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stranded in me

• August 26, 2009
• 11:50

  Women n sex

   » ‎ stranded in me
  The moment a woman can separate sex and feelings then we will be able to have sex like men.
  
  I have not learnt how to yet. The other day the body got needy and the cause of the heartache was there, ready and willing to service the need. The moment the orgasm was reached then the moment of truth came. The feelings are too deep for me to have casual sex with this person and only after my orgasm did i feel all empty inside. How was i to know that such a feeling existed when previously an orgasm with him left feeling all warm and loved? Now i know better. I should have but at point i just wanted him in me deeper, faster!
• August 24, 2009
• 14:15

  Don't run..

   » ‎ stranded in me
  So it's not wise to run away from the pain...don't I know that but that's all I want to do....run.... if I didn't have projects I'm working on I'd move to another country and start afresh.
  
  A place where there are no memories. Is there a place far enough since the memories I carry are in my heart. Since it's broken why don
  t the memories fall out and disapear?
  
  Auuuuuuwwwwwiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii it hurts man!! Especially at nigt when everything else has calmed down, no crisis at work or avoiding rowdy matatus, just me and my heartache, pain like no other it's not physical yet it encompasses every bit of me.
• August 21, 2009
• 6:20

  Today...

   » ‎ stranded in me
  You'd think I'd be feeling better by now! To be honest I'm fed up with this constant feeling of doom, like my heart is in mourning. It doesn't let up for even a minute. Its tedious! I hate it!!! I am done from now on I'm letting go...I will allow myself a break from the hurt.
  
  So what if I was truly, madly, deeply in Love with him. So what if I believed in us and thought he was the one...and actually thought this one would have a happy ever after ending...naivete...stupidity or blind love I wonder. It truly is a shame....
  
  Now pray I ask how do I take a break from hurting?? In the mean time I'll have a glass of wine....
• August 19, 2009
• 8:45

  Blue..even had blue cheese to commemorate!

   » ‎ stranded in me
  Today is bad, I haven’t had some down time from my heartache I’ve felt it all day, if I wasn’t sitting in a public place I’d be wailing right now. The worst thing is the other party looks like he’s having the time of his place he’s now free of this thing or whatever he called the relationship.
  
  You see as much as he says it’s the fact that he doesn’t want a baby I’m suspicious of a relationship he developed with a certain woman. You see I know why she’d attract him she’s about 40 her chances of giving are as close as mine are of meeting Taye Diggs and siring a heavenly child with him, not impossible just slim. Taye Digggs….hmmm nyummy, the thought of him in me, my hand on his naked butt…..slight cheer!
  
  Well, didn’t work today but I have loads of work to do but because the thought of life is making me sick then I don’t care about it! So somehow I have to find a place in me that’s untouched by the mess and then maybe I’ll find a smile.
• August 17, 2009
• 23:54

  Why?

   » ‎ stranded in me
  Why is it when a heart is broken the whole body is broken? If the mind is more powerful why cant I persuade my heart to heal why does it feel like someone died? Will I ever be happy again?
• 14:35

  Pain

   » ‎ stranded in me
  we may not remember the first we felt it but for sure we adapt to it. For instance when i got an injection in my eye to numb it so they could stitch i thought that was surely the worst pain ever.. Until it happened and now i know pain because im living it. The constant ache in me the one u feel when u cant have the one thing u want most. It hurts so bad!
• August 06, 2009
• 11:33

  State of mind; unknown!

   » ‎ stranded in me
  Been attempting soul searching... Its not easy its akin to opening a pandoras box coz i found stuff in there that shud have remained locked up! Its strange how when you look within for answers and get the 'wrong' ones you want to back and search 4 new ones unlike google the results are the same. In my case earth shuttering heart breaking torturously painful think Gitmo!
• August 02, 2009
• 8:28

  Adult life

   » ‎ stranded in me
  One of the reasons i wanted 2 grow up was so that i can make my own decisions.
  Today or in the near future i must make a decision, a very hard decision.. I must decide whether to pull the plug or not.
  
  You see i must decide to keep a part of me I love or lose it for a me i may love. Wat to do?
  
  Prince charming does not want bundles of joy but I do. I must decide if 2 leave him and find me a new one or to compromise. Bearing in mind I have a fibroid, so time is of the essence. Lord help me. Its to date the hardest decision i've ever had to make. If you see me be gentle i'm fighting a difficult battle and hurting tremendously in the process.