more pronounce because the diseases mentioned above do cost lives every day.

The way forward

• R&D must go on but include prototype dev and reverse engineering to see if the product can be made locally.
• Patent filing for existing science
• Incubation systems for innovative ideas Market driven tech should be emphasized in order to realise the real market ROI that is more empowering than AID.
• Africa must industrialize in whole not in part.

Q:Any clinical trials [for Arteminisin based drugs]?

A: Yes the work will be published soon.

Short Break: Video of making of CAN TV - Keita Moussa of Zirasun. Check out mali.geekcorps.org

Joe FOSS for dev of software for use in hospitals and as a mode of secure communication between patient and doctor. Dr. Seyi Olesola: Healthcare in Africa: Beyond malaria and Aids. He left from the diaspora and moved to the Nigeria to work there. For many common ailments like trauma, hypertension, diabetes, cancer, people go to hospitals or dispensaries that are are ill equipped. A simple thing like an x ray can be a challenge. He showed pictures of an earthen floor and old equipment like a very old anesthisiology machine. It really does look like a relic.Dr. Oyesola pointed out that the machines are still in use currently. Its a real challenge to do open heart surgery in Nigeria. From the pics, it doesnt seem like this is possible at all because of old equipment. He showed slides of an open heart surgery where they had to ship in everything, and he had to be inventive to prop up a patient by sliding a plastic chair under the matress, buttressing the top part of the mattress to create a makeshift reclined hospital bed. The invention: Hospital in a box. Its is a wheeled piece of equipment that looks like a steel cupboard with sliding cabinets. It has a defibrillator a light and can be charged using a truck battery or a solar panel. He didnt spend too much time on the invention itself, but pointed out that there is more to be done in Healthcare in Africa.

William Kamkwamba, previously featured on afrigadget - Home made wind mill. Download his powerpoint presentation here.
Mohammed Bah Abba - Sahel region south of sahara: Preserving fruit using evaporation of water from sand that creates a cooling effect.

The program starts tomorrow the 4th and runs through the 7th.