Tertiary institutions have absolutely no need to advertise in sub-Saharan Africa: we are convinced. From the moment a child springs forth from the womb of Africa, the parents have decided that he will be a wealthy lawyer/business owner/pilot/insert name of well-moneyed professional here.
For that reason, school is compulsory and to get your University degree is a must. To quit school is treated as a sin worse than blasphemy.
“Why can’t you just go, get your degree? Just get your degree! Then you can do whatever you want.” That is an African parent’s plan A when they catch a whiff of a black child trying to commit the unspeakable act. Should it fail, ambushes, beatings and emotional blackmail soon follow.
Of course once you get that undergraduate degree, you are reminded of your best friend’s smaller brother who has a Master’s Degree even though he is three years younger than you. And so, deciding that you will not be beat in this race to acquire degrees, you knuckle down for another two to three years of:
I-will-complain-about-assignments-everyday-I-don’t-know-what-I-
want-to-do-when-I-leave-but-I-must-get-the-degree
Once that degree is got, you remember that your second Uncle on your mother’s cousin’s side is actually a professor and think to yourself, “I’ve been here most of my life anyway, may as well continue.” And all this, so they can call you Dr. before you are thirty years old.
Should you meet an African, you must prostate in fear before their degrees. Just in case you may be wondering, “Where should I look for these degrees to bow before,”, look through all the walls of his home and workplace, they’ll be there somewhere.
Each degree should also be bowed before and complimented separately. The Oos and the Aas must increase in awe as you go up the degrees ladder with the smallest Oo going to his high school diploma and absolutely orgasmic excitement being directed at their PHD in Actuarial Remedial Photosynthetic Polyamorous Subculture Studies.
Also be sure to call them Dr. as soon as they enter the PHD program, even though they never complete it. Also remind them that they are:
a) The only African in their class
b) The youngest person in their class and;
c) They are so brilliant to be going for a PHD before their 30th birthday.
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