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My part of the world.......
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1:31
From: My part of the world.......
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For those of you who just watched this video and went "huh?" The whole vid basically sums up LisaRaye's response to being kicked to the curb by the Premier of Turks and Caicos whom she married around 2 years ago in a Hollywood style wedding. Any it seems that her hubby had a roving eye of sorts and even had a rape accusation come up against him a few months ago, I guess when he allegedly took up with a BET TV host whom 50 cent once called a hoe, she had her publicist release a statement then went partying in NY with Lil Kim and co. So now it seems Lisa Raye had a change of heart and decided that being Island royalty trumps ego, so she went back home only to get a statement that her husband was filing for divorce and wanted to do so quietly and amicably. So this is what happened as a result; LisaRaye, who was banned from the main house, drove her car through a barricade at the house, parked her car and barged into a closed door meeting between the Premiere and his cabinet ministers. She allegedly pounced on Misick and commenced to sink her teeth into his flesh. Another man who attempted to separated the former lovers, was also bitten. Both Raye and Misick were treated for human bites at a local hospital and LisaRaye was placed under arrest. So what I wonder is did he bite her back or did his bodyguard bit her back or what?! I have no idea if the video above was shot before or after her arrest. But I do love the way she throws him under the bus in the beginning of the interview. Don't you just love the sneer on her face when she says, "I will continue to be uplifting and pray for him" I do admire her saying about how she is planning on continuing to do alot for the Island even when from what I read, the people of the Island never took a major liking to her that and the fact that her soon to be former husband is the Premier means that she won't be around for much longer. I'm sure she knew what her husband was doing but I guess when he took up with a public figure and embarrassed her she decided enough was enough, that and the unexpected divorce announcement but even so I do feel the whole issue could have been handled better; I mean how can you both say you want to handle matters in private yet press releases are being sprayed like mass media is going to be banned? But the way it's going on right now it just means more drama for me to enjoy in my boring life. Anyway what would our Monday be without "You Shoulda Stayed At Home!" segment? Now Monday is here with us, sadly so the grind has to begin again. I really do need to become independently wealthy because this working thing isn't doing much for me. Suggestions and ideas people?  Real Friends Make Honest Comments About What Their Friends Are Wearing  Girl In The Front Left, "I think this much of her (makes hand gesture)" - Feel free to caption  I Can Explain, She Fainted In The Club And He's Listening For A Pulse  Is He Blowing On Her Stomach Like You Do Babies?  Has Anyone Seen My Skin Moisturiser and My Neck?  Clubbing Is Hard Work  Clubbing Can Indeed Be Overwhelming  I shall leave this one for ya'll to caption because I looked at it and all I could do was shake my head.....
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2:40
From: My part of the world.......
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I was reading this article about restaurant cleanliness and it gave me some interesting memories about Kenya. I remember in Kenya we did have health inspectors but how much inspecting they did was debatable. I do know for a fact that they did used to inspect the 5 star joints more often than not plus the 5 star Restaurants to keep themselves in good books internationally used to impose their own standards. But of course when it came to the good old 1 star joints this was another story altogether. I once recall going for some nyama choma at a joint and some zealous health inspectors came in ready for the inspection. Well what the proprietor of the joint did was to crack a few jokes with the inspectors and since it was around lunch time, had some ribs roasted for the inspectors, sat down with them, chatted and sent them away with some money and meat for their trouble. That was that year's inspection dealt with. How we used to escape major food poisoning always made me wonder, I guess our stomachs adapted over time. I found this video online and thought I had to share it esp since over the years I always made jokes about how cosmo never missed an article about how to please your man; I always thought by now they would have run out of methods of doing so. Anyone who lives in the States is more than aware about how serious child molesting is taken out here. So much so that when a sex offender is let out of prison, they have to register with their local police station wherever they go to live. This information is then made public for the people who live in those areas on sites like this. That of course is a great tool but there are a few things to consider; children are molested more often than not by people they know, family members, teachers, clergy etc. So there should be a system parents set up to monitor those people too. Second, why should registration end with sex offenders. I think paroled murderers, violent robbers, arsonists, con-men, people with mental illnesses that lead to episodes of violence and drug dealers among others should also be put into a National database for our own safety. Now discuss that issue in 100o words or less in the comments section, thank you. I know some of you are now drooling waiting for the "You Shoulda Stayed Home" picture segment. Well I must apologize and say that one you have to wait next week for, but you know me; I always have something tasteless to share. Like I always say, this isn't the place to come for high society discussion and that kind of thing. Yes once in a while I do make pretensions to intellect and lofty ideals but on other days, I just want to share what's on the street. Anyway moving on.....  A classic   I think some men out there need to see this one so do share..  Yes I know I'll burn in hell for this one  Funny thing is that I have eaten there before and their burgers weren't half bad....  Now we know....  Funny for all the wrong reasons...  If you don't know the joke then it doesn't make sense but still those boys are going to burn...... Well sadly it's now back to the real world where work and responsibility await. To be a kid again......
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1:32
From: My part of the world.......
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This weekend I had to help someone do one of the things that I hate most in the world; MOVE HOUSE! What made this worse is that this was a poorly orchestrated move, when you call the Acolyte to help you move, he expects to come to your house and find all your boxes packed and ready to go. Sadly this wasn't the case, most of the stuff was all over the place and there was hardly enough boxes to go round. To add insult to injury, what was to be tossed out wasn't sorted from what was to be kept; so we had to help do that in addition to packing. Of course tempers were frayed at several times during that day and alot of moaning and wingeing was heard. But I also realised how much rubbish people accumulate over the years when they live in one area long enough. You see I have packrat tendancies but I balance it out by not buying very much, but I know people who are both packrats and heavy shoppers. I once helped this friend of mine move who had enough shoes to supply a small boutique. Anyway I guess we are all different when it comes to collecting stuff and moving. For me the more organised and the less stuff to move, the better! Sadly that was the story of my boring weekend. But.................... I am in the process of discovering that revenge is a dish best served cold, nicely and chilled. More on that cryptic comment in the future. Before I go ya'll didn't think I would forget the Monday segment. In fact I challenge ya'll to come up with a name for it. I'll get the ball rolling...."You Should Have Stayed Home" That's what my tired mind could come up with, anyway let the captions and the fun begin!  No comment......  Nick watched wistfully as Milo once again had his way on the dancefloor...  What the hell?! The dance of the comatose?????  First of all, where is her left shoe? Second that stuff being splashed on her looks alot like.....  These are the chicas who are great fans of beer goggles and the 3 a.m rule....  At least oil your legs before you go to the club, I'm not even going to talk about the dress  Ashy legs - check, ashy face - check, no shoes - check, no shame - check....We have a winner!  What the hell?! Practice session for the after party or what?! Have a nice day and stay out shady clubs!
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8:24
From: My part of the world.......
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Another Monday is upon us! I don't have much to say other than vent a bit about some people. If there is one thing I hate it's liars, and what I hate even worse than liars are unrepentant liars. Have you ever caught someone in the the wrong, call them out and then they try and turn it around on you claiming that you are in the wrong, claiming you have trust issues and all that mess. When in reality you actually have more evidence than you think they do about what they did. Why I bother dealing with some people I don't even know. Anyway that is someone extra to boot out of my life. I'm a bit late on this but seems like schools are striking en masse in Kenya. And in true mzee fashion Prof Ongeri decides to try and put out the smoke instead of the fire. Getting rid of cell phones in schools and DVD players isn't going to do much in the long run; the issues go far deeper than that. Let's keep it real, many boarding schools' administration style leaves a whole lot to be desired. Add to the fact that many of them are still ran on the 1970's model of administration where children are meant to be seen and not heard. Listening to your students and talking to them can yield alot of results and this hardly every happens in many boarding schools and quite a few day schools too. But on the other hand, many parents today have abdicated their roles as parents and role models. So as a result kids expect to have the same freedoms they have at home when they go to school. Add to this the fact that according to some parents their children can do no wrong so the teachers have no leeway when it comes to discipline. Throw in the increasing number of single parent households and you end up having a lack of male role models and the remaining parent is too busy trying to put food on the table to bother with Jr tearing up the school every other day. I'm not even going to mention the KCSE fiasco. There's alot of work to be done. Thank God I am not a parent.... Anyway enough of the serious stuff! Time for the fun weekend pics. All opinions welcome! Have a nice day all!  Is the gal on the far left pregnant or just big?  As you can see in clubs the M.O when it comes to dancing is girl's ass meet's dude's crotch, but in some cases like the couple in the far right for some reason or other that doesn't work so........  First things first, why is there always tissue paper on the floor in these grimy clubs? Second how can the chic on the far left be barefoot after looking at the state of the floor. Third, why is the dude behind her drenched, is that sweat or what? Fourth, I wonder if that hand made it to it's desired destination?  I'd like to know the logistics of what they were doing too  Real friends don't let friends go out looking like a mess...  Please look at the expression of the chica on the far left, she sums it up best!  Now you all know what a camel toe is.... 
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0:27
From: My part of the world.......
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I want to introduce you to a new phrase which is, f*cking below the line. F*cking below the line was a term used in a Mario Puzo book I read sometime to mean screwing someone who is below your station in life; this could be social, financial etc. I had been thinking of this post for a while but Archer's last post spurred me to action. You see whether you like it or not, most if not all of us who have indulged in sexual activities have screwed below the line. The worst thing with screwing below the line is that often there is a small alarm bell that is ringing in our head that is telling us to STAY AWAY! But due to being on the B train for so long or sheer lust, the ringing is ignored and kungulu (I hear that's what peeps call shag in Kenya nowadays) commences. Screwing below the line seems fun and easy because look at it this way to the individual here forth referred to as the screwee, you are a hot commodity. So the screwer will have an easy time getting with the screwee. But the problem comes when the screwer wants to leave the screwee and return to their regular group, the screwee makes it as hard as possible and refuses to let go and may resort to all sorts of drama to keep the screwer. How do you know if you are f*cking below the line? 1. Is your partner someone you would ordinary be seen in public with? 2. Do you avoid introducing your new partner to your regular friends and crew? 3. Does your partner talk about a future for the two of you and when they do, do you find yourself shuddering? 4. Do you find yourself side stepping the question when your new partner talks about you two being together? 5. Even when you are with this new partner and are spending time, are you still listed as single on facebook and myspace or whatever other social networking site you use? If you can answer YES to more than one of those questions then know you are most def screwing below the line. Oh and just to toss in a twist, if the person you are with is displaying the same behavior either they are commitment phobic or they scraped the barrel with you; whichever way it is you are screwed! What I find funny though is how due to the wonderful mechanics of the human mind is that after deluding oneself for a while sooner or later a moment of clarity comes to the fore and someone realises they are screwing below the line. This may be mid hump, when they wake up one morning and see the person next to them or in the middle of the occasional date. I say occasional because for some reason or other people don't go out for dates very often with their screwees, unless the screwee applies pressure. Now after the moment of clarity getting out of the situation tends to be tricky because many screwee's don't let go easily. I remember one who once argued her way out of the break up, yes that is how insistent she was; she had a counter point for every point I had for not dating her. Yes my fully laid plans were thwarted for a while.After her insistent pressure I decided to take advantage of some information she knew about me, you she did know that the Acolyte is a somewhat spiritual being; so I did what any spiritual man would do. I told her that I had taken a vow of singlehood and celibacy, which was somewhat true because I was just tired of all the drama that comes with strokes. That and me going underground finally took the pressure off me because she kept on insisting that she wanted to come and see me (last ditch seduction attempt). My solution, if the shag seems to easy; think twice. Plus make sure you are not someone's screwee! Anyway since I have been staying out of trouble, I have been having a ball looking at pic's of peeps acting the fool in the club. I'm going to share them. Please feel free to add your own captions!  My question is, what is the lady woman in the far right doing? The expression on her face.....  Yaaaaaaaaay! Guess who's here to save the night.....  Shaun at the far left decided he may as well jerk off in the club instead of waiting to get home..  If she stand still enough for long enough she can blend in the same way the Zebra whose pants she stole blends into the savannah  Archer: Natukifika kwa rodging, nitakuinua juu hivi, harafu.......  Milo: Dear Mocha, you can even see I'm on my knees. I promise all I want you to do is have a cup of juice at my place after the club; nothing else Archer: Wachana with his siasa. I have a new couch I bought today that I want you to come to my apartment and sit on! Mocha: Blushes away.... Have a great Monday People!
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22:16
From: My part of the world.......
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 Time for a change from the usual Monday Moaning. Anyone who moves to the West while at one time or other have to live in an apartment complex. Apartments or as we call them in Kenya, flats are not as prevalent back home as they are out here due to the high population density in many Western cities. When you move out to a mid sized or large city unless you can afford otherwise or have room mates, odds are high that you shall be living in an apartment complex. Finding an apartment complex in itself is an adventure. You see here in America many complexes are so wiley in their advertising that it verges on fraud in some cases when you go to see the apartment complex and find out that the picture was several years old and severely photo shopped too. This is so done that it stops being funny, when you get there the amenities they advertised like the gym are so run down or in some cases like swimming pools not even open for use. Where your apartment complex is also very important. In most Western cities everything is far from each other unless you live in a small town. So you have to make important trade offs. Would you rather live close to work? Close to school? Close to friends and family? And of course apartments that are closer to the highway tend to be more expensive then those that are further in. Plus if you the more "up town" the neighborhood the more expensive rent will be. So you have to make hard choices. Most of the time you can get cheap rents the further you go from the City but you shall have to get used to driving long distances and hours to get to work, school and other places. I remember when I came here my fam was living in a nice big house but that house was almost 20 minutes to the interstate, not amusing at all I tell you. Immediate neighbourhood and residents of an area are very important. I'm not going to be racist or anything (then goes ahead to make racist statement) but you want to stay away from any place that has a sign that says "acceptamos tax ID," that basically means that the apartment complex will most likely have alot of Mexicans living there. Mexicans are alot like the Somalis we used to have in Kenya who would live 20 deep in a 2 bedroom house. Some apartments like them due to the fact that Mexicans like to keep a low profile and are less likely to push for their apartment to be fixed when something breaks and thus cost less to keep as tenants. And you do know that of course as a black person you would stand out like a sore thumb in a predominantly hispanic apartment complex. On the other hand, if you are a brave soul you could move into a predominantly black lower or middle class area aka "The Hood" where you wouldn't stand out very much. The only thing is that some of these areas are high crime and the apartments aren't always well maintained, I recall in one apartment complex we lived in my small brother had his tyres stolen at night and he had bought new rims. Lucky for us my big sister suspected who it was that did it, so she talked to the kids mum and told them what had happened without accusing her kids but she caught the hint, gave them a tongue lashing and the next morning my small bro found his tyres on the patio and as all this was happening the leasing office were not concerned at all. On the other hand this isn't to say that all places where black folk live are "hood" there are predominantly black up class areas but of course you need the money to afford to live there. As for living in a predominantly white area, you are not ensured that the apartments will be of the greatest quality since there are lower class white areas too but since white people on a whole have more money than minorities they tend to have the better neighbourhoods, hence the reason many people like moving to predominantly white areas. The only thing is that first of all we all know that some white folk can't stand black folk, so some apartment complexes will make it as hard as possible for you to move in by asking for all sorts of pre-conditions ie high rent, high deposit, long rental history, stable employment history, background checks and all that sort of thing to knock you out of the running. And if you do get in some of the neighbours won't be too pleased to have you and will do anything they can to make your life miserable esp when you stray from their community rules. But there are some apartment communities where people of all races seem to get along or pretend to for the most part. So you see when you leave home things aren't as simple as they were back home where a new home was an ad in the classifieds away. Here it's a whole 'nother ball game. Part II - Room mates, leases and other fun things............
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0:53
From: My part of the world.......
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Sigh, bloggers block continues to compound with time. Anyway let me do what I can to combat it. Last weekend I went to the International Farmer's Market to get my usual supply of fruit, veggies and other occasional treats and noticed something. This maybe be stereo-typing, something I am not a big fan of; but Africans stare. There is this chica who was staring at me and I wanted to tell her to watch out otherwise her eyes would roll out of her skull, no my fly wasn't open, The Acolyte is just hot like that. Similarly a friend of mine who went back to Kenya on vacation told me how she went to Kenya and visited one of the new strip clubs that had come up. She told me how she saw a dude watching the mama dancing on the table for him, you see here when most peeps get a table dance; they will for the most part act like they are not that moved, now it was different with our Kenyan cat. The mama is dancing one the table and the dude had his face like 3 inches from the cooch. I doubt he was moonlighting as a gynaeo for the strippers but please you don't want to be that close, you don't know where that cooch has been. Sigh, Kenyans are in a class of their own I say. The other day after issuing a disclaimer, this chica I talk to asked me how come many Africans don't wear deo. You see sometime back she used to work for some Nigerians and it seemed that many of the peeps who used to come around the joint used to subject her to noxious fumes. I also realised that you don't really notice the way that many folks especially everyday peeps on the street don't use deo much until you go back home on vacation or run across someone here who isn't using any deo at all. But of course this isn't to say that all Kenyans go around au naturale, most middle class Kenyans do use deo and other hygiene products but for the average Kenyan trying to survive on less than a $1 a day, smelling fresh is the least of your problems but on the other hand if you have made it to the States and have at least $2 you can get some roll on so I don't know about the peeps out here, they need to get their scent together. I made a technical appearance at a Kenyan bash the other day. A well planned one at that, I was there for only 2 hours and it was a 10 min drive from home but noticed one thing that happens regularly. Why do Kenyans check into Kenyan bashes at around 1 am? It doesnt make sense to me especially if the club is closing at 3 am or 4 am, well I guess it's cheaper to get smashed at a pal's place and then go to the club and get completely plastered on one beer. I don't know how it works in other States and countries, please share. Anyway the rivers of inspiration are running low, so I shall share these wonderful demotivational messages with you. View and get offended at your own risk     Government working just for you......
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0:14
From: My part of the world.......
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There is something empowering about a Friday. There is nothing as encouraging as the feeling that you wont be going to work the next day (or at least that is the case for most of us). But then as soon as Saturday morning rolls in, somewhere deep inside it hits you that your weekend is almost half way gone. I would recommend 3 day weekends be the norm but usually after a 3 day weekend I am not good on the first work day that comes around to be honest. I don't know if it's just me but time just seems to move so much faster nowadays. I remember when I was in high school, my Swahili teacher seemed to be the most powerful woman in the universe since her voice in my opinion would make time stop. The days of when I was bumming and time seemed to move like molasses are long gone. It is believed by some religions that when the end times come close, time shall begin to move much faster and who knows; at times I actually think that could be the case. Anyway I'm beginning to sound too morose for a Friday. One thing that really bores me about working here in the West is fake office friendships. People at work like to really act super chummy and like they are bosom buddies but once they step out of the office environment, that's it. Like there was this chica who used to work for the company and she seemed to be close with almost everyone other than a few other chicas (you know how women just dont seem to all get along). So anyway she had been planning her wedding for a while and would go on and on about it and her fiancee. Do you know when she got married I think only one person was invited despite her making the whole office feel like they were part of the process? I knew I wasn't getting invited so it didn't bother me but it was funny though, were it in Kenya I doubt the office would have known she was getting married till she did her name change. But anyway that's life in the West for you. I have also been working on a series of posts about the experience in the States that is called living in an apartment complex. Anyone who has lived abroad can tell you how that is a unique experience in itself most of the time. I'm sure some of you out there have your own stories to share. In other news,I hear the cost of electricity in Kenya is going up. This would be a good time to invest in solar power even if its just for lighting your home the only thing that put me off is the initial high cost of solar panels and set up. You have to have quite a bit, last quote I got was like around $4,000/= the good thing though is that that by the 3-4 year mark that investment shall have paid for itself and since Kenya for the most part has sun most of the year you won't have to worry about power shortages when you need the power most. Anyway time to prepare to get back on the grind...............
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20:00
From: My part of the world.......
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The blogger's block continues, I'm sitting in front of the text box and nothing is coming to mind. Well the fountain had to stop flowing at one point in time. But meek meek tagged me with an 8 things meme. I usually don't do these but thought I would indulge them this time round. 8 Things That I Am Passionate About 1. Kenya 2. Soccer 3. Learning New Things 4. Mixed Martial Arts 5. Financial Independence 6. African Issues 7. Eastern Philosophy/ Religion 8. Healthy Living 8 Things I Would Like To Do Before I Die 1. Sky Dive 2. Deep Sea Dive 3. Have A 3some 4. Set Up A Successful Non Profit In Kenya 5. Make At Least $1,000,000 6. Kick someone hard in the ribs when they are down 7. Travel Around The World 8. Get some tattoos 8 Things I Say Alot 1. As long as it works for you 2. Kumeharibika 3. Things are narrow 4. That's your opinion 5. That's what I think but you can correct me if I'm wrong 6. Hodi 7. Pole 8. Ehe 8 Books I have Read Lately (still reading some of them) 1. Trading Options For Dummies 2. Technical Analysis Plain and Simple 3. Profit With Options (Essential Methods For Trading Success) 4. Auto Repair For Dummies 5. The Game 6. Heal Thyself for health and Longevity 7. The 8 Human Talents 8. Dreads 8 Movies I have Seen 8 Times (some I havent made to 8 times) 1. The Devil's Advocate 2. The Usual Suspects 3. The Matrix 4. Hard Boiled 5. 300 6. Enter The Dragon 7. Hero 8. The Lord Of The Rings (All 3) 3 People Who Should Do This Archer Mocha Bomseh I was reading this article about a Naijo dude getting his wife and property jacked from him by his wife and an MP (people say its Hon Raphael Wanjala). Much as I am not a supporter of property theft, the revelation that the Nigerian's Kenyan wife of 10 years is 24 made me sympathise with him much less. How in the hell do you marry or court a girl who is 14 years old?! You have just stolen the girl's teenage years when she is meant to be growing up. Now wonder she went buckwild and decided to share their property with Hon Wanjala. I guess Karma can bite you when you least expect it. Now another blithering idiot out there decides to shine an unwelcome light on Kenyans in the diaspora. I know the rule of law is innocent till proven guilty, so I shall let you read and come up with your own opinions. Now let me ask a question to you rugby fans out there. Capital FM seem to be having some sort of competition on radio where people can win tickets for singing various rugby chants. One thing I have noticed is that the chants pretty much haven't changed from when I was in high school, and that was a long time back; people are still singing "Eloya" and other similar songs. My question is, aren't there any new chants coming up or do people lack innovation and motivation? It kind of reminds me of how I used to go for Rock at Carnivore on Wednesdays and hear the same songs over and over and over. I wouldn't have been shocked if the DJ had a mix tape at that point and would play it while hanging out with the club goers. I had to share this interesting image below. This is the back of a courtesy bus that goes to a popular high end shopping district in Atlanta. Now my question is, if you get on the bus does the girl give you a free ride? And if she gets on top does she charge you $12.90? I'll see if I can catch that bus this weekend and give you an update. Nice weekend people! 
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0:44
From: My part of the world.......
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I have blogger's block, it was inevitable but it happened. The days of posts flowing like a waterfall are gone. Now I have to think long and hard before anything drips let alone flows. Anyway I remember there was this chica whom I was getting close to once and you know how we dudes are when we are trying to get some ass. We shall listen to all your hopes and dreams and even see where we can fit in (till we get some ass that is). So anyway in fantasy land we had already gotten hitched with this chica and now we were talking about making it big (wealthy and no kids), so I was talking about how we were going to grind hard together to make it happen. That's when she said, "Oh no babe, you are the one going to be grinding hard. I am going to be a stay at home wife!" At that point in time had I been a wise enough man, I should have thought about the booty, played along, gotten some and then moved on. But oh no, Acolyte had other ideas. You see this is the same chic who went out of her way to tell me when we met that she isn't a gold digger, yet she wants to marry a man who will grind hard getting her the good life she "deserves" while she stays at home doing next to nothing (no kids in the marriage). Of course I went ahead and tore her a new one about how she was just a gold digger by another name (feel free to disagree of course). Let me also add that with the state of the World economy today one income homes are becoming a rarity. I am not saying that it's an impossible goal and women shouldn't strive to it but when you tie your lifestyle and goals to a man and not your own effort; I find that just plain pathetic. Anyway while we are talking about getting some and the state of the economy. I came across this book that will help some of you overcome not being able to get some and being broke at the same time. Once you churn out your first masterpiece, you shall thank me. While I'm going down this track. I remember reading this story about how during the January chaos we had in Kenya, there was this gay dude who was part of a "hunted" tribe in the Rift Valley. So he knew that he had to flee when word reached him that a small mob made up of people who knew he was gay and didn't like it, was planning to visit him at night and make a man out of him by raping him. Hmmmmmmm let's see, you don't like the fact that he is gay so you are going to rape him; doesn't that make you gay?! These chaps made my day. A trial going on and you are playing sudoku. Almost as bad as the Judge who was using the penis pump! Anyway the blogger's block is creeping back in so I think it's about time for me to get back to real life. Let me leave you with this wonderful snippet. Girl: Aco, I'm over 30 and I have no husband; I need to at least have kid Acolyte: Yes you do because at your age, mayai karibu zianze kuoza. Girl: Speechless ps: Gentlemen please don't be like me, tell women what they want to hear. pps: Now what we have below is true kuku porno, Kenchic kando! 
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4:28
From: My part of the world.......
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Whenever people always ooh and ahh about how much they want to have kids without thinking of how much work it is and when you tell them they say you are being too serious. I picture them as the kind of parents who let society and the school system raise their kids and you end up with situations like the one in the video below. Not that I advocate how that teacher handled it but kids out here can drive you mad, just talk to a teacher here and listen to their stories; you shall be shocked. Since I'm tearing parents a new one. I might as well lay into the parents of the girl below. Her and her grown looking ass has put 2 men in jail?! And they still let her get online and run around town late?! I for one don't condone men sleeping with underage girls at all but when a heifer like this does this on purpose I think she too has to face some punishment from the law or is she not responsible for her actions since she is a young woman? I swear before any girl out here gets some Acolyte loving she has to produce 2 forms of picture ID or no service at all! I hope you Kenyans back home enjoyed your 3 day public holiday. For us out here it was the same old thing. Anyway I was on the net and came across an interesting cartoon about what really happens during online dating, here it is. There are many online games nowadays and some of them other than membership, charge you extra for things that should rightly be free (especially for people like me who play the free Yahoo games). I think the video below sums it up completely. Greedy bastards.... I know some people out there on the web come across my blog while searching for somethings that I know nothing about ie Kenyan porn or nude pics of Lilian Muli/Nini Wacera/Kaz etc. I don't have those but I did find these pictures of some Kenyans caught in a sexual orgy, these pictures are very explicit; warning NSFW! Please click here, here and here. Enjoy but don't stain your keyboards. ps: You have just been rick rolled......
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1:14
From: My part of the world.......
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I miss taking Matatus. Yes, I said it. I miss the camaraderie that came with the experience. I'll admit it wasn't always a party because some touts were rude as hell, the rides uncomfortable and the people next to you could be a bother in more ways than one. I remember once sitting in an Eastleigh bound matatu next to some Somali ladies and by the time I was embarking my expensive deo had been overcome by one of the brand names by the makers of Bint El Sudan. But when the matatu rides were fun they were fun. I once recall sitting in front of some chics who had such interesting mucene that I almost missed my stop. The other ride which I may have blogged about was how in the thong hey days, I was seated behind some mama whose jeans had down while her thong had ridden up, so seeing as I know how to keep a good poker face I decided to use my peripheral vision and observe the dude seated next to me, an older arab man. The dude was virtually drooling from what I could see, but wait till the chic had to get up to disembark at the next stop so in getting up her jeans for a moment went a bit lower before she pulled them up so she showed a bit more than was expected, the dude had a big grin on his face and I'm sure he had to restrain himself from whooping for joy. Nothing beats good peripheral vision and a poker face. Anyway I have loads of matatu tales which I will share over time as I remember them since it has been some minute since I was in one and the buses here much as they are comfy are boring as hell when it comes to human drama. Is it just me or do African women have the knack for choosing the worst weaves ever? For real though, I can't tell you how many times even out here I have recognized African women due to their hair dos. Please look at Ratatat's weave in this video, IMO it doesn't work at all for her! Now in other news I am waiting for pics and storo from Memorial Weekend in Houston. I didn't go for it, no time , money or motivation. I think next year I may just for the sake of it, go for the L.A Sevens; anyway I await stories and links to pics from peeps! I know there had to be drama! Anyway time for me to get back to everyday life sans five hour country wide blackouts, poleni to those of you back home. Reminds me of days of power rationing, it got so bad that we used to have ad hoc Kamkunjis as the boys outside the estate. Let's hope another dam to nowhere is built and rationing doesn't make a quick come back. Adios!
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4:35
From: My part of the world.......
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 Little Johnny jokes have always cracked me up and that letter up there is on a level of it's own! I was sent this sometime back on the net and if a name says alot about you, I guess this chica's name says everything we need to know. I wonder if she has a pal called Kuro?  Oh lest I forget, I have to congratulate all Man U fans out there! At the end of the day Man U's experience came out on top of Chelsea's billions. Now onto the season break and the transfer market. I guess we'll have to count on Olympic soccer to keep us going till the 2008 - 2009 season begins. I came across this spoof vid of T-pain and Akon, enjoy! I hear that Nelson Mandela is having major birthday celebrations soon and one of the invited performers is Will Smith. I was like WTF?! What on earth is Will Smith going to perform for Mandela?! Parents don't understand? Miami? Or maybe the Fresh Price theme song. I hope that was a mistake by whoever announced it and that he's just going to be a host. Talking about S. Africa, for any bloggers out there ie Bomseh and those of you who have friends and relatives out there; I am hoping and praying that things settle down soon for their sake. I guess the Rainbow nation has now turned into a nation of storms. Coming soon: You People Part II........
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3:47
From: My part of the world.......
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Well since one of our fave M-net Idols outed himself on CNN, I nowfeel free to comment. I have heard that gay men are supposed to have some sense of style but we know those are stereotypes, thanks to Jackson showing up on CNN and M-net Idols (see last Monday's post), in the same scarf and two polo shirts that look so much alike (and are clashing with his fave scarf). Also dude is tripping if he thinks he is going to be living in gay dreamland when he gets to America. He has the perfect trifecta going for him; black, gay and foreign. By the way, as far as I know those camp couselor jobs are seasonal; you go for summer and supposed to go back to your country. So I hope he has a good plan B or his asylum papers ready and even so the Bush government has a poor record in granting asylum requests; wonder why you don't see too many Iraqi refugees around here don't you? Oh and in the CNN video, is it just me or does the girl who comments 1:26 mins look erm what's the word... developmentally handicapped or for laymen, slow. Then the next chic says " I don't think gay men should have their rights," well if she means that only hot lesbians should have rights; then we agree! Anyway on a serious note it's good to see that the LGBT in Kenya can even have an organisation registered. What I tell people is that even the States is a good example, you can legislate tolerance but you can't legislate acceptance; some things take time. And in other news, I now know where to go to look for a wife; here I come Namanga! Before I leave, I thought that I had to share this important music video. Women out there need to know the truth what with all this crap in novels and movies about making love all night. Do you know how sore you would be if you shagged for not even 8 hours, lets say 4 hours straight. Making sweet love all night my ass, the person who wrote that song lyric needs to be shot. Anyway here's the video below....... Anyhow ya'll have a nice Monday!
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8:30
From: My part of the world.......
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 "You people," was a phrase I got to hearing often when I was working in Customer Service. I almost wanted to tell customers that I was not part of some anonymous corporate mob. Anyway I worked for a credit card company for a few months doing customer service and I came to one conclusion, most American customers are either crazy, stupid, entitlement whores, rude, impatient, inarticulate, stubborn, cheap or a combination of all the above and more. This is not to say that the company never used to mess up, at times it used to and during that time I for one used to understand customers getting mad. But 85% of the time, whenever a customer used to call about something going wrong it was their fault one way or another. I recall dealing with some winners during my time there. There was this one girl who had one of those starter credit cards with a limit of $500 and she had maxed it out. So she calls in; Girl: Hi! How come my card keeps on being declined? Aco: Hi! Well you see your card is over the limit, you have to pay the balance and you can keep on using it. Girl: I thought every month that I get a new $500 to spend? Aco: No, you have to pay some or all of the balance every month. Girl: -Clueless silence - Er, ok..... Yes many parents here don't educate their kids when it comes to financial matters it seems. Another contendor; Lady: Hi! Why does my daughters credit card bill have a fee for returned checks? Aco: Hi! One moment please (goes over account) Well you see Miss, when you daughter got the credit card; it came with some checks that she could use to pay things off at a lower interest rates. She used one of those checks to pay off the credit card. You cannot use one of our checks to pay us since they are both the same account. Lady: You see she is only 17. Aco: Thinks to himself, 17 and stupid I'll see what we can do Miss It doesn't end there. There are the wonderful people who call to ask their balance and then want you to go over each and every single item they bought, the price, date and location. It's okay when it's around 10 items but when its 40 items and they want you to go back months that's too much! One day I had had it and this dude called and asked me to read out a few months worth of items for him and it was one minute before I was to leave, I told him that we could fax him the statements and he refused, I volunteered to send them to him express mail and he refused. When the minute hit for me to leave, I transferred him. I have no apologies for doing that at all. I'm special, I have to get it now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This was another special breed too. I remember that you could get a PIN number for your credit card, so you could withdraw cash. Stupidest thing you can do due to the interest rates for cash transactions on most credit cards, but remember people here want things now and will worry about the cost later. So now the catch was to get the PIN number, you either had to ask it to be mailed to you and wait for it to get to you; or you could use the automated system and get it if you had a landline phone. Of course the latter did prove to be problematic, for security reasons the company wouldn't let people use cell phones since this led to much fraud in the past, add that to the large number of people with cell phone numbers and this would lead to much drama. Someone would call and ask for their PIN, you put them through the automated system and since they were using a cell phone they would be sent back to a rep and some reps weren't smart enough to figure out what the problem was so they would be sent back into the system several times and of course by the time they get to you, they are mad as hell. So now you ask them if they are using a cell phone and they say they are and you break the news to them that they have to wait to get their PIN via mail and all hell would break loose. There was this friend of mine who was working late and our call center was the only one open so sadly she ended up dealing with the same man twice, the third time the dude comes online he screams; " I want my PIN now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" My friend sighed and said, "Okay, 2478," just to get him off the phone. I shudder for the rep who talked to the dude after his card was captured by the ATM. Still on the topic of PIN numbers, you have the morons who think that we store them all so they try to use the guilt approach. " Why won't you give me my pin? don't you want my children to eat today?" No dear, it's your financial mismanagement and not reading the PIN procedure that led to this. And for those who got their PIN numbers, this would lead to a different set of problems in the future. You see if you ever read the back of your credit card statement, it clearly says that payments are put towards the balances in the categories with the lowest interest rates and then to those with the higher interest rates. So cash transactions have the highest interest rates so whenever you pay to your card they get paid off last. The easiest way to deal with this is to pay off your card in full or not to have cash transactions, or you could call and moan like a bitch and hope the rep takes those finance charges off for you. I used to be a brute, no negotiation on finance charges over $100, anything less we could talk esp if you were nice. Anyway all the rules on that is not only on the back of your statement but also in your terms and conditions. Case in point..... Lady: I just looked at my statement and I'm very upset! Aco: No empathy on my part How can I assist you? Lady: I have been having finance charges of $XXX for the last one year, it's making it hard for me to pay off the card. Aco: Let me take a look please goes back several months. Miss, you see in month X of year Y, you had a cash transaction of $ABC and this has an interest rate of XY%. Lady: But I made a payment of $ABC the following month. Aco: Yes Miss, I see that but when you make your payments they are put to the balance with the lowest interest rates and then those with the higher interest rates next. Since you had purchases on your cards, that's where they went. Lady: What?! Nobody told me! Aco: Miss, if you look at the back of your statement; it's shown there. Lady: Who reads the back of their statement?! Aco: It's also in your terms and conditions which you received when you got the card. Lady: I don't care, I don't want to get anymore interest on that and for all my payments to go to that section. Aco: I'm sorry Miss but when you began to use the card those are the terms and conditions you agreed to. Lady: I want you to close my account. Aco: Yes, go ahead and cut up the card blah blah blah. Of course what she didnt know or want to know is that even if you close the account you still continue to accrue interest at the same rate lol. There are quite a few tales I'm going to share soon but here is a PSA. Credit card companies don't exist to make you happy, they exist to make money first. If you don't want to get screwed, read over the small print before you open and account and get educated. Don't go swiping your card over town, pay the minimum payment each month and then wonder why you are drowning in finance charges and high interest rates. Anyway let me get back to my customer free job.........
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21:11
From: My part of the world.......
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I usually don't watch Reality TV but someone recommended M-net Idols and I had to watch the madness for myself. Other than the sad sight of people who could for the life of them not sing, there were talented individuals and interesting individuals like the dude below. This dude was on his own level, a wig to match his pitch! His dress sense was very interesting, I wonder if he improved his look for subsequent shows? And then when he goes in to hug the Chic judge did you see the side eye given by the judge on the right? It was the, "don't even think about it dude!" look. The dude on the left had his hands up and was like "No!" But what made my day was 1:28 how the two dudes ran into each others arms like lovers who had been torn apart for ages! But they're best friends or "best friends" so it's understandable; and to think I thought there was nothing good on African Reality tv. Sometimes it's amazing how somethings make it past all the eyes in the marketing department. Case in point the toy below.  I was reading a complaint in the Nation about how Banks in Kenya chain down their 40/= bic biros to the counter. What I would like to know is when a bic biro hit 40 shillings?! Damn! Anyway have you ever watched a horror movie that is so badly made that it's more of a comedy? This is one that I watched recently, no wonder it went straight to dvd. Anyway that's the little I have to share with ya'll today. Hasta manyana!
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0:15
From: My part of the world.......
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The end of another week. I was watching the video below and the only thing I can say is that Sean Connery is one harsh man, what I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall of his house. I wonder if any dudes from our generation think the same way he does? I wonder what Sean Connery would do if he sat on the same council with the woman in the video below? Usual Disclaimer - I am in no way condoning slapping of women unless it is in self defence.... I was just looking at some new cars recently and does anyone remember how in the pre Y2k days many cars and other products had suffixes like X9000, 2000ZX and such? Was this to give people the impression the car or machine was futuristic or what? Speaking of which shouldn't the owners of Florida 2000 rename it Florida 3000? Yes instead of working I sit at my desk and think of such things. For some reason, once more Standard decided to write another story about the meteoric rise of strip clubs in Nairobi. I think the corporate office of Applebees would be shocked to know that their trademark is being used for a strip club, I think just to even things out strip clubs called T.G.I.F or Chilis should also be opened too. Anyway let me round this off with some interesting quotes; "As I sit here with a couple of world class hookers..." Gaby Logan after the France-Ireland rugby match. (She was referring to co-commentators Wood and Ibanez.) (Aaron, England). I often follow English Premier League games live via game cast of the soccernet site since I dont have expanded cable that let's me watch the games live. So there is this commentator who seems to harbour a major dislike Dirk Kuyt. Now Kuyt tries to wrestle the keeper out of the way as a looping ball dropped underneath the bar. Blatant free kick, blatant waste of money. What was he , 10m?! Ha! Breaking News - Kuyt nearly gets a shot on target! Fear not though, it went wide. Dirk Kuyt is hopelessly offside but for some reason he still sticks the ball in the back of the net when everyone had stopped. Is he stupid as well as ugly and talentless? Another comical slice of play from Kuyt there who tries an effort with the outside of his right boot at an impossible angle which trickles into Brill's arms. He really is useless. Talk about bile now won't you? Anyway it just hit me that despite 18 years of school, the topics on the top of my mind were slaps, suffixes, strippers and soccer. I think I really do need to find some lofty calling or passion, I guess that's this weekends' homework. Have a nice weekend people!
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7:10
From: My part of the world.......
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Oh Joy! Monday is here! I'll try and say that as many times as I can till I believe it. Anyway in case you don't know I always have a digital camera in my car and I do try and take pics when I can, of course most of them aren't masterpieces but I do like to have something to look back to when I move on. Anyway here are some pics for you.  With the price of gas, I'm soon going to be wiping the dust off my bus card  Kenyans doing what we do best  A great looking mural  I like the artistic freedom people take with their shops in this part of town  More freedom of expression at work  A building design that stays with you  I liked the design of the sign  Some folk are living large I tell you..  A view from a hotel just by the Airport  Someone told me the hotel was once a hanger  Do transvestites prefer to fly with air tran? (Crude Acolyte statement of the day)  A news crew doing a story around the time one airline had their planes were grounded  Just wanted to show you all my private jet  No, I was not seated at the bar at anytime that day! In other news I was reading about how during Labour day wanainchi booed the President when he did not declare a rise in the minimum wage. What it got me to wondering was if many employers even adhere to that minimum wage law and how often it is enforced? It's a known fact that many Indian owned factories in the Industrial Area over work, under pay and abuse their Kenyan workers. What is sad though is that the labour officials do nothing or are bribed to turn a blind eye. And what makes things worse is that I hear that fares are going to go up in Kenya do to the price of petrol, I guess more Kenyans are going to start walking. Oh the joys of a globalized economy, America's problems become everyone else's problems. Anyway let me get myself back to the everyday grind before I start thinking too hard and get pensive. ps: A good reason not to play with other men's wives!
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7:59
From: My part of the world.......
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What ever happened to this chap? Last I heard he took up with a sugar mummy and disappeared without even doing his Form 4 exams. I was reading the Kenyan press on-line and came across the Prison Warders' strike. I don't support their threats (release of hard core criminals) but on the other hand the press has been highlighting their pathetic living standards and working conditions for years without any change at all, even when Uncle Moody was gallivanting around the country improving conditions for prisoners. What I find even more ironic is how we have not built even one prison since Independence, surely there is no excuse at all for that! I had my first sushi experience this weekend and I really must say it was most enjoyable, whoever knew that raw fish tasted that good? This was the perfect way to end a day that was spent at an outdoor festival (pics coming soon), that I went to with work mates and a friend of their who used to work in our organization. She left the organization under acrimonious terms so when we became cozy she had no shame in digging up and sharing the dirt of the organization with me, which was also confirmed by one of my work mates. I'll share later but let's just say I'm not going to be looking at some people in the office in the same light. One of my work mates feels she has gone as far as she can with the organization so is doing some serious job hunting, she reminds me of this crappy job that I used to have where most of the department used to spend half the day passing around job vacancies to each other. The funny thing though is how upper management seemed not to notice the low morale all over the office. I was listening to the new Maddona album and it's surprisingly good, there is one important lesson Janet Jackson can learn from her and that is innovation and reinvention. Maddona has had misses but more often than not she goes back to the drawing board and reinvents herself, Janet on the other hand has over played the sex kitten card if you ask me. The only word to describe this story is sick! Is it something in the Austrian air or something that is turning out these kidnapping pedophiles? I wonder if the daughter will ever recovers. A few years ago. I had the feeling that this article was inevitable. I don't know if anyone remember a few years back in Kenya how there used to be one thousand one different fashion shows and titles, Ms Langata, Ms Eastlands, Ms Nakumatt, Ms Toyota, Ms Jam Rescue, Ms Florida 2000 etc. With no main governing organization or standards. many of these contests were just an excuse for men to ogle women and shop for their next pretty young thang. As I had posted sometime back, our two main papers always have to post their annual article on the State of Prostitution in Kenya today. Here is what Standard came up with, it does seem the more "westernised" Kenya gets, the more brazen the advertising gets. It's this excerpt that I found interesting; "It a thrilling business," she says. "I was forced into it due to hardship and the harsh living conditions, and now I pay my own fee and still have something left over to send to my mother who is a widow." Her mother believes that she is the beneficiary of a lucrative internship with an international NGO in the city. The use of the words force and thrilling in the same sentence to described prostitution. Her account makes prostitution not seem that bad. Yes the headline does sum up the whole tone of the article but even so, the writer should have at least mentioned some of the hardships or something faced by those in the trade but who knows maybe the hookers he interviewed don't face any hardships in the trade? For 1,450/= an hour maybe I too should hop onto a plan and join the trade? Have a productive Monday people!
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10:31
From: My part of the world.......
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No there is nothing terrific about the day so far but I'm being optimistic. First things first, I see mass hysteria has checked into the Congo; making away with people's manhood is all the rage now. What's silly is the fact that people are being told to watch out for people wearing gold rings, I remember when I was Kenya most of the Congolese men I came across were very metrosexual and used to wear loads of jewellery; so I guess most of the nation is suspect. Anyway I'm sure it's going to die down as soon as people find something else to keep them occupied. I came across this article about older British women going to third world countries to get their groove on. All well and good but there are those who actually lose the script, fall for the young dudes' lies and end up losing most of their money to them; only to find out they aren't the only ones being played. On the other hand there is this interesting video about sex tourism in Thailand, how British men go to Thailand, mostly for the sex but some of them also end up staying ther | |
