Kabarnet Gardens
Nairobi
My Dear Emilio,
It is with a heavy heart that I write this letter to express my utter disappointment in you and how you have handled things, especially in recent months. As a patriot I am alarmed and very worried about the future of our beloved country.
I have thought long and hard before writing this letter and I hope you will not take anything in it personally.
You know these days I cannot sleep at night. The moment I doze off I wake up only a few minutes later sweating after seeing horrifying nightmares of terrible violence and chaos in Kenya.
Emilio, I have reminded you many times that you are the president of the republic of Kenya and you must take charge of things. And I remind you of this yet again. You know that I have always said (and you know it is true) when you do nothing it is always interpreted as a sign of weakness no wonder people are doing what they want in the country these days as if there is no president. There can only be one result from all this—chaos.
Even the things that presidents have to do, you don’t seem capable of doing properly. I am sorry to ask this again, but why the hell did you not ask for my help if you knew you couldn't steal a presidential election properly? What you did in December 2007 was so obvious and really embarrassing. What were you trying? You know how neatly I used to do my things so that nobody could challenge me. But what you did Emilio was so amateurish and hardly befits a president of the republic of Kenya. In fact the bill for that little fiasco will probably never be footed in the lifetimes of our great grandchildren. Come to think of it, can’t you do anything without it ending in a blunder? Believe you me my friend, all these things are going to catch up with you in a very bad way, make no mistake about that. I am your friend and I am worried that you could end up not only causing grief to yourself but to my family and the Kenyatta family as well. As you know people are now talking g about ending impunity and I have a feeling this campaign will end up with them poking their noses into the past. If you do not care about your children Emilio, I can tell you that I do and I want nothing more but for them to live in peace without being hassled.
Then this thing of keeping a woman you cannot control in State House. I know when you were a minister under me, you and others used to make jokes behind my back about me being a senior bachelor and not having a wife. Well, now we all know who the joke is on don’t we?
Lastly you will know how sensitive I was to hunger problems in the country. You see there are many things you can do to people but things become extremely dangerous when they start going hungry. Correct me if I am wrong but you don’t seem to care let alone realize how dangerous this can be.
Really Emilio, you have to do something and you have to do it pronto because the country is truly sinking into chaos and yet you have all the power to halt this slide. As always I will be available to advice accordingly.
Yours Sincerely,
Daniel T. Arap Moi
Former President and commander in chief of the armed forces, banana republic of Kenya.
I generally get a proliferation of letters from Nigerians/Sierra Leoneans/Cameroonians offering me a handsome cut of profits. I have ignored them all without fail. But one day I thought … why not answer one and see what happens? Strap yourself in and enjoy
Mrs. Rita Williams
49 Featherstone Street
London EC1Y 8SY
United KingdomDear Beloved One,
I apologize if the contents in this mail are contrary to your moral ethics which I feel
may be of great disturbance to your personal life, but I feel quite safe dealing with
you.Though this medium (Internet) has been greatly abused,I choose to reach you
through it because it remains the fastest,surest and most secured medium of communication.
However, this correspondence is purely private, and it should be treated as such.
I am contacting you based on trust and confidentiality.I have reposed higher confidence in your ability to handle this matter perfectly
for my sake. I am serious minded person. I am the above named person from Liberia.
I am married to Mr. Gary Williams who worked with Embassy here in London for nine
years before he died in the year 2003. We were married for eleven years without a
child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his
death we were both born again christian.Since his death I decided not to re-marry
or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against.When my late
husband was alive he deposited the sum of $6.Million (Six Million U.S. Dollars) in
a financial Vault.Presently, this money is still in a financial Vault.Recently, my
Doctor told me that I would not last for the next Eight months due to cancer problem.The one that disturbs me most is mystroke sickness. Having known my condition I
decided to keep this fund in the vault. I want an organization or an individual that will
use this fund for orphanages, widows, propagating the word of God and to
endeavour that the house of God is maintained. The Bible made us to understand that
Blessed is the hand that giveth. I took this decision because I don’t have any child that
will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don’t want my husbands
efforts to be used by unbelievers. I don’t want a situation where this money will be used in an
ungodly way.This is why I am taking this decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where
I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord, Exodus 14 VS 14
says that the Lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I don’t need any
telephone communication in this regard because of my health hence the presence of
my husband’s relatives around me always. I don’t want them to know about this
development.With God all things are possible. As soon as I receive your reply I shall contact my lawyer to
do the normal process to enable the bank commence the release Your information as follows are
needed to proceed.1. Your full name
2. Your complete postal address
3. Your private telephone number
4. Your private fax number if any
5. Your age
6. Your accupationMy happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord
must serve him in spirit and truth. Please always be prayerful all through your life. Any delay in your
reply will give me room in sourcing another person for this same purpose.Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein.
Hoping to receive your reply and Remain blessed in the Lord.
Your’s faithfully,
Mrs. Rita Williams
© M for tHiNkEr'S rOoM, 2009. |
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On the Presidential front, The Great Silent One continues in his inscrutable ways, his wonders not to perform. Perhaps he believes that politics, like poetry, ‘ is the opening and closing of a door, leaving those who look through to guess at what is seen during a moment,' for he merely peeks out, announces his marital status, and, not noticing the bullets whizzing practically past his nose, goes back inside and closes the door, to our Statehouse.
Was that a metaphor for the state of our country, or a mime?