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My part of the world.......
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8:21
From: My part of the world.......
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I need your prayers people! There have been monumental developments with the characters and incidents in the Drama Post series, but my current job has managed to do what sickness, poor net access, brokeness, hangovers and celibacy failed to do. Yes, blogger's block is seeping in! I have quite a few posts that I want to do but there is no net access at work, coupled with the work load and exhaustion after work; blogging takes a far second place to relaxation at the end of the day. Dear Doctor Nick, I know you love confession sites, so here is a new one for you. It makes for good reading, any moms out there with confessions? That's the place for you! Is it me or are Americans among the world's most vain people? From watching the Proactive series of commercials you would think anyone with acne is better of shooting themselves because it seems a life with acne is not one worth living. Don't get me started on the ads about making your teeth super white via visits to your dentist for cleaning or super white strips. No thank you, I'll keep my less than white teeth and less than perfect skin. I do think my flaws are part of who I am. Anyway time to get back to the grindstone, I got bills to pay!
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8:27
From: My part of the world.......
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I'm in utter danger of exposing my ignorance about economics but a wise man once said, "it is better to not know and ask then to not know and stay quiet." Okay, a few weeks ago the Kenyan budget was read and of course the usual suspects liqour and cigarettes were taxed a little more. The Minister also said that some taxes on certain commodities wouldn't change, I'm not going to summarise the speech here. But is it me or does everything go up after the budget irregardless of even if the Minister says they are taking tax ABC of certain things, are those cases because of corporate greed or because the companies/ industries had already been absorbing certain other taxes without passing them onto the customer and now since that burden has been taken off them they don't lower their prices to recoup their losses? Given the high inflation rate in Kenya and the fact that the economy isn't growing as fast are price controls a viable option? Bankelele and company please help a brother out? So as not to sound crass, first of all I must express my shock about the continued beheadings by the Mungiki that seem to continue unabated. But when The East African Standard covered this issue they as usual could not pass up an opportunity to put their collective foot in their mouth. I am sure they did not have this movie in mind when the Editor let this line make it to press, "Kinyanjui was a matatu while Kamau was a taxi driver."Anyway I'm running out of time, but I'm going to give you a preview of what I am working on for my next post. There was this Mario Puzo book called the Last Don, if I remember correctly. Part of the book was about a movie the mafia family in it had invested in and how during the premiere, many of the high rollers there went buck wild and ended up hooking up with people they normally would never be seen with ie the staff. The book referred to it as "f*cking below the line," in the book of course this was a one night arrangement and it ended there. But in real life when we f*ck below the line (hereafter referred to as settling) for a short time, what happens is that the other party may realise that this is their chance to be with someone they ordinarily would never have a chance to be with and they decide to hang on for dear life. What happens is that you now have on your hands what Archer once called an unflushable, I'll tell you all how I ended up with one a few months back and how it took a herculean effort to get rid of her. ps: Lest you all think I have an ego and a half, there is someone out there who thinks of me and you as examples of "f*cking below the line" that is the nature of life. There is always someone out there higher on the ladder than you..........
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7:26
From: My part of the world.......
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Seeing as it has been a long time, I think it's time for a flash back post.
And the crowd goes yaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This weekend my sister and a pal wanted us to go clubbing with them but I declined. This is because most clubs in the States don't do anything for me. First of all there is the pretentiousness, dress codes, snotty bouncers, high cost of everything (water for $10) and the fact that there are very few diverse joints esp since this is the South. It's either predominantly black, white, brown or yellow. Add to the fact that if you did read Chatterly's post about Kenyan bashes, once you go for one Kenyan bash you have gone for them all; little changes.
Anyway I was remembering how the club scene used to rock in Kenya. So much so that people would do anything to get cash to go clubbing. I once recall taking pal to the local shopping center to sell tons of newspapers, another pal once went to the extent of selling a gas cylinder (that still had gas in it!). It was hustle hard or stay at home and listen to Saturday Night Show, DJ Adrian or whatever plays on Saturday night in your neck of the woods.
Then of course during times of poverty there was the mandatory visit to the locals before going to Carni and the other expensive clubs. In the old broke days if you met someone sober drinking beer in an expensive club it meant one of two things, they were driving or they were in the money. Yes that was true Kenyans for you, chaps walking into the club only one beer away from being totally wasted. It was also amazing the thorough budgeting people used to do to go clubbing. I had a pal who had a budget that was so well done to the cent that was needed to buy the quarter chicken at Topaz in the morning. Needless to say one day he was distraught when a chic prevailed upon him to buy her a drink, thus destroying his budget for that night; but since it was for a good cause we were more than willing to bail him out. Talking about early morning meals, is Big City in The Mall (Westlands) still open? That place had the best fried fish ever, for that hour at least.
Anway what is a flashback about the rave without me including one about my nefarious pals. You see I had this pal, let's call him Mike. Mike's pal John decided to have a bash in his house and invited him and other dudes. So you see this bash turned out to be a bull party aka sausage fest. So what happened is that one John decided to liven up the bash by going to the local red light district aka K-street to pick up some women of easy virtue to liven up the bash. Needless to say as the hard liqour, weed and easy women checked in the party was on and popping. So in the morning what happens is that Mike wakes up from the black out to find that most of the other guys have left leaving him and Mike who was waking up. Well it seems to hangover that was a result of hard liqour, weed and possibly rauncy sex didn't do much for John's mood, so he grabbed a panga and threatened to slash anyone who was left in the house when he was done counting to ten. So my pal Mike and the girls run out of the house. Needless to say the only thing my pal could do at this point in time was to go home. So he got into the next matatu and the girls (or should I say h...?) jump in with him. Well you see this was one of those large suburbs where you had to take one matatu from within the estate to get to the bus stop and another one to get to town. So while in the matatu going to the bus stop the girls begin telling him, how they slept with the other dudes (John included) and how they were not given any money, so Mike should do the right thing and foot the bill. Of course this was a thinly veiled threat because the 3 girls were more than willing to start raising hell if he wasnt going to pay up. And there is nothing as humiliating as one man being accused of not paying members of the world's second oldest proffesion for their trade in the open air. So being as slick as he is Mike demurred and said he would hook them up, so he laid back and pretended to be dozing. What the girls didn't know was that Mike lived in the neighbourhood, so as the matatu slowed down to navigate round a pothole he opened the door and jumped out running.
It took a split second for the girls to notice, but they jumped out, pulled up their already skimpy hemlines and chased after him. But you see Mike was smarter than these girls knew because he knew where he was. He was pals with the caretaker of an empty house that was in that neighbourhood and knew the gate was open. So when he ran to the house, opened the gate and quickly shut it. The caretaker was shocked by the sudden intrusion but as soon as Mike stopped hyper ventilating he told the caretaker that there was this group of women that was trying to rob him and that he should shut the gate and disown his presence if asked. Mike sat on the grass and kept quiet and a few minutes later heard the group of girls passing outside the house wondering aloud where Mike had gone. He spent two hours in the empty house just to make sure that the coast was clear and then walked to his house which was 10 minutes away.
Moral Of The Story
Always Ask For Your Pay Upfront or Always Be Ready For Drama.
If you have any fun club/party related adventures feel free to share!
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8:41
From: My part of the world.......
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During one of those few free moments I get, I looked at M's latest post and an interesting thought came to mind. Why is it that when many women put themselves out there for a man and they are turned down they act like sacriledge has been committed? I remember a long time back I was listening to Capital FM and this girl called in hot under the collar. It seemed that she had gone to the club, met this dude, had a great conversation with him even bought him a drink and then she was really disgusted when at the end of the night he left without even asking her for her telephone number. The male co-host was really tickled by her anger as he explained to her that it was no big deal because this is what men go through day in day out. When a woman uses a man who likes her for favours and such, other women applaud it and most people don't see a big deal about it but when a man does the same he becomes the scum of the earth. Case in point there was this girl once whom I shared a class with, we were just friends but at I did notice that she had a soft spot for me. So once in a while when I needed a favour, like a ride or something; I would call her and she would take me. We did hang out for a while but before she started getting any ideas I decided to keep things moving, when my sister noticed that I wasn't hanging out with her anymore; she was pissed of at me. I told her the same thing as the male co-host told the girl on the phone, as long as no-one got led on what's the big deal with enjoying some attention from someone else? Anyway I guess some people just arent used to the concept of rejection at all. In other news, I don't know how true this is but I hear that love has blossomed in the Kenyan blogosphere and there is this US based blogger who has fallen for a blogger in Kenya and is going back home in August to be with her. I don't know whether he is visiting or going back for good but it did get me thinking. First things first, I am a pragmatist. If I haven't met you in person, there is no way I am picking up and travelling halfway across the world to restart my life with you. Sorry I'm going to keep things real, some relationships may sizzle across cyberspace but when you meet in person they fall as flat as a week old beer. I guess when it comes to love I am cynical and pragmatic, a study once showed that the electrical signals of someone in love are the same as those of someone who has taken a large dose of heroin. So I do guess that love is a drug? But that is why I always say that love, crushes and such should be enjoyed in the heady days of youth when there is little to be lost as opposed to the pathetic sight of an adult letting their lives wilt as they pine away for someone they "love." That reminds me, I was once at a bar in Westland in the parking lot when this chic told her boyfriend that she was leaving him. It was a cringeworthy sight watching him beg her and crying till snot came out of his nose. His tears were not in vain because she did take him back but I am sure that there is no way in hell he was the one wearing the pants in that relationship any longer. Once you show someone that you need them far more than they need you you have just given away any chances they may respect you. I guess that's why I choose to look fine from the sideline! Have a nice week people..........
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7:45
From: My part of the world.......
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Seems alot has been happening since I have been MIA from the blogosphere. In the good old Jamuhuri it seems that the police have finally decided to respond to the mungiki menace with the finesse of a person trying to kill a fly with a sledgehammer. As usual too little, too late. Quite a few blogs have covered this topic already so all I am going to do is keep an eye on the aftermath. In other news for once the justice system in America works! Yes Paris Hilton was sent back to jail to serve her jail term instead of house arrest as the Sherrif thought would be best. Call me a hater, but this whole different rules for celebs issue was really pissing me off. Add to the fact that this whole issue has gotten way more airtime on the news and the net than it's worth (a fact that M has covered rather well). I have had this on my mind and I had to share it. I am sure we all know how Kenyans have their own ways of pronouncing words and names, this list comes to mind. 1. Juanita - This name is often pronounce hwanita but I knew a girl who had this name and everyone used to pronounce it Jooanita. (sorry but I can't write phoenetics) 2.Anastasia - This name is pronounced Anastazia but Kenyans always read it the way it is written. 3. Henri - Kenyans usually mentally substitute the i at the end for y and say it as henry as opposed to Onri. Damn that's what I get for not writing the names down! I actually had a list of 10 names. Feel free to add your own! In other news summer is finding me on the bilaz train. There is no worse time to be on the bilas train than summer. All you have to do is venture out see all the fly gals in their skimpy summer wear and it makes you all the more aware of your status quo, to make things worse there are some women where I work who push the envelope as far as possible when it comes to clothing (that is a post on it's own). I have decided to be proactive and channel my energy into excercise since I don't have gym membership. Let's just say with all the external motivation, the number of press-ups I can do has been going up exponentially over the last week. But on the bright side I was off the train just a few months ago unlike some people who have been on the train ever since it was running on coal (I'm not going to name names) but I do appreciate having you people there for company when I get back on the train. Anyway now back to another week in the plantation, but as the Good Book says; we shall overcome!
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8:15
From: My part of the world.......
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When I was in Campus there was this chic I used to know who was really cute, had a great figure and a nice personality to cap things off. Well there was one thing that used to put me off....her fuzz! You see this chic had a light but noticeable fuzz covering her. Not Chewbacca kind of fuzz but the kind that becomes very visible when you come very close to her. It didn't help that she was light skinned so the hairs were very visible when you got close and there is nothing as disheartening as a good pair of C cups covered by a layer of fuzz, I used to shudder at the thought of wanting to give them some oral attention only to end up with a hairball in my stomach. The thought of me kissing her with my eyes closed would bring up some horrific gay images due to the light layer of fuzz on her upper lip. But on the other hand I always did have thoughts of waking up in post coital bliss warmly snuggled in her fuzz without blankets, and on rainy days sitting with her on the couch combing her fuzz with her favourite brush. I thought I was the only one who had examined her fuzz and thought she would be far stunning without it until I conferred with my boys and we decided that what we should do (which we never got to doing), would be to put a sleeping pill in her drink and carry her to a farm so the following could be done:  Anyway on a serious note, let it be known that I support fuzzy chics' rights to live free without the fear of being sheared like a sheep in New Zealand come knitting season. I just realised something else today. I have become that employee who hates his job but comes to work everyday, putting in just enough so as not to be seen as lazy and staying under the radar so that they can get a steady pay check as they search for a better job. Have a productive and fuzzy day!
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21:26
From: My part of the world.......
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Time and again I have spoken about womens' appetite for suffering and in true Aco fashion I can't resist the chance to share a story. There is this Kenyan chic I met sometime when I got here, a very nice chic but she always looks a bit tired. It is when I got to talk to my close pal who is her bosom buddy that I got to know why she looks a bit worn most of the time and drinks like a fish during Kenyan functions/bashes. You see this girl has been dating a dude for 5 years and this dude treats her like crap. I was once at their house and I recall him talking to her like a 5 year old at different occasions with some flippant remarks thrown in. I was told that things get worse, there was one day when she came home from work to find him seated with another Kenyan chic on the couch looking very cozy. She asked what the girl was doing there and demanded that she leave, this new girl in turn got up and began hurling at her the same kind of insults her boyfriend used to; meaning that the boyfriend had been sharing the dirt. On a side note this new chic had been in the country for less than 3 months, talk about coming in with a bang. The case ended when she called the cops and the chic was asked to leave since she wasn't on any lease or documentation showing she had the right to be in the house. Anyway several months back this dude was laid off from his job and since he is picky has not yet gotten a new job. In the meanwhile for all these months and even earlier this chic has been working two jobs to pay the mortgage. To make things worse, this dude has American citizenship and despite being together for all those years he told the chic that he wouldn't file for her to get residency. So this means that she is stuck doing entry level jobs where they don't check on your immigration status. I do understand that he may not be in a rush to get married but I do think he can file a prenup and do it for her seeing that they have been together for 5 years plus. But despite all this drama, she is still with him. Why she is putting up with all that? I don't know, I'll watch from the sidelines and keep you all updated. Message of the day from this video. Don't smoke weed before your interviews! But I don't think it would have made a difference in T-pain's case this dude is waaaaaaaaaaaay off the edge. In other news, I had a disturbing flashback. Do you all remember a show called Life Goes On? Remember one of the main characters Corky Thatcher, the boy who had Down's syndrome? Well since everyone used to watch the show in my school, people were familiar with his clumsiness and lower than average IQ that came from having Down's syndrome. Anyway whenever someone would do something stupid or clumsy they would be baptised "Corky" by the rest of the class till the class forgot or someone else did something just as clumsy or stupid. And people say kids are innocent. Oh well, have a nice weekend everybody!
Read the complete article at My part of the world.......
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