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16:05
From: You Missed This
Read This Entry & More At You Missed This
The bloated cabinet has left people gloating and screaming depending on which side of the political divide you subscribe to. Hitherto pro-establishment are donning fake objective lenses in screaming 40 is larger than 44. That is brand hypocrisy made in Kenya for Kenyans. But behind the ungodly numbers may lie a political silver lining. Kenyan being the ethnically divided country it is reputed to be, why not have each of the 40 ministers from each tribe? Kibaki and Raila representing their respective tribes would complete the equation and make a happy cabinet of 42. That stroke of political genius would message every ethnic ego and Kenya would be left less tensed. But again such a proposal would leave the political vultures livid with rage. They want the whole carcass for themselves. The obscene number of cabinet ministers has been sanitized as the ultimate price we had to pay for national healing. But with gaping cracks threatening every thread of the fabric already, ours will truly be two governments in one joyfully pulling in extreme opposite directions. The assistant ministers from opposing parties will never be allowed any breathing space by their respective bosses. The die is cast and both political pests will clink to carcass Kenya drawing as much blood as their bellies can accommodate before the host drops dead in another 5 years to be resuscitated by a fresh group of scoundrels. Oil and water will serially seize each other in search of balance and supremacy. Other stories of interest Chicago Man Is 6 Months Pregnant: Doctors Certify As He is Set To Appear in Oprah Who is listening in to your cell phone conversations? Plus how to protect yourself
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13:13
From: Mama JunkYard's
Read This Entry & More At Mama JunkYard's
I love to talk. I talk a lot. I have been called a chatter-box by more than one family member. Anyone who went to school in Kenya is familiar with the noisemakers list; a list of the names of any student who dared to speak in class while the teacher was out of the room. The classroom prefects and/or monitors were in charge of updating this list, which they would submit to the teacher upon his or her return. The teacher would call out the names, and one by one the noisemakers would make their way to the front of the classroom for a good ass-whooping. (I use this phrase both figuratively and literally because there were one or two male teachers who seemed to take great pleasure using the canes on our behinds as opposed to our hands) My fondness for talking was such that one teacher in particular threatened to punish any monitor or prefect who submitted a noisemakers list that did not include my name. As a result of this, my name would oftentimes be the only name on the noisemakers list. For all the beatings in the world, for all the having to kneel down on cold concrete floors with hands suspended above my head…I still love to talk.
As someone who loves to talk it is only natural that I find myself engaged in the all sorts of conversations. This in turn has exposed me to weird questions, annoying phrases, and strange words most of which I let slip by. There are however a few things that people have said/asked that have had me vowing never to speak again. These are my top three.
1. ‘So, how do you know so-and-so?’
This question can be heard at parties, especially birthday/house parties with the host’s name replacing ‘so-and-so’. The guest who asks this question is usually one who feels that they have known the host that much longer than you and by extension have more right to be there than you have. In the same way one will observe a dog lifting up its leg at every other lamppost as it goes about its daily walk on a familiar route; the guest who asks this question can be seen moving from person to person marking out those faces he or she does not recognise. If this guest stops at you and this is the first question they ask; you are the lamppost.
2. Use of terms of endearments by total strangers
I miss the days when Routemasters filled the streets of London and bus -conductors would struggle to keep their balance as they churned out tickets from what looked like a rather old cash register dangling from their necks. What I don’t miss is how every conductor would conclude their sentence with the words such as ‘love’, ‘sweetheart’ or ‘darling’. I could never understand what it was about asking for a single to Covent Garden that would inspire such affection from someone I did not know. This behaviour is not just limited to bus conductors. I had a Design and Technology teacher who would say things like ‘Alright sweet-pea?’ or ‘How are you doing my sweet and sour?’
As if this is not enough, the use of these phrases is not standardised. So for instance in Yorkshire one can be called ‘love’ by a stranger, in the West Country do not be surprised if someone refers to you as ‘my lover’. Here in Nigeria it is ‘baby’ or ‘babygirl’
What I dislike most about this sort of talk is that it is contagious. I have noticed that I now refer to anyone and everyone as ‘my dear’. Why I do it, I do not know. What I do know is that 99% of the people I use it on are not dear to me. It disturbs me greatly to know that I am part of the problem.
3. Archaic words/Big grammar* used in everyday conversation
I know exactly when my hatred for this behaviour began. It was when a security guard at work said to me;
‘Kui, are you ok? You look ee-MASH-EE-ated’
After he wrote it down for me I discovered the word was emaciated, which according to Mshairi is pronounced ee-may-see-ated. Whatever! The guard meant to that I had lost weight yet what he said to me was that I looked “thin or haggard, especially from hunger or disease.” Was there ever a greater conversation killer?
Since I have been in Nigeria I have heard people speak of ‘paucity of funds’ when what they mean is that they are broke, or ‘my peculiarities’ when everyone knows that is a nice way of saying ‘ I have issues’
While these sorts of words may have a place in written texts or even speeches delivered to a particular audience, in everyday conversation I find it breaks the flow. I end up focusing on the word itself and not what the person is saying. Lord help both of us if t is a word I have never heard of before because whatever story was being told shall have to be interrupted while I ask endless questions about the words meaning and origin.
*Baba Willy’s Pidgin dictionary defines big grammar as ‘long and difficult English words’
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Thanks to the Dr for his input on regional variations of the use of the word ‘love’.
Thanks to JKE too for helping me organise my thoughts.
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12:45
From: The Displaced African
Read This Entry & More At The Displaced African
Kelly, from the hottest new blog on the scene, recently wrote a post based on the movie Bucket list. In it Jack Nicholson and Morgan (good casting me thinks) have 6 months to live and they create a ‘bucket list’: This is a list of things that they want to do before they ‘kick the bucket’ (die). I thought to myself, what would I do if this, the year 2008 was my last year to live. So below is my rather idiosyncratic ‘bucket list’ of things I would definitely get done (in truth, a lot of them I will eventually do…but I digress)
1) Build my blog to the point that it’s my job and I no longer need to work: Imagine, I write, I reply to comments and I no longer have to have hand-to-hand combat with an alarm clock. Sigh!
2) Win or at least qualifying for a bodybuilding competition: It’ll depend on how the winner looks: if he looks like he eats steroids for breakfast, then qualifying is good enough.
3) Win a national and/or international hip hop dance competition: I am barely a dancer now. I am a pretty resourceful person and so I would love to know how I would get this done.
4) Become a public speaker to young African men: I know Carol, I should have already started. Soon and very soon….
5) Create my own clothing label and begin designing and retailing my own clothes: Clothes make the man, right? I want to be in full control of what I wear. Maybe make some change on the side….
6) Create my first ever movie and/or series (TV or radio): Ever since I saw the play ‘Lwanda’ I have always wanted to make a movie based on that play. I also absolutely loved BBC radio theatre when I heard it.
7) Travel home for many months and learn my native tongue: My mother is a Kikuyu from Rift Valley ( who speaks the more widely accepted version of Kikuyu) and my father is from Kirinyaga where they speak a type of Kikuyu that is grossly different from the norm. I want to learn both of them before I begin learning all languages in Kenya and then in Africa………..
I would love to see other people’s Bucket Lists, so Caustic, majonzi, gal africana, Sunny please share yours. My lovely readers, leave a comment below or write your own lists on your blog and link to mine and tell me what you would do before they put you six feet under (or cremate you or put you on a burning boat and set you out to the ocean or put you in a house for a week prior to digging a hole in the compound or……..:P )
Live like you will eventually die in every moment of your existence,
Mwangi
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12:21
From: Kenya Imagine
Read This Entry & More At Kenya Imagine
an one shape norms and institutions to build peace and development? I take a skeptical view of training programs that purport to reduce violence and 'peacebuild'. After a visit to a rural training center in Liberia, however, I may stand corrected. Liberia's national demobilization and reintegration program came with a 'weapons test'--if you had a weapon, you got demobilized, including a package of household items, cash, and a voucher for a vocational training program. Read more from Chris Blattman here.
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12:20
From: Kenya Imagine
Read This Entry & More At Kenya Imagine
Is Njoroge a fool or a hero? I was reading a Kumekucha thread the other day, as you do, and he chipped in with a story about the murder of his father and brother. Why do people share these sorts of stories? One reason, it occurred to me, was that by telling them, one brings home to one's opponents the consequences of their position. One might also hope for sympathy, charity or understanding from them. But all these require that one's opponents share the thought that one is equal to them: the lives of Njoroge's relatives matter just as much as those of the guys wielding the panga (or those supporting the guy wielding the panga). If sympathy is feeling with Njoroge, then it demands seeing that the lives of his loved ones are just as valuable as mine; charity and understanding likewise; and it is impossible to understand the magnitude of his tragedy without seeing it as something that could happen to one. Discuss here.
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10:26
From: tHiNkEr'S rOoM
Read This Entry & More At tHiNkEr'S rOoM
Breaking news from the Government Spokesman
Row, row, row your boat,
gently down the stream,
merrily merrily merrily merrily
Ah … Alfred …
Sorry, sorry.
Good morning, good morning, good morning. Greetings and salutations. Walapa, walapangaz and wasadily. What’s popping. What’s cooking. What’s crackalacking. Wazzup! For those who many not know me, my name is Alfred ‘Gummi Bear’ Mutua.
I am here to announce that there is white smoke! We have a cabinet!
Principals
- President and Head Of State: Emilio ‘Shakespeare’ Kibaki
- Vice President & Leader Of Government Business: Stephen ‘Iscariot’ Kalozo
- Prime Minister: Raila ‘Grab Yer Ankles’ Odinga
- Attorney General: Amos ‘Smilin’ Wako
- Attorney Sergeant: To be announced
- Attorney Major: To be Announced
- Attorney Corporal: To Be Announced
- Plain Old Attorney: To be Announced
- Deputy Prime Minister: Martha ‘Darth Vader’ Karua
- Deputy Prime Minister: Musalia ‘Stranger In The Night’ Mudavadi
- Deputy Deputy Prime Minister: Kiraitu ‘Harvey Dent’ Murungi
- Deputy Deputy Prime Minister: Charity ‘Just Bring It’ Ngilu
- Under Deputy Deputy Prime Minister: Sam ‘Droopy’ Ongeri
- Under Deputy Deputy Prime Minister: William ‘Tear Gas’ Ruto
- Optimus Prime: To Be Announced
- Secretary To The Cabinet: Francis ‘Dexter’ Muthaura
- Tea Girl To The Cabinet: To be Announced
- Tea Boy To The Cabinet: To be Announced
MINISTRIES
- Mental Health: Lucy Kibaki
- Internal Security: George ‘Dance 360′ Saitoti
- External Security: Joseph ‘Shut yo’ mouth’ Nkaiserry
- Borderline Security: Bonny ”Isikuti’ Khalwale
- Defence: To Be Announced
- Livestock (Water based): Mwangi ‘Tisha’ Kiunjuri
- Livestock (Less than 4 Legs): Bifwoli ‘Tiktater’ Wakoli
- Livestock (4 or more legs): Franklin ‘ Comeback Kid’ Bett
- Livestock (Rodents): Robinson ‘Rat Catcher’ Githae
- Livestock (No Legs): Stanley ‘Methuselah’ Githunguri
- Fisheries (In Lakes): Fred ‘Australopithecus Africanus’ Gumo
- Fisheries (In Oceans): Cyrus ‘5 Sock’ Jirongo
- Foreign Affairs (Within Africa): Najib ‘Scimitar’ Balala
- Foreign Affairs (Outside Africa): Moses ‘Look At My New Glasses’ Wetangula
- Labour (Industrial): Ali ‘Petition’ Joho
- Labour (Domestic): Lina ‘Look At Meee!’ Kilimo
- Private Transport: To Be Announced
- Public Transport: To Be Announced
- Ministry Of Transport By Foot & Bicycle: Chirau ‘Koinange’ Mwakwere
- Ministry Of Justice: Mutula ‘Quisling’ Kilonzo
- Ministry Of Constitutional Affairs: Otieno ‘Ha ha!’ Kajwang
- Ministry of Entertainment: Musikari ‘Piriton’ Kombo
OTHER MINISTRIES
- Ministry of Ministries
- Ministry of Assistant Ministries
- Ministry
- Ministry Of Water
- Ministry of H20
- Ministry of Rice & Plants We Can’t Classify
- Ministry of Skumawiki & Green Vegetables
- Ministry of Cabbage & Non Green Vegetables
- Ministry of East Africa
- Ministry of South Africa
- Ministry of West Africa
- Ministry of South Africa
- Ministry of Mauritius & Other Islands We Can’t Place
- Ministry of Sports With Balls
- Ministry of Sports With Sticks
- Ministry of Golf, Hockey & Sports With Balls & Sticks
- Ministry of Sports With Neither Balls Nor Sticks
- Ministry of Roads
- Ministry of Streets
- Ministry of Lanes & Footpaths
- Backup Ministry
- Ministry of Youth
- Ministry of Children
- Ministry of Toddlers
- Ministry of Women
- Ministry of Men
- Ministry of Transgenders & The Otherwise Unsure
- Ministry of Culture
- Ministry of Music
- Ministry of Arts
- Ministry of Crafts
- Ministry of Trade
- Ministry of Industry
- Ministry of Commerce
- Ministry of Jobbo
- Ministry of Housing
- Ministry of Human Settlement
- Ministerial Ministry
- Ministry of Diamond Production
- Ministry of Oil Production
- Ministry of Tanzanite Production
- Ministry of Winter Sports & Athletics
- Ministry of Koalas, Tigers & Endgangered Species
- Ministry of Ministry Creation
- Ministry of Special Projects
- Ministry of Plain Old Projects
- Ministry of Miscellaneous Projects
- Ministry of Lands
- Ministry of Skies
- Ministry of Sun, Moon & Stars
I am pleased to observe that each of the 90 ministries shall have 2 Assistantt Ministes so Kenyans can be assured that work will be done.
Warm Regards
Alfred Mutua
Government Spokesman
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7:33
From: Walk of Kings:
Read This Entry & More At Walk of Kings:
My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, 2 turning your ear to wisdom
and applying your heart to understanding, 3 and if you call out for insight
and cry aloud for understanding, 4 and if you look for it as for silver
and search for it as for hidden treasure, 5 then you will understand the fear of the LORD
and find the knowledge of God. 6 For the LORD gives wisdom,
and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. 7 He holds victory in store for the upright,
he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, 8 for he guards the course of the just
and protects the way of his faithful ones. 9 Then you will understand what is right and just
and fair—every good path. Proverbs 2
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6:42
From: You Missed This
Read This Entry & More At You Missed This
Even as Kenyans bitterly complain about the bloated cabinet that will be announced on Sunday, containing 40 names, all indications are that the Prime Minister and his two deputies have not been counted in that figure of 40 meaning that apart from the president, the cabinet will actually have a total of 43, when you count the Prime Minister and his two deputies (one each from ODM and PNU). What has angered many Kenyans is the fact that the political class has completely ignored calls from the electorate for a lean government. Greed and the true nature of the main politicians we have in the country have taken over and Kenyans who have doubted what we have been saying in this blog for over two years now have finally been able to see first hand the truth for themselves. Sadly there are still attempts at hero worship of politicians even when they have clearly failed Kenyans and let down the masses badly. Contrary to what some people think this hero worship tendency is not limited to ODM and their charismatic leader. It is in fact evident right across the political landscape. And it starts with President Kibaki. A section of Kenyans voted for Kibaki when they knew very well that in his first term he had already failed clearly to show leadership in the country in many areas. The truth is that his administration limped from one crisis to another as the results of failing to take decisions became very clear for all to see. It is instructive that a vast majority of the president’s votes came from one tribe. If this is not hero worship of an individual along tribal lines where their shortcomings are conveniently swept under the carpet, then I probably do not know the meaning of the words. The Kamba community displayed clear signs of the same hero worship for Kalonzo Musyoka, a spineless politician best known for hiding in the toilet of the national assembly during important votes and for sending hecklers to disrupt funerals of perceived opponents even when they are women mourning the passing on of their mothers. The Kalenjin are not any better and their hero is one William Ruto. Nobody wants to be reminded of the corruption cases linked to Ruto, nor how he really made his money. In fact ODM insiders said very clearly when choosing Musalia Mudavadi as Raila’s running mate, that the only reason why they overlooked Ruto was because of his tainted past. In my latest raw notes I discuss the real reason but little known secret about why the Kalenjin community hero worship this young politician. Then there is Raila “Safaricom-IPO-buy-don’t-buy-buy” Odinga who can do no wrong in the eyes of some Kenyans. Yet he has to be the biggest culprit of all because so many Kenyans placed their entire hopes in the hands of Raila and turned up in large numbers to vote for him. These Kenyans have refused to believe their eyes in recent times as the usually decisive Raila has shown clear signs of becoming another can’t-make-clear-cut-decisions-Mwai-Kibaki. The Safaricom IPO fiasco is a case in point and indeed a time bomb waiting to explode in Raila’s face. What do you think ordinary folk will say if after the Safaricom shares begin trading the price falls rather than goes up and hundreds of thousands of Kenyans with loans hanging over their heads are forced to sell at a lower price and taken in losses. Do you think they will not remember that Raila told the people to go ahead and purchase the shares? It is clearly time for Kenyans to start thinking of a new generation of leaders. As the saying goes, you can’t teach old dogs new tricks. Other stories of interest Chicago Man Is 6 Months Pregnant: Doctors Certify As He is Set To Appear in Oprah Who is listening in to your cell phone conversations? Plus how to protect yourself
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5:16
From: KA-INVESTOR
Read This Entry & More At KA-INVESTOR
 {an article I wrote for the African Executive early last year...might be turning out to be true!} As some stock exchanges, Kenya and South Africa, around Africa are taking a bear turn an unlikely bourse is on a bull run and going even stronger. The Zimbabwe Stocks Exchange {ZSE} has ballooned to phenomenal levels as a result of the bullish patterns dominating the stock market this year. Most of the counters in ZSE have recorded enormous gains with the mainstream industrial index growing by over 600% Despite the big economic crisis that has been facing Zimbabwe; the ZSE has managed to post very impressive performance two years in a row, 2005 and 2006, beating the high inflation rate that plagues the country according to The Africa Stock Exchanges Association (ASEA). Thanks to the on going stocks rally, the ZSE market is now worth a staggering Z$405 trillion in market capitalization, after rising a steep 275 percent in just three days this week. While market capitalization (value of a company calculated by multiplying the number of shares in issue by the current stock price) does not reflect the actual performance of a company, it provides a useful guide to movements in the share price of a listed company. The huge increase in the market capitalization of the 75 listed companies in ZSE suggests, obviously, that the amount of trade is so high. This begs the question; why does the ZSE perform so well when everything is apparently in turmoil? Ideologically, a country’s stock market performance should reflect the performance of the economy. But in the case of Zimbabwe, this does not apply. Institutional investors and individuals from South Africa and Britain are simply eyeing the stock market in the belief that
 The remaining three constituencies (out of the 210 that exist) will be determined by by-elections following the deaths of three candidates prior to the March 29th elections: Pelandaba/Mpopoma, Gwanda South, and Redcliff
prices will soar if and when Mr. Mugabe steps down and investors regain confidence in the country. This has therefore led to a mad rush for the listed stocks, making the market to have an exceptional bull run in a slump economy. Further more, negative interest rates and inflation have caused a stampede for assets, which have driven share prices to record highs, even in real terms. To these investors – both legitimate and crooks – the early bird catches the worm, and in this case there are too many birds that came in early. The ZSE boom simply reflects profits that have been made on paper while, on the ground, several businesses have gone bankrupt. This pseudo profits, for the foreign investors, could yet vanish into thin air because of currency controls that make it difficult to take money out of the country. The stocks rally may also be because there are very few investment options that can provide real returns in Zimbabwe. Most of the other investment options like mining and land ownership lost their value after most of the European investors moved out due to the turbulent political climate in the country. Hard-line policies by the Zimbabwe government created an inherent risk that most investors were left with the stocks market as the only viable investment. Investors know where good returns are, and the ZSE is one of them. This is why it’s performing above all markets in Africa. The ZSE’s future in the short run indicates a continued upside. Equities are the only other best form of investment in a hyperinflationary environment such as the one existing in Zimbabwe. At the moment, there is no reason for an immediate stop in the Bull Run. But as the demand for stocks continue to sore, the market capitalization will eventually reduce. Stocks which are absurdly overvalued will lose more than proportionately when normalcy returns and the market may even be faced with an eminent crash. The viability of the decision to invest in the future of Mugabe’s tenure in power is simply a wrong investment factor. It is not a good sign for the ZSE, especially for a country whose economy is indicating otherwise. It’s only a matter of time before the stocks market follows the downward trend that the Zimbabwe economy has taken, and when that happens there will be no redeeming of losses.
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3:13
From: Kenyan Pundit
Read This Entry & More At Kenyan Pundit
Analogies are being made between the current situation in Zimbabwe and the aftermath of the elections in Kenya. Others argue that the two are completely different. What worries me (apart from the prospect of Mugabe’s return) is that the possible development of a new trend of “civilian coups” in Africa. Nigeria and [...]SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Zimbabwe elections", url: "http://www.kenyanpundit.com/2008/04/04/zimbabwe-elections/" });
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2:48
From: Black Looks
Read This Entry & More At Black Looks
Today marks the 40th anniversary of the assassination of Martin Luther King Jr. I hear that Hilary Clinton and John McCain will be in Memphis to mark the day. I am sure Barack Obama will seize the time add his $2 worth. I hear that Democratic and Republican leaders met yesterday on Capitol [...]SHARETHIS.addEntry({ title: "Martin Luther King Jr", url: "http://www.blacklooks.org/2008/04/martin_luther_king_jr.html" });
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2:26
From: Rants, Raves & Reviews
Read This Entry & More At Rants, Raves & Reviews
(Huge) Sigh... the 40 ministers is NOT a LEAN cabinet... maybe (just painfully laughing myself to sleep) it will be clean... Put in perspective... I estimate KShs 4bn will be needed to fund the lifestyles & salaries of 1 prez, 1 VP, 1 PM, 2 deputy PMs, 40 ministers, 80 asst ministers and all the razzmatazz (chase cars, houses, allowances, travel, security) that goes with their positions... The sale of 25% of Safaricom will raise KShs 50-55bn... If the money was invested in 1 yr T-Bills the interest (8%) would just cover the above costs!!! No wonder there are no more complaints from either party about selling Safaricom's shares! In the meantime, Kenyans pay: - 50%+ in taxes on petrol while the oil companies (8% percent gross margin) are blamed
- relatively high income (25-33%) taxes on low thresholds while MPs pay almost nothing
- 26% in taxes on airtime while MPs get 'free' airtime allowances
- high duties & taxes (approaching 100%) on cars while MPs get cars duty free
- taxes on benefits like housing & car allowances while MPs pay nothing
The MPs, prez & VP, PM & deputies are EXEMPT from many of these taxes! For all the posturing... is there a LEADER among the elected politicians? Sigh... I have said many times, we are cursed. We need a Guy Fawkes. We need a Lee Kuan Yew. We need LEADERS.
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1:27
From: Farmgal
Read This Entry & More At Farmgal
ELDORET, Kenya • Leaflets threatening members of President Mwai Kibaki’s tribe have been scattered in a Kenyan Rift Valley town that was one of the worst hit by post-election violence. The fliers, dropped in the western town of Burnt Forest in recent days ordered members of Kibaki’s Kikuyu tribe to leave the region, predominantly inhabited [...]
Read the complete article at
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