Chapter 9: Incumbency: Your Best Friend
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Presidency For Dummies (African Edition) - Elections
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Numb3rs
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Browsing through my contacts the other day I came across the names of my good friend Bill (Name hidden to protect the guilty). The saga of Bill is one that even today fills me with great amusement.
Bill is the kind of chap who unlike the rest of was possessed of the gift of the gab. If there was one thing Bill could do it was talk, and talk well. A career in sales was just what the doctor ordered for our Bill. Bill could and did sell motorcycle tyres to people on foot. Bill sold pork chops and sausages to devout Jews. He sold sides of beef to vegetarians. I have little doubt that Bill could convince Lucy Kibaki to purchase the East African Standard.
Which brings me to the meat and potatoes. Bill replicated his successful sales funnel in the field in his affairs with the daughters of Eve. His large phone was ever beeping, tweeting and chirping with text messages and phone calls.
As with all generous men, Bill took great issue with the imbalance of eligible men vis a vis eligible women, and took it upon himself to make up for the difference. Selflessly sacrificing his time, he could (and did) entertain and sample the charms of up to three women at a time. I once watched in stunned amazement the master at work on two date simultaneously in the same eating establishment where with the dexterous use of rolled up sleeves convinced both his dates that his occasional absences from the table were to attend to a patient that was unwell in a back room. Bill never shied away from discreetly introducing a MD to his title.
”Like a wolf in a fold” are words that will always have special meaning to me after seeing Bill hard at work on Sundays. Bill’s unassailable logic, with which I heartily agreed, was that wifely material was simply not available at the Simba Saloon at 3 in the morning. It was however, more likely to be found at Corpus Christi at 12 AM in the morning, and so after a hard night at the Simba Saloon dance floor Bill rushed home, showered, shaved, grabbed his dog-eared bible (dog-earing was done by Bill’s devoutly Catholic mother) and within an hour was singing “Ave Maria” with the same gusto as he sung “’pon de river, pon de bank” not 12 hours earlier.
After the service Bill freely mingled with his fellow parishioners, especially his sisters in Christ. Phone numbers flowed from dimpled maidens to Bill’s phone with the ease of Government officials disposing of hotels. Making full use of his office as an organizing fellow of The Christian, the Church’s newsletter.
And so it was thus Bill met and turned his attentions to one Christiana Wekesa (name hidden to protect the guilty). She put up a spirited fight but she was like the Grand Regency to his Libyan consortium. I congratulated Bill on his excellent taste and good fortune in finding a good woman. He agreed.
One day Christine saw it fit to send Bill a text message inquiring as to his mode of dress for a meeting he was attending. Like 9.8 out of 10 men Bill took the opportunity to inquire with keen interest what she was wearing. Things naturally deteriorated from there. Several text messages later (Safaricom remarkably was able to handle the load) Bill composed a lengthy message illustrating in great detail how much as he appreciated her navy blue skirt skirt, white blouse and stockings, on the whole he would much rather she not have them altogether.
He then proceeded to paint a rich tapestry of what exactly he planned to do had he not been separated by duty and geography from her. A fine sheen of sweat peppered his brow and upper lip as he put his back into a lengthy text message that had the screen of the Nokia fogging over.
Suddenly he noticed that the meeting he was attending required his input so he quickly scrolled to Christina’s name in the phone book and hit send. He then tabled his market penetration graphs and miscellaneous visual aids and got on with it.
His phone vibrated in his pocket as a text message arrived. And then another. And then another.
He smiled modestly to himself and wondered if Casanova might have gotten further under his tutelage.
After a lengthy presentation he sat down and fished out his phone to find 18 unread messages and 10 missed calls.
"Poor old gal,” he said smugly. “Can’t handle old Bill, can ye?”
As he read the messages his smile began to falter.
The first message was from his Bishop who went out of his way to elaborate politely but firmly that the only place he would allow himself to be kissed was on his rings as symbols of his office.
The next message was from Sister Mary Margaret and consisted solely of question marks.
Father Mulinge from the parish urged him with great speed to see him as soon as possible for counseling.
Retired Colonel Wilberforce J. Majani (Rtd) wanted to know what the devil he was playing at.
Bill felt a cold hand clasp his heart.
With trembling fingers he navigated to his outbox and a ghastly smile appeared on his face.
The correspondence had not been sent to Christina after all, but to ‘Christians’, which happened to be the distribution list of 70 involved in the Church newsletter, which included the Bishop of the Diocese and several priests, nuns and respected members of society. They had received the text message (composed of 6 text messages) and read it with initial curiosity followed by confusion followed by disbelief and finally shock at some of the initiatives Bill was proposing that he undertake without further delay.
Bill now is based in Rwanda, where I believe he has converted to Islam.
The saga he told me over drinks one stormy night some months back. I sympathized with him.
“Well, now people have read about another ass in addition to Balaam’s” I could not resist pointing out. “Always best to make a clean breast of things, not take it lying down. Once everything is laid bare, things tend to work out.”
I can’t really say that he was all that amused.
AOBWorld Domination proceeding steadily. Us against the world, you and me against the world
PIC OF THE DAY
T-3
Tell us something we don’t know!
© M for tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. | Permalink | 28 comments | Add to del.icio.us
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William Chapelle / Dave Kabogo
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Much has been said about the powerful resemblance between ex Juja MP William Kabogo and comedian Dave Chapelle. I have regarded that comparison as about as accurate as Mwai Kibaki looking like Taye Diggs.
But now … I table the following composite. Who is who?
*Taye Diggs from an AP Photo
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Bob’s Your Uncle!
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When I See You
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Dracula’s Wedding
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Ah, Outkast! Genius!!
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Mensa
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Dear MP
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM WARNING: CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE
Dear MP,
It is with sadness that I greet you this day. Sadness because you actually got out of the house without being struck by lightning or rear ended by an 18 wheeler. You see, this is because I hate your guts, and indeed every inch of you, from the tips of your pitchfork to the end of your forked tail. Like an unpaid KPLC bill, you give me the urge to put your lights out.
My dearest MP, nothing would give me the greatest pleasure to kick your spine right out the top of your fat head and proceed to beat you with your own backbone, or what little there is of it. I would then like to sprinkle your backbone with chili, salt, vinegar and army ants and stuff it right back, upside down, where it came from.
In case your ant-like attention span is not quite grasping this, given a choice between your presence in the same hemisphere as myself and painting a boat with my tongue, I’d happily paint the entire Pacific Fleet.
Making allowances for the fact that you are not one of nature’s lightning thinkers, let me simplify it by saying I despise you, from the top of your fat head to the soles of your designer gum boots.
Nothing brings out the truth of uncompromising and everlasting mother’s love than the fact that somewhere there is a woman that is proud to be associated with you. I shudder at the thought of carrying you for 9 months. Give me Pharaoh’s 7 years of famine anytime! 9 months of your society is 9 months too many! Shaggy was onto something when he talked about Strength Of A Woman.
We boosted you on your shoulders when you came to campaign as you promised us change and development. Like true men and woman we grinned ghastly grins and tolerated your enormous girth, stretched trousers and suspicious skid-marks. We endured your rich, earthy aroma and your joint saying and spraying as you articulated your vision.
And then you were sworn in and you were gone. From your one roomed hovel you now live in a house that has a jacuzzi, something you seem to think comes from a sewing kit.
When it comes to issues to do with your benefits and welfare your girth can be seen moving horizontally at great speed and wobble towards the debating chamber. I see your fat face on TV explaining why you need to be paid more. However when it is time for our roads, or our fertilizer or our schools, we are assured the grunts and slobbers from the parliamentary cafeteria are from you.
Now that you object to paying taxes like me, let me assure you that nothing would give me greater pleasure to sit you down in a forest, cover your nether regions in ground nuts and leave the squirrels to a treat of Cadbury’s Fruit and Nut. I would also like to anesthetize you, skin you, cover your flesh with curry powder and vinegar, sprinkle some ball bearings and return your skin and wait for the fun and games begin.
How dare you, you greedy bastard, think that you are more equal than me? Do you not realize, you fat fool, that I am taxed all the way to my liver to pay your obscene salary? Listen here, you garden gnome. Do you understand that I pay so much tax that my grandsons are in debt? And you don’t want to pay tax!
I read with amusement that you sit on the defence committee. You poor fool, a cruise missile is just as fast as a regular missile!
And at your stint doing something in the finance ministry, a balanced budget does not mean writing some expenses on pages 1-30 and the rest on pages 31-60!
Hydro-electric dam, for your information, is not a new curse word.
Just last week I was at a function where you were reading something about Open Source. I have no doubt that you think Open Source can be helped by ointment and bandages. Well, let me say this to you:
apt-get down on your knees, gunzip my trousers and gnukiss my ass, you selfish, self righteous, Gadarene swine!
Yours sincerely,
M
© M for tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. | Permalink | 32 comments | Add to del.icio.us
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Spare us Mediocrity & Coverups!
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM I highly suspect that at Safaricom decision making is done by Michael Joseph as follows:
- A roulette wheel of ideas, most of which are half baked is prepared
- MJ puts on a blindfold
- MJ is spun around in his chair 15 times by an energetic staff
- Roulette wheel is spun
- Dizzy MJ throws dart at spinning wheel
- Idea struck is implemented
This can be the only explanation for something as doofus as free calls.
FREE CALLS?
Surely you jest!
Is this the same Michael Joseph who complained bitterly about the congestion being caused by Kenyans and their ‘peculiar calling habits’?
How quickly we forget!
Have Kenyans changed overnight? Are different people inhabiting Kenya? Why didn’t I get the memo!
Thanks to the free calls (from 9 to 6) for the last week the Safaricom network, quicker than knickers in the red light district, has been dropping completely.
The most printable of responses from Safaricom customers has been WTF. If Michael Joseph is interested in byte size bites of exactly what people think of Safaricom, he can drop me a line and I will, with the greatest of pleasure, let him know in great detail just what Safaricom is thought of, especially last week.
Safaricom may be known for many things but quality of service is not one of them. When the multitude of customers are not waiting for five loaves and two fish to be disbursed at Customer Care centers with 10+ help desks staffed by two, they are weeping and gnashing their teeth at congested networks.
And they have the temerity to offer FREE CALLS? It’s like George Bush and Lucy Kibaki offering to start a Mensa Chapter. The dang capacity ain’t there!!
And In Other ScandalsIf you have not heard of kenyaipos.co.ke, then you probably live under a lichen infested rock.
When the site was launched, an initiative of Citi Group, offering Kenyans the ability to apply for shares online, like sheep we clicked the register button and proceeded to send all our personal details and share applications into the digital ether.
If you sought to read the small print you would have come away unimpressed. Nowhere was it explicitly stated what your information was used for, where it was stored and what rights you had with regards to your information.
What it did say, however, was that Citi group and all of its affiliates and partners could access and use it.
And before you ask, no, nowhere were these affiliates and partners listed.
Now, late last week someone discovered that with judicious manipulation of the URL you could pretty much view anyone else’s share applications and personal details.
Let me put that a little differently.
If you applied for your safaricom shares online anyone and I do mean anyone could have seen your personal details.
Any yahoo could have seen your phone numbers and email addresses, details of your applications and God knows what else.
In a show of the crass ineptitude that I’ve come to expect from Big Business in Kenya, the people behind kenyaipos.co.ke have simply taken the site down. There is nothing at the URL anymore.
This has the stink of a cover up.
A cover up that I am afraid will not be possible. We know about this lapse. And what’s more a few screen captures demonstrating the flaw can be tabled (suitably obfuscated of course).
In short, answers, and a full disclosure, and an apology are expected in very short order from:
Resist the temptation to cover this up. I know, I know it’s tempting. But Kenyans put their faith in many institutions and they deserve a least one of them not to make a mockery of their faith and their intelligence!
I will keep an eye on the papers and the institutional websites and hope you do the right thing.
Additional information? Threats? Drop me a line.
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Moving House
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM So this past weekend, the missus moved house. Aside from lacking a swing inside, the new digs is fantastic, up to and including the huge window on one wall of the living room that overlooks a garden. While no one was looking I secretly did a cartwheel to measure the living room. The exact measurements using this metric are a trade secret I shall take to my grave. Suffice it to say they are the exact dimensions necessary for us to unfold our master plan of world domination by producing sleepers that will be introduced into key sectors of industry ready for activation by us at a moment’s notice.
This is the point at which evil laughter should be introduced.
I am of the opinion of hedging our bets my producing as many troops as possible, but my co-conspirator will have none of that, seeing that she is in fully charge of the production process. I am pushing keenly for at least 5 sleepers, to infiltrate the finance, manufacturing, ICT, government and hospitality.
But I digress.
As with all things the move was replete with lessons
- The female of the species, like iron filings to magnet, collects shoes at a prolific rate
- While planning construction (or purchase of a new house) right after bathroom and kitchen, make allowances for a room for shoes (not yours, of course)
- Shoes are heavy. Especially when transported together. Especially when carried up 3 flights of steps. Especially if due to a communications breakdown it is the wrong 3 flights
- The possessions of the female of the species follow closely the handbag rule. What is the handbag rule? The volume of materials inside the female handbag is inversely proportional to the internal volume of the handbag itself. The same applies to the contents of the flat and the flat
- Cushions are bigger than their respective covers
- It does not matter how thoroughly you measure curtains before purchase. They will always mysteriously shrink en route
But at the end of it all everything was unpacked, the broken dishes tossed out on their ears and Phase I of the master plan is nearing completion.
Here’s to many more milestones my dearest. Many many more!
Light It UpRoberta is sans insurance, and knowing full well that these are just the circumstances God chooses to exercise his excellent sense of humour, I decided not to chance driving. I would not put it past the man upstairs to have me involved in a menage a trois with a S Class and a VW Touareg that will force me to sell my car and sell my self and my immediate future family to pay for my sin.
But with Angels and whatnots to entertain, God makes excellent use of what appears at first sight to be limited material.
Which is why as I was proceeding to work, minding my own business, the matatu I was in caught fire. Not much of a build up I know, but one minute am fiddling with my phone and the next minute I look up to a classic Babel. The interior of the matatu is full of smoke and with amazing dexterity the tout has effected an exit through the open window.
Why he has departed we are not exactly sure. Until a tongue of flame appears amid the smoke.
Now in most buildings there is some sort of plaque the says things like
“Do not panic. In an orderly fashion proceed to the nearest exit
and assemble at the designated collection point”What happens in reality my friends is nothing short of the opposite. There is no orderly quiet movement. You can practically hear the audio soundtrack to the situation.There is acrobatic and energetic motion of the human body from all the players. A large woman of motor boat like proportions will attempt to exit the vehicle head first at the same time a large man of Maruti like proportions is attempting to exit the same vehicle from the same window foot first. Where the sum of the parts is larger than the whole of the window, things grind to a halt. There are then shouted instructions to move mammaries and backsides out of the way.
I would have stayed for more entertainment but the thought of a vehicle on fire while my person and future lineage are still within is one that prompts action. A slid open window and a dive and roll through the window are but a moment’s work.
AOBAirport Official: First name?
Passenger: Batman
Airport Official: What?
Passenger: Batman
Airport Official: (Holding Head) Your first name is Batman
Passenger: Yes
Airport Official: Spelling?
Passenger: Just like it sounds. Batman
Airport Official: Right. And your surname?
Passenger: Superman
Airport Official: Right, that does it! Security!
Mariah CareyI cannot off the top of my head remember a song I despised as much as Touch My body. I cannot put in words just how much I can’t stand it. Please for the love of Humanity can someone please touch Mariah Carey’s body? Preferably with Anthrax?
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Made In China
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Odds & Ends
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM My struggle to be”significant and articulate” continues.
Paying TaxMy sympathies are with Mr. Wesley Snipes. After spending the better part of 3 years trying to keep the taxman off his assets he will be spending the next three trying to keep the ax man off his ass. Now let’s see if just like every other rich white celebrity, he’ll be on his merry way after a couple of days after a slap on the wrist. Somehow … I don’t think so. Blade will now have mundane things like dropped soap becoming a lot less mundane.
Merus HoyeeLooks like Kiraitu Murungi and the Njuri Ncheke must be doing something right for the Meru Community. I was amazed to see this ad on my gmail
My Man Wally
I don’t read Dilbert for Dilbert. Wally is just the guy!
The Age Of Innocence
30 years ago this comic panel would not have raised any eyebrows
Barber Shop
I earlier today cut my hair. This may seem fairly mundane to you but it is a big deal to me because the last time I cut my hair was two presidents and a prime minister, one decade and 3 elections ago, in the last millennium. Yes sir, I last sat in a barber’s seat in 1997. Vox populi has been split between disbelief and mirth, weighted heavily in the direction of the latter. I must confess since the haircut to feeling a tad lethargic.
Fuel
I’m thinking of getting a nice 21 speed mountain bike. This is Kenol Koinange Street. Kenol, BTW, consistently have the highest fuel prices in Nairobi, the greedy doofi. Only gunpoint can inspire me to fuel at a Kenol/Kobil
BummerLike Midnight Mugithi I find the Hummer a particularly ugly monstrosity that only a mother could love. The other day I found myself driving behind one of those eyesores. The reaction from folks can only be accurately described in film
Driving
I came across this driving school the other day while en route to visit the missus. So fascinated was I by the sign I clean missed the turnoff. It certainly looks like an interesting establishment. If only MPs would pay a visit!
Groan Of The Day
Religious women have no business making coffee. The bible clearly says Hebrews.
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Temporary Post Used For Style Detection (520d3655-0e71-4558-b28a-3c4ae00e8859 - 3bfe001a-32de-4114-a6b4-4005b770f6d7)
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM This is a temporary post that was not deleted. Please delete this manually. (d940df06-11c2-4fc9-abf9-9f6f956ac31f - 3bfe001a-32de-4114-a6b4-4005b770f6d7)
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Ballerina Girl
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM © M for tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. | Permalink | No comment | Add to
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What’s In A Name?
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM I have in the past expressed my concerns about the mainstream media, specifically the newspapers. When they are not sensationalizing trivial issues like what the Speaker’s Wife was wearing during a national crisis rather than focusing on real issues, many reporters betray a lethargy that verges on the comical.
Today for instance I have received a number of text messages informing me that I am in today’s standard. Many of them addressed me as Mwangi.
With some resignation I secured a Standard to find out what had been said about me and why I was being referred to as Mwangi.
Here’s the bit about me:
Mwangi of Thinker’s Room sympathized with “genuine” ODM supporters who seem to be watching their hero betray them”
The facts are as follows:
1) The Mwangi quoted there is not in fact myself. It is a comment that was left by a reader.
2) I am not, have not, and do not intend to be called Mwangi.
3) The reporter would do well next time to differentiate the sentiments of the blogger from those of the commenters. There is, you know, a difference. Now I am waiting for a deluge of threats and outrage from PNU yahoos who will finally feel that I have been exposed as an undercover ODM sympathizer (which I am not). I choose to attribute the failure to make the distinction (despite the fact that the quotes above and below mine were from the actual bloggers) to lethargy rather than a deliberate misstatement.© M for tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. | Permalink | 30 comments | Add to
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Crank That
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM What I think of our two Ali Babas and their newly unveiled list of 40 thieves is best left for another day.
Kibaki & Raila: Soulja Boy Off In this …
Kalonzo & Mudavadi: Oh!
Kibaki & Raila: Watch me Lean And Watch Me …
Kalonzo & Mudavadi: Rock!
All together: Super Man Dat Oh!Pic from East African Standard
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Beginnings
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM After the storm
came the calm.
After the rain
came the shine.After the night
came the day.
After the thunder
came the quiet.I rose this morning,
still recalling.
And felt the sun
and its soothing calm.I opened the door,
and saw no more,
the gloomy sky
or the reason why.My soul will soar,
and ache no more.
Into the new day
together we sailOur hands together,
we will forever…© M for tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. | Permalink | One comment | Add to
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The Misses …
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM The gaffes I make,
the faltered steps,
the misses.The wounds I caused,
the gloom I wrought,
the misses.The tears I brought,
the sadness on,
the misses.Poor choices made,
bad paths taken,
the misses.Missteps taken,
bridges broken,
the misses.Now my ship has sailed,
and I remain
in pieces …© M :: tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. Comment On The Misses …
Category: Politics, Reflections.
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White Smoke! Kenya Has A Cabinet
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Breaking news from the Government Spokesman
Row, row, row your boat,
gently down the stream,
merrily merrily merrily merrilyAh … Alfred …
Sorry, sorry.
Good morning, good morning, good morning. Greetings and salutations. Walapa, walapangaz and wasadily. What’s popping. What’s cooking. What’s crackalacking. Wazzup! For those who many not know me, my name is Alfred ‘Gummi Bear’ Mutua.
I am here to announce that there is white smoke! We have a cabinet!
Principals- President and Head Of State: Emilio ‘Shakespeare’ Kibaki
- Vice President & Leader Of Government Business: Stephen ‘Iscariot’ Kalozo
- Prime Minister: Raila ‘Grab Yer Ankles’ Odinga
- Attorney General: Amos ‘Smilin’ Wako
- Attorney Sergeant: To be announced
- Attorney Major: To be Announced
- Attorney Corporal: To Be Announced
- Plain Old Attorney: To be Announced
- Deputy Prime Minister: Martha ‘Darth Vader’ Karua
- Deputy Prime Minister: Musalia ‘Stranger In The Night’ Mudavadi
- Deputy Deputy Prime Minister: Kiraitu ‘Harvey Dent’ Murungi
- Deputy Deputy Prime Minister: Charity ‘Just Bring It’ Ngilu
- Under Deputy Deputy Prime Minister: Sam ‘Droopy’ Ongeri
- Under Deputy Deputy Prime Minister: William ‘Tear Gas’ Ruto
- Optimus Prime: To Be Announced
- Secretary To The Cabinet: Francis ‘Dexter’ Muthaura
- Tea Girl To The Cabinet: To be Announced
- Tea Boy To The Cabinet: To be Announced
- Mental Health: Lucy Kibaki
- Internal Security: George ‘Dance 360′ Saitoti
- External Security: Joseph ‘Shut yo’ mouth’ Nkaiserry
- Borderline Security: Bonny ”Isikuti’ Khalwale
- Defence: To Be Announced
- Livestock (Water based): Mwangi ‘Tisha’ Kiunjuri
- Livestock (Less than 4 Legs): Bifwoli ‘Tiktater’ Wakoli
- Livestock (4 or more legs): Franklin ‘ Comeback Kid’ Bett
- Livestock (Rodents): Robinson ‘Rat Catcher’ Githae
- Livestock (No Legs): Stanley ‘Methuselah’ Githunguri
- Fisheries (In Lakes): Fred ‘Australopithecus Africanus’ Gumo
- Fisheries (In Oceans): Cyrus ‘5 Sock’ Jirongo
- Foreign Affairs (Within Africa): Najib ‘Scimitar’ Balala
- Foreign Affairs (Outside Africa): Moses ‘Look At My New Glasses’ Wetangula
- Labour (Industrial): Ali ‘Petition’ Joho
- Labour (Domestic): Lina ‘Look At Meee!’ Kilimo
- Private Transport: To Be Announced
- Public Transport: To Be Announced
- Ministry Of Transport By Foot & Bicycle: Chirau ‘Koinange’ Mwakwere
- Ministry Of Justice: Mutula ‘Quisling’ Kilonzo
- Ministry Of Constitutional Affairs: Otieno ‘Ha ha!’ Kajwang
- Ministry of Entertainment: Musikari ‘Piriton’ Kombo
- Ministry of Ministries
- Ministry of Assistant Ministries
- Ministry
- Ministry Of Water
- Ministry of H20
- Ministry of Rice & Plants We Can’t Classify
- Ministry of Skumawiki & Green Vegetables
- Ministry of Cabbage & Non Green Vegetables
- Ministry of East Africa
- Ministry of South Africa
- Ministry of West Africa
- Ministry of South Africa
- Ministry of Mauritius & Other Islands We Can’t Place
- Ministry of Sports With Balls
- Ministry of Sports With Sticks
- Ministry of Golf, Hockey & Sports With Balls & Sticks
- Ministry of Sports With Neither Balls Nor Sticks
- Ministry of Roads
- Ministry of Streets
- Ministry of Lanes & Footpaths
- Backup Ministry
- Ministry of Youth
- Ministry of Children
- Ministry of Toddlers
- Ministry of Women
- Ministry of Men
- Ministry of Transgenders & The Otherwise Unsure
- Ministry of Culture
- Ministry of Music
- Ministry of Arts
- Ministry of Crafts
- Ministry of Trade
- Ministry of Industry
- Ministry of Commerce
- Ministry of Jobbo
- Ministry of Housing
- Ministry of Human Settlement
- Ministerial Ministry
- Ministry of Diamond Production
- Ministry of Oil Production
- Ministry of Tanzanite Production
- Ministry of Winter Sports & Athletics
- Ministry of Koalas, Tigers & Endgangered Species
- Ministry of Ministry Creation
- Ministry of Special Projects
- Ministry of Plain Old Projects
- Ministry of Miscellaneous Projects
- Ministry of Lands
- Ministry of Skies
- Ministry of Sun, Moon & Stars
I am pleased to observe that each of the 90 ministries shall have 2 Assistantt Ministes so Kenyans can be assured that work will be done.
Warm Regards
Alfred Mutua
Government Spokesman
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Fair And Handsome
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Prousette found something interesting in this weekend’s paper
Few are unfamiliar with the Fair and Lovely brand. Fewer still would be unfamiliar with their ad.
This features an unfortunate maiden, handicapped not by education, brains, wit, binocular vision or bipedal motion, but by the curse of skin that is a rich ebony. This chocolatey skin serves her during job interviews the same way a dangling rat’s tail from the side of her mouth would. She is dismissed with nary a cursory glance by the interviewers upon ascertaining she is not the complexion of the average foolscap.
On the dating scene matters are just as grim. Tall dark and handsome strangers pass her in the street as if she was simultaneously suffering from leprosy and gangrene.
Until of course an ever helpful friend gushingly tells her of a new product … Fair and Lovely.
Within weeks (says the ad, accompanied by time delay photos) our maiden’s face and hands become lighter and lighter. I assume the rest of her becomes lighter as well. We can’t have the mask and glove effect, can we?
It is only with her light skin that she is able to wow interviewers with her charm, intelligence and natural wit. A leering doofus in the next cubicle leers some more. On her way out suitors at attention line up.
Ah, what magic a little cream can do!
It would seem that men are laboring under similar yokes. They fail to get jobs, attention, dates because of their unnaturally rich chocolatey skin. This is a theorem I welcome with open arms as I find it fully consistent with my self esteem issues.
Good news my fellow brethren! Fair and Handsome is here.
Apparently men’s skin needs to be fair because it is
- 3 times more exposed to the sun
- 5 times more exposed to pollution
- 2 times more exposed to stress factories
Let me start you off with the opening lines
Emami, in collaboration with Activor Corp, USA, herbalists and dermatologists from India has created a unique fairness cream for Men with a breakthrough Five Power Fairness System to make skin fair and handsome in 4 weeks. It also helps in relieving stress and fatigue signs - gives men’s tough skin a firmer look. Emami Fair And Handsome World’s No.1 fairness cream protects men’s face from sun’s UV Rays.
Right on!
For more fun get there and enjoy.
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The Butt Of Jokes
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM You can’t make this stuff up
A German retiree is taking a hospital to court after she went in for a leg operation and got a new anus instead, the Daily Telegraph is reporting.
The woman woke up to find she had been mixed up with another patient suffering from incontinence who was to have surgery on her sphincter.
I imagine, when asked about the matter, a senior hospital administrator offered the following apt response: “I’ll look into it.”
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Pillow Talk
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Nothing like some pillow talk to bring some pep into a relationship!
She then hit me with a confession that would both thrill and confuse me. She explained that in the months that I had been away in Iraq her role within the AUC had changed; she had joined the urban militia and become an assassin. Her job was now to eliminate informers and traitors. So far, she told me, she had killed at least 10 people in the area. I lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply, Marylin looked at me through the smoke as I exhaled, waiting to see how I would respond to what she had just told me.
PIC OF THE DAY
Lucy seems different today … funny, I never noticed that moustache — Bloody hell! I left the toilet seat up!
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Fore!
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM
WTF Of The Day
Raila: So, what’s your … er … handicap?
Emilio: (Nervously) A bit of flatulence. Yourself?
Raila Snoring
Pic from East African Standard ([www.eastandard.net])Apparently, Women in jeans cannot be raped
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Now Then Steve
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM 
Vice President Kalonzo Musyoka thoughtfully and happily checks out Secretary Of State Condoleezza Rice’s “Official Position”
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World War Loo: The Battle Theater
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Some time ago I penned a passionate appeal to my fellow brothers about the usage of the throne room. And you, of course, disregarded every word I said!
On retrospect perhaps I wouldn’t mind having daughters instead of sons. The associated hardware and utilities required in raising a girl (shotgun, pistol & associated firearms, machetes and whips for errant boys) are a small price to pay for having lovely, gentle and well mannered girls in the house instead of shouting, rowdy and disgusting small boys whooping and leaving muddy prints everywhere.
Take for example last week. I was at some large corporation whose identity I shall keep secret to protect the guilty. Shortly before lunch (the meeting was strategically set up in the window between 11 and 2, leaving the host no option but to feed me and my lads) I walked into the washroom to wash my hands. Yes, gentlemen. Shocking as it may seem some people still wash their hands before meals! It was not some sinister agenda imposed on your mothers from communist Russia!
If Jack Bauer ruthlessly shot his best friend in the head, his wife in the heart decapitated a hapless prisoner while shouting into his mouthpiece “Chloe, pull up the schematics of the lavatory” this is what he would come up with.
The battle theaters are as follows:
A (Medic) Where preparations are (generally) made before and after combat. Those of us who visit the Medic was our hands. Sadly, we are a minority
B (Fantasia) Where limited operations, generally of chemical nature are effected
C (Kosovo) Where dive and cluster bombing, as well as light machine gun fire cum gas warfare is practicedNow, there I was, hands gleaming from liquid soap and starting to walk towards the door, whistling the happy whistle of a man about to sit down to a free and wholesome meal when the door burst open and a man swaggered into the facility.
That I did not mind. That sort of thing happens, given statistics, probability and other whatnots.
What I did mind, and mind to the extreme, was that the man had opened his firing turret and his howitzer was aimed, locked and loaded at the recommended 45 degree angle.
So let us recap.
Starting to move due South was M, hands washed, anticipating a lunch.
Advancing North without cover is Megatron, cannon exposed pointing, inevitably, due North.
Now I don’t know about you but I acutely, emphatically and totally object to having another man’s equipment in my face pointing at me as a rule. It’s just not my cup of tea.
Meditating pleasantly about a lunch of roast potatoes, pan fried steak, lettuce and tomato, the mind was lurched into unplanned for activity and the following tumbled out
- What the hell?
- WHAT.THE.HELL.
- What if in addition to priming his weaponry early the feller had an itry trigger finger and fired … er … prematurely?
- If a random stranger walked in, or worse still a client, how on earth would I begin to explain things?
Megatron suddenly noticed that he was not alone and there was “gentleman, dead ahead”.
What followed was a social impasse that has played out ever since Adam and Eve discovered they were naked.
M went to his left and Megatron went to his right, effectively blocking him.
M then went to his right and Megatron to his left, again blocking him.
Megatron was a believer in pragmatism and saw no need to holster his weapon if he was going to unholster it not 15 seconds in the near future. So as we danced the dance (a dance without even a damn dinner!) a chemical weapon was pointing at me.
Finally I saw that we were getting nowhere so I effected a tactical retreat due North towards the far wall.
Megatron took this to be a surrender and consolidated his position by advancing North as well.
Hands spread in surrender I backed further and further, dying a thousand deaths at the thought of someone wandering into the scenario that from a cursory glance was getting dangerously close to a BBMM (Brokeback Mountain Moment). Some things really cannot be easily explained. It won’t do for a man that has spent his career elaborating at great detail the dimensions of Miss Halle Berry to be caught in such a situation. Within moments the creative grapevine would be buzzing and I would be fielding questions as to which of us said “I wish I could quit you” .
My breath caught in my throat as I felt the wall behind and I rapidly consulted the field manual on what to do in such situations. The manual drew a blank.
Megatron mercifully pulled a sharp right turn at the corner and rumbled into Fantasia for some light skirmishes.
I departed with a sonic boom.
As we sat down to lunch my host looked with concern at my violent and passionate objection to an aperitif of sausages …
Guys, is it too much to keep your weapons holstered until you’re actually at the firing range?!!
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Kisima Cha Giningi 2008
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM CAST Bwana Msa (Investigator)Gitobu Immanyara (Victim)Police ArtistCommissioner Ali (Police Chief)Eric Kiraithe (Police Spokesman) Bwana Msa, in a simple shirt and a leso wrapped around his midriff, lies recumbent upon a deck chair. The deck chair itself lies recumbent on the front steps of the CID Head Quarters. His unlit pipe dangles idly ... -
Kisima Cha Giningi 2008
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM CAST
Bwana Msa (Investigator)
Gitobu Immanyara (Victim)
Police Artist
Commissioner Ali (Police Chief)
Eric Kiraithe (Police Spokesman)Bwana Msa, in a simple shirt and a leso wrapped around his midriff, lies recumbent upon a deck chair. The deck chair itself lies recumbent on the front steps of the CID Head Quarters. His unlit pipe dangles idly from his lips. The skull cap on his head bears the legend Gold Band (product placement is increasinlgy slithering into all forms of entertainment).
Around him is an array of police officials. There is buzz from the stunning revelations that the jowl of Gitobu Immanyara has allegedly had far from gentle contact with the open palm of the alleged first lady.
SCENE ONE
Ali: Now, Bwana Msa, even 6 months after taking you on as a consultant I find your insistence on working outside on that deck chair dressed in a t-shirt and a sheet disconcerting.
Bwana Msa: (Puff … puff … puff)
Ali: And will you stop with the huffing and puffing. The damn pipe is not even lit!
Bwana Msa: Steady on! This is my preferred working environment. What seems to the problem?
Ali: THIS
Bwana Msa: Left Click
Ali: What?
Bwana Msa: Oh! Did I say that out loud? Sorry.
{Brief Pause}
Bwana Msa: LOL
Ali: What?
Bwana Msa: I mean ha ha ha! What a quagmire! What was the response from the first lady?
Ali: THIS
Bwana Msa: Right Click, Open In New Window
Ali: What?!
Bwana Msa: Oh! Did I say that loud again? My bad.
{Brief Pause}
Bwana Msa: LOL! I mean ha ha ha!!! Nothing like a nice read to get the old corpuscles going. So anyway, what do you want from me?
Ali: I want you to get to investigate and find out that Immanyara is talking banana oil. I mean investigate and find out the truth
Kiraithe: It could have been a Rambo movie
Ali: (Irritably) Will you SHUT UP with your damn Rambo movies! Why can’t you watch Wild Rose like the rest of us?
Bwana Msa: The truth? That will be tricky. For one thing I’m quite impressed — or is it skeptical — that vocabulary like ‘besmirch’, ’stature’ and ‘three’ can originate from said quarters. I also find it difficult to envisage the government with a mien of astonishment. But very well. I shall investigateSCENE TWO
Parliament Offices
Gitobu: Groan!
Bwana Msa: There there my good man! (Puff puff)
Gitobu: I say, is it wise to be smoking in my oxygen tent?
Bwana Msa: (Gesturing to the pipe) This? Oh don’t worry about this. It’s not lit. Just between us I use it to get chicks! LOL! I mean Ha ha!!
Gitobu: (Nursing cheek) It hurts to laugh.
Bwana Msa: My good man! Do tell what happened
Gitobu: Well, I and several other MPs were invited for a snack and then a meeting with His Excellency the President. Well, I go there on time like the rest of us and proceeded to the garden where we had our snack. I must confess i’m not used to Cerelac, miky porridge, sweet potatoes, corn flakes and a lollipop at that hour of the afternoon. But after seeing His Excellency tuck in with gusto I figured when in Othaya do as the Othayans do. After a nice tea from sippy cups (which made it difficult to dip our biscuits), we proceeded for the meeting.
Bwana Msa: Indeed. What did the President say first
Gitobu: (Hesitantly) I’m not exactly sure what he said because after three or so minutes I became dizzy trying to keep up
Bwana Msa: Why? What did he say?
Gitobu: Well, he opened proceedings with the National Anthem, then followed with his rendition of Soulja Boy. Finally he got to the speech. I took the liberty of recording the speech on my phoneLadies and gentlemen, as well as gentlemen and ladies, including the lady there and that other one there and this gentleman here and that gentleman there and all other ladies and gentlemen in general, and each of you in particular, as ladies and gentlemen, allow me to welcome you to this cong — congre — congeg — congrega — meeting.
You will notice that you are here. Because previously you were there, where I am pointing now. And in the time between you were there and are now here, you must have moved here from there, which is why you are not there, but here. So here you are and also, from some quarters, there you are too. So here and there you are, and there and here you are.
I am grateful that those of you who are Church going Muslims as well as those Mosque going Christians Welcome here from there, and from there, and from wherever else that you have been there.
Bwana Msa: (Admiringly) Blimey! If I didn’t already know English I’d think it was the theory of relativity. Can we proceed to State House to finish the inverview? Commissioner Ali if you would be so kind …
SCENE THREE
The three are at the State House
Bwana Msa: (Looking around) Hmm … I see some watery footprints here, made by bare feet. Clearly the perpetrator has a gland problem. I also see a partially chewed cigar, conveniently discarded, soaked in ptyalin and what not. Clearly some mouth containment issues. So, tell me, what happened next.
Gitobu: So I was sitting here and then strange noises came from the door. At first i thought a sheep, a goat, a cow, 3 chicken and a stick of dynamite had been put in a cage of hungry lions. Then the Comptroller rushed in witha ghastly smile and asked me to leave hurriedly. That i did not mind. I am a brave man but those noises! So at the door I ran into this … apparition
Bwana Msa: Well, I have come with a police artist so if you would be so kind…
Artist: Please tell me as much as you can remember and i will try to draw
Bwana Msa: Let me look around in the meantime
Gitobu: (In the background) Taller … yes, i think a bit of claw … horns? I dunno … Actually, maybe … Just sprinkle a few and i can see if anything gels … No, i would not rule out wings … skin colour? Grey … Muscle? Quite a bit of that I assure you … when I got home my right molars had become my left molars and vice versa … A tail is something I can vaguely recall … Yes, add a pitchfork … A bit of smoke from the nose …. THERE WE GO!
Bwana Msa: (Hurrying over) Success?
Artist: (In bewilderment) Er… see for yourself
Bwana Msa: (Recoiling backwards) Jesus Wept!
Gitobu: As you can imagine my fear for my life was considerable. Lying lower than Form 16A I departed quicker than Kivuitu can declare you president.
Bwana Msa: I have the sudden urge to retire.© M :: tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. Comment On Kisima Cha Giningi 2008
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Who Really Failed Us?
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM One thing that has become abundantly clear is that the caliber of leadership we have in Kenya is wanting to the extreme. Looking at the ilk of Mwai Kibaki and Raila Odinga, and indeed almost all the leaders in this country, one is unsure if they could lead people who ... -
Who Really Failed Us?
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM One thing that has become abundantly clear is that the caliber of leadership we have in Kenya is wanting to the extreme. Looking at the ilk of Mwai Kibaki and Raila Odinga, and indeed almost all the leaders in this country, one is unsure if they could lead people who fell out of a boat into the water.
I mean, some things don’t need you to be a rocket scientist to figure out. If you are insisting that you are the duly elected president, and giving speeches to that effect, then it beggars belief that you would leave your burning country to attend some nebulous summit (as most AU summits are wont to be). It makes even less sense to commit to dialogue here and while in Addis undermine the same dialogue by throwing sand into the engine you have committed yourself and your “government”.
Look a the members of parliament. Almost all of them are here in Nairobi, and what’s more they have refused to go back to their constituencies until the fighting ends. Which beggars the question of how this fighting is supposed to end if the people tasked with the responsibility of leadership are unwilling to step up and lend a hand to stop it!
Look at the religious institutions. When they are not deafeningly silent they participate in the chocolate teapot of press conference appeals for peace. The main religious bodies, Catholic, Anglican, Muslim and the Independent Churches have just not impressed at all. They didn’t mind advising their flocks during the constitution. Why are they so quiet now? This touches on something I mentioned in my last post about the hypocrisy of Kenyans filling churches and immediately afterwards collecting weapons and setting upon their fellows. I find it difficult to believe that this is a 0.005% or whatever percentage that is being bandied about. I refuse to believe that the other 99.995% just disappear into thin air!
How many leaders have visited the clash hit areas? In fact how many leaders have gone to Jamhuri Park? Has Mwai Kibaki? Has Raila Odinga? Who purporting to be in authority went there on their own violation? Last time I checked it is only well wishers who have taken the trouble and the expense to visit the internally displaced.
Look at the police. When the spokesman is not blowing hot air, explaining this with doctored rambo footage, his boss Commissioner Ali appears on TV to proudly inform us how he has facilitated security for people to leave their homes, without a doubt one of the most ludicrous statements I have head this year. Commissioner, that is nothing to be proud of. Believe me.
Look at the assorted councils of elders. The Njuri Ncheke. The Luo Council of Elders. the Kaya Elders. The Kalenjin Elders. The Kikuyu Elders. Where are they? They’re always waiting at the wings for earth shaking developments like the sacking of “their” sons so they can rush into the limelight. Where are they now? Why have they lost their voices as this insanity continues? Why do they not use their influence to prevail upon their people to end this madness?
Who will tell the foolish machete wielding youths that it is extremely moronic and self defeating to evict “foreigners” from amongst their midst? That this will only trigger resentment towards them and retaliation across the board?
Who will preach that no matter how self sufficient you think you are, you will still need groundnuts from the coast, beef from North Eastern, fish from Nyanza, sugar from Western, milk from Rift Valley and vegetables from central?
Who will remind people that Kenya is Kenya because of the contribution of everyone and if we pull apart we will all be the worse? Who will remind the population that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts?
Who will point out to people that if this nonsense continues you cannot simply go to Masai Mara or climb Mount Kenya or go to Lake Victoria or go to Mombasa! What will it benefit you to live in a country where you cannot go wherever you please!
Who will address the youths and tell them as reasonably as possible that if you burn buses in the morning do not be surprised to lack transport in the evening. Or if you uproot the railway tracks do not complain about lacking cooking oil. Or if you loot your workplace do not complain about lacking a job. Because they need to be addressed and have these things pointed out by someone in a leadership position.
But then again on retrospect leaders are quite the effective mirror of society … as we did last year, in 20 years from now some of those panga wielding, stone throwing, shop looting fools will offer themselves for leadership and we will elect them.
The question is - who is really to blame there?
Shining ExamplesMercifully there are people stepping up. In their own little way to do something practical rather than endlessly mundane appeals for peace from Narobi. Parallels between Mohammed appealing to the mountain ought to be drawn here.
People like Rachel Wambugu and Wesley Chebii. People with the guts and gumption to step up and lead.
These are the kind of leaders we need. Enough self obsessed pontification from the likes of our current leadership, demanding for extra security. Why should you be given any extra security? Is your blood somehow redder than ours? What about the rest of us? Do we not deserve to be alive too? That if anything should speak volumes about the integrity and selflessness of these windbags. Face it my friends. Looking to this lot for leadership is like sheep looking to wolves.
We need more Rachels and Wesleys. These are the sort of leaders we should admire. The sort of leaders we should stand behind. Ready to go into the lion’s den for their people. True shepherds indeed.
Spare me the Kibakis and the Railas! What do they care about us? A man who a month ago promised to be the president of all Kenyans had the audacity to LEAVE for some nebulous summit as the country literally burnt and its people were dying?
Spare me the absurdity!
AOB - Goodbye Barack. It’s Been RealI’m following the hype around the newest Kid on The Block, Barack Obama with much a somewhat cynical eye. Is he popular? Yes. Does he drive crowds into frenzies? Yes. Could be make one hell of a president? Yes. Would I personally vote for him? Hell yes! If I was an American that is.
But elections in America follow the very same unwritten rules as those all over the world. Which means what? That the people at the conventions and speeches are the typical iPod listening, notebook carrying educated city dwellers. These are not the people with the votes. The people with the votes are the maws and paws: apple pie baking break-your back work ethic church going rural folk. These are the people with the votes.
And an unwritten law somewhere says that the people who attend rallies are not the ones with the votes.
Keeping in mind the painfil fate that befell John Kerry and Al Gore to George Bush Jr, what it will boil down to is as follows.
Given a choice between a black man (Mr Obama) and a white woman (Hillary Clinton) I would not be surprised the people with the vote will make the inevitable choice of voting for John Sidney McCain.
NOTE: That last statement is put exactly the way I intended it it. I am perfectly aware of their party affiliations, nomination processes, stands on issues like health, Iraq, and all that jazz.
© M :: tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. Comment On Who Really Failed Us?
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Ainamoi MP Shot Dead
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Breaking news indicates that Aimamoi MP David Too has been shot dead in Eldoret. The circumstances behind the shooting are not clear as yet. I shudder to think of the conclusions that will be drawn from this; so soon after fellow Embakasi MP, ODM's Mugabe Were was similarly shot dead. I ... -
Kenya Burns!
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Events over the past 5 weeks have afforded me much opportunity for introspection. From what I have seen, to what I have heard, to what I have read. I cannot tell a lie. I am deeply affected by the events that took place for the past 5 weeks. I asked ... -
Kenya Burns!
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Events over the past 5 weeks have afforded me much opportunity for introspection. From what I have seen, to what I have heard, to what I have read. I cannot tell a lie. I am deeply affected by the events that took place for the past 5 weeks. I asked what have they done? Almost 4 weeks ago. And it is clear that people just don’t realize what has been done to this country — every time they think they do it gets worse.
This election my M.O. was that I was going to see things for myself and not rely on the traditional media. And so I went out to capture the pulse of the country. Of course, I saw a lot more that I would never have imagined, more intimately than most; because unlike most people
- I actually went to KICC towards the tail end of the announcement that set things off. I fashioned my own Media badge (scrutiny was quite cursory) and took myself there. I saw with my own eyes doctored tally sheets. I saw the infamous 16A and remember laughing outright when the figure the chairman read out was absurdly different from what was on some of the actual forms.
- I actually visited some polling stations and saw clumsy attempts to modify tally sheets
- I actually went out and into the Mukuru slums a couple of days after the residents stoned our houses and forced us into an impromptu curfew. I have seen horrible things and heard horrible tales. I have inhaled quite a bit of teargas and my reflexes to sounds like gunfire have to be seen to be believed.
- I still go out to Mukuru even now. I tell you its one thing to see these people on TV and it is quite another to talk to them and share their experiences.
In fact that is what I think every man and woman of goodwill who is serious about helping should be doing. Personally I think we’ve had enough of these bullshit conferences, press briefings and what nots. Enough of them. The same things are said over and over again. What new things are said? People just go there, make the same old same old bleating for peace, then get into their 4×4s and drive to their cushy estates. I no longer attend these things because I fail to see the value that they add. There comes a point when you must stop talking and start doing.
You can’t appeal for peace on TV. You must do it face to face. So please, spare us these media briefings and press conferences. We can only get peace by making people see sense one at a time. So the more of us that do it, the sooner it will be done.
Some time back I shared my concerns that perhaps the youth have had a hand in the morass this country is currently in. Watching the footage of events in Nakuru and Nyahururu leaves me in little doubt.
Granted, this was started by politicians. The elections were just the flint that set alight the situation. However I refuse to absolve the participants of the mayhem of their share of the blame. The fact of the matter is that at the end of the day you must take responsibility for your actions.
If you threw stones, hacked people, burnt houses or looted then you are also to blame.
If you didn’t throw stones or hack or burn or loot but you spread hate through your blogs, your text messages, your emails and your conversations, please believe you are just as bad as the panga wielding youths. You are equally to blame.
It was absolutely chilling yesterday to watch footage of rowdy youths pulling men out of matatus and proceeding to lynch them.
I have for a long time been opposed to capital punishment. But now I ask myself would I really shed a tear if these murderers and looters in Eldoret. Kisumu, Nakuru, Naivasha, Molo, Kuresoi etc were strung up? I doubt it.
QuestionsWhat I want to know is
- Where is the President? Mr Kibaki cannot have it both ways. If he insists he is the duly elected president then it is incumbent upon him to act accordingly. He must not only do something, he must be seen to be doing something.
- Where are our MPs? Why are they all here in Nairobi, and it is on record that they have only done a single day’s work? All MPs should be on the ground in their own constituencies doing their bit to ensure that this madness ends. We’ve had enough press conferences from comfortable hotels saying the same thing. Mr Kibaki should be in Othaya. Mr Odinga should be in Kibera. All their lieutenants should be at their constituencies moving from door to door campaigning for this foolishness to end. I won’t buy any arguments about government having to continue. What is there to govern?
- Where is the Church? I’m not impressed at all by any of the churches in Kenya. The Catholic Church, The Anglican Church, the Islamic community and the Independent churches have been very lethargic indeed. What happened to the men of faith who did not hesitate to speak for the people in word and in deed like Bishops Muge? Okullu? Gitari? Why are their successors so quietly lethargic?
- Why wasn’t the Army deployed in Eldoret 3 weeks ago?
- Kenya is an oasis of peace. Is it now?
- Kenyans are a deeply religious people. I find it difficult to reconcile this alleged deep devotion to The Maker, the innumerable filled churches and mosques and the images of brother turning against brother with crude weapons. It is bandied about that Kenya is 70% or so Christian. If this is so I can see much in the phrase “Jesus wept”.
- Kenya believes in the right of law. The ODM refuses to challenge the elections in court. While I understand their reluctance, it is also scoring an own goal because it can be argued that they are not going to challenge because they know they lost. Impasse right there. Also the PNU allege the ODM also committed electoral malpractice. Why have they not gone to court either?
[ED]It would appear ODM Embakasi MP [ED]Mugabe Were was shot outside his compound. This is the absolute worst time for such a thing to happen.
AOBMy attention has been drawn to an online equivalent of a pissing contest. My response is exactly what it was before. There is nothing magical about blogging that absolves you from the responsibility to check your facts before you post them. There is nothing magical about it that makes it okay for you to say as you please without repercussion. Everyone has their own opinions on what blogging ought to be. For some it is a means to diary their exploits. For others it is a cash cow. For others it is a means to build castles in the air. For others it is an opportunity to be big fish in small ponds. For others it is a way to purge their souls. For others it is a way to express their creativity. For others it is a ticket to yet another blogging conference. For others like me — it is a way to express what I happen to be thinking.
But make no mistake about it. Whatever your reasons it is still incumbent upon you to be responsible with whatever you blog. My idea of responsibility is that if you are purporting to be speaking as someone telling people authoritatively what is happening on the ground, you’d best have your facts right as you write. Hoping that it turns out to be true later is not good enough. Hiding behind innuendo is not good enough.
Buzz words like ‘citizen media’ and ‘one man publishing press’ do not change a thing. Neither does pontification from behind podiums at conferences. At the end of the day bloggers are still human beings and must still be held responsible for their words and actions. Whether or not bloggers choose to get lost in their grandiose delusions of grandeur does not change a thing.
A WordPress installation does not exempt you from this any more than a calculator exempts you from knowing how to add.
A cursory glance at blogs today speaks for itself. Just read some of the blog posts that have been written over the past month. A good number make my skin positively crawl. What defence do all the authors of those ridiculous ‘letters’ have? Freedoms are not absolute. They have responsibilities as well.
© M :: tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. Comment On Kenya Burns!
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Folks Gone Crazy
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Folks Gone Crazy Much has been said about the pair who where happily married and further down the road discovered that not only were they related, they were actually twins. Personally I am inclined to believe one of the following The are two of the dumbest human beings to walk this planet ... -
Odds & Ends
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Cops Gone Crazy Yesterday on the news I watched with stunned amazement as a police officer in full combat gear leveled his rifle and shot two men. He then rushed over to them kicked them a number of times in the ribs and then rushed away with the air of a ... -
Odds & Ends
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Cops Gone CrazyYesterday on the news I watched with stunned amazement as a police officer in full combat gear leveled his rifle and shot two men. He then rushed over to them kicked them a number of times in the ribs and then rushed away with the air of a man with urgently pressing business elsewhere. The men subsequently died.
What can I say? Really.
© M :: tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. Comment On Odds & Ends
Category: Hubbub.
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Folks Gone Crazy
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Folks Gone CrazyMuch has been said about the pair who where happily married and further down the road discovered that not only were they related, they were actually twins. Personally I am inclined to believe one of the following
- The are two of the dumbest human beings to walk this planet
- The whole thing is one of the stories like bigfoot
I mean come on. Are you trying to tell me that the two never had a conversation like this?
(Let’s call then Emilio and Lucy)
Emilio: Balm of my soul, I seem to have come into posession of a position of considerable authority and I would like to treat you to a gift. When, o when did your pater and your mater say in unison “unto us a child is born?”
Lucy: O wind beneath my wings, how kind of you! I was born on the date of 15 October 1900
Emilio: Hear my heart leap like a caged beast! So was I! 15th of October 1900!
Lucy: Clearly we are as destined to be together as guano and sailor’s hats! Where exactly were you born?
Emilio: St Mary Of Nazareth Church, in Othaya
Lucy: The pot in my potato! Me too! And what time?
Emilio: 11:34 exactly
Lucy: Ha-kakaka! My popeye! So was I! Do you still have any doubts that we are meant to be?
Emilio: The doubt in my soul lasted shorter than Brazilians in British tube stations! What is your father’s name?
Lucy: Fidelis.
Emilio: What an extraordinary string of coincidences! So is mine! My mother is called Redem…
Lucy: Redemptor
Emilio: My most desperate of all housewives! Exactly!
Lucy: A love like ours is as rare to find as Form 16A
Together: What a coincidence!
© M :: tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. Comment On Folks Gone Crazy
Category: Uncategorized.
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Tribalism & The Youth
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Without a doubt one of the most uttered sentences in Kenya today is along the following lines ... Me? A tribalist? No! I am no such thing! A more refined version goes as follows. I am not a tribalist! In fact I have friends who are Kikuyu/Luo/Kamba etc. Interesting. A feeling of déjà vu ... -
Tribalism & The Youth
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Without a doubt one of the most uttered sentences in Kenya today is along the following lines …
Me? A tribalist? No! I am no such thing!
A more refined version goes as follows.
I am not a tribalist! In fact I have friends who are Kikuyu/Luo/Kamba etc.
Interesting. A feeling of déjà vu took over me and it’s just this morning I figured out what was causing that feeling.
About two years ago I wrote a post about tribalism, or to be precise an amazing creature that had been introduced to me called “positive tribalism“. I remember how astounded I was when I first heard it. I thought it was the most outrageously preposterous thing I have ever heard. And there were people who objected to my objection. The post, needless to say, triggered a healthy debate, replete with the usual fare of outraged indignation, threats, and insults, thinly veiled and outright, that I preserved in their entirety. The only comment I obfuscated was one attacking someone else (the only fair game I allow here is myself!)
My opinions have not changed. I think positive tribalism is about as absurd as positive racism. I think it a thinly veiled attempt to legitimize the illegitimate.
I think if you voted for Mwai Kibaki because he is Kikuyu, or Raila Odinga because he is Luo, then you’re an ass.
I think if you didn’t vote Mwai Kibaki because he is Kikuyu, or you didn’t vote for Raila Odinga because he is Luo, then you’re an ass.
If tribe was one of the considerations in your voting decision, then you’re an ass.
What makes me especially sad is that many of the people I know born in the window between 1970 and 1990, who really ought to know better by virtue of being brought up in a cosmopolitan Nairobi have left me puzzled and saddened.
I find it difficult to believe that to a wo(man), most of my peers with roots (albeit several times removed) in Central Kenya resonate with Mwai Kibaki’s policies and agenda, and that his tribe was not a factor. I find it difficult to believe that to a wo(man), most of my peers with roots (albeit several times removed) in Nyanza resonate with Raila Odinga’s strategies for growth and empowerment, and that his tribe was not a factor.
Let me stress that again. These are not people in Central Kenya and Nyanza who have grown up in a homogenous community. I’m talking about people who grew up in cosmopolitan, multi-cultural estates.
Absolutely preposterous that we, the leaders of tomorrow, the iPod-carrying, blogging, Kwani-reading campus graduates have the temerity to purport to be the enlightened future of this nation and yet we still use tribe as a guide in our decision making!
If the tribes of our play pen mates when we were howling toddlers filling our pants did not affect us, and they did not affect us when we were racing our BMX and Choppers how then are we, the product of the cosmopolitan 80s and 90s, using these very things we ignored against our fellows? How, in 2008, can lawyers and doctors and engineers who will be standing for public office in 4-8 years subtly and openly promulgate the same innuendo, fear, paranoia and outright hate and in the same breath express outrage at people hacking each other to death?
My friends, using blogger.com and WordPress.com does not absolve you from your responsibilities. Neither does using gmail.com or yahoo.com. Neither does using Safaricom and Celtel text messaging facilities. Using technology to spread disunity does not absolve you of responsibility!
Do you get outraged when you hear “thieving nigger”? (Yes, nigger) You do? Then why don’t you get outraged when you hear:
- Money hungry Kikuyu
- Colour blind Kamba
- Violent Kisii
- Extravagant Luos
- Chicken loving Luhya
- Warlike Somali
- etc
I’ll just bet you don’t! And I also bet you forwarded and re-forwarded all those inane jokes starting with “A Kikuyu, a Luo and a Luhya …”, that you fondly believed to be funny.
It’s just a joke, you say? Oh really? Is blackface funny? Disabuse yourselves of that notion!
We are the generation that ought to know better. Why then do our communication, our perceptions, our stereotypes and our voting have anything other than sound logic, merit and character at their foundation?
Have the two-faced youth done this country a disservice, preaching unity from one side of the doubt and undermining it with the other? Could we be the problem?
Given the events of the past 3 weeks I’m beginning to be so inclined …
AOBI was very serious about hate speech in this blog. If I find your comments fail to live up to the basics of respect for your fellows, even those of opposing views then your comment, and then you, are gone. I am not interested in Oompa Loompas and River Trolls interested in sowing their hate here. I will black list your IP address. I will not remove your IP address from the black list until January 1, 2012. So do not bother emailing me.
USHAHIDI.COMA brilliant initiative is ushahidi.com, an initiative to keep track of incidences of unrest in the country. Ushahidi.com is a tool for people who witness acts of violence in Kenya in these post-election times. You can report the incident that you have seen, and it will appear on a map-based view for others to see. This will be a big help not only in knowing what’s going on, but also some time in the future be a tool for introspection
© M :: tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. Comment On Tribalism & The Youth
Category: Elections, Hubbub, Reflections.
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Moving On
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM [EDIT 20:21] "Moving on" is a phrase I've heard bandied about a lot of late. It irritates me as much today as it did the first time I heard it, cleverly slipstreamed into conversation around the imbroglio we as Kenyans find ourselves in. You hear it used like this: We need to move on ... -
Moving On
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM [EDIT 20:21]
“Moving on” is a phrase I’ve heard bandied about a lot of late.
It irritates me as much today as it did the first time I heard it, cleverly slipstreamed into conversation around the imbroglio we as Kenyans find ourselves in.
You hear it used like this:
We need to move on as a country and go about our business.
Or like this:
Yes, the process was flawed. But we need to move on.
Or like this:
So Kibaki appointed a cabinet before the coalition talks. The country needs to function. We need to move on.
Excuse me, but “moving on” is about the most absurd thing we can do now. Patently so.
500+ people have been killed. 300,000+ have been displaced. Businesses and homes have been destroyed. Friends have turned against friends. People have been chased from their homes in the middle of the night. People have lost everything. Some people have lost everyone.
In light of the above I am of the opinion that NO, we FUCKING CANNOT MOVE ON!
The wisdom in “Moving on” is questionable indeed. Are we to forget the dead, the burnt, the destroyed, the shearing of Kenyan society as we know it? Are we naive enough to believe if we don’t address the causes that led to this situation they will pack up like good little boys and bid us adieu?
“Moving on” is precisely what got us into the situation we are in today. For 44 years we have been moving on, paying scant attention to the underlying problems that have befallen us, in the fond belief that “we are a peaceful people” and “Kenya is an island of peace and stability”. We moved on in the face of disparities of education, opportunities, wealth, camaraderie and class.
I would not be in the least bit surprised to hear some of the political elite, upon hearing that Kenyans are going hungry, wondering, like a woman not too long ago who lost her head, why they “didn’t eat cake”.
Moving on will only ensure that come 2012 we will be writing blog posts and newspaper articles precisely like the ones we have been doing the past fortnight. Moving on will just give another set of us the opportunity to be “shocked and saddened” that this happened on our land. Moving on will just ensure that our children (if we survive to sire them) will merrily and ignorantly make the same mistakes we did.
Have we learnt nothing from the past 2 weeks?
Indeed, stupidity is doing the same thing twice and expecting the same results.
We need to find out the reason our country exploded and take steps to correct them, so that our future generations will be spared what we have gone through. We need to find out what the problem is now, and address it decisively. Before we get peace, we must have justice.
So no, dammit, we FUCKING CANNOT MOVE ON! 44 years ought to have shown by now that moving on doesn’t bloody work!!!
Oh, and for those of limited imagination, let me remove all ambiguity. Justice does not mean throwing stones and destruction and violence!
By saying we can’t just move on I am not saying we should not go back to work and get on with our lives. I’m not saying you stay home and await developments! Au contraire! What I am saying is that we cannot go back to the see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil business as usual that we have been at for the last 44 years.
It’s not Kibaki and Raila throwing stones and wielding pangas and burning houses. It’s me and you. I am not naive enough to believe that the sight of Raila and Kibaki shaking hands and hugging will magically stop the fighting and people can move back to their homes from which they were chased. Because that is not about to happen.
Working and going about our business as usual will not address the issue of why friends have butchered friends. And until we find out exactly what circumstances led to that and correct it TODAY we shall be reliving this experience perpetually.
Ignoring the problem won’t make it go away. Life as usual is not an option.
AOBAlfred Mutua, our resident Oompa Loompa, always manages to take my breath away with his effortless ability to introduce rocking chairs into a room full of blind cats. Every time the grinning Proudfoot Hobbit has his earnest face behind a camera, the osmotic pressure of the external environment causes his grey and white matter to seep from the areas of high concentration within his cranium, leaving behind doesn’t matter.
It takes an exceptional type of foolishness to say the following with a straight face while 400 of your fellows have been killed
“They [Kufuor and Kibaki] are age-mates and friends and Kufuor is coming to have a cup of tea with him,” Mutua said.
Bloody hell. Kufuor flew all those miles for a cup of tea. Villages looking for that special member of their community can contact me
© M :: tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. Comment On Moving On
Category: Elections, Hubbub, Politics.
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Madness Is …
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Inviting your rival for mediated talks on a possible coalition government on Friday and then even before putting the phone down proceeding to name your cabinet and the important portfolios on Tuesday. Can someone check that the Presidential Garage is opened BEFORE the presidential limousine's engine is started? Or is Kibaki out ... -
Madness Is …
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Inviting your rival for mediated talks on a possible coalition government on Friday and then even before putting the phone down proceeding to name your cabinet and the important portfolios on Tuesday.
Can someone check that the Presidential Garage is opened BEFORE the presidential limousine’s engine is started?
Or is Kibaki out of his DOGGONE MIND?!
How the FUZZ can this possibly help matters any?
This is tantamount to eating a man’s lunch, inviting him to dinner to appease him some and then proceeding to eat the dinner before he gets there!!!
One would think that a modicum of sense in the Kibaki administration would last longer than a Brazilian in a British tube station. How wrong one would be! I’d start making sanity comparisons to shithouse rats but the rats are objecting
© M :: tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. Comment On Madness Is …
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Kenya Is Burning. Stop The Fighting!
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Vote Of Thanks Many thanks to everyone sending all those emails and text of concern. I am alive and well and taking good care of myself. I am a bit flooded with emails but am doing my best to respond to everyone. Special thanks to all those sending in news and information. ... -
Kenya Is Burning. Stop The Fighting!
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Vote Of ThanksMany thanks to everyone sending all those emails and text of concern. I am alive and well and taking good care of myself. I am a bit flooded with emails but am doing my best to respond to everyone.
Special thanks to all those sending in news and information. Special thanks to WathiiFM for updates from the Buru Buru area and first class pictures
HousekeepingI fondly believe that most of my readership are adults of sound mind with a modicum of maturity. In case you are not, allow me to tell you this. This is not a site to propagate hate and rumours. I have spent more time than I should moderating obtuse comments. I am tired of that. I have many other things to worry about. Henceforth if you post something even remotely advocating hate or violence not only will I delete it, I shall blacklist you from ever visiting my blog again. I shit you not. If you think this is a convenient avenue for your hate, think again. I have no time for your nonsense. We want solutions, not more problems.
My connection is not the most stable so henceforth I shall be uploading a huge combined post whenever I can.
News Update- Official death toll is now 300. Unofficial death toll is much larger
- Yesterday there were skirmishes in Bahati, Maringo, Kangemi, Arwings Kodhek, Industrial Area and Thika Road
- A man was killed on Thika Road when police fired in the air, severing an electrical cable that fell on him
- ODM rally was moved to Saturday
- At long last Mwai Kibaki addressed the nation in a lackluster speech long on hot air, ambiguity, vagueness and lethargy and short of concrete solutions
- Archbishop Desmond Tutu arrived and met with the ODM leadership. The grapevine has it that Kibaki initially refused to meet with him. Subsequently it turned out that a meeting was indeed scheduled for this day.
- Again proving that no matter how low the bar is, stupidity will always find a way to slither under, Government Spokesman Alfred Mutua, rose eyed lens firmly on, castigates the international community for interfering.
- Flies on the wall allege that Kibaki himself is pretty amenable to negotiation. But as is the hallmark of his regime other elements in his administration are taking hardline positions.
- Same flies say that Kibaki is willing to form a coalition government with the opposition. This I have to see to believe.
- Nairobi water company allays fears that the city water supply is poisoned.
- He is deeply concerned
- He condemns the violence
- Kenya is a peaceful country (Is it now?)
- Justice abounds in Kenya. No one has ever been denied justice
- He too, just like other Kenyans, was made aware that he was won in that same press briefing of the ECK
- He has followed the law all the while and will continue to
- Anyone with problems with the outcome should take it up with the court
- He would seek solutions once the situation calms down. (WTF?!! People are dying while you wait!)
- He had no time for journalists’ questions. If they had any they should come tomorrow. (People will be dying while we await for you to be comfortable with questions)
Earlier today I drove past State House. A continuous flag like the one that is put on public holidays is very much in evidence. I took some very illegal pictures juggling camera and car. It is no idle rumour that the security personnel there are overzealous. A friend of mine once stopped outside one of the far flung entrances and within minutes a truncheon was being bounced off his amazed skull.
Personally I would take down that flag. It can be construed as a celebration of Kibaki’s new term. I don’t think there is anything to celebrate.
Here are the pics (Quality is not the beast because I was driving and some were taken through windscreen)
Road heading towards State House, adjacent to the grounds
The State House Junction
Approaching the main gate
The Rally
The main gateI’ve been roving here and there to capture developments on the ground just after the skirmishes took place. The pictures are sobering indeed. My heart breaks when I photograph what some Kenyans have done to others. Scarred indeed are our weary souls.
The following set is from a looted Coca Cola distributor on Arwings Kodhek. I spoke to the proprietor and the owners of the adjacent stalls. The angry mob repulsed by the police in Hurlingham wreaked havoc. The vendors lost their fruits and vegetables. Hooligans would bite a mango and throw the rest at cars, buildings, etc.
At the depot they broke bottles from some 300 or so crates.
A destroyed adjacent vegetable stall. They ate the fruits and took or destroyed the vegetables
Another looted vegetable stall
A torched stall
Broken glass on the road
A closer view of the glass. They broke 300 crates
Pile of shattered glass
A closer view
A still closer view
The distributor
Attempts to recover
Uprooted bus stopThe following set is from the Engen Petrol station further down the road
The empty parking bay
The looted quick shop
The broken door through which they entered
Thrown stones litter the parking
Entrance to the adjacent restaurant
Windows of the restaurant
Kenya Burns
An ignored plea in the restaurant windowI weep.
Rioters burn tyres behind a locked gateI need not tell you that as I write this our country is on fire. Flames stoked by the ineptitude of the current regime and outright tribal polarization by politicians have finally exploded in a shocking turn of violence and destruction. Neighbours are turning against each other. People are suddenly afraid.
The rowdy mob makes its presence feltMyself included. As I was driving to visit the missus who lives in an area that happens predominantly of a single community I wondered what exactly I would do if I was stopped by a mob and asked to identify myself. One of the names given to me by my folks happens to be Luo, and it is proudly there on my ID. The fact that I am not actually Luo would not help be because assumptions would probably be made on the strength of my ID, as is happening in many places in Nairobi, let alone Kenya. I have two friends in hospital who has “the wrong names” on their IDs.
An unfortunate is arrestedHowever I refused to succumb to this situation. I refuse to be a victim of the greed of the political elite.
GSU personnel run after a mobThe fact of the matter is that the political elite is very comfortable in their homes. I drove by State House this morning and not only is the road clean and uncluttered, there are flags all over presumably to celebrate the Kibaki victory. Unlike my hood where there is debris and ashes and broken glass and stones all over.
A GSU office reloads with tear gasOur politicians are not suffering. They have running water. Milk, eggs, bread, meat and even cake are delivered to their doorsteps.
ReloadingIt is me and you, my friends, who risk being beaten up by mobs and shot by the police as we look for milk and bread for us and our own.
A GSU officer ready for anythingThe political elite are enjoying cartoons and soap operas and football on their DSTV and GTV. It is only me and you who are watching KTN and K24 and Al Jazeera and NTV to see the carnage being visited on our country. (KBC is not a serious news station. They’ve been showing cartoons and comedy clips as the country disintegrates)
Fully reloaded the GSU set off after rowdy mobsThe political elite sleep soundly in the peace and quiet Kitusuru and Thigiri and Riverside. It is us unfortunates who have our sleep interrupted by screams and shouts and gunshots.
The press in the thick of thingsThe political elite have access to fist class air tickets to fly out of the country. It is me and you who have nowhere to run to. If Somalis and Rwandas and Ugandans and Sudanese flee here, where o where are we to flee to?
Still reloadingAnd while our brothers and sisters and cousins and nephews and nieces are dying, pseudo-leaders wallowing in crass stupidity appear on TV to grandstand, blaming the chaos on each other.
Listen, nitwits. We are not interested in your grandstanding and finger pointing. We want solutions. Alfred Mutua, we have no time for your foolishness Kenyans are dying. We need all the help we can get to contain this situation. Accusing the international community of interference is nothing short of obtusely crass stupidity. This is not an episode of your half baked pesudo-thriller Cobra Squad! This is real life!!!
The GSU at workWe’ve had enough of nonsense press statements from comfortable hotels and the State House lawn. Come and make those inane gestures from Kibera or Mukuru or Thika Road or Kangemi. I dare you. Come down like me and other Kenyans who have no security detail and do your grandstanding!
What Should Be Done?
- Every politician and their offspring should have their visas canceled and should be denied new ones. Let you and your children experience the Kenya that you created! Let your children come back from the US and Australia and Canada and England and live with the consequences of what Mama and Papa created like the rest of us!
- The grandstanding between the government and ODM should stop. We are not interested in your foolish finger pointing games. It is we, not you, who are suffering. Shut your mouths and give us solutions, not problems. The media (local and international) should give the ilk of Alfred Mutua a total blackout.
- Kibaki and Odinga should visit the affected areas and make their statements for there. If they are so sure they are right then there should be no problem in facing your people.
- PNU and ODM must negotiate without pre-conditions. This is no longer about you.
- This is not merely a matter of getting peace. We need to treat the disease, as well as the symptoms. The disease is justice, or lack thereof. If we don’t sort out this root cause then the violence will just flare up again later.
- Recounting the votes and re-checking the tallies I fear is no longer an option. It would seem that some form 16As have been conveniently stolen from the safe in which they were stored. Presumably ballot boxes are being stuffed with votes as we speak.
The ideal solution I would think, would be along the following
- Kibaki and Odinga agree to a government of National Unity, with the former as president and the latter as vice president. The cabinet would then be split between PNU and ODM
- In 6 or so months, fresh elections to be held
- Neither Odinga nor Kibaki should offer themselves for election. They are even more polarizing than they were before. We need a completely new shift in governance. Those political fossils still in power need to go before they sink us all
- The election should be overseen by an imported Electoral Commission. I would not trust the ECK to hit the water if it fell out of a boat
- Usage should be made of all the TV footage and camera pictures. Neigbourhoods and communities should be called upon to identify the murderous and destructive fools that have been the instruments of destruction. They should be dealt with ruthlessly once identified.
As with most ideal solutions this one has a fatal flow. Neither Kibaki nor Odinga have demonstrated putting the welfare of the nation above their own.
What can we do?
Stop the fighting.Go into your hood and talk to people. If you’re waiting for someone else to do it you’re part of the problem. You have youth groups and fellowships and estate committees and outreach programs and tuition groups. Go and talk to them. Go into the community and preach peace.
People in the slums do not have TV to watch the televised campaigns. The most powerful voice is yours. The people know you and they probably trust you so they’ll listen to you.
If I do that and you do that and the people you talk to do the same pretty soon we’ll have covered this country.
Stop the fighting. Why are we losing our lives while the elite, who don’t care, are comfortable?
Show them they no longer have power over us. Show them that they work for us, not us for them.
Show then their days of lording over us and using us as cannon fodder are over.
Stop the fighting.
Stop the fighting.
Stop the fighting.
© M :: tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2008. Comment On Kenya Is Burning. Stop The Fighting!
Category: Elections, Grey Matter, Hubbub, Politics, Reflections.
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What Really Happened, Part 2: Exodus
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM News In a show of crass stupidity, Government Spokesman Alfred Mutua and Lands Minister Kivutha Kibwana release statements accusing the ODM of organizing and funding genocide. I am stunned at the foolishness of this gesture that can only further fan the flames and erode the remaining goodwill (if any) 7 killed and ... -
What Really Happened, Part I: Genesis
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM News On The Ground A church with 200 sheltering people in Eldoret torched with the people still in it. Not many were able to flee The monument Nicholas Biwott built for his mother has been torched. So has his mother's house The Central Business district apparently is a no go zone Government Spokesman and ... -
News Update 11:00 PM
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Disturbing news from the Buru Buru area (thanks WathiiFM) Paramilitary men are camping right outside gates There is the modern equivalent of the Passover in operation. If your security lights are not on mobs will enter your house. Woe unto you if you and yours are there Mobs have been forcefully circumcising people. ... -
Elections Aftermath
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM Thanks to all of those checking into the welfare of myself and Ory. We're OK. For some reason shortly after my post I was unable to access any websites at all. I like to think that it was a purely technical hitch, which persisted all day. I'm now blogging from another ... -
Kibaki Winner
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM It's official. ECK has just declared Mwai Kibaki winner. Despite PNU only securing about 40 seats out of 210 Extremely suspicious activities revolving around presidential and parliamentary results A confession from a commissioner of inflation A confession from an aspirant of vote stuffing Televised footage of vote stuffing The ECK chairman claimed that ... -
What Have They Done?
» tHiNkEr'S rOoM The much awaited announcement from ECK chairman Samuel Kivuitu never was. He had began by reading results by Molo when the ODM loudly challenged the results. Things speedily ground to a halt. Shortly after aspirant Raila Odinga held a press conference where he bemoaned the doctoring of the results, which was ...
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